Momene Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 I am young, and have never, and will never EVER cheat. ... and I sincerely hope that you never do. One thing I've learned in life (and I've seen a lot of it in my time) is that you never say "never". Before I had any relationships, I never thought I'd cheat but I did. I've never cheated during either of my two marriages and certainly have no intention of doing so either. I like to think its because I'm more grown up and because I value my marriage and the wonderful daughter we have together. Link to comment
Startingover2007 Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 I can honestly say that I would never cheat. I had several opportunities to do so during my 7 year relationship with my ex. I would turn them down and if the presisted in trying to get with me I had my ex contact them and tell them I wanted them to leave me alone. Now especially after going through someone cheating on me I could never hurt someone else like this. Link to comment
valiantv Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 He even suggests that someone may actually want to say, "hey - you don't have to sneak around, i know what you've been up to, I think it would be fun to include a 3rd person in our sex life....." and see how he responds to that Do not say this (unless you mean it!), it's sneaky and manipulative and is in fact, cheating on him. If a girl said that to me and I found out she was lying, I would never trust a word out of her mouth again. I would regard nearly everything she said as an attempt to catch me out. And if you found out he felt the same way but wasn't actually cheating, then you will find it pretty hard to hide that you were lying without actually agreeing to it... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 I don't think expressing a fantasy is cheating by any means or interest in being with someone else. It might be tacky and inappropriate or manipulative but defining words said to your SO about being attracted to someone else or having a fantasy about a threesome as "cheating" goes way too far in my opinion. And just to be clear I have never said such a thing or had such a thing said to me other than joking about the threesome thing. Link to comment
anita sandwich Posted October 18, 2007 Author Share Posted October 18, 2007 hmm well, I just don't know... those things that you said were red flags have always been the case in my relationship. Ever since the beginning of our relationship, he has been tempermental, possessive about his phone (he even brings it in the bathroom with him when he showers-he is never apart from it) and his wallet. Sex hasn't changed too much, but it hasn't ever been very good. He has trouble getting it up frequently and often is uninterested. His house is always immaculate, like a crime scene...there is no sign of receipts or change, or little pieces of paper... and when I ask him how his day was, instead of the usual reply "it was good...just worked" or something like that, he always has an elaborate story, describing every detail he did...like he has something to hide and is guilty. My friend thinks that he really likes me and he is just going overboard to protect the relationship... I just don't know... I am a very insecure, untrusting, paranoid person, and I have been cheated on in past relationships, plus I have cheated also. He very rarely talks about his previous relationships and he has never mentioned that he has cheated on his ex's...but who would admit to that? I certainly wouldn't volunteer that information to a current SO. But he has told me that his exwife cheated on him... But really, I have no evidence that shows that he is cheating. He calls me everyday and claims to want to see me everyday, and whenever I accused him of lying, he has always been able to prove to me that he isn't (except one time). Link to comment
Kelebek Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Is there a lot of time that he is unaccounted for? Do his stories about where he has been/who he has seen not match up? Is he a generally secretive person - does he feel comfortable checking his email/internet accounts in front of you? Does he often ignore incoming calls around you? Some points to consider... Link to comment
anita sandwich Posted October 19, 2007 Author Share Posted October 19, 2007 there isn't a LOT of time that he is unaccounted for...but sometimes I can't get ahold of him for hours during the day. At night, after about 10, he doesn't pick up his phone because he "is sleeping". He says that he goes to sleep every night at around 10. But I remember him saying on our 2nd or 3rd date that he only gets a few hours of sleep everynight. so who knows? His stories of where he has been and with who sometimes sound odd...but I don't know any of his friends personally, so it's not like I can check up on him to see if his stories are real. Nope, he has never checked his email or anything right in front of me and I don't know if I would call him "secretive", but he's not very open. And I get the impression that he keeps a lot from me. His phone very rarely rings when I'm around. I think he might just keep his ringer off. Either that, or he just doesn't get calls...not sure... Maybe I need to get to know him better...argh...I don't know... Link to comment
Adrian28 Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 What is the basis of this relationship? There is pretty much no sex involved, he can't perform in the bedroom. You don't even trust him to be faithful to you. You are not in the same town. You don't know him very well. You seem to obsess about every small detail. Yet, you want to hold on to it, for some unknown reason. Link to comment
Momene Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Say to him: "You ARE the weakest link, goodbye!" Link to comment
anita sandwich Posted October 19, 2007 Author Share Posted October 19, 2007 yeah, you're right... * * * *ty. Link to comment
Jess... Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 ... and I sincerely hope that you never do. One thing I've learned in life (and I've seen a lot of it in my time) is that you never say "never". Before I had any relationships, I never thought I'd cheat but I did. I've never cheated during either of my two marriages and certainly have no intention of doing so either. I like to think its because I'm more grown up and because I value my marriage and the wonderful daughter we have together. I can honestly say that I never will. I know what you mean about never-say-never, I've learnt that the hard way in recent months, (with my ex reneg-ing on the "i'll never break up with you"). I had the opportunity to cheat on him while we were together - one of his friends was really interested in me, constant flirting, suggestive texts, etc. I brushed him off politely - I could have gone with it, just for the heck of it, but I'm just not like that. I couldn't do that to my bf, or to myself. My beliefs and morals are very important to me, and I could never compromise them. I hope to find someone exactly like that in the future Link to comment
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