Sister is suicidal over facial scars

[Dannyjo]

I hope you all can help me save my sister!

I have an older sister who is 33, she has always been an attractive person

inside and out. She has always been obsessive over her looks though, she is not vain, opposite actually, she never seems to be thin enough, pretty enough etc.

About 3 years ago we lost our mother and younger brother to a car accident. We have gotten very close since then. My sis lost her grip and suffered emotionally and physically. Her complexion started to become covered in acne at 30. She went to a derm and he put her on some very strong medicine accutine or something. Anyway. she it worked miracles, but it has left some scarring on her face. It is not that bad, except for a deep linear one and a few hole looking ones. She obsesses about this, it has affected her career as a paralegal and her relationships.

I tell her "Sis your face is not that bad" she goes crazy.

This weekend I drove up to see her and she would was a wreck. SHe had laid in the bed for hours, not eat, drink, etc and litereally looked like the walking dead.

She will not look in the mirror without crying. I know she sounds vain and pathetic, but she is really in trouble. She is all teh family I have left and I do not want to lose her. I am afraid she will try something stupid, as she cannot cope.

TO tell you guys the truth her scars are not that noticeable, she says that a man will never want her with bad skin.

What can I do to help her. I have tried everything, it backfires. I suggested if she were not comfy with herself than she could get scar revision, but she said she can not afford it. I do not know how to improve her self esteem. She is still an attractive lady, but her obsessiveness is making her crazy. My friends all think she is an attractive girl, they never mention her scarring, she thinks that is all any man sees. What do I do?

[Anamarie89]

this isn't really a job for us on the site, because we can't get all the details, but u mentioned the car accident, and how it happened right aroudn the tiem she got bad skin. maybe she's accidentally criss-crossed the two in her mind? it doesn't mean she crazy, she just had a hard time coping with the accident, and then something else happens on top of it to make it worse. thats all i can guess

[Mar]

Also, there is special makeup available for just that purpose, that a dermatologist could most likely point her to. I've seen people with acne scars, and they're truly not as bad as she's making them out to be. Look at the actors who've been around for years whose faces are pockmarked like mad!

 

I would suggest that she might try finding the makeup I talked about-it's got a heavier base and fills in the low spots to give a smooth complexion. Beyond that, her only hope is counselling, if she can't get past this. Good luck to you either way, I hope she can come to terms with this!

 

Mar

[mare]

I have acne scars, so I know how your sisters feels. I used to obsess over my scars. However, other people didn't notice the scars. Men don't tend to notice such details.

 

A person can be beautiful without having perfect skin. I don't know if you can say/do anything for your sister. Once your sister becomes outgoing on her own, she will see that people still find her attractive. She sounds like a beautiful person. Maybe you could help her by taking her out to be with other people.

[d1whoutf]

Hey Dannyjo!

 

I'm sorry to hear this happens to your sister. If I were you, I would try to explain her that, as Mare said, people are beautiful because of what they are, not what they look like.

 

However, your sister's problem can be solved by a dermatologist.

 

Sometimes, when my self esteem is low, listening to music helps me. By the way, have you heard "beautiful" by Christina Aguilera? I think it's a nice song.

 

Good luck!

d1whoutf

[kseyerlein]

Your sister is grieving and she is using her skin problem as a substitution since the other is so tramatic and difficult for her to handle. In doing this every little thing has her upset. Anything that is wrong will seem 100 times larger than it really is. She needs to see a counsellor that deals with greiving before the other problems will seem to come to a normal range. Perhaps talking to her about how you hurt at the loss of your loved ones and maybe crying on each others shoulders and visiting their graves will help her to find some closure. But I feel that you should plan on making this time when yo are able to spend a couple of nights over and be there for her as well as yourself during and after the visitto the graves. Closure is very important. Then when that is done have her get cleaned up and dressed to the nines. Find one of those photograph places that are called Glamorshots or something like it. they take those movie star like photos. And set her up an appointment. Pre-explain to the people that you want them to boost up her confidence and not to talk about any scaring that is not noticeable and to old high light what makeup will look best with her complection and what would be best to use and how pretty she is. Also make sure they have a male photographer that can convincingly about woo her off her feet. Then buy a few pictures. That is about the best I can do since I went through the Glamor shot ordeal myself and am thankful for Kevin for getting me there and I now know how beautiful I really am.

[sweetharmony]

I am going through the exact issue you are going through. My sister is obsessing over an acne problem that is barely noticeable. I'm not sure if acne is the only issue. i think she has much deeper issues but blaming which translates to the acne. she went on accutane, which didn't help- she swore it made her crazy. She flew a thousand miles for an interview to grad school and skipped it b/c of her face. She screams and cries and throws temper tantrums (she's 29). She often refuses to leave the home, she has arguments with friends boyfriends, etc...this problem has surfaced in all areas of her life and it is ruining it. and worst of all, her face isn't even that bad! she has become obsessed, spending numerous hours in the bathroom, skipping impt. mtgs. and activities. but she's severely depressed and has an eating disorder on top of that. I think your sister needs to see a pscyh and get help for her emotional problems too. i am not a psych, but considering the emotional issues the two of you went through re: the accident, she is probably still in pain and dealing with it the only way she knows how (but this is something a counselor would need to discuss and verify w/ her). good luck.

[terilynn420]

I feel for your sister because I went through the same thing. I was 24 when it happened and my skin looked terrible. I know personally the 2 things that helpe the most were chemical peels and time. I am 26 now and you can hardly tell at all. I had sever acne as well and I can say from experience that time will heal. tell her to hang in there and things will work out.