kseyerlein

Still all in all there has to be other things going on besides just this in order for him to be on the prowl. And a man may look and wonder just like any male animal if given the time, oppurtunity, dissatisfaction, inadequacies, and temptation. If he is caught then he is caught but what made him want to roam in the first place. That is the quetion you have to fine the answer to and he may not be able to tell you why. A few of my brother's say men tend to act and think later. Even then they may not be able to tell you what made them do it even if it was the feeling of loneliness or possibly and the feeling of not being worth anything in the relationship since you seem to be so self efficient and not needing anyone. Ask him if he feels if you in some way have made him feel that he is not doing much or if he feels in any way thratened by your success. Ask him if he feels he isn't the man he wants to be in your life in some way and feels badly about that. Yo will have to ask quetions like that and and any other similar ones you can come up with in order to find out where his emotions are stagnating. Then you need to plan on doing quite a lot of things together that are fun and exciting like when you were dating and before marriage. Most married people stop going out on dates and going out to have fun with their loved one. How long has it been since you both went out just the two of you to have fun. Even going to a hotel out of town for the weekend or whenever you both can arrange the two days off in a row. Go and rekindle your love for one another. Men have the need for constant naked contact and women need the cuddle contact so you both need different things emotionally feel love and physically feel it too. If sex has wained in your marriage due to your schedules he could be under a lot of normal testosterone over kill. That is not healthy and highly unadvised to keep up in a marriage if a husband is not to roam. As they say a BULL will find another COW if the STALL is LOCKED.

You still are not trying to see things from the guy point of view and are stuck with not getting over it because you say he did this to you. Well honey here is a clue. You let it happen to you. you have a big thing of being the bread winner, having the career, and not having anyone to rely on that you and only you have made your husband to feel he has nothing to give you. A man in order to feel like a man and not to roam needs to feel that he is a major contributor in the marriage. He needs to feel that he has a sense of control in his relationship with you. Not your career, your bread winner situation, or what he does to you. In fact more women need to wake up alittle bit because men have a terrible way of expressing their needs and it ends up hurting us. Did you ever stop to think - honey - that he meant you to find the ad to get you shook up and notice him. It isn't that hard to hide that kindof info and only have access to it with your owncode to where it is totally unacessible and will not even be known to anyone else who gets onto the computer. So stop and think and see if this is a cry for attention. Men are childish in that manner and won't admit it. It is the same as when they are ill they are big babies and don't admit that either. So wake up and look at the underlying issues in your relationship that is bothering your husband and the ones that are bothering other than this ad which is a cry of help and a symptom of a illness that is going to blow up in your face and it won't be pretty. You say you are independent then take charge of yourself and gain composure. Find out what is really going on and straighten things out now or separate if that is your end desire. But if you want this 9 year relationship to work you need to take a look in the mirror and see what you have put, not put, did, did not do, say, or did not say in your marriage and relationship that got you into this mess. and have him do the same. Stop concentrating on what he has done and look at what he will be willing to do, say, etc. Then both of you compromise and get on with living a good and happy marriage. Every relationship needs ground rules that both agree to by giving, taking, and compromising. compromising and communication being the largest of the two to keep things happy and trustworthy.

Do you have children? If so then it would be hard for him to get an evening job as the kids will need one of you around during the day if they are too young to be home alone. Plus that wouldn't be safe for them. But if there is no children then maybe having him switch to a night job if he is not the soul bread winner as you say. Maybe he can then take some day classes to improve upon himself sothat he can be the bread winner in the family. That alone may make him feel inadequate and like he is of no value. Men have the need to feel that they contribute and are the bread winner of the family. Maybe encouragement to have him get the additional education to further his career or to obtain one will be a partial solution. You said "I am a very independent woman and that wont change for anyone or anything." Yet you may expect him to change anything that is of improtance to you. You both need to sit down and learn to compromise on the everyday life and how he feels inadequate at you being the bread winner and being so independent that he feels he probably is little or no use to you other than a play thing that hangs around. I have 10 brothers and I am glad I asked them a lot of how a guy would feel in certain situaltions. It has helped me to have a easier time in my first years of marriage than most. everyone thinks we have been married for years when we really have only been married going on four. But our willingness to see the other persons needs, concerns, feelings as important as our own and would do anything to help the other be happy we are willing to even change some of our own ways once we look at them to make eacho ther more comfortable and happy. The hardest thing that has hit us is that my husband is recently disabled and is now home all day. It is frustrating now having any personal time to myself at times. He sees this and gives me a little space and I do my best to care for him in everyway possible. I am as independent as any other woman out there but I would never let my husband feel he was inferior to me and temp fate and have him find someone one the side or leave me for them because they made him feel needed and that he was important enough to them to change some things in themselves to make him happy. Marriage is a two way street and infidelity is a symptom of something else bothering him not just the fact he is looking just to be looking. Take a good look at the both of you and your attitudes and maybe just maybe you can then come to terms with them, compromise, or each of you change a little. In that way you both will be giving of yourselves and gaining a whole lot.

The guy with the marine as a SO is married to her by the way if you read the message carefully. The problem is he feels that even with that the recruiter lied to him since she will be gone longer than the 6 mos he originally stated and claims. There are times when it is longer than 6mos and it is not right for the recruiter to make it a point in fact that it will not be longer than that. There should be a debreifing class for those who are about to marry and are married to the military to tell them what and what not to expect and build an open forum for all of the SO's to get together and form discussion groups of their fears, hopes, dreams, saddnesses, and joys. Not just getting together after a war and forming groups of family members who have lost a loved one or have a family member disabled while serving. We need to support our guys & gals in the military. Yet we also need support in return if we are SO's. My husband is no longer in the service. I was also a military brat growing up so I can see a lot of sides to the story. Children are a big factor in military life that have little support and need more than just the medical, dental, & optical care that they get. They need to understand what is going on too. There is this whole vaccumn of SO's and their children who feel they are left behind in the military dust even during peace time much less in times of war. So instead of worrying why not form a group with those SO's and their children and send out messages of support to your loved one. Send letters of encouragement, of love, and of great respect for their efforts. It may be the only opportunity you have to say these things. Even if they are in training there are always accidents and some can be fatal so remenber that they as military guys and gals need our greater support to keep them going and alive at times. We as SO's and their children need to support them and each other in times of trial. I hope that if nothing else you may find it easier to be closer to her after basic training. I don't know what your job situation is but maybe looking into something that will let you take the work with you rather than you going to the work may be helpful. I am looking into via computer internet jobs and possibly starting my own internet business so that my husband and I will be able to buy a BIG RV and go touring the USA that he joined the service to help protect and serve. That way we still have an income coming in as well as being able to enjoy the "High Life" as they say. Praying all will work out for you both.

Until we can get a law passed that will hold the recruiters personally responsible as well as hold the United States Government responsible for the recruiter's actions in misrepresenting the military by misinforming the recruits by deliberate means then it is pretty much a no go. This is sad but true and if anyone out there knows anything about law and wants to start a petition I will be a willing civilian to sign it to help pass it to law. You can email me at email removed The recruiters get away with what big business doesn't and Enron was the major one that tried and guess who they learned it from. If the big brother United States Government won't step up to the plate for it's misreresentations and get away with it then how can they be hypocrytical and demand it of anyone else or any business. Laws should hold true for all not just a few. Isn't that somewhere in the constitution?

I agree with the we are all human and that no one can place so much of their self worth in anyone. Yet I do believe that if he is willing to build on his self confidence, get out there doing everyday things, work on the areas of his life and bad habits, read and work on the mind, go out and walk-jog-or go to the gym to exercise. Tone the body and the mind as well as put it all down into a creative medium such as writing a song or a few songs and who knows. He may one day become famous as well as gain self worth, confidence, self respect, and maintain a gentlemanly outlook on life. A few have done it but there is always room for more.

Go out with your buddies. Sports, fishing, camping, bowling, etc. Go out there and do the guy things you missed doing with your guy friends. Improve your mind by reading on topics of interest. Work on the bad habit you have. Keep your house clean and keep things in order. It will help you feel better not to be around clutter. Go for walks, jogs or to the gym and exercise. Keep your body in shape. do all the self improvement things you have been putting off and when you are done you will have a better outlook on life and a better sense of self confidence and self respect as well as that from and for others. Who knows. If she sees you actively doing things as a single person to improve yourself then you may win her over again but if not then someone who will be well worth it will come along.

Read, go for a walk, get some exercise and work on the body as well as gaining education to exercise the brain. The brain is a muscle that needs a constant workout just like the body to keep in shape and improve.

some of the greatest songs came from heartbreaks and over coming heart breaks. Maybe writing about it will help you work through it. It helped me when I put things down in poetry.

every man has a jealousy problem that is inherent in them whether they admit it or not. My husband is a little jealous over my time spent with my parents since my dad has lung cancer now. Although he understands the situation he admits he has to deal with the loss of having me around like he used to. He feels lonely and out of place. Not many guys will admit it but will try and find something to fill the empty feelings and loneliness they feel. Men are not very good at stating their weaknesses. Women have a tendency to talk over everything where guys only talk mostly about being in control, having control, and not liking loosing control or never loosing control. That is the way males are raised in our world and mothers and fathers need to start breaking the mold so that there is more men that will admit their weaknesses before it gets them into trouble so that husbands and wives can have fuller and happier marriages. That is why I suggested a day time job for you. Without letting him know that you feel his weakness is loneliness stemming from your work situations you may solve the one thing he feels is a big separation problem in your marriage. With that in mind a further separation may not be the answer. Keep in mind that no matter what guy you end up with they are not perfect and any of them at one time or another even with good intentions will disappoint us. Just like men think we nag they are button lipped.

I didn't clarify. I have a lot of guy friends also. Always have but I still want to take my hubby with me and include him in my realm of friends and have him accepted by my friends male or female. If you politely ask her if you can join her and she act stand offish or has an definite no then I would have a chat with her and tell her how you feel about the situation. That if she doesn't think well enough of you to include you in with her friends then there may be something else to worry about.

First of all get a job that has you working days or have your shift changed. YOur marriage depends on how much you put into it as well as the monetary. He may have been feeling he is in competion with your job and may not even know it. Some men are dolts like that. They don't know why they do something they do until you find out what is the thing they feel they are competing against in getting your love.

Your sister is grieving and she is using her skin problem as a substitution since the other is so tramatic and difficult for her to handle. In doing this every little thing has her upset. Anything that is wrong will seem 100 times larger than it really is. She needs to see a counsellor that deals with greiving before the other problems will seem to come to a normal range. Perhaps talking to her about how you hurt at the loss of your loved ones and maybe crying on each others shoulders and visiting their graves will help her to find some closure. But I feel that you should plan on making this time when yo are able to spend a couple of nights over and be there for her as well as yourself during and after the visitto the graves. Closure is very important. Then when that is done have her get cleaned up and dressed to the nines. Find one of those photograph places that are called Glamorshots or something like it. they take those movie star like photos. And set her up an appointment. Pre-explain to the people that you want them to boost up her confidence and not to talk about any scaring that is not noticeable and to old high light what makeup will look best with her complection and what would be best to use and how pretty she is. Also make sure they have a male photographer that can convincingly about woo her off her feet. Then buy a few pictures. That is about the best I can do since I went through the Glamor shot ordeal myself and am thankful for Kevin for getting me there and I now know how beautiful I really am.

My sister dropped the lesbian boomb on her husband and me when their son was 2 they have been separated ever since and never had a divorce. She has had several girlfriends and it breaks our mother's heart. All in all the strength my mother has relied on is her constant prayers to the most powerful of beings. Our God. she knows in her heart of hearts that if she prays and does so in earnest for the best interest of Gods will in our lives then all will end up being fine. My sisters free will in the matter is an issue of debate in me. Our biological father was a child molester of at least two girls that I know of and one of them being me. I am not sure if he did molest my sister or not but neither one is saying. My therapist told me after I went through treatment that girls tend to go in any or all of the following ways if they were molested: 1. denial and memory loss of the event. May never come back or returns when adult and the female feels she is safe from danger and threats that were imposed. 2. Go into shock and have fear of all men. 3. become suicidal 4. Have low self esteem & self worth 5. Become frigid and constantly celibate even in marriage 6. Become ovberly sexed 7. Become lesbians since there is a false sense of security that it is not a man in which sex is preformed with 8. Self absorbed 9. rebellious beyond regular teen rebellion 10. Goes against the grain of all things normal So what can you do? Love your daughter. Tell her that you love her and that will never change. Be honest and tell her how you feel about the relationship she is now in and how you will not accept it if you don't. Make it clear that you will like to continue to see her but it will have to be done on neutral terrritory so that you will not feel as though you are in their place and supporting the way they live. Pray for her. Be supportive of your son in law and help him get over his pain. He will need to go on with his life and your support may mean a lot. My brother in law was shocked and touched by the support of our parents and myself in helping him gain his way to self happiness. Although they are still not divorced and my nephew is now 11. That is 9 years of him waiting and not dating anyone and still loves my sister. He says he will not give up until she files and pays for a divorce which he then will fight in court since he wants his son and wife with him. But my sister is head strong and has been. I have seen her tom boyish ways since childhood change into something a little odd when she was about 8. When she told me I wasn't shocked. I simple said I had a feeling that there was something wrong since she was about that age and told her why I didn't tell her and why I kept asking her if (Lee) had abused her or not. We were sent back and forth to him for visits in alternating times so that we were not there to protect each other. That is why I feel the way I do and she won't confirm or deny. but as they say those that do not deny silently concent to the fact. I hope what I have written has helped. Pray and talk to her but don't pressure or demand. If you do the latter you wil drive her farther away from you.

There is no one in this world worth killing yourself over. I was 16 when I lost the one I loved by a drunk driver with no brakes hitting him as he crossed the street while I was watching. There was nothing I could do. That was by a truck driver working for a Trucking company that ended up selling itself to another trucking company due to the law suits against it for not checking out their trucks and repairing them even after being informed of needed repairs and fines paid. I felt like it was the end of my world. Then I remembered that I had to not only go one for myself but for the loved one I lost and for the future love that would come my way. I am glad to say I am happily married. We have no kids but we are more than enough for each other to handle as well as two pet birds. I had gone through therapy and had to take anti-depressents but I worked hard at developing just friends and steered clear of relationships for a while. I have found the guy I love best and I am glad he is here everyday and we argue like it is going out of style but we make up and change whatever it was that caused the problem. We both came from bad relationships and we both worked out what it was about us that caused a problem in the old relationship to be ready for the new one. One thing don't smother the other to make them leave to breathe. Love is not clingy it is a sharing and caring. Love is not jealous and doesn't need to make jealous. Love is tender, kind, and understanding. Love will even give up the loved one to make the loved on happy instead of holding them to make itself happy. So let them go get on with your life day by day. Improvbe yourselves. Make friends and do things with them. Bowling, camping, fishing, ball games, etc. Just to get out and start doing things. If nothing else do volunteer work at your local Salvation army or other community charitible facility. It will take the focus off of you and put it on those that have even less than a love. They have no means of support and care as well as a lot of them have no loved ones. There are so many homeless children, women and men who are in need and theirs is hanging in the balance of life and death at times due to hunger and need of medications. The best love is the love of friendship and brotherly love. The kind that must be present first even in a relationship before a relationship can grow and stay to become more.

I believe in letting things go but my husband and I believe that no one owns anyone so it is best to say that we consent to share everything with each other and remain friends, lovers, partners, and co-workers in our relationship. If she comes back then you both should have a long hard look at being friends first and working on what issues bothered both of you. Then and only then will both be happy. You both needed something or you wouldn't be apart right now. Communication is also a key element. Take care and we hope you gain happiness, peace of mind, and a full heart.

Security, Safety, and peace of mind are very valuable. Also you don't know who it is she is seeing now and if he has a hidden jealous streak. she may leave her key to your place in a opportuned place and you never know what this guy will do. So always keep yourself safe. Then keep those you love and care about safe as best you can if they let you. That is the bast you can do. Everyone has free will, free choice and you have to live with your choices as well as theirs. Sometimes it hurts but we have to go on. I lost a love to a drunk driver when I was in highschool. I actually saw him get hit. He was 18. I thought I would never find anyone to love me like he did. I was 16 then. It took me 20 years to find the man I am happy to say is my husband. It took me that long to wake up, heal, and get on with life. It took my husband 3-4years. We are thankful we have each other now and we always hope others don't have to suffer but life has it's moments and we have to grow beyond them and gain our hope, happiness, and gain a love that is pure again sometimes. Let her do the analysis. you've done your share. It is time to go on and gain those things that you haven't done in quite a while.

My husband did that and came home one day after about a year after being divorced which he never wanted and she had the keys to the apartment at that time and cleaned the whole apartment out except for his bedroom furniture and his clothes. So even if you don't hate her you still don't know her well enough that she was able to start seeing a guy one week after your break up. Chances are she met this guy at least once before you broke up. Even if it was just him asking her out. So why are you giving her so much power over your life and setting yourself for more heart ache. We have a name for guys who let themselves be pushed around "saps" Don't be one and don't become one it is not worth your self respect and happiness. Get on with your life. She has gone on and is only in touch with you to see how much she still can get away with and pull your strings. Where is she from anyways.

You could also need to come to terms with accepting your girlfriend for who she is. Whether it be good or bad. You may have seen a side of her that you find unapealing but have not said anything. Come to terms with it and ask yourself is it really worth bringing up, arguing over, breaking up for, or is it just something that I can live with and still love and accept her for who she is.

Here is the best thing to do. 1. Change the locks rather than asking her for the key back. Let her keep the key if she is so inclined it will be of no use. 2. Change your phone number to an unlisted private number. 3. Send her her belongings with mutual friends a nice note saying "Here are a few things I thought you may need. If there is anything I have forgotten please let me know. Other wise I hope you will be happy. Good luck. ----" In two days after the delivery of her belongings. Then send her a bouguet of flowers. not expensive but just cut not in a vase. With a note saying "Thanks for the times we had and sorry for the pain but I hope we each find happiness. Have a good life. I know I am gonna try to have a good one. ----. She will get. No need to say you agree with her to add to her ego. Doing it this way may give her a little of the guilt she handed you but in a nicer manner. It takes two to make or break a relationship. They do say us Southern women know the nicest way to send a guilt trip, give a put down, and also we know how to make the best seem so grand. Then do not call her or write or have further contact. Go on with your own life and if she happens to come over or you happen to see her and she stops to chat simple tell her you are busy getting yourself together and have a lot to do at the moment and can not chat. Get your house all spic and span. Live like you don't need her and go out with friends and get to living instead of moping. My husband is also feeding me some of these ideas too. So just be honest with the one you are dating now about your resent break up and still not being over it. Date to gain friendship first. That is one of the most important ingredients in a relationship. Make sure you make good friends with every lady you date. Make sure they each know you are not looking for a relationship as yet but a friendship that may become a realtionship. Be a gentleman. Open doors, pull out chairs, keep good manners. And build better friendships with your male buddies too.

Oh by the way my husband agrees with me on this so you have a couple rather than just one person on this end. He reads all my chats and stuff and I don't mind since I have nothing to hide and he gets to see how I can help others or get help. So long as I don't exclude him he says he is happy and knows I will never be up to anything I wqould have to hide from him like his ex did so I am glad I am so different from her that I am so special to him in many ways.

You may have an ex on your hands like my husband did before he met me. But keep your integrety and still send her her things with a nice note and flowers. When the time comes for her to look back she will have to admit you were a very nice guy and she might just have to kick herself in the round tender spot she sits on.

My husband and I were separated for four months. I was more in love with him for not dating someone while we were separated and he was the same with me since I never went out with anyone else either. Just think on this: No matter what. If you two do get back together there will be that little worry in the back of your mind of what did the other really do when we were not together. In the long run it will wreck the trust issues into rubble very quickly. My husband and I faced issues dealing with his ex-wife after I came along. she had been remarried for three years before I came into the picture. My husband didn't date anyone until he dated me and got over the ex and made himself better for me and for our future before I came along. She was so angry to see the man she left for the bumm she is with now to be so happy that she tried to make our lives a living hell. It took him two years to finally see that I wasn't going to take it any longer and his kids were adults so there was no reason for her to be calling, coming over, or hounding me and disrupting our marriage. She called our house at all hours of the night. She'd call me all kinds of names and hang up and then call back and my husband would answer and she said I hung up on her without reason. She did tell me he never cheated on her and never dated anyone until me and finally accepted defeat. So you see it takes a good man who has a few hard knocks like my husbands ex to make a her so jealous even today to see what she lost that is now my greatest love, friend, and treasure as I am his.

You got it right on the money. There is nothing worse than a man or woman in the business field of a company that looks at things a one person show. They are the dawgs of the dawg eat dawg world that makes up so much of the nastiness in business. One day people will wake up enough to want the teams that work in a business to be the ones they invest their time and money into. I would keep as friendly an appearance to those around in the office as you can, still pass compliments, don't brag as this guy did, don't let him hurt you either, and if he comes to brag say that you are sorry but both his and your time is quite valuable and that there is work to be done on your end and you hope that he as a team member of the company will respect that. It is best to have a witness in this. Even if it is just the secretary or a colleague. Take them out to lunch to discuss inlisting their help and that you will do the same in kind. The way to beat a dawg is to form a pack. Make it an effort to get everyone in the office to be a team. Even if it means taking one person at a time out to lunch to form a bond between you and them and discuss the issue of team work and competition issues in the work place. Then type up a comprehensive memo to send to the boss for review after putting in you and your colleagues concerns. A memo that may be posted so keep out names and keep it pro team work environment. It may help.

There has been many a girl or guy who was single and got involved with so called swingers on the internet. Even in their home town to end up missing and later found dead. Stop, think and aske yourself: " IS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BOYFRIEND, MY DREAMS, AND MY VERY LIFE WORTH LOOSING BY PURSUING THIS? " Take it from someone who lost a close friend that way and be smart and don't start.