Finally letting go but still love the ex. Wrote letter

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Hi everyone, I have decided it's finally time to let go and move on with my life with or without the ex. I mean I still love her and all but ready to let go. I will never completely shut the door to try and works things out later on but for now this is what I have to do. Especially since it's been 2 months since the break-up and she's been dating the same guy still from 1-2 after our break-up. I wrote her a letter, what do you guy's think of it ? Sjould I send it... here it is.. I changed the names

 

Hey Jen,

 

How are you ? I hope well, Anyways I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our relationship and have concluded that you are absolutely right about us. Breaking up was the best thing we could have done and what I wanted. I never treated you the way you deserved and I’m sorry for that . I ‘ve realize what I have done wrong and you didn’t deserve that I guess I know now. I’ve been thinking As much as I wanted this relationship to work you are completely right , it will not work it will never work. I’m thinking that maybe this week-end would be the best time for you to stop by and pick up the rest of your stuff and drop off the apartment keys. I’m happy too , to get this over with and to get on with our lives. I agree with everything you say that I had a commitment phobia but I have worked through it and am ready for what life has to offer me. I’m looking forward now to the future of family, house and children not just holding back from it. I wish you well in your life and you deserve every single part of it. You deserve to be happy.

I still care for you and always will.

 

I’ve had a big talk with Jeff on Saturday and we are deciding to go away next spring. I’m taking 3 months off work (2 months without pay) a leave of absense to go out west or down south to Florida or something. We are both gonna go there to just work a bit and chill and see what’s out there. I’ve always heard stories of people going there and loving it, so we’re going . I haven’t told my parents yet but I’m sure my Mom is going to freak, my Dad is going to be OK with it but my Mom and my granny are going to lose it, oh well, I’ve always wanted to do it so I’m going to. I found places for the pets which is a good thing though. Well the cats anyways. Zeppelin I’ll find someone to take care of him, who would not want him right? He’s the best dog. Well anyways I got to go now I’m meeting Nick to play Squash.. Woohoo… never played it before, this should be interesting.

 

Take care,

Jamie

[routerx]

I think you should tell her at the very least over the phone, not via letter.

[confusedwhcbyahoo.com]

i agree. it would be better to call her and tell her, no matter what happened to my ex, i woul dwant to be told at least over the phone. a two sided conversation in this case is more appropriate. what you have to say is good.

good luck

[bubbamackdaddy69]

In person is better? Yeah I guess so ... The problem I do have is that I still find it hard to meet her in person. She calls me once every week to say Hi and to go for coffee. By phone may be an ides also... It just seems I always choke when talking in person, especially to her...

Other than that, how was the letter? I mean I still care for her alot and would love to get back later on but for now I think I should do this

[meanlady1]

I think sending a letter in this current situation is more appropriate.

 

Wish you well

[bubbamackdaddy69]

That's what I was thinking.. Thanks meanlady1

How is the letter though? Should I change it?

[mb_guy]

Hey man

 

The letter is great. I just did a similar thing with my ex. I had thought about meeting with her and telling her or just letting her read the letter, but I (like you) didnt think I would be able to handle it. Instead I emailed it to her. I explained to her why I could not do it in person and she understood. I think that you might wanna add an explanation why you dont want to do this in person or over the phone. I think that you letter explains to her that you have realized your mistakes and that you have accepted them and moved on. Its a very hard thing to do and I think your doing a good job with it. Stay strong

 

Good Luck

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Thanks mbguy,

Yeah it's a tough one.. I won't lie here, I mean I still love her and miss her but at this point I think it is the best thing to do. I would love to be back with her eventually but like everyone says here, they will never come back to you until you let go and they miss you.

[paleoman]

well considering I was in your position a few months ago I would skip sending the letter. The more you tell her the stronger she becomes. Best thing to do is just cease all contact. Make her miss you and she will realize you are stronger. I know it is hard to do but you sending this letter will change nothing right now. Just my advice.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

You think paleoman?

I've been told by many people to cease all contact but in this case the letter shows how strong I am at this point anyways and telling her I've moved on?????

[paleoman]

I honestly think it would show her how strong you are by NOT sending that letter. Trust me on that one. The minute you start ignoring her and cease all contact she will start wondering what happened. My ex just called me last night after me breaking off all contact. I didn't bother to call her on her b-day last week and it must have bothered her. so yes, not contacting them will make you seem stronger. You said she is with someone else so why even bother. It actually makes you seem kind of sad by still being so nice when she has moved on. Let her go, stick with your plans and you will be meeting plenty of new people. she will miss you and realize she made a mistake maybe one day but you can't even hold on to that thought now. take care of yourself, easier said then done I know.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yeah I know it's easier said then done.. She's still with the same guy from 2 weeks after we broke up.

I've been dating someone now for 3 weeks now, she's nice nad all but I do not have those special feelings for her. The thing I am trying to do with this letter is counter-react to the previous letter I just wrote her over the week-end... The last letter I pretty much asked her if she had any feelings for me still...yeah I know cheezy. and I told her that maybe we should not see each other anymore in person as it is still hard for me as I still have some feeling towards her...

[paleoman]

I know exactly how you feel. I myself am seeing someone new and I do not have those "special feelings" either. It takes time. You are not going to be able to just forget about her I don't care how great this new girl is. My new girl is so much sweeter and more understanding then my ex, my ex treated me like crap, but I wanted her back fro some reason. You wrote a sappy letter but if you turn around and try to make it better it will just make things worse trust me. she knows you love her and leave it at that. The more you contact her, no matter what you say, the more control you give her. It all sounds cliche but it really is true. Think abount if the situation was reversed. You dumped her and were dating someone new all the while having your ex pine away over you, probably make you feel pretty good about yourself. why give her this power. Be strong even if you don't feel that way. It will save you lot's of pain down the road. I sent my ex numerous letter's and e-mails professing my love and how she was the one, ad nauseum. Just realize that no matter what you say it will not change the fact she is with someone new, if she ever wants to be with you again she has to figure that out on her own, your letters will change nothing. Let her miss you!

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yeah I know... I just hate admitting it..It sucks... When you still have feelings for her.. Especially when she was the one that always wanted to get married and have my children... Like the old saying goes, "You don't know what you have until it's gone."

and another thing people keep saying is, If you love something, set it free, if it comes back then it's yours..

[Guest]

1.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

thanks vlcm999,

Yeah I know eh..... I feel especially stupid after I sent her this letter over the week-end, she'll get it today I think in the mail. That is why I wrote this new letter to counter-act the previous one that she'll get today or tomorrow. This is the old one.... yeah it's pretty bad I think.... I'cee changed the names

 

 

Hello Jen,

First off I'd like to say it was nice seeing you on Saturday. You looked very pretty by the way and I really like your hair like that. Hope everything is going well for you and I wish you luck with your job.

 

I was just thinking that maybe we should not see each other in person for a while as It is still hard for me as I still have strong feelings for you. I on the other hand would still like to talk to you on the phone whenever you like as I still love talking to you. Yeah I know I've been dating Monique for 3 weeks now and she's really nice but I just don't have that feeling for her. But when I see you I do have those feelings for you and it makes it hard for me to hold back my feelings. Remember when you said that it's too bad that I am serious into buying a house in the outskirts of town and thinking of growing up and having a family after we have broken up. The truth is that I always wanted that but I've explained to you why before I never really mentioned how I wanted it. Deep down I still want to fulfill those dreams and I want to do them with you. Time apart from the person that you love is something that makes your feelings for the other person grow stronger sometimes and in my case it is true very true as I had proof of it when I hugged you good-buy on Saturday, it felt so nice but also really hurt. All I know for sure is that I want to be with you for the rest of my life.

 

I want you to be honest with me Jen. Do you have any feelings for me still after being together for almost 3 years? Deep down in your heart do you ever think about me at least once in a while? I know I do for you everyday. Everyday I think about you at the very least sometimes a lot. It's even harder when I listen to any country song and always think of you and what we can still have and funny to say everytime I hear any country song I think of your parent's kitchen drinking pepsi , smoking cigarettes, playing board games and talking with your family. I hope that I have given you at least a few happy memories when we were together because I know I have a lot of you. Oh yeah before I forget Rick says HI also. He said he misses bugging you, but you know he always did it with love.

 

Well anyways I will keep this short and say good bye now and want to wish you luck in whatever you do. You deserve it. How come you never ended up sending me that letter? Well here is a stamp so that you can write me back I put it in the envelope. One thing I would like you to do is to look deep down into your heart and express your true feeling for me either good or bad it doesn't matter because one thing that I have learnt after reading a couple of books on improving yourself and relationships is that you should never be afraid of taking chances if it is for the person you love and still think of. ---Yeah I know what your thinking, Mark's reading books? Ha ha ha.

You can call anytime you like and please send me that letter or any letter. Take care

Oh yeah I know you always forgot our postal code. Here it is

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Love Always,

Mark

[kseyerlein]

They men or boys giving you advice on women don't know much about women to begin with.

If they just admitted that they didn't know they would be wiser than their years.

So here it is from the opposite sex who at least knows how one woman would react.

You have already sent a letter stating how you feel and you are still talking to her.

If she is seeing someone else you don't have a foot hold.

If you are seeing someone else and she knows about it then you have lost even more.

She knows how you feel but your actions are mixed. So she takes it as you not knowing what you really want and not willing to go with your feelings and go after it.

If you wanted her back you should have not started going out with a new person for number one. Second, the best thing to do is hang out with the guys and go fishing, camping, hunting, to the ball games anything else that will take you to where buddies are and women aren't. Third, let her wonder where you are and who you are with, If she cares she will snoop around. Fourth, her things should be packed neatly in boxes and delivered to her. Do not deliver them yourself. Have some mutual friends do it. It will save you the heart ache and her the embarrassment. When you have it delivered I would write a note stating. "Here are a few things I thought you may need. If there is anything that I forgot please call. If not then I am glad I did think of you and tried to make your choice an easy one. I do care and wish you the best. With love, - - - -. "

Then send her a bouquet of flowers and wish her the best no matter what she chooses to do in life and if she doesn't wish to be with you then to please refrain any contact so that both of you can go on with your lives.

Then leave her alone and do not contact her. If she likes her present choice then you will just have to go on and find out if this girl you are seeing is worth a second, third, fourth, fifth, etc look. Then be honest with her and tell her you had just came out of a bad break up and you are not over it yet. Be honest with yourself and them and you will in the long run be happier no matter who you end up with.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Thanks for the reply kseyerlein,

Do you think that she may be resentful to me for dating someone now? I mean I waited almost 2 months and she started dating this guy pretty much right after we brroke.Maybe the same day, because they were talking with each other during the break-up when she lived with me still. I haven't been honest with the new girl yet but I think I will soon.I'm meeting with her tomorrow after work.

The ex just really confuses me you know.. She breaks up with me and starts dating right away but still calls me once in a while, like oncec a week to go for coffee or lunch or something like that. I admit I didn't love her as much as I should have but I guess I pay for my mistakes right? It sometimes hurts knowing that she was always the one that wanted to get married and have my children. To be honest, when we were together she loved me sooo much and would do anything for me.I guess I never showed her as much as she did when we were together.

[kseyerlein]

My husband and I were separated for four months.

I was more in love with him for not dating someone while we were separated and he was the same with me since I never went out with anyone else either.

Just think on this: No matter what. If you two do get back together there will be that little worry in the back of your mind of what did the other really do when we were not together.

In the long run it will wreck the trust issues into rubble very quickly.

My husband and I faced issues dealing with his ex-wife after I came along. she had been remarried for three years before I came into the picture. My husband didn't date anyone until he dated me and got over the ex and made himself better for me and for our future before I came along. She was so angry to see the man she left for the bumm she is with now to be so happy that she tried to make our lives a living hell. It took him two years to finally see that I wasn't going to take it any longer and his kids were adults so there was no reason for her to be calling, coming over, or hounding me and disrupting our marriage. She called our house at all hours of the night. She'd call me all kinds of names and hang up and then call back and my husband would answer and she said I hung up on her without reason.

She did tell me he never cheated on her and never dated anyone until me and finally accepted defeat. So you see it takes a good man who has a few hard knocks like my husbands ex to make a her so jealous even today to see what she lost that is now my greatest love, friend, and treasure as I am his.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Wow I see what you mean.. I truly love my ex, we were together for 3 years.I'm 27 she's 24.

But the thing is that even though I would love to be back with her sometime in the future and I can still picture her as my wife and mother of my children, but aren't I just hurting myself also by not trying to open up my heart again for someone. I've been through the grieving period of 2 months and still actually going through it, but after seeing her date someone a week after we broke up I still waited until at least 6 weeks to even think about going on another date with someone. And that I have been dating someone now, I realize how much she is not for me,(the new woman that is)

My heart is still open for her but something tells me to see what else is out there at this point even thought she has hurt me and I am still in love with her.? It's confusing.

[kseyerlein]

You may have an ex on your hands like my husband did before he met me. But keep your integrety and still send her her things with a nice note and flowers. When the time comes for her to look back she will have to admit you were a very nice guy and she might just have to kick herself in the round tender spot she sits on.

[kseyerlein]

Oh by the way my husband agrees with me on this so you have a couple rather than just one person on this end. He reads all my chats and stuff and I don't mind since I have nothing to hide and he gets to see how I can help others or get help. So long as I don't exclude him he says he is happy and knows I will never be up to anything I wqould have to hide from him like his ex did so I am glad I am so different from her that I am so special to him in many ways.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yes that's what I'll have to do.

First of , just move on with my life without her and see what the future holds and secondly just to be happy with myself and others around me.

So you think I should definelty throw out that letter I wrote her? The one in my first post about that I agree with the break up etc..?

[confusedwhcbyahoo.com]

check your inbox.

[kseyerlein]

Here is the best thing to do.

1. Change the locks rather than asking her for the key back. Let her keep the key if she is so inclined it will be of no use.

2. Change your phone number to an unlisted private number.

3. Send her her belongings with mutual friends a nice note saying

"Here are a few things I thought you may need. If there is anything I have forgotten please let me know. Other wise I hope you will be happy. Good luck. ----"

In two days after the delivery of her belongings. Then send her a bouguet of flowers. not expensive but just cut not in a vase. With a note saying "Thanks for the times we had and sorry for the pain but I hope we each find happiness. Have a good life. I know I am gonna try to have a good one. ----.

She will get. No need to say you agree with her to add to her ego. Doing it this way may give her a little of the guilt she handed you but in a nicer manner. It takes two to make or break a relationship.

They do say us Southern women know the nicest way to send a guilt trip, give a put down, and also we know how to make the best seem so grand.

Then do not call her or write or have further contact.

Go on with your own life and if she happens to come over or you happen to see her and she stops to chat simple tell her you are busy getting yourself together and have a lot to do at the moment and can not chat.

Get your house all spic and span. Live like you don't need her and go out with friends and get to living instead of moping. My husband is also feeding me some of these ideas too.

So just be honest with the one you are dating now about your resent break up and still not being over it. Date to gain friendship first. That is one of the most important ingredients in a relationship. Make sure you make good friends with every lady you date. Make sure they each know you are not looking for a relationship as yet but a friendship that may become a realtionship. Be a gentleman. Open doors, pull out chairs, keep good manners. And build better friendships with your male buddies too.