I need some words right now.. cause I cant think right

[redsuede]

I really need someone elses words.. my brain is such scrambled eggs and it has been for awhile..

 

I have been with this woman for quite a few months now.. and we broke up at the beginning of this month. she is incredibly nice in words and has never uttered a mean thing out of her mouth. We were in a rebound relationship.. I would ask her continually if she had any interest in going back to the ex. she always said NO. last month she calls me crying saying she is still in love with her ex. She says she is not going back to her ex, and she is sorry ... she wanted to be honest with me that she didnt realize that she was still in love with her ex. I dont know how that can be possible. but I gave her the benefit of the doubt anyway. Then comes that she wants solitude.. meanwhile she is crying saying that she lvoes me and she knows without a shadow of a doubt that its ME that she wants in teh end.. forever. I told her that I needed to take care of myself too, which i never really did. so.. anyway.. we went like 5 days of solitude and I texted her saying.. I cant do this.. In my heart, I know I dont want it this way.. she texts me back saying that she understands, yet she loves me so much.. can we still be friends.. she "doesnt want to lose me".. I say I will try.

 

so I have been trying. and I am just so hurt. Here is someone who promised me literally so much.. saying that my heart was safe with her that she would not hurt me and that she knows that I am who she has been looking for forever.. ( My last relationship was physically and emotionally abusive)

 

I dont blame her, as I think her intentions were not to hurt me.. yet, between me and all of you cyber people.. I am getting hurt every day. She does not know this.. we arent even together... I still get emails from her every day, or phone calls from her every dya..with an I LOVE YOU. she always is saying that she loves me..

 

Tonight she is at someones house who is single.. that she has admitted she is attracted to. She went there last Saturday too. yet she tells me all the time that they are not trying for a relationship

 

OK.. here is where I am getting too.. I NEED to do NC. I dont want to hurt her.. but if I tell her that is what I need.. she will tell me that she loves me and she doesnt want to lose me..and I already know I wont follow through.

 

I dont want to hurt her.. but I cant bear to hear in her voice anymore that what we had is gone.. for at least now anyway. I want to do NC> would that make me such a bad person if i just started avoiding it all??

I am getting very depressed again..and I dont want to be.

[pinkbunnie]

rebound relationship rarely work out as im sure u know......trust me going NC is very hard but it takes time and effort to do NC. u just cant stop talking to them at all u know? take it slow...talk less if u have to. im goin thro same thing man and boy its hard!!!!!! but what can u do........just take it slow. dont try to move on or go out with some otehr girl to piss her off.....i dunno why she is doin this to u...but whatever the reason is..its not ur fault its he rreason to break up n etc... just try to relax....enjoy life as possible i know its hard i wish i can follow my advice too but its not easy....smile

[redsuede]

Im trying to better my life in all other areas.. I quit smoking 2 weeks ago.. I go to the gym everyday now.. meditate twice a day now.. and all of that has been helping.. but Im not dumb. I cant do this anymore.. I dont want to do this anymore.. I want her so much.. but not like this.. not the way it is now. I know some of you understand wanting NC, and then as soon as you do... you miss them like crazy.. wishing you would have done that.. But I think I am ready.. I want a life.. I want to be happy.. and I know in my heart I want to be with someone who wants to be with me.. not just tell me that they are wanting us later.. and loves me so much now.. but we cant be together anymore.. but please be my friend and dont be hurt and be happy..

 

How can I be? I put trust in yet another person who has hurt me so much.. and the worst part about it.. is she uttered nothing but very nice words to me..

 

This sucks.

 

Thanks pinkbunnie for your words.

[jp89]

Rebound relationships never work. Sorry that you had to go through with this. She's going through a tough time and she doesn't know what she wants right now. My advice would be to let her have her space and time to heal from her previous relationship

[redsuede]

Thanks jp, but that is what I am saying I want to do.. she is the one who is going to hate that..I just dont want to feel like a jerk for implementing NC

[pinkbunnie]

dont u wish if theres some kind of pill to forget all these pain and be happy again wouldnt that be better right? i just hate going through these kind of a things after a relationship. it just hurts tooo much

[butterflyx0]

Thanks jp, but that is what I am saying I want to do.. she is the one who is going to hate that..I just dont want to feel like a jerk for implementing NC

 

You are not a jerk. She is making decisions for herself, isn't she? So you should be able to make a decision that benefits YOU. And if that means NC, then do it! If anything, it will make her realize that she can potentially lose you for good. I have been on both sides of NC, and when I was ignored, I realized what I had lost and started to really think about things. Now that he is with someone else, I CAN'T talk to him. At a certain point, you have to start thinking about yourself. It sucks, but it's the only way to make yourself feel good again.