Is this joking??

[anonymous_gal]

Okay, I posted a topic earlier today and I got some good responses, but I just wanted to see that if I could have a good time with my boyfriend of over 5 years, so I went to a little party he was having tonight. Tonight one of his friends was cracking my bf back (and my bf knows that I am not the biggest fan of this friend) so I said "hey crack my back too", so he tried and then my bf got into a pretend fight with him. But it didn't look pretend, so I started crying bc I couldn't handle it. My dad always fought and it hurt me. So, I started crying and my bf didn't like that and he said that he was just kidding.

Well, there was this girl over ther too (bc it was a mini-party, but her bf was there too....except he looks up to my bf and he never says anything) and while I was upstairs drying my eyes I heard my bf talking. So I decided to listen to him. First, his frined who cracked my back said that "I am sorry dude, I couldn't even get an erection by sleeping w/ her".

So my bf said that he understood. Then, I heard my bf say to the girl (while everyone else was talking), "But I could get an erection by sleeping with you....ooh, don't do that to me!!" I couldn't believe it!!!

Then everyone was leaving to go to another party, I didn't want to say anyhting in front of everyone so I told my bf that I wasn't going, so he got upset and decided to stay too.

I confronted him about what he said and he got all defensive and said that I couldn't take a joke! Earlier that night people were talking about him and he said to me, "Close your ears!"

Now he said that he was joking, he drove me back to my dorm drunk and said that he couldn't handle me anymore!! He said that I can never take a joke! But I can't joke about that stuff. He alos tole me last week that he caught that girl cheating on her bf!! Plus, she is alwasy starring at him. So, he broke up with me and basically said that it was my fault!! I guess I am asking if I should be mad about what he said? I was heartbroken when he said that he could have an erection with that girl! I can't handle him even being jokingly intimate with another girl! Am I wrong to be mad about what he said?? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!

[secret_agent_man]

Hello! Thank you for bringing this up on eNotalone...

 

I want to stress that no matter what you think... if you are uncomfortable and you mention it, he should respect it. He should be looking out for your best interests, and if he doesn't respect your opinions on subjects like this, then he doesn't care enough in my mind. What he said may be acceptable to some people, but if you don't agree with it, he shouldn't blame that on you.

 

Keep in mind that a prosperous relationship is based on communication, respect and understanding. If he doesn't fit those basic rules, then he doesn't respect you the way he should. Don't feel like this is your fault, it is actually just a way of life, and realize that you deserve someone better...

 

I hope you find your happiness, just give it time and care about yourself first. In the words of SwingFox, "You must love yourself first, that is most important in your life"

 

Best wishes...

 

S.A.M.

[buffalosoldier]

Ok there is a simple answer here...jokes are supposed to be FUNNY.

 

This 'joke' is not funny. And i dont think anyone else in your shoes would have found it particularly amusing either.Im sorry but i think this was just an excuse because he knew he'd been CAUGHT OUT and couldnt think of what else to say without damaging his male pride.

 

Im sorry to say this but i think that your boyfriend was using this as an excuse for breaking it off with you.Someone that really cared wouldnt have said it in the first place or,if they did,woud have at least apologised and TRIED to explain their actions.Your boyfriend did neither,instead he blamed it on his humour.(obviously a bad one too).

 

I would ditch him,he's not worth your time,people are intitled to make mistakes,but after five years,i think he was bored or just assumed that you'd always be there anyway so he didnt need to worry.Im sorry if this sounds horrible,but after five years with you,he should know enough about you to know that this would hurt you.Sure,he didnt think you'd find out,but thats not the point.

 

I would leave him alone for a bit,i mean this could all be sorted out,but i think that you need to give your boyfriend time to miss you and realise that actually,HE was in the wrong and needs to make a few changes.

 

Hang in there girl,dont let it get you down too much,he was just acting silly.Let him realise that.

 

Good luck.