Myth or valid? Stay away from men who have poor relationships with their mother.

[SpaceCadet]

Is there any validity to this statement? Stay away from men who have poor relationships with their mother.

 

I'm wondering if there is a term for a man who has a bad relationship with their mother. I don't think it's the Oedipus complex. I know a term exists. In the past, I've heard people say to stay away from men who have a poor relationship with their mother because they don't know how to treat women. I've got to say that this is turning out to be true. With my last two relationships, the men had serious "mommy issues" and I want to read more on this topic. Surely some men have good reasons to separate from or hate their mothers. Anyone care to share their thoughts/ideas?

[Cimmie]

My ex had a very serious 'mommy issue'. She dominated his whole life. She couldn't let go.

 

It was chilling. The name 'Norman Bates' springs to mind.

 

So yes, from my experience. But perhaps you can't generalize?

 

I'm sure there are men with horrific mothers who don't allow it to ruin their relationships with other women.

 

And Al Capone loved his mother. Let's not forget that...

[Timebandit]

I would clarify it a bit:

Stay clear of men who have a poor relationship with their mother, but haven't learned their lesson.

 

Bad relationships with mothers can probably be a sign of trouble ahead with a man. But sometimes a man simply cannot have a decent relationship with his mother, despite him being mature.

[Jayar]

I've found that either extreme is unhealthy. I wouldn't choose someone with a horrible relationship with his mother, but I absolutely wouldn't choose one with the inability to leave the womb.

[Psylocke]

I dated a guy who had a very good relationship with his mother but treated me not so well. Mommy seemed to be 'the' most important person in his life. So I think there can be two different extremes...

 

I'm by no means stating that moms are not an important part of a man's life, however there's a difference between mother and dating your mother.

[Maverick32x]

well.. from a psychological angle... Your relationship with your parents is a VERY good predictor of something called "Attachment Style" And this attachment style is basically how you deal with relationships... (among other things) so in a quick little nutshell, there are a couple type of attachment styles, but we'll break it down into "Secure" and "Insecure"

 

A Secure person is more likely to have a "good" relationship, and probably someone you want to get to know!! however, an insecure attachment style can cause a couple problems...

 

So yea, if he hates his parents, he probably is more of an avoidant attachment which means he is a bit.... distant i guess, in a relationship... if he is too attached, that probably means he is high in anxiety.... leading to a very poor relationship in terms of his dependency, and will be anxious in the relationship.... man, I could go on like this for a long time, but yea, its a continum, so you can be diffrent degrees, and it mixes and matches, but BASICALLY: YES! lol

[doyathink]

My ex had a very serious 'mommy issue'. She dominated his whole life. She couldn't let go.

It was chilling. The name 'Norman Bates' springs to mind...

Oh Yeah....I lived with this situation. Kinda sickening. she called everyday for the first year. He would also hide when he would call her, then lie that he talked to her.

I've found that either extreme is unhealthy. I wouldn't choose someone with a horrible relationship with his mother, but I absolutely wouldn't choose one with the inability to leave the womb.

I totally agree with you.

well.. from a psychological angle... Your relationship with your parents is a VERY good predictor of something called "Attachment Style" And this attachment style is basically how you deal with relationships... (among other things) so in a quick little nutshell, there are a couple type of attachment styles, but we'll break it down into "Secure" and "Insecure"

 

A Secure person is more likely to have a "good" relationship, and probably someone you want to get to know!! however, an insecure attachment style can cause a couple problems...

 

So yea, if he hates his parents, he probably is more of an avoidant attachment which means he is a bit.... distant i guess, in a relationship... if he is too attached, that probably means he is high in anxiety.... leading to a very poor relationship in terms of his dependency, and will be anxious in the relationship.... man, I could go on like this for a long time, but yea, its a continum, so you can be diffrent degrees, and it mixes and matches, but BASICALLY: YES! lol

 

Great Post!

[Occam]

Pff all this is mumbo jumbo. I have a terrible relationship with my mother, and my girlfriend and I are both extremely happy and very close, after over a year together. Either I'm an exception to this rule or all of this is an old wives' tale.

[Maverick32x]

hahahaha I wouldn't say Attachment Style is "an Old Wives' Tale" by any stretch of the imagination. I'm clearly not going to outline the entire theory, so feel free to Google it if you want to attempt to poke some holes in it~

[EvoGeneration]

I have a terrible relationship with my mother, hate the woman, i have problems with women, i dont trust them easily and i am in defence mode alot. But i dont treat women bad, i just look for women that are wayyyy different from my mother.

[Shiranai]

I hate my mom but I have a loving relationship with my boyfriend.

 

My brother dislikes my mom but he has a good relationship with his girlfriend too.

 

My mother loves her mom and guess how her relationship turned out? (Hint my dad hates her too.)

 

I really think it depends on the person and the situation.

[valiantv]

Some guys might have valid reasons to hate their mothers... but through no fault of their own it still might affect whether they know how to treat women...

[SpaceCadet]

A good balance is probably the only way to go. You don't want someone who is still attached to the womb or in my case, a man who hates his mother with such passion... that should have been a good indicator (red flag) that he may have issues with how he treats women.

 

Oye.

 

The thing is that his reasons for hating his mother is valid. He should have gotten therapy for it. Waiting 25 years to get therapy might be too late. To give a little background... his mother threw him out of her house at 14. He moved in with his sister. He's now 40-something and trying to suppress his emotions with alcohol. He spoke of talking to a professional about it but I'm not sure that plan will come to fruition. His mother died about a year ago and he has been struggling with a lot of emotions... such as why did his mother treat him so poorly, why didn't she want to know anything about him, why didn't she want to know what type of man he became, etc. Which brings me to my next post... please visit it and give me your thoughts. I appreciate everyone's input.

[freeindeed]

It would probably depend on why the relationship is bad. If a guy is disrespectful to his mother, curses her out, hates her guts and she is a genuinely decent person, then ofcourse you have a problem on your hands as this reflects your boyfriend's personality. However, if the mother is psycho, overbearing, intrusive, or abusive to her son, then I wouldn't blame a guy from "keeping his distance" from his mother even though the world would consider it a "bad" relationship . There's just so many factors and there's no scientific way to calculate how a guy will treat you based on his relationship with his mother. A better track record to look up is how he treated girlfriend's in the past. I believe this is a better indicator of how he will treat you.

[Shiranai]

My bf used to think it's a bad thing that I'm so cold and distant towards my mom... until he came to visit me at my mom's place and stayed with us for 3 days. He saw how my mom treated me, and him. After that.... He dislikes her and avoids her now too.

 

Some people just aren't worth loving.