spinstermanquee Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Please forgive me if I say anything out of whack, I am upset tonight. My husband made a comment that I needed to "watch out or you are going to get a tummy again." For the last 4 months I have been working out 7-10 times per week in 90 minute sessions. I do like 100 ab crunches a day. No I haven't lost any weight but I lost 2 sizes and I think I look really good (I'm a size 8 now) for my athletic build. I am super fit since we quit smoking together 2 years ago. I cook healthy meals and feel great. On my husband's part he has always been super thin but went up 2 inches (from a 30 to a 32, which is still very thin) after quitting smoking. Two months ago he started smoking again and now he is as emaciated as ever, back to a 30 waist (I liked him better with a tiny bit of meat on his bones). Also, his obnoxious snoring has now markedly increased, he smells bad again, and while his teeth were never the best (he is European) they get browner by the day. I am feeling like he has no right to call attention to my lunch tummy which will be gone by tomorrow, when he doesn't give any weight to my opinion on the subject of his. I would rather have a normally thin man than a skeleton, and be married to someone who doesn't smoke. Yeah anyway so that's my rant! ENAers, let it fly... any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Right now I just want him to sleep on the sofa, 'cause only people with "tummies" are allowed in my bed! Link to comment
Beginningandend Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 It depends on how he said it.......actually no, that's a sensitive topic for almost anyone. Best thing I can think of is to flat out tell him how it made you feel. It's a rather insensitive thing to say, especially considering the work you have put in to get your body there. I'd just talk to him about it. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Look up some information on lung cancer and smoking. Next time he makes a comment about your stomach, hand him the information you obtained...make sure to include one of those photographs showing what smokers lungs look like. Link to comment
TechResQ Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Oooooohhhhh...those are some fightin' words in my opinion! I think I would very calmly state to him something like this, "You know, the comment you made about my tummy, really kinda stung. Funny though because just the other day I got a very nice comment on how I look and how well I keep my figure, I'm just so glad I haven't taken up smoking again, it's such a nasty habit". Give him something stew about for a little while... I know, it sounds a little evil but hey, he lit the fire! Good luck! and hey, for the record...You Look Marvelous! Link to comment
spinstermanquee Posted September 21, 2007 Author Share Posted September 21, 2007 Good luck! and hey, for the record...You Look Marvelous! Thanks TechResQ and others who posted, the thin and fit MG in the front on my avatar is me... Link to comment
confusedgirly Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 I'd say something like 'Funny you think that, because yesterday the guy behind the counter at *** said I was looking pretty good.' Link to comment
Timebandit Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Please don't make it into an argument, and don't try to say something to get even. Attacking him will just build up resentment between the two of you. And his smoking has nothing to do with it. You would be equally hurt about his comment, no matter if he had picked up smoking again or not. Without being emotional just tell him, that you found his remark inappropriate, and that you don't expect him to say things like that again. As for the smoking I would talk to him about it at another time. You could tell him what he means to you, and that you are sad that he puts himself at risk. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Can you describe EXACTLY how he said it? Yes, mentioning any kind of weight issue to a woman is way way sensitive, but men are not always the most sensitive sam's in the bunch. It could be he was just trying to be helpful and it hit a raw nerve. How did he say it? I think you need to try to remove your emotion from this and speak about the topic for what it is, and not the nerve it invoked. That won't get you anywhere. A man is not wired like a woman. When they love you they sometimes feel they can talk to you like a guy friend they really like...and not realize there is a difference with some topics. Think of this like a person who loves you who noticed you might add on a few extra pounds...try to take the venom out of your thoughts and see the remark for exactly what it was...if he said it really ugly then yeah, be mad. If it was not really said ugly but hit a nerve that made your head whirl, then try to read it for what it really was not what you are making it out to be. Link to comment
FirstSnow Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 I do think it depends on HOW he said it. My first impression was imagining how my husband would have said those same words to me. It would have sounded like he's genuinely concerned for me, because he knows that I FEEL best when I feel I look my best (and I definitely don't want those 15 pounds back!) I agree if he said it like a jerk, them's fightin' words. Link to comment
spinstermanquee Posted September 21, 2007 Author Share Posted September 21, 2007 As an aside, I have not gained or lost any weight in many years, yesterday I pooched out a bit from lunch. Anyhow now that I have a good night's sleep and some distance from the words... I am not upset about his remark (which he didn't say meanly for the people who asked). I also have a flat stomach I must admit I was feeling venemous and wrote ^^ those things from that place. I didn't say any of them to him, though, I held my tongue. That is what this forum is for, no? So I can get some feedback from all you great sounding boards BEFORE I stick my foot in it... This morning I will let him know the remark stung, and suggest if he notices trouble areas in the future, he could offer to spot me at the gym (he rarely goes) or tell me about some great new exercise for that area. Anyhow I would much rather have it presented to me that way... Thanks again people. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 It's hard not to take these comments to heart, but try not to. When he said ""watch out or you are going to get a tummy again.", I would have replied "Watch out, I just might leave you for someone younger" LOL.....you have to hit these nasty comments with a sense of humor. It will show him these comments are not getting to you and he will stop. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 I must admit I was feeling venemous and wrote ^^ those things from that place. I didn't say any of them to him, though, I held my tongue. That is what this forum is for, no? So I can get some feedback from all you great sounding boards BEFORE I stick my foot in it... Yes this forum is for a sounding board...no one suggested that you already said anything to him...just giving you the advice you were seeking. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 he appreciates your body. he doesn't want it to change. i doubt he will love you less. is it possible he said it jokingly? Link to comment
spinstermanquee Posted September 21, 2007 Author Share Posted September 21, 2007 This morning he got up and came into the office and kissed me on the neck like always. I sat him down and (gently) told him the remark he made last night stung, but that I wasn't upset with him. He apologized, I forgave. I then suggested that for future, if he wanted me to change anything about my body, to try offering to spot me at the gym or show me some exercises for that problem area. Then - and this is the kicker - after the gym this morning I ran some errands. I was sweaty, nasty, and drenched. On my way to my car this 20-something hit on me. Ahahahahahaha that was funny! The universe works in some strange ways... And THANK YOU ALL so much for your input, it help me put the remark in perspective and keep from throwing in other things - like the smoking etc. As a result it was only a small blip on the marriage radar screen, and not a major eruption! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 work out, it makes everyone like you. attraction from strangers, your self-esteem, your bf/husband, etc. Link to comment
Bunney Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Sorry for bumping this thread up but I'm curious to know in what way having bad teeth is connected with being European? Thanks in advance Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 also, i don't say things directly to any gf until she complains. usually girls talk about their butt or their stomach. i usually say, then do some cardio and it will go away. everyone needs criticizing. Link to comment
emailas Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 lol. I though you may appreciate this story wendymg.... I have a colleague, who is in her mid 50s, and so is her husband. She is lovely and calm- it takes alot to rattle her, but she came into work one day, siad sh'ed been to the dentist the week before. The dentist had suggested that she replace the silver cap on her chipped front tooth for a "natural" one...the one she's had for half her life...She thought about it, then asked her husband, what he thought. The reponse was, "why would you even bother- it's not like anyone would notice anyway. Why don't you save that money and use it for better use like your varicose veins" . She had a rant in the staff room (with eight other outraged women)..she's over it now Link to comment
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