Cheated on bf and i don't kno what to do

[s0confused]

sorry but this is going to be a VERY long post.

 

my bf and i had been together for a year and a half. we were having problems but as any couple we stuck it through. at the end of it i was getting tired of it and i thought i deserved and needed more from him. on the day that i was leaving for a trip with my classmates, i was ready to break up with him and had did it but he convinced me to try it out, so i did. well that trip ended badly, i cheated on him with one of my classmates, and this was a guy that he had suspicions of but i disregarded cuz i too was a person that would never cheat. but i did.

 

when i got back from the trip i tried putting it in the past and try to make the relationship work but the guilt got to me and i broke it off saying that i felt as though the relationship wasn't going anywhere cuz our arguments would be about the same thing and nothing seemed to change. i thought i was fine with it and was until 2 days later. i just couldn't believe what i did and as much as i wanted him back the guilt was still there and i was fighting with myself if it was truthful in getting back with him with what happened. so i didn't and he tried to get me back but allowed me the time i needed. during that time as bad as it was, i thought i was slowly getting over it and i started hanging out with the guy that i cheated on with my bf.

 

no other sexual encounters happened with me and this guy; one i felt as though i wasn't ready for such a thing, and 2 i was still hurting and really confused with the break up although we did make out. so after awhile i decided to stop hanging/talking to either guys so that i can clear my mind and decide what it was that i wanted. after all my thinking and going crazy, i seeked counseling and really finally understood a lot about myself and the relationship.

 

with the new understandings about myself and the relationship, i now know that my bf is who i want. and the truth was slowly come out because has put 2 and 2 together and has asked me questions. yet he asked me if i had slept with the guy and i said no, i said that i just kissed him. i panicked. in my whole life there has never been anything i wanted so much as i want him. and since he feels as though he knows "the truth" he's willing to give me a second chance. but each day i'm living with the anxiety of him finding out and it being over. he's said that that if i messed it up again that it'd be over for good and he'd never talk to me. i care so much for him and i LOVE him so much. i kno what i did was wrong and i kno that as a person he deserves someone that can be faithful and love him unconditionally but i feel as though i'm that person. i have learned from this experience i don't want to do anymore wrongs to him. i've also learned what it means to love someone truly, madly, deeply.

 

so after the brief background, what do i do? do i tell him and risk the best opportunity of my life? i need some advice because the guilt and anxiety is killing me. i don't sleep or eat much these days.

 

HELP!!

[Blue Skittles]

The right thing to do would be to tell him. It would get everything all out in the open and you might be able to find somepeace of mind. But if you don't tell him the guilt is going to keep eating away at you until its forgotten about. At the sametime what is done is done and you feel guilty about it and obviously after having these feelings you wouldn't do it again so maybe it would be better to just not tell him and move on. I'm not sure how your bf would take not only being lied to but also cheated on worse than he imagined. It would really hurt him.

[Billee]

You're not going to like hearing this but...Number one. You sound too young to get this serious over anyone. Number two. If you "truly, madly" loved him, you wouldn't have cheated in the first place. Which brings me right back to point Number one.

[s0confused]

i don't believe that age should justify how serious you should be with someone and i'll be done with school this coming winter. for your second point, i learned after the incident what it is to love someone truly, madly, deeply.

[majord23]

i don't believe that age should justify how serious you should be with someone and i'll be done with school this coming winter. for your second point, i learned after the incident what it is to love someone truly, madly, deeply.

 

And if you are aware of what it is to love someone truly, madly and deeply then you will understand that being honest with him (even if it means losing him) is the right thing to do.

[s0confused]

i think that is what part of my gut feeling is telling me. i care so much for him that i have to tell him to set not only myself but him free as well. it's just hard to let someone go when you know it has the potential of being so good.

 

also, i don't know how to tell him because he's one of those really irrational people that say and do a lot of mean and angry things. and i can see how it's somewhat justified because of what i did.

 

what i'm wondering is if and when i do confront him, what can i expect of him? as of right now, i want to be able to talk to him and for him to talk to me calmly and i'll answer his questions, but until than i won't leave his side. is that ok to do?

[Eire1]

It's obvious that the two of you won't be able to work this out with your secret. You are overwhelmed with guilt and he with suspicion. You have no choice, but to tell him. He may leave you, he may come back to you later on, but you'll NEVER have a chance of having a real relationship with him unless you come clean and start with a clean slate.

 

Relationships are based on trust. People make mistakes, but coming clean, promising it will never happen again and meaning it and winning back his trust is the only thing that will save your relationship. Sometimes infidelity can make a relationship stronger if he learns from it that you will always come clean and be honest with him. At the end of the day people need to know they can trust their significant other, no matter what they've gotten themselves into.

[TechResQ]

Be honest and tell him. Start your new relationship with him on a solid and truthful foundation. Tell him how guilty you feel. Spill your guts. Ask for him to forgive you then tell him you want to build on regaining his trust.

 

Hope it all works out for you.

[Atticus90]

but each day i'm living with the anxiety of him finding out and it being over.

 

Simple! Confess it to him. It may hurt him, but I think he'll be happy that you told him.

 

I would be happy if my ex told me! But I had to find it out myself!

 

If he dumps you, then let that be a lesson. Let that be your insentive to not cheat. No matter how mad you may get at the guy.