Upset for no reason

[DREAM]

Hi guys have a bit of a problem, as most of you have read my post from before, im with this guys and we are both crazy about each other, things are going soooooo great I can't explain to you.

 

The problem that I have is. At times he is the kind of guy who gets angry about the most little things. For example. The other day a guy mate who I have been friend with for over 4 years text me, but my bf knows that that mate of mine fancies me, and my bf got really pissed off. The reason of this is cos at one point that guy tried to beak me and my bf up.

 

Was it right of my bf to blow like that? He would not even talk to me only cos I said I might text this guy back. But I don't know what I will say yet.

 

He got angry and when I asked him what he wanted to eat he said I don't care any more.

 

Then last night again, it happened, I told him my sister still chats to my ex sister and he got angry again and acted all mean. But after all this he does say sorry and he does say that he does not know why he gets like this he does not wanna hurt me, but he does and I have told him this.

 

Can some one please advice me.

[phil1981UK]

Hi dream,

 

Well, my guess is you are starting to see the real him im afraid. It is very difficult to accept your partner being in contact with someone who you know fancies them, imagine if he was texting a girl that you know fancied him, you wouldnt be happy either right?

 

I would guess he is just starting to show who he really is, it takes time for the real person to appear in a relationship and maybe his time has come. If you stay together or break up will depend on how far he lets his behaviour go, in my experince it will only worsen im afraid, though if he can control it then you'll have a fighting chance.

 

All you can do is assure him you love him and that he can trust you and he will behave how he will behave, its up to you whether you put up with it.

 

Good luck.

[buffalosoldier]

Hey,

I can relate to your situation quite a bit!!

You have four options here from my experience-you can either

 

1)Abide by his rules and dont talk to your friend to keep your boyfriend happy and avoid conflict,thus resulting in your boyfriend thinking he can get away with that sort of behaviour,and you losing out on living life.

 

2)You can choose to ignore him when he gets angry at you for these sorts of things,which may result in him being pissed at first,but eventually he will learn that if he wants to keep you,and wants your attention then that is NOT the way to go about it.

 

3)Or you can choose to get angry with the situation and argue the toss with him about it until you are both no better off.

 

4)Talk to him calmly and concisely and explain how you feel,and exactly what you want and dont want,just once.And let him have his say too.

 

If you dont address this situation now,i can tell you it WILL get worse,unless your bf was just having one of those 'moments'- we all do sometimes. A little bit of jealousy is natural,but dont let it alter your life. Sorry if i sound a bit harsh i dont mean to be,im sure this bloke is wonderful,(he sounds it) but you had a life before him and he needs to accept this.

 

Dont get me wrong,it must be a little frustrating for your bf knowing that this guy likes you,but he must learn to trust you,if you are definitely trustworthy(i think you are)then he should have nothing to worry about,he should instead feel proud that you picked him!! 'Innocent until proven guilty'.

 

You sound like you have your head screwed on,this doesnt have to turn into a problem,it really doesnt,as long as you calmly sort it out now.-Coz trust me its even more ugly a few months,years down the road!!

 

Good luck,i mean it.

[DREAM]

He did admit that he has been harsh with this situation and that he has always said he will never change for anyone, but he will for me cos I mean that much to him, and that means a lot, its just that he seems to get upset fast, but always realises it later. He is trying to sort it out, but what can I do to help him???? cos I want to help him to be a better person like he wants to be.

 

I know where your coming from with another gal taxing him, but this guy has been a real good mate to me, despite trying break us up. All he did was to say be careful with my bf, but its all eating me up. Cos I know he meant well but my bf is convinced that he was trying to break us up. Cos he likes me.

[DREAM]

brando's lovechild i totally understand What your saying, but the thing is my mate has never told me he likes me, only before me and my bf started to go out, he had told my bf, he never new things would turn out like this.

 

Its hard cos, he is my friend who has been there for me for 4 years, and by bf who I have been with for 7 months. What do I do??

[johnnyt]

I was in the exact same situation as your boyfriend, except it got worse and she told me she liked him back and they started spending a lot of time together...so we broke up, it was horrible.

 

My suggestion is you build up trust in your boyfriend, take him out more, etc, and show him exactly what you're saying in these texts...that way he can see you have nothing to hide and he can relax. Also try to avoid seeing this other guy in person if your boyfriend isnt around unless you've told him. Thats what I would have wanted. Also....do you trust yourself in this situation to stick by your bf? If you do, tell him that, and make sure you're there for him when he's upset.

 

My two cents....hope it helps

[brandos lovechild]

hiya DREAM,

 

i'm glad ur listening to guys advice as well. The girls that tend to tell you that the bf is insecure and needs to sort himself out..those females do not have lasting relationships because they don't understand men.

 

Tell your boyfriend that you are in no way attracted to this friend ( i hope you aren't ). If this guy starts flirting with you or winding your boyfriend up again..he is a nasty piece of work ! Cut off the friendship !

 

I have been in the same situation as your boyfriend,which is why i said i empathised with him in my earlier post...so has johnnyt.

 

The thing that made me REALLY angry was not so much the other guy's attempt to steal her away or flirt with her....it was the fact that she saw it affected me and she fed off of the drama. She didn't reassure me or put me first and she didn't tell the guy to stop doing it.

 

REMEMBER : Everyone says "friends are forever,but partners will come and go." Friends aren't forever,you get rid of them when they become a$$holes.

Your boyfriend is probably feeling that he has no control over the situation..and men hate feeling like that.

 

oh hang on, had a thought, why not tell your boyfriend to have a word with this guy ? If i was your boyfriend (he sounds very similar to me emotionally) and you were kind of dismissing my concerns out of hand..i'd go and talk to this friend and make him understand that if he steps out of line...he's gonna get hurt.

 

So basically..tell your bf that you aren't attracted to this friend in the slightest and if there is still a problem..then he should go and sort it out for himself instead of nagging at you. Hope i helped..i kind of lost sympathy for your bf when i realised he hasn't actually done anything to make himself feel better and more assured. He should talk to your friend.

 

Good luck xxx

 

 

Good luck xxx