just when I think I'm getting stronger...

[fionaterri2]

I've been checking the message board and nothing was posted for days, I was beginning to feel alone. I am happy you guys are still around.

 

Have fun in Hawaii Mike. Waikiki is fun. When I go there I just like to sit and people watch...

 

For me it has been almost two months since he said he wanted space..It 's been a week since the last time I spoke with him, the conversation wasn't anything important... I am so trying to get over him so much.. Today it's hard.. I woke up at 3:00 am and couldn't go back to sleep. I missed him so much. I wanted to call him so badly, to hear his voice. Man I felt like a junkie, just wanted a fix, to hear his voice.

 

Thanks for being around...

[SF_mike]

hi fionaterri2,

 

Thanks for the post...I'm looking forward to some people watching in Waikiki....thinking I want to get a job in a ukulele store and never come home

 

Hope you're feeling better...sounds like we're in the exact same spot....2 months....struggling to do this no contact thing. I can't imagine how much sleep I've lost....I know the drill....You finally fall asleep somehow and wake up in the middle of the night...as soon as the mind kicks in it's seemingly impossible to fall back asleep when you start thinking of things.

 

I'm off to a Halloween party tonight...looking forward to seeing some old friends...kinda dreading the inevitable question though..."Where's ____?" from the people who don't know of my breakup....oh well....I'm determined to not sulk around all night...gotta face the music & have some fun. Still find myself thinking of her...what's she doing? is she thinking of me? any second thoughts on her part?

 

Wish I could snuff out these thoughts but they're still with me all the time....(sigh)

 

Wish this was easier somehow.

 

Hope everyone has a great night & weekend.

 

Mike

[slothrop]

Hi all,

 

Thanks for the condolences. Things are getting easier.

 

My update on the ex: Had a talk with her last week where I told her I just couldn't be her friend right now, that she will always be important to me and that at some point I hope we can be close friends again, but that I need some space away from her for a while. She's wanted us to "stay close friends" and I had too but I can't really do that while she's off on a new relationship and I'm not.

 

She was upset and angry but the biggest thing I've learned in the post-breakup of this relationship is that there is no more *US* anymore. Selfish as it seems, the only persons' feelings and well-being I need to focus on right now are my own, not hers, and certainly not a shared *ours*.

 

I still think about her quite a lot but getting at least *some* control in the relationship dynamic has been good. Mentally, just cutting that person out from your life, while very painful, also goes a long way to making you feel more confident on your own, at least it has for me.

[fionaterri2]

Mike, I hope you had a great time at the party.

 

You are right, slothrop, I too, need to concentrate on my own needs as well. Focus on me, there is no US anymore. I need to learn how to make myself happy and not depend on someone else. Glad you are doing fine.

 

So funny lastnight I stayed at the gym, tire myself out so I can fall asleep and not wake up in the middle of the night and fantasy about him calling me and wanting to be US again...

 

My friend told me that things happen for a reason..

 

Hope everyone is having a great weekend

[Luv_Suks]

Hey Everyone

 

Happy (belated) halloween ;-)

 

 

 

Glad to hear you're doin better Slothrop, take it one day at a time m8. When you said that the most important lesson you've learned in post breakup is "there is no more US anymore", you summed up perfectly how i feel right now. I think I've finally reached a point (7 months) where my heart has almost caught up with my head in letting go.. I'm afraid to look too far into the future and imagine a point where I'll be happy to look back on our 3 years without feeling any pangs of bitter emotions on how things fizzled out after such wonderful and memorable times, but at least I can begin to see myself move forward now instead of constantly dwelling on the past..

 

Just a quick update, after a whole month of zero contact, no calls/emails, I was checking my voicemail on the old number the other day and found 2 messages. I knew it was her. I immediately began to wonder why she had called. I called (against my better judgement) and we talked. After a long month of struggling with the no contact, it made my heart melt to hear her voice again and although i tried my best to act neutral and collected, my heart secretly yearned to have her finally tell me that she had thought about and reconsidered things..and was ready to come back..

 

No such luck, she just wanted to 'check up' and see how things had been. I was gutted. And eventually after some more small talk, I got frustrated and got icy cold, at which point i knew the conversation had to end. I told her to say her goodbyes and we both ended up hanging up in tears, although they only lasted for an instant because I didn't really expect it to be any different..

 

I came to the realization (yet again ;-))that I simply cannot be friends with this girl. Every conversation just confirms this. I love her too much, I always will. I told her this. Maybe this time she won't initiate any more contact, it'll certainly let my heart finally move on, eventually. Maybe I was a bit harsh on her, i feel i could've handled things better this time, but i realise my emotions are still a bit too raw. But Slothrop is absolutely right, i need to focus on myself as there is no longer an 'US' anymore..

 

Thanks for the update Mike, so good to see you've done something to treat yourself. Waikiki sounds fantastic. I think getting away, even for a short period of time will help you de-stress and clear your head a bit. I'm sorry you can't just be irresponsible and just quit your job to go travelling like me ;-) but anyhow, seriously, I do know I'll have the issues to deal with when I get back..but I've thought long and hard about the negatives, and still believe the positives of the trip away will far outweigh them. I wouldn't recommend my course of action for everyone, but sometimes just getting far far away from everything/everyone helps immensely. I need to build up many more happy memories (of which I hope there will be many from this adventure!) before the old ones with my ex can become more distant. Thanks for the well wishes, I really appreciate it ;-), I've got one more week left, and counting down the days/minutes!. Make sure you enjoy your trip!..

 

And to everyone else, hang in there, and keep moving forward! I know how you feel fionaterri2, sometimes you just want to pack a million things into your day in the hope that it will leave you too shattered to think about anything else but to just sleep. For what its worth, I do believe your friend is right, things do happen for a reason. I've come to learn now, theres no rush to try and work out the hows and whys now, just focus on your own healing.

 

Thanks again to everyone for sharing, pls keep posting. Its an immeasurable comfort to know that there are people out there that care so much. Hope everyone has had a cool halloween weekend.

 

Kindest Regards

[Aeiryne]

Wow, I just posted about something very similar. I am torn between severing all ties completely (difficult, since we work together and have close friends in common,) trying the friends thing, which I have done both successfully and unsuccessfully in the past, or going into a holding pattern. The thing is, I think my breakup was the right thing to do for both of us, as I think he has some issues to work out on his own. I'm just unhappy I've been caught in the backdraft, and I don't know how to proceed. I'm very sorry about everyone's situation, but we certainly are not the only parties in pain out there. I don't know if that is comforting or not.

I hit the gym until I can't move either and then I take an Ambien...it is pure relief to know I will not dream about him tonight.

[fionaterri2]

Welcome Aeiryne, yes there are plenty of us in the same boat.

 

It has been 8 days since I last spoke with my ex, does this get any easier. I spent my weekend helping my friend move, keeping myself busy and yet I still found time to think about him.

 

 

Well I hope every one had a great weekend.

 

Good night.

[SF_mike]

hey everyone...

 

here I am again on this site looking for a release...I'm so glad it's here when I find myself needing it.

 

Well we finally did the dreaded stuff exchange tonight...We talked on the phone last night for 45 min and as usual it was great...just catching up. Hearing her voice...her laugh...made me feel so great and at the same time is a blow to the gut as it brings all my love/feelings/memories bubbling to the surface. Anyways she came by tonight....was strange to see her in my apartment again (it's been 2 months)....we had a couple of beers and talked about all sorts of things (no relationship stuff though)...Walked her to her car and started to crack (a few tears ran down my face) We hugged, kissed, said our "I love you" "I miss you" etc....I told her I wanted to tell her a million things but didn't want to start into it while standing in the street. Anyways, we kissed & she left.

 

Anyways...she just called me...wanted to see if I was ok etc....we started talking....I asked some of the questions I had w/out crying or appearing desperate (I honestly am looking for answers still)...

 

"do you think about us still?"

"do you think about maybe trying this again slowly?"

"what are the problems & "can they be worked out because I still don't feel like I know what they are?"

 

etc...

 

We didn't answer these questions tonight but vowed to get together and talk when I get back from Waikiki... Sounds like she might want to try 'us' again now that she's had 2 months to think about 'us'.....she mentioned that one of her fears was trying again and hurting me again if she felt the same. I told her I'd be willing to take that chance....I honestly feel that I would be fine if we tried again and it didn't work out....it would make me feel like we tried and gave it an honest chance...because right now the #1 thing bugging me is that we didn't talk about what the issues were and/or try to maybe work them out. We only talked about this briefly and who knows...it may not even happen.

 

here's my question for you guys....anyone go through a scenario like this?

 

I know I would feel better trying again...it would answer so many questions I have. If it works out...great....you're all invited to the wedding....If not I'd obviously be hurt but I can honestly say I'd be cool with it because we'd both be sure.

 

Wish this was easier!

 

Take care.

 

Mike

[bdub]

Mike,

 

It sounds like you got exactly what I'm looking for in my break up. I still don't think that I really know what it was that made my ex give up on us. One weekend we were in Seattle for her best friends wedding, the next weekend she broke up with me. It seemed so sudden, with no warning. To my recollection, she never tried talking with me about what was bothering her, just in love one day, not in love the next.

 

I'd really love to have a chance to sit down and talk with her about what happened. I talked with her about a month after the breakup and I confirmed some of my worst fears. There was a lot of misunderstanding and miscommunication about our future and what I was looking for. We had been dating for a year and 3 months. She had just graduated from college and was starting grad school and I'm just finishing my Bachelors. Last year she hinted that we should move in together, but I said I didn't know if that was a good idea. I was thinking that I wanted to marry her, but I was also a bit intimidated by her parents. They are very conservative and religious, and I KNOW they wouldn't appreciate us living together. She thought that I was saying that she was good enough to eat with, sleep with, date, but I just "didn't want to put my name on the mailbox next to hers." That was totally not what I was thinking at all and I tried to explain that, but she didn't want to hear it. Everything she claims as a reason to break up turns out to be her thinking I feel one way, without even asking me how I feel.

 

I'd really love to get the chance to tell her the things that I think were misunderstood. I'd really like to feel like she has heard me and lets go of what she thinks I feel, and ask me instead. It has been a month since I've even seen her, even though we are in the same town going to the same school, and have most of the same friends. She has totally cut herself out of the friend group aswell. It seems she is really putting in a lot of effort to avoid seeing me. And sometimes I wonder why put in so much effort. Honestly, I think there are feelings that are unresolved, but she is scared to confront them. She might have to face the possiblilty that she was wrong in what she believes I feel, and she hates being wrong.

 

Anyway, I'm rambling now. Thanks for reading.

 

I hope your trip to Waikiki is great. Best wishes and make sure to let us know now things turn out.

bdub

[SF_mike]

thanks bdub...

 

Just finished packing and I'm off tomorrow AM...Excited to go but also having the usual feelings for her at the same time.

 

We hadn't talked since last week but she called tonight to wish me a great trip...As always just hearing her voice knocked me on my ass...

 

We still plan on getting together and talking when I get back...I can honestly say I have NO idea what she sees in the cards for us. I sense she misses me in many ways (as I do her) but the part of me that has been dealing with this loss is being oh so cautious about this. As I said before I'm not setting myself up for another letdown. If we can communicate and try "us" again I'd be the happiest guy on the planet...And if she's straight with me and says she doesn't want to try again I think I'll be ok...As much as that will hurt I'll at least get some sort of closure/answer to the questions that have been killing me for 2+ months. As you said bdub the 'not knowing' has got to be the worst aspect of this...

 

Anyways, hope everyone is doing the best they can and things are somehow looking up for us all.

 

Lastly, I plan on toasting a cocktail for everyone who replied to my sad thread when I posted it last month... during one of the toughest times in my own personal mess.

 

ALOHA!

 

Mike

[Klementine475]

Hi there Mike,

I've read all your posts and can totally relate to your pain as I am going through the same thing at the moment only I know that its final and over and I just wanted you to know that you seem to me like an amazing guy. You have so much patience and love for this woman, not once did I read anything that expressed anger towards her or disappointment, this truly means that you love her with all your heart and that her happiness is what matters to you the most, and she's so lucky to have someone like you and I hope she'll realise this soon before its too late, I do think its a good idea for you to sit and talk and answer a lot of questions to eachother, and I really do believe you guys can work things out because you still see her as the same person you fell in love with and you understand her need for space and you still trust her completely - which is one of the most important things in a stable relationship. So no matter what happens I want you to know that its good to know that there are guys like you in the world who are loving, understanding, patient and supporting like you, hang in there Mike, what is meant to be will be, I know it sounds silly but you do deserve all the best cause you are a wonderful person and don't forget that.....

[SF_mike]

Thanks for those kind words litoosh....just got back into town late last night from Hawaii and seeing your post really made me feel good this morning.

 

My trip was fantastic and I definitely recommend 'getting away' (if you can) for those going through hurt/pain/loss....I crammed alot into 6 days. Tourist stuff plus plenty of alone time (since I did go alone). Found a few deserted beaches on the North Shore where I was able to just kick back, think, reflect...no TV, no phones, nothing but the gorgeous tropical setting. Anyways, it was quite soothing...wish I could have stayed a lot longer. Really unsure of what happens next. We're suppossed to get together and talk now that I'm back. I'm hoping for a new start with more open lines of communication etc...but at the same time I'm prepared for the other scenario. We either give it our best shot or I finally put this false hope to bed for good. I guess I'll post more when I know more myself.

 

Hope everyone is doing ok.

 

Mike

[bdub]

Nice to hear you had a good time. I wish getting away was something I could afford to do, but alas, I'm a student.

 

I wish you the best in whatever you try working out with your ex. It sounds like you have your head and heart working together on this one. I just hope you aren't dissappointed.

 

Best Wishes,

bdub

[SF_mike]

thanks bdub,

 

I don't think I'll be disappointed. We either try and give it another go or I get some sort of closure (and what's been driving me crazy for 3 months). Having a bit of a down night this evening...Tomorrow is her birthday and I've been thinking about her all evening. What a great time we had last year...how happy we were...the look in her eyes...blah blah blah....She's going back East for the holidays so we can't get together and talk for another 2 weeks still. I'm just anxious to finally deal with this fork in the road...get on with my life no matter what direction it ends up going. I've done so much thinking/soul searching the last few weeks I feel ready for anything.

 

Quick story of inspiration...While in Hawaii last week I was at a bar checking out a band I like (who happened to be playing Honolulu while I was there) and I met a young kid who was stationed at Pearl Harbor. Anyways, we shot the breeze, talked about music etc....he looked frickin' 12 years old....but was 20....Worked as a navigator on a submarine...just got back from active duty in the Mid East....also going through a long distance breakup during all this. It was weird as I seemed to draw strength from his courage. I'm 17 yrs his senior but cannot even imagine doing time on a sub for months in war conditions...and going through a breakup. It's the oldest saying in the book but he told me..."Whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger" I don't know...meeting this kid seemed to give me the kick in the a** that I need...

 

Hope everyone has a great holiday this week and is doing the best they can.

 

Mike

[latinstyle]

Man I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I am going through a similar one and I would not wish it on anyone. My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me about a month ago and like anyone else I was devastated. I met some new girls, went on some dates and even started liking another girl. Things didn't work out with the new girl and so it felt like I had gone through 2 break ups in a month. Anyway my girlfriend (can't bring myself to call her ex yet) and I were best friends and although we stopped contact for about a week, she has not stopped calling me. Just yesterday we spent the day together doing misc. things.

 

We did not speak of getting back together or "us" she just asked me if I felt like I was getting lead on and that she could not go back to the same routine we had when we were together. (we didn't do much on weekends) I agreed with her and told her some things had changed this month for me but left it at that. By the way, she knows that I went out on dates. Throughout the day, I tried to ask questions to see what info I might get out of her like we were looking at snowboard stuff and I asked her if she was going to take me and she said "maybe" in a playful tone.

 

I am still hurting but it's not as bad as it was, and I do still hope for getting back but I know I'll be o.k. if it doesn't happen. What do you think she is thinking or feeling, why does she call me still?

 

Just wondering, by the way I am in Sacramento and am 25 years old.

 

-Ernesto

[grieving]

Hi guys,

 

I hope you don't mind if I crash your thread. It seems so vibrant and supportive and all of your trials, tribulations and support just popped me out of a bad tidal wave of sadness.

 

This is my story (part of it anyway - there's more material in other posts that cover the details of my relationship which has been through a brutal series of events):

 

He began to have debilitating doubts about our relationship in July, while I was travelling in Cuba. He tried to break up with me at the airport when I got back and I got him to stop and think about things. This was all totally unexpected - we were having some problems before I left, but nothing that I was alarmed about or thought was insolvable.

 

Unfortunately, he left for Italy 4 days after I returned from Cuba (we were supposed to go together and he asked me not to come). He had back surgery scheduled immediately when he returned and spent a month and a half recovering at his parents' home in another city.

 

I saw him one weekend during his recovery. At this point, it is 2.5 months later; we're still together, but obviously not in any healing or cooperative capacity. He's still doubting our capacity as a couple and he hasn't really gotten to know me again after I've gotten back from Cuba. He's totally still obsessed at this point by things "not feeling right" and by the feelings he had while I was away. I was at this point still trying to make him see how much I'd changed while I was away and how I had become the woman he needed me to be.

 

When he returned home, we spent one weekend together and then decided to take a month long break without contact so that he could figure out why "things didn't feel right". He was incapable of being around me without feeling despondent over "not loving me the way he wanted to love me".

 

So, it's 3.5 months later now. We meet up and he breaks up with me saying I'm his best friend, most important confidante and the center of his life but that he just has to accept that the natural trajectory of our relationship is an ending, not forever. He says he can't allow our friendship to die and that our relationship has been and is the most sacred relationship of his life. He claims he tried to make it work but um, spending 4 trying months in different cities or without contact and being completely preoccupied by your own doubts isn't trying.

 

Is it?

 

So that's the story. 2.5 weeks after that meeting, and 4 months after his tweak-out at the airport, I still feel strongly that he's made a mistake and that I still love him. But I don't have any idea how to maintain a friendship or contact or even stop myself from obsessively occupying every waking thought with this man who left me for no clear reason at all.

 

I actually have no idea how to withstand the battle between my heart and head.

 

Argh, I have a million other things to do with my life and there are 6 billion people in the world to meet. How can we humans get stuck in such an unproductive and evolutionarily unsound state?

 

Sincerely,

 

Grieving

[latinstyle]

I think you and I are in the same boat at moment. My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me for the same reasons and gave me the best friend routine also. The truth is that we are best friends but how can we continue as only friends.

 

A month has passed since the break-up and she calls and says she hopes I don't feel led on, she just likes talking to me. Oh yeah, she still invites me to hang out with her. I find this all fine and dandy but I mean where is it really leading? Does she really thing we are just friends?

 

There are millions of girls out there, the problem is that it is going to be very hard to have the same connection her and I have with anyone else. I honestly don't know what to do, I find myself on the brink of my first thankgiving by myself and it does not feel good.

 

What has helped me a little is talking to other girls and meeting new girls but is that going to be the ultimate pain healer? I don't know, I guess 'll find out sometime.

 

-eibarra

[Cougar]

The theme of staying friends seems to run like a river in a good number of break-ups. Many of my friends and myself have experienced the "You're important to me, I want to be friends, but nothing more" in past break-ups.

 

I just don't get that. It's like the person wants to keep all the benefits of the relationship (someone to hang out with who really knows them, someone to call and chat with), but doesn't want to put out the effort required to keep the love alive.

 

In all honesty, I think the people who want to be friends ought to just be cut off. There is NO way to go from relationship to friends without some serious no contact time passing and a lot of healing. Being "friends" after a break-up just makes the one who was dumped feel like the door might still be open and you end up trying to make the person see that you can be what they want and so on. You get stripped of all your power and sometimes, your dignity. And frankly, I think those who dump us subconsciously like having that power.

 

To sum up, give yourself some time to recover from the break-up before (if ever) getting back in contact with these people. They need to realize that dumping you means they lose the benefits of your company in every aspect. It's been my experience that you burn a lot of daylight trying to make these people love you. Use the time wisely and heal. When you've done that, move on to someone else.

 

One thing I've learned is that you cannot make someone love you. You cannot control how they feel. You can control what you do and how you feel though. Move on. It's SO hard (I've done it many times), but it's worth it in the end.

 

Good luck everyone and keep posting. It does help.

[jcollin4]

there are so many of us in the same situation. I was married and have a beautiful daughter. The thing that I cant get away from is the ex, I have to see her and I have to talk to her because of my daughter. Tonight I go pick up my little one and knowing that I will see her rips my heart out and seems to put me back 100 steps

[Cougar]

Jcollin,

 

You are in a difficult position because you have to have continued contact with your ex. That's one of the unfortunate consequences of having a child with someone.

 

One thing that might help is getting out and meeting other people who may be in your same situation. I know many people who have had success with groups like Parents without Partners. Or, try link removed. That worked for me in finding someone new

 

Anyway, good luck to you. I know how hard break-ups are.

[SF_mike]

hey again...

 

Hope everyone is somehow enjoying the holiday season. I know it's definitely not easy otherwise we surely wouldn't be here posting these heartache stories...At least for myself it's tough not to think back to last Christmas when I was so happy in my relationship. Nothing but good times and thoughts of an amazing future with this woman I was so in love with and the best Christmas gift ever was that she was also so in love with me.

 

A quick update on my mess for those who may have read since I started this thread way back when....She called me on my birthday last Sun and we decided to get together & catch up during the week. In all honesty I really wasn't expecting any miracles...For me the worst is over. The last 3+ months have been beyond tough. I had pretty much accepted the fact that it was over but as is probably always the case...a small fire of hope was still burning in me.

 

Anyways, she came by on Thur after work. It was so amazing to see her and yet also so crushing. To me, she's still the sexiest thing on two legs and just seeing her reminded me of our first meeting...instant attraction, tail waggin', you name it...except with the new addition of two tons of tension because of the circumstances.

 

We exchanged birthday presents (her bday was a week before me), traded Thanksgiving stories, caught up on family stuff...blah blah blah...Then we started talking about 'us'....

 

It was clear to me right away that there would be no 2nd try. She opened her heart to me and was totally honest. Her feelings have changed and she feels the same now as when she ended it with me. She loves me, she loves being with me, we're great friends, we understand each other & connect on a level like no other, we love each other's friends/families and a million other things but the one huge piece of the puzzle is just not there for her anymore. When she looks at me the internal buzzer inside her telling her "HE'S THE ONE" just does not go off...and she really wants it to go off because the other 95% is dead-on...but the bottom line is that it doesn't. I didn't even ask but she said she isn't seeing anyone else...As I posted weeks ago that's what makes this so damn hard...No cruelty, no cheating, no lying...just uncertainty.

 

We hugged, we cried, we talked, we held each other. What can I do? I can't change the way she thinks...I can't force her to try with me again...and I refuse to wait around and hope she has a change of heart one of these days. She doesn't want to lose me in her life because of our connection but I explained I simply cannot have contact until I don't 'love her' anymore and frankly I don't know when (ever) that might be. She doesn't like those conditions but she realizes that's how it goes & she's going to lose me in her life. Don't get me wrong. It's been 3+ months...I've already hit the bottom...I've made progress & things do turn around. I've already come to terms with what has happened. Thur night was tough and almost felt like day #1 again, but the real 'tough' part happened months ago for me. Anyways I shot her a goodbye email the next day. As much as it hurts I do admire the way she's handled this with me. Nothing but honesty and tenderness. I know how hard it must have been for her to come here (knowing I was hoping for a 2nd chance) and be honest with me. I really admire that she gave me the closure I was looking for...It'd be so easy to vanish on her part and not deal with this mess. It's a cliche' but I guess it's better to find out now versus later on down the road after we were married or something.

 

I guess I'll try and wrap this up. I guess it never gets easier. I've been through a short/crappy marriage when I was much younger and a few non-stellar relationships since then. My guard was definitely up when I met this girl and I never knew I could fall in love like this and I never expected it...It was the best feeling I've ever experienced. I liked that feeling and as much as this aftermath has hurt (and still hurts) I look forward to that amazing feeling of love again. If she wasn't the 'one' I can only imagine how great the 'ONE' will be when we finally meet.

 

Goodnight & I hope everyone has a great Christmas with their families/friends to ease the pain if you're lonely/down these days. I know how hard this can be no matter where you are in the process (a couple of days or a couple of months). Things do get better...Take care of yourselves.

 

-Mike

[Klementine475]

Hey Mike,

I'm really sorry to read that things turned out this way, its hard to believe when you feel something is so right and powerful and its just almost unacceptable when you know that the other side doesn't feel the same way.....but with you its different, although you felt it was a mistake you still respected her feelings and thats a very mature approach...any girl you meet in the future will be lucky to have someone so understanding as you.

As for the no contact thing, for you I hope you'll stick to it as rule no. 1, its not gonna be easy, I've been doing it for 1.5 months and I'm glad I chose this road cause I feel better now, I don't think I would have coped if we were still friends like he wanted....best thing to do in order for you not to pick up the phone or e-mail is to keep yourself busy as much as possible and even maybe go out on some fun dates, nothing serious....just make yourself feel wanted again...it does help...

Anway, I wish you all the best in the future, stay strong and I'm sure you'll be fine..........

[calming01]

Dear Mike,

 

I just read your whole story today. You seem like a really great guy. I know that you will find love again because you have so much love to give. I like you respect your ex for being so honest with you. I know that it had to be hard to deal with but you have done an excellent job.

 

I just want you to keep your heart open to the possibility of falling in love again. As I said before it is going to happen because of the man that you are.

 

Take care and good luck.

[grieving]

Hi,

 

it's been 2 months now since my ex left me. And Mike, I just want to say how much I admire you for being so strong and looking reality in the face as you have.

 

My ex left me on a similar note - his feelings changed one day and suddenly there wasn't any going back. I wish somehow I could stop hoping, but I can't. My heart can't let this die. So I exchange emails with him, hang on his responses and scare the daylights out of myself, believing I'll never have the capacity to let anyone in again.

 

Let me be an example to you who can't let it go. Don't become like me. I'm in medical school, I have great friends, I travel a ton, etc. I'm functioning pretty well. But when you peel all that success away, you find me, who won't let anyone within 10 feet of her heart. What a failure I seem to be underneath it all.

 

Forget love, guys, that's the easy part - it's intimacy that's the real kick in the a##.

 

Happy holidays - I hope you all make it through well.

 

Love,

 

Me

[Cougar]

Well, it happened to me again. I posted early on in this forum about my BF who broke up with me after 5 weeks together then we got back together. It's now been almost four months that we've been together and he broke up with me again today. He's been trying to make himself feel those "bells and whistles" for me and waiting for them to come and they just aren't there. In other words, he doesn't feel for me what a boyfriend should feel for his girlfriend.

 

SO...here I am again traveling the road of healing and hoping that he will change his mind and wanting to move on and feeling sad...all of the usual stuff.

 

Wish I didn't have to be here again.