Aeiryne

I have good days and bad days. Adding the stress surrounding him is 'what in the hell am I going to do about this job situation?' I've made a list of possible moves I could make and am working on mulling those over. I actually spoke to him on Sunday, which is when we usually got together with friends and cooked. He invited me to the gathering (gee, thanks,) but I declined and went out instead. My parents are in town, which kind of forces a buffer, although them being here is almost making it worse as they keep picking at me to eat. Bah. Thanks for your words!

Cutting off contact is ideal if you don't have any friends in common...but I miss my ex's friends, as well as him. I feel like I've lost three good friends and one boyfriend, and it all hurts. I don't know how to work that in into the "getting over it equation...

I appreciate your perspective, Eidan. I don't know whether the affection issue comes from his family background, or from something else. I grew up in a fairly tight family situation, whereas his was a little more scattered. I suppose I should also qualify this by saying I wasn't trying to get it on in public or anything, but a hug or kiss on the cheek is about the level of public affection I'm speaking of. The thing is, I do want him back, but I want the relationship the way it was before...not the painful sick thing it became. The only time it hurts is when I remember the wonderful things that happened 6 months ago. I do not know if this is possible, but if he is just not in love with me any more (and who knows what 'complex' means?) then that is fine & I will get over it at some point because I'm pretty self-sufficient and I have a good crew to help out. It's just confusing while I figure it out.

Having been on both the dumper and the dumpee sides, let me tell you that it is easier to hear "seeing someone" than it is to hear "my boyfriend." I know this because this was a big distinction boyfriend 2 of 3 wanted me to make in the months after I broke up with him. Your ex may not have a boyfriend, but she could still be involved with another man & just not want to come out and say it. This may sound harsh, also, but any conversation with an ex where they talk about how unique they are and how you will never be happy without them tends not to help matters. I've been reading a lot about how to curb the desire to beg and plead, because I actually did do that when boyfriend 3 of 3 ended our relationship 6 days ago. It did not change anything inside him, as it did not change anything inside me when it was done to me. It just makes the dumper feel guilty and want to avoid the dumpee and the dumpee feels pathetic, as they have poured their insides out on the ground, and have still been rejected. I have sworn to myself NEVER to do that again...even if I don't have an intact heart, I will always have intact dignity and self respect. Of course, what am I about to go do...go out and get drunk with some girlfriends, so I probably shouldn't be giving advice.

Wow, I just posted about something very similar. I am torn between severing all ties completely (difficult, since we work together and have close friends in common,) trying the friends thing, which I have done both successfully and unsuccessfully in the past, or going into a holding pattern. The thing is, I think my breakup was the right thing to do for both of us, as I think he has some issues to work out on his own. I'm just unhappy I've been caught in the backdraft, and I don't know how to proceed. I'm very sorry about everyone's situation, but we certainly are not the only parties in pain out there. I don't know if that is comforting or not. I hit the gym until I can't move either and then I take an Ambien...it is pure relief to know I will not dream about him tonight.

So, I'm a very independent 28 year old woman with a great job in IT. I have only had 3 boyfriends, ranging in time length from 2.5 to 5 years. About 3 years ago, I began dating an engineer I work with, unbeknownst to the rest of the company. We had an incredibly intense love, and managed to divide our work lives and our personal lives successfully. By nature, I am a very demonstrative person...I like to give presents, and touch people I am involved with. He is a little more aloof, but in the beginning, he more than fulfilled my needs. Now, about a month ago, he became pretty distant & was not as affectionate as usual. My schedule had changed temporarily, so I was not able to spend time with him on the weekends, which was usually our together time. This culminated in me actually making myself physically ill, trying to figure out what was going on. He finally communicated that our relationship had lost the intimacy it once had, and we were tearing each other up because of this. He did not think we should date anymore, as he did not want our relationship turning into something worse. According to him, I am one of his best friends and he wants to remain friends, but will leave that up to me. Honestly, I think he is right about not dating with the way things are, but I still love him, and I do not think the problem is me. I would not want to continue as we have been, but I am devastated by the loss of what we had, and I don't understand why he is not willing to try to fix this. He "loves me," but when I asked if he was "in love," he said "That is complex." Should I sever our ties completely (which would mean getting a new job)? Should I try the friends thing (my best friend is an ex-boyfriend)? Or should I wait for him to reinitiate a relationship with the hopes that he will be better at communicating this time? Please help. I am losing weight and sleep at an alarming rate.