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Hi all, Thanks for the condolences. Things are getting easier. My update on the ex: Had a talk with her last week where I told her I just couldn't be her friend right now, that she will always be important to me and that at some point I hope we can be close friends again, but that I need some space away from her for a while. She's wanted us to "stay close friends" and I had too but I can't really do that while she's off on a new relationship and I'm not. She was upset and angry but the biggest thing I've learned in the post-breakup of this relationship is that there is no more *US* anymore. Selfish as it seems, the only persons' feelings and well-being I need to focus on right now are my own, not hers, and certainly not a shared *ours*. I still think about her quite a lot but getting at least *some* control in the relationship dynamic has been good. Mentally, just cutting that person out from your life, while very painful, also goes a long way to making you feel more confident on your own, at least it has for me.

Hi, Me again. I wasn't sure if I should post this but maybe it will be helpful some of you. I don't know, my brain basically stopped functioning somewhere on Sunday morning. In my last post, I was talking about how my ex- has recently started dating again, which has caused a lot of pain for me since we are still friends, and to see her move on is pretty difficult to do. About 2 days after I posted that, one of my best friends was killed in an automobile accident. Instantly. I'd had dinner with him the night before. His friends and I have been sitting around the backyard of his house smoking cigarettes and crying for the past 5 days. The past week has been about a bad a period in my life as I have ever had. In some way, it's almost been a release, in the sense that things are now SO HARD that I don't feel like I even have to pretend to be normal, and it's like I've been freed from trying to have to maintain the pretense of not feeling like hell. I don't know what to say now to you all. I guess my advice is that you need to look into your heart and ask yourself if you really care for the people that you've lost in your relationships; ask yourself this: do you miss them for who they are, the strength of that emotional connection, or do you miss them because you are afraid to be without them? To live your own life without depending on someone else? If you *truly* love them, then tell them so. Life is too short for bullshit, I just found that out this weekend. But be prepared to let them go too. If they don't love you back, that's ok. It'll hurt like hell, but dealing with truth is always better. At least you'll know for sure. If your relationships are really over, find strength in yourself and in your friends. Rely on the people who do love you, and not the ones who don't. Life is too short. Don't waste your time with the people who don't love you, they're not worth it. Don't try and make them love you either. There *are* people who love you, or will love you once they get to know you, and those are the people who you should be investing your life into. That's my advice for right now. I know the pain so many of you are in, and it helps me to know that we're not alone. Do realize tho, as I found out this weekend, it could be worse. Bye for now.

Everyone on this thread, Thanks so much for posting your stories. Whether you know it or not, they've helped me a lot personally. Short story: my girlfriend and I broke up about 6 months ago, after 5.5 years together. We were good friends before we got together as a couple, and decided when we were breaking up that we wanted to stay close friends. The break-up decision was mutual, the post-breakup adjustment has certainly not been. She has moved on quickly, and I seem to be very stuck. This week, she started dating someone new. Since we're friends, I get to hear about it, and it kills me. She can't understand why I'm bothered by it, especially since we both felt trapped in the relationship and wanted out. And I can't understand why I find myself waiting to her from her on email or AIM or cellphone, feeling rejected and alone, even though I wanted out as much as she did. Love sucks. So, I'd be interested to hear from you all about how the "no contact" goes. After trying hard for several months to be "close friends", I am really starting to feel like I'm kidding myself to try and do that, and though severing all contact would be/will be extremely hard since she's such a huge part of my small social support structure, I'm so tired of feeling like s#$t all the time that I'm considering it. Hang in there all of you, and thanks again so much for sharing. SF_Mike, I'll be sending good thoughts for your Stuff Exchange.

I stumbled onto this site today; sure wish I had found it a month ago when my wife and I split up after 6 years! I've read a lot of the posts and they've helped me greatly with what I'm going through personally right now. I just wanted to say to everyone who is coming here full of emotional angst and pain, stay strong and keep fighting! Breakups can seem like the worst thing in the world, that your entire life is ending, that you are lonely and isolated and have no one to fall back on emotionally. But there is really such a tremendous opportunity ahead I feel. An opportunity to re-assess who you are and what you want in a partner, to re-examine what you want in your life. Focus on the positives and stay strong!