I'm still confused

[confusedmama]

It's been a while since I've even been on line and a lot has happened in the past 5 months or so and while I won't waste your time on everything there are a couple of items I could use some help with.

 

I am dating again and have been in a relationship with D "officially" for about 8 months, before that we were seeing each other and other people too, not really serious. Now we are exclusive and while I enjoy that I am soooo afraid of loosing myself again in this relationship and making the same mistakes that I made in my marriage (see past posts). I know I have to make time for myself and to see friends and to call the girls, but I find it extemely hard to not feel guilty about the time I spend away from him. It isn't him, he says nothing and even encourages me to go, once I have it set up, but I "can't seem to find the time" to call and set it up. I think I am still afraid of making him angry, only it isn't "D" who gets angry it WAS my ex-husband and I can't seem to get out of that mindset or habit.

 

We have talked long-term, my kids like him and he has done wonderful things around my house and he is being very patient with me when I automatically assume he will act/talk a certain way because its all I have known for so long. I find myself closing up and rebuilding the walls after I have run-ins with my ex (he is still being a jerk about money and the boys) and I guess I'm just kinda wondering how to get past that. I KNOW that "D" is NOT my ex but even the simple male tendencies make me wonder about our relationship and if "D" will turn out like my ex.

 

It doesn't help that "D" gets angry when my ex does things (like not paying bills, picking up the boys early or dropping them late) that upset me. I do realize it is a protective gesture, but having never had that before I guess it scares me. Will I ever believe that a man will be honest?