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I'm in love with my best friends girl!


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Hey guys i have a bit of a problem and any help or advice would be great.


I have had this friend for quite some time now and we have always been very close and ive always known he has had a girlfirend. I had never met her until a while ago and at first i didnt really take any notice of her but as time i went on i realized how much i like her. She is the type of girl that you dont just want to do when you see her but would rather just hug her forever.


She is exactly like me as in we like all the same stuff and everything and we have gotten very close. She has told me how comfortable she feels around me and how thankful she is that she has me there. She spilt out her heart and soul one day to me when we were alone telling me personal things.


Now i have tried to get over all this since it is my best friends girl and I'm pretty sure she loves him even though they have broken up a few times but the more i shrug away the closer she seems to get to me.


She likes to hug me all the time and puts her hand on my shoulder and rubs it and stuff like that never when my friend is around i would like to add. I seriously don't know what to do. I see them both every day and if i told her how i felt and she didn't feel the same way things could get bad between me and my friend if he found out.


He is not the nicest person to her and i cannot help but feel like i am acting as a counter balance here.


Anyone out there have any ideas?? Cheers in advance.

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I don't know how close you are to your friend but I believe that if you try and prusue her, it'll become awkward between you and your friend. Not only is it possible that you might not end up with her, but you will most likely damage your relationship with your friend if not lose it all together.


It's some kind of code to be known between guys (not to date a friend's ex), but it's just as vital in the female world.


Yet I'm not even sure if she's an ex or not. Are they still going out? If so, then it makes matters even worse.

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you're in the friend zone. it would be possible to change that, but thats where you should be as she's your friend's girl. stay away. stop spending so much alone time with her or you'll be tempted to try and pursue it. find someone else and put her out of your mind.


and even if she dumps him, dating her will most likely end your friendship.

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For what it's worth:


My best friend dated... albeit quite briefly the only girl I've ever truly been in love with. This was after we had broken up about four or so months after... so imagine your situation would be an even tougher one to deal with.. seeing how your friend and his girlfriend are still together.


He did at least take the time to ask me if I would be ok with it and while I said yes, I was secretly quite resentful of the whole thing and was hurt by it as well.


I've always had deep harbored jealous tendencies toward my best friend. He's more successful than me.. both in terms of career and even back during out school days with the girls and that very well could've been one of the reasons I felt the way I did about the whole thing.


Looking back though in retrospect, I honestly feel even without those feelings.... I still wouldn't have been too keen on the idea.


Basically this is a rather drawn out way of telling you, that from personal experience... I don't think it would be a good idea to pursue it.... at least if you want to be assured of keeping your friendship.

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You are providing the emotional love and attention that she wants from her boyfriend...but you're her FRIEND. Like Gath said, you're in the friendzone...and while it may be possible to break out, in the end you are more likely to loose both of them as your friends.


So try to stop seeing her so much. If you have to, tell her the truth, that your feelings for her are a bit confused and you need time to straighten them out. But if you try to pursue her....you'll most likely loose...take it from someone who has been there.

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I have a different take on this.


I wonder how good of friends you are with your friend, and how much you like this girl.


If you think it's worth it to break it off with your friend to pursue her, then by all means go for it.


I know a few guys who went the distance to marry their wives, 2 of them flat out stole their friend's gfs because they knew that's the one they wanted to marry. They're all still happily married and the husbands are very proud that they charged through all obstacles to get their wives. If you're one of these people who just know, and is absolutely sure she's worth the trouble, then why not.


It's your life, and sometimes a relationship can be more important than a friendship.


Granted, you should let your friend know as a courtesy and just live with the consequences if your friend doesn't talk to you anymore.

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Bottom line is that chasing your friends girlfriends is LOUSY!!!!!!


However, if it is really the person you may want to spend your life with then it may be worth the morally ambiguous action for the long term happiness you will gain. If you are committed to this cause then please just try to minimize how crappy your behavior about it is:


- are you prepared to tell your friend about this?

- have you told her how you feel?

- would you cheat on your friend?


Basically you need to look at the situation from his perspective and think about what the best way of handling it with minimal pain for him would be. After all you call yourself his friend (pretty close, you said) surely you care about him!


Also, as far as this girl goes be careful that you are not interpreting her actions in the wrong way. She may confide and be close with you because she feels secure - you are her boyfriend's friend and in her eyes perhaps she cannot imagine that you may have other motives. Guys tend to be terrible at misreading situations like this just because they fall for someone!!!


So in all you have to consider the whole situation... not just take the stance that love rules all!!! If this just a crush or are you really falling in love? Do you love your friend? How old are you - ie is this a long term thing? How do you minimize the damage you do your friend? How does trust, loyalty, morals and other character traits fit into this... If at the end of it you are comfortable with going for it then do so!


Good luck!


PS. From a personal perspective I would NEVER try to nab my best friend's gf. Just out of principle, irrespective of thinking that she is the love of my life!!! If they break up and enough time passes and he's ok with it, then fine... but while they are still together to instigate the break up... hmm no thanks!

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All that hugging and shoulder rubbing is hard to ignore, and sometimes even harder to interpret accurately. I would continue to feel her out. Let her keep talking to you and commiserate with her. if she sez your friend is being an ass or something, throw in something like, "I would never treat a woman like that," and see how she reacts. If she rubs one shoulder and stops, smile at her and say, "Wow, that feels great, but now my other shoulder is jealous," stuff like that. Keep it playful, tease her, and keep listening to her. Don't push too much at this point. Just take it slow and see if you two become closer or if she starts sending you more overt signals.


I only say all this becasue you said it wouldn't bother your conscience if they broke up because of you. so, just keep exploring the situation. But i also agree with rokston, look at everything carefully.


If it turns out that she's into you, maybe Shiranai's advice is best. Go for it. Is this guy your brother-in-arms or something, or is he some a-hole buddy you toss back beers with? Would you really feel so bad about losing him as a friend that you would forgo pursuing some great girl?


It's a tough situation, I wish you all the luck in the world. Remember, fortune follows the brave.

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