Having a hard day, missing him

[sunflower_girl]

I broke up with him for various reasons (he took me for granted, never showed up on time, lied to me about quitting smoking, we were having problems.) After the break, he took a roadtrip to Chicago with his best friend...they're back now and I'm having a REALLY hard day. Last night I was in bed listening to angry breakup songs on my ipod in order to kill the urge of contacting him. A part of me just want to talk to him, tell him that I still love him and that I want us to end on good terms. But, I can't. I can't keep talking to him if I want to heal. I know that he's bad for me, but still...I can't help loving the guy. And I'm just havig a really hard day, I'm missing him, I'm depressed.

 

To make matters worse, my flight leaves for PA at 6AM tomorrow morning. (I was back in TX for the summer.) I want to see him one last time before I leave, but I know that that would be a bad decision. What would seeing him accomplish? I would get a "fix" but I would feel terrible afterwards. Seeing him again will only bring all the emotions/hurt up again.

 

I know I should be looking forward to life, I'm young and I have potential to do great things. I may be working at a clinic in Nicaragua for winterbreak, I'm hoping to get a internship fund for the summer, I will be studying abroad in a year. I have exciting things to look forward to! I KNOW that staying in TX and being with him will only hold me down. He needs to deal with his depression/suicidual thoughts...he can't be in a relationship until he's more stable. And I can't give up my future to be his crutch. He told me that I'm the glue that's keeping him together--the person who's making him resist the temptation to cut himself, do drugs again, or drop out of college. But, I can't be that person! He needs to deal with his problems--he should WANT to be a better person for his own sake.

 

But...that's the realistic side of me talking--we've tried so many times before. It didn't work then, it won't work now. However, my heart is speaking the opposite, my heart is telling me that I love him.

 

I'm just having a hard day....please talk to me.

[Lana0120]

You're right, you do have a lot of things to look forward to and it also sounds as if the relationship wasn't working and that you made the right decision. However, feelings like that don't just die overnight. It takes time, a lot of time, a lot of pain and sadness. You just have to keep yourself as busy as possible, be mentally strong, and eventually, it starts to get better.

[desert_rose26]

don't contact him.

[guyoverthere]

Fall asleep. Wake up. Get on plane. Call him in a week when you're settled and feeling solid.

 

If you try to talk to him tonight, those rapids could get dangerous and you might find yourself caught in a whirlpool somewhere in Texas.