We broke up because of her ex and now

[sspaul]

I am wondering if anyone can give me some good advice here.

Here goes, I went out with this girl for 14 months and I fell in love with her and I thought she was in love with me. She is 23 and i am 31. She had just come out of a four year relationship with her ex about two months before we met. Everything was fine until one day he showed up at her worked to say hi and he told her he missed her and to give her a call sometime, that was fine I had no problem with that. The thing is we would argue about this guy because she was very defensive about him and told me they where just friends. She told me that she wanted to hang out with him alone without even introducing me to him. I was very uncomfortable with that and we argued and even broke up about it several times. Every time we broke up she would ignore me and spend everyday with him(as friends). Then we would get back together and I would ask her things and she would tell me that he asked her to get back together and she said let's just be friends. Ok cool. This would happen every time. Now this time it got to the point where we where getting along fine and she came over one day all depressed and said I miss my friends and I said who the Ex? And she said yes. So anyway we broke up again and now it has been a month and let me tell you I have begged her to come back and she doesnt want anything to do with me. So she said they where only friends then why is it that they sleep over eachothers house everyday? Should I be worried she's never coming back. I don't think she was ever over him and that affected our relationship. I fiigured out that it is so easy for her not to talk to me because she has him now. Isn't this a rebound thing even though they are ex's or does this mean that they came back to eachother because they are meant to be and I am out of luck? Or did they go back to eachother because they both didnt want to be aloneand it was convienent? Arn't they going to relise that the reasonwhy they broke up will still be ther? I don't understand why I am so upset over this girl. She never made me happy so I don't understand how she can make him happy. She is not happy with herself! She has alot of flaws. She is a slob, she doesnt cook or clean, she whines, she run's to mommy about everything, she belches in public and she dresses like she is 18. She has no ambition to move up in life, she has been pushing carridges at the supermarket for 6 yearsnow. Shes not romantic at all and she never acknolidged little things I used to do for her like send her flowers or sweet text messages. I mean I would have to call her later in the dayand I would be the one to say Oh by the way did you get the flowers or the text message and she would say oh yeah I forgot? I feel like we never had the chance to be lovers because she wasn't over him yet and that sucks because I did everything and accepted everything about this girland she just shut me off and went to him. What do I do? I toldd her how I felt and she doesn't care. I drove by her house this morning at 5am and his car was there where mine used to be and that hurt me so bad. Must be pretty close friends huh? I don't know what tto do or feel I know we didn't have alot of chemistry but it still hurts. I told her that her exboyfriend was going to ruin our relationship and she said only if I let it. Well guess what she's with him now and that tells me that she doesn't know what she wants.I hope it doesn't work out for them and she comes back to me and realises that she loves me but I am affraid that won't happen because they went back to eachother so maybe they are meant to be. Or does going back to an ex never or rarely work? I told her how much I love her, now what do I do? Sit back and watch her be happy with the guy that took her from me. I am so confused and hurt please someone shed some light on this for me. Everyone tells me i can do so much better than her but I do love her and I want her back. Sorry so long ,thanks

[Jitrenda]

Okay, sweety (sorry i call everyone that...hope you don't mind)

 

Well, if she never made you happy as you say in your post and you list everything you don't like about her....why do you say you want her back and still love her?

 

In a way i understand. You say you love her, but at the same time, there are some qualities you do not like about her. I really think you should sit down and think if she is someone you want in your life and someone you want to marry.

 

B/c when you marry someone the things you don't like about someone only get 10 times worse. So you have to decide if you are willing to accept her flaws.

 

I do believe that she was never over her ex. You are right on that count. I think she tried to convince herself she was, when she wasn't. 4 years is a long time, no matter how good or bad the relationship. It means something and to get in a relationship with someone else, after breaking up, is hard...b/c the person still thinks of the other one. They haven't had time to really heal and think if they still love this person or not.

 

And she may be just friends with him. She may be at his house, or he at her house every night, b/c it is their comfort zone, it is what they are familiar with and are unwilling to change it (for the moment).

 

If she is not happy herself, maybe her ex will see this and not take her back...and maybe they are just friends, they are just falling back into old habits.

 

I think, giving her time would be best for her and you. Then she can have a chance to really miss you...and you figure out what you really want. I think you really do love her. But only you know for sure.

 

i hope this helps!

 

if you feel like chattin, add me.

 

take care!

 

-jitrenda