Finally Realized that he's a BAD Boyfriend

[sunflower_girl]

I broke up with him for the last and final time on the 26th. I spent the night at my sister's house in order to get my mind off of the situation, we talked and watched a scary movie. Now, I'm back home and I'm FINALLY starting to see how bad he was for me. This is my venting, words of encouragement much needed. Thank you for the support, you guys are amazing!

 

For those for have been keeping up with my story, I dated this guy for a little more than a year. We're from the same hometown in Texas but I moved to the East coast to start college. The long distance relationship was hard but we stayed together because we loved each other. I broke up with him several times in the past but we would always get back together, not being together was harder than being in a long distance. But, now that the relationship is over, I'm starting to see a different side of him. I was so blinded by love that I could not see how bad of a boyfriend he was.

 

*THE NUMBER ONE PROBLEM* 1. He never showed up on time for dates; I would pratically have to beg him to spend time together this summer. Sometimes he would just NOT SHOW UP...and I would sit around waiting. However, he's more than excited and eager to spend time with other people. It's just, with me, half the time he would blow me off.

 

2. His best friend is a girl, I'm totally fine with that because I'm not a jealous person. Also, I'm friends with her and I trust them. HOWEVER, thinking back, I'm starting to see that things were a little shady. I don't understand why this didn't worry me before.

-Since I go to college half a country away, during the spring semester, she would drive to his town and spend the weekends in his apartment to cheer him up.

-We broke up for a short period, he was very upset and they did drugs together.

-For her birthday, he threw her a party and bought her a dildo. I was at school; he told me about it but said it was a gag gift and I laughed it off. Thinking back, what kind of guy gives another girl a sex toy??? We were in a commited relationship!

-We couldn't go to prom together when we were still in highschool. But, she's a year younger than us and he took her to prom this year. My boyfriend took another girl to prom; when some mutual friends saw this, they called me concerned because they thought that we weren't dating anymore.

-I'm back in town for the summer but hardly sees him. He said that he works 40 hours a week, so he doesn't want to drive 10 mins to see me sometimes. HOWEVER, this is the guy that's taking a roadtrip to Chicago next week with that girl (his bestfriend). He's willing to drive a 1000 miles with her and won't commit to 5 miles to come see me?

-I was in an car accident this summer and broke my foot, so I couldn't go out very often. Still, I asked if I could go to Chicago with them--I want to see the concert and it would be fun. He talked to her and replied, "WE don't think it's a good idea because of your foot." Was he trying to take care of me or does he just not want me there???

3. He tells me he loves me but treats me badly. Everytime I broke up with him in the past, he would guilt me into staying. Ex: earlier in the year, after a break up, he called to say that he had been drinking and took some pills. He needed to talk to me so that he could stay awake. Ex 2: after another break up, he called and asked me to marry him. I said no, he ran out of the apartment and punched a column.

 

I feel so stupid. How could I not see earlier that he wasn't a good boyfriend??? I'm so glad it's over and the drama's done with! He didn't make me happy.

[Misshelpful]

Wow! I can totally understand where you are coming from. I'm currently in a situation much like yours however we share a child. Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. You did the right thing!!

[notsurewhattodo]

hello

 

I totally agree with miss helpful, it sounds like he wasnt very attentive, and in that case well lol, you gotta get on with life.

 

I want to caution you on thinking its "over" you said yourself you loved him, there WILL be pain, right now your on an artificial high, and no matter HOW BAD he was for you, your still going to have to accept that pain when it ocmes, and we will be here for you whe nyou decide to let the tears fall, ONLY THEN will you be ready to "move on"

 

as for the fact that he hung out with the other gurl, was it harmless, who knows, does it matter, if he loved you he would have been faithful, like i said seems like the relationship got to stressed, and maybe youll both be better off, oh and one more thing, you mentioned you WERENT THE "jealous type" but then a couple sentences later you started changing you mind, i think in this society that a woman is not "jealous" just wont admit it, face it we all get jealous sometimes, i guess the real issue is do we even need to be?

 

I hope everything works out for you, and who knows maybe someday you and hime will work it out, i never say its over till its really over, and even then people change

 

I'll leave you with this tidbit,

 

Once i knew a guy wonderful young man went to my college, he fell in love very early, but she wasnt ready, she dismissed him and they grew apart, allthough he never stopped loving her they moved on with there lives(he eventually left our town to go accross the world, about 10 years later he came back to the town started looking under old rocks, he found her she had married twice and divorced the same, they had coffee, hung out a bit, well long story short they are happily married 7 years now with three awesome kids, how do i know this??

 

I was at their house putting in a swingset for their kids a few weeks ago

 

funny how life works out huh, remember people are NEVER `who we WANT them to be, they are always who they were born to be, its not gauranteed that combination works out, we can want with all our heart, it doenst mean the peros nyou love will ever see the "real light" and sometimes you have to cut them away from your heart so both of you may survive to love again

 

I wish you the best

 

I really do

 

J