Urgent help. Boyfriend trouble.

[demolition_lover88]

Basically i've been with my boyfriend now for three months. I'm 18 and he's 21. The relationship has progressed really quickly and we've become very serious about each other in such a short space of time.

 

In a past relationship my boyfriend was treated badly. He was with a girl for two years and the whole time she was seeing another guy. He found out, took her back and she continued to see this other guy. Since that happened 3 years ago my boyfriend has had one other serious relationship with a girl, but the relationship failed due to lack of trust and lack of communication.

 

Since we've been together we always have a period every few weeks where he doesnt speak to me or gets upset about the smallest of things. I've tolerated it in the past, begged him to keep on seeing me even though i hadn't done anything wrong and even though he's treated me badly for not speaking to me for days on end.

 

This last week though its happened again. I dont know what to do this time. Everything was great on the Monday, he was his usual cheerful self and i told him i'd call in the evening. He never answered his phone so i assumed he was asleep as it was quite late. The next day i text him a couple of times without reply and i got a reply late in the evening saying he was 'fine, nothing wrong' and he'd like to meet up for a chat if i was free the next day. However i had work so i couldnt make it, i've text loads of times offering alternative solutions and he barely texts back and wont answer my calls. I dont know what to do, this guy says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I cant understand why he would treat me like this if it was true.

 

I dont want to keep calling/texting him as it doesnt seem to be getting me anywhere. Any ideas on what to do? Say? I'm desperate. I really love him and want to make this work out. Its wearing me down though.

[Aurian]

I wonder if he is doing this for just that reaction? He pulls back, and gets all this attention in return.

 

Maybe you should sit him down, tell him that when he pulls away, it hurts you and you`d like him to stop or talk to you. If he persists with his behaviour, don`t chase him. Just pull away yourself, keep busy with some friends and activities and see how he reacts.

 

Edit - Ellie is right, does he realize why he is doing this and that it is not right for him to punish you for his ex's behaviour? Some extra understanding from you is okay, but not to the point where his behaviour is hurting you and "wearing you down."

 

Does he not see that he is pushing you away with this and creating a self-fulfilling prophecy?

[demolition_lover88]

The weird thing is he'll disappear on me for a few days and then call asking for my forgiveness. This has happened a few times before and he's always apologised and i accept the apology.

 

Sometimes i feel its best to give him some space, but i'm one of those people who find it very difficult not to pick up my phone.

 

Everytime this happens he always recognises that he has trust issues and he says he doesnt really have any reason not to trust me. I dont really know how to make a guy see i'm not going to hurt him, i genuinley want to make him happy.

 

Tomorrow will be day 3 of being ignored. I finish work early so i was thinking of going to meet him for work and perhaps asking him to come over to mine for a chat. I dont know if it will be a good idea...or i should leave him to contact me. I just want him to know that i care, and i think by leaving the contacting up to him it looks like i dont care.

 

Thanks for the advice guys.

[Aurian]

Well, you did say that this is an ongoing pattern and every time it hurts you. I think if you don't change things somehow, it will keep happening because he will always indulge in his trust issues.

 

Maybe he needs a kick in the butt to realize that you can't keep doing this? What is the point of apologizing if he just does it again and again and again? What is he doing to change this?