I finally met his friends. Oh-My-Gawd.

[blueangel]

My boyfriend (Dan) is 20 and I'm 16 (about to turn 17 this summer). We met when I was 13 and he was 17 on the internet, but I lied about my age- stating I was 16 at first. As we got to know each other, I revealed my real age years a go and somehow we are still together, still in love.

 

I'm from Pennsylvania and he's from Wisconsin. So for the first time in about four years, my mom and I went to visit him and his home (he's visited mine many times). We stayed with his mom, L, who got along very well with mine.

 

But then I met his friends.

 

With Dan by my side, I walked into a small house into a crowded room with 6 others sitting down on old looking couches and carpet around a TV. They were all obviously older looking than me- they each had a quirky look, but smart, quick minds and interesting personalities. Claire had gotten back from Africa and they asked her to tell them funny stories. Her time there wasn't that funny since she was surrounded with poor, hungry African children. Yet, even she laughed and was light hearted about it, telling us little funny moments she had over there. She also had jet lag the entire time and was falling asleep.

 

Another guy named Dan there who was once gay, now turned straight and he and his girlfriend are into this furry animal sex thing. They were both wearing black dog collars and the girl was completely gothic, and worked in a cemetery. Still, they were very smart people. They didn't act odd at all.

 

Then there was Jeff and JJ who seemed to led the conversations the entire time (as I stayed silent but smiling in the background, uncomfortable and scared. It's true!). Jeff was the funny one and JJ was the outspoken debate starter. JJ's girlfriend Martha was very confident, humorous and contributed to each conversation moreso than the other girls, and she also talked more to me. (Every time she did, I barely spoke back but smiled and nodded) My Dan joined in these debates and I saw such a confident, witty, intelligent side to him that I normally don't. Usually we're all cutsie and fun together and even dirty, so I felt completely lost.

 

The debates though were pretty interesting. They had debates about computers- that went over my head and same with the other girls- but they also had debates about government and I felt so intrigued, like I was really learning. Still, I stayed in the background. Here are some points they made that I remember:

• America's problem is not consumerism but coorperatism- government and business mix too much. JJ at one point said, "we want the government who is responsible for..." and he went over years of corrupt/dumb decisions made by our gov. briefly, ending at "who is responsible for the war in Iraq, to be responsible for us? For everything?"
  
• Michael Moore's documentary Sickly? I think it's called was completely manipulative because of the specific people he choose to interview, although he made some good points about the health care system. It starts out though with him shouting proCuba statements, like "they've got it figured out!" So nonetheless, they agree that Michael Moore is still crazy. And because of the corrupt gov. we supposedly have, they agreed that there should be more free market not less...and Moore wants less which is wrong. "He is making everyone think about the health care systems, but towards not the best solutions."
• The Virginia Tech shooter (forget name) sent videos of himself to CNN saying "publicize this" and they did. How stupid! Before this all happened, more than one pyschotherapist wanted him analyzed but no one did anything. He told people he had an imaginary girlfriend who lived on the moon and she called him weird nicknames. He told people things like "she is a supermodel too."
  
• ALLI the new diet pill basically causes you to poop out all your fat at once in slimy, uncontrollable ways. The site even suggests "wear dark pants" Hey, at least it'll make you eat less foods with fat which you should have been doing anyway!

Jeff asked me, "So are you going to be an upcoming senior this year or were you already?" I heard him but caught off guard, i said "what?" then after he repeated, I nodded my head and said, "Yeah I am." Then he was like, "Are you looking at schools in PA?" and nervously, I said, "Yeah I am!" Then there was an awkward silence, I looked down at Claire and around at the group, and I asked, "So you all went to high school together." and they answered "Yeah we did." Someone said something else and the conversation changed. I felt extremely awkward but tried to keep my body langauge as relaxed as possible and my face smiley and eyes of contemplation. Dude, I had nothing to say!

 

We watched youtube videos of FriskyDingo (look up "shut up hooker") on JJ's Wii and that was weird. But I laughed and looked less awkward, more involved again than I was throughout the whole time. When it was time to go, Dan stood up and I sat facing his legs diagonally, trying to see everyone to say goodbye to them. Instead, I made no eyecontact but spoke in a confident voice just as I was about to rise, "Well you all were very entertaining." And they laughed. In front of the door, I said out loud "Oh my goodness." Then I turned and smiled and said, "Nice to meet you all" waved awkwardly. Dan had trouble opening the door but then we were on our way.

 

In the car, it was mostly silent. I told Dan he should find someone more like him, someone smart. He said he only wanted me. And he said that even though I was quiet the entire time, this is still what he had been wanting- for me to be there. He added that he used to be quiet with them in high school, but he learned a lot from them. He wanted to share the experience of knowing them and hanging out with them with me. Still, I felt so inadequate and young and pathetic because I had nothing to say and came off so shy. I felt like I had left hardly anything of an impression and it was a big wakeup call about how little I knew of the world, and how little opinions I truly held. I felt like Dan was proud of me and wanted to show me off, but I let him down with my akwardness.

 

When we got back to Dan's house, I wouldn't talk to him (it was 12am so I pinned it on being tired instead of feeling hopeless about him and his friends). He wouldn't leave my side though as I sat at the kitchen table drinking lemonade and staring off into space. He just smiled at me. Finally, I said, "can I cry on you?"

 

So we went to the couch and he put his arms around me. I let the tears come out and whispered my insecurities and fears. He said that with his friends, he only got to be one thing. With me, he got be other parts of himself as well and this is something he wanted. His cheek was against my wet cheek and he whispered how much of himself he saw in me, how it's opened up his eyes to reflections he wouldnt otherwise have come accross, and how close we are does it.

 

As he held me, he said, "this is all I've wanted. For you to cry on me and to trust me this way." And I replied that I was scared to let anyone in, and I was intimidated by his intelligence and his friends. I was scared to trust because I had inner demons and once I trusted him, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hide them. "But no," he said. He wanted me to cry them out. He wanted to help me. He said he wanted to be my rock forever.

 

So we went to bed that night, a newfound closeness between us. I realized all the times he had to be so brave when he met my friends and family and I wondered if he ever felt like he couldn't do it any more. So then I realized I could and would do the same for him. Eventually, his friends would like me.

 

The next day, Claire sent him a text message saying I was really nice.

 

Can anyone else here see God in my life? I can! So much feels like it's Happening to me or being Given to Me. All the imperfections of this relationship and this experience of love is becoming perfect. I becoming a stronger person because of it, and less scared about facing the next school year because I have Dan. Less scared of facing me.

 

So whaddya think? Even though we have an age gap, and Martha told me that was funny (and also "well Dan's a young 20"), things seem to work out for us. Things seem to work. And that is the point I'm trying to make here despite all the rest that occurred.

[AngryWaffles]

I personally think its interesting you went through an experience like this already. For me, it didn't happen until college! I'm a senior Political Science major who went through a situation exactly like this my freshmen year.

 

I guess the question is: do you feel like you need to fit in better with his friends? Relationships will grow over time, and you seem like a very nice girl, so of course they would like you! Do you want more to discuss with them though?

 

After I felt out of place for a long time, I decided to take things into my own hands and start reading topics that people are interested in.

 

Head over to link removed (ironically how I found this site)

 

This is a social news website where people can submit which stories of the day they find most interesting. The site covers topics from politics, websites, technology, basically everything their conversation centered on! I know it helped me relate to people so much more even though I only went and did some light reading.

 

For example, here are some of the top stories now:

 

In Pictures: The Strangest Sights in Google Earth

With its detailed satellite photos, Google's interactive map lets everyone be a virtual globetrotter. And some of the things we've found in our travels are downright bizarre. More…

 

Democrats have daggers drawn for Bush

With daggers drawn for a weakened White House, congressional Democrats return from a short recess this week plotting to further undermine President George W. Bush's waning political sway. More…

 

The history of beer - In depth Wikipedia entry

Beer is one of the oldest beverages humans have produced, dating back to at least the 5th millennium BC and recorded in the written history of Ancient Egypt and Mesopotamia. As almost any cereal containing certain sugars can undergo spontaneous fermentation due to wild yeasts in the air, it is possible that beer-like beverages were independently.. More…

 

Trust me, after going to sites like this, you *will* have something to talk about!

 

Best of luck to you though!

[blueangel]

AngryWaffles (that such a funny name!), thank you so much. that is exactly what I needed to hear. And I made the diggs site my homepage

 

But now you have to tell me- what was your experience? if you dont mind me asking, I'd like to know more about it!

[volpe]

Yes, indeed I can understand you being intimidated by all of that. I don't really agree with their political views. I am a community health worker at a non-profit clinic that serves people who don't have insurance so believe me... I'm feeling Michael Moore's movie and his viewpoints on Cuba!!!!

 

Just remember that everything they are saying is not necessarily the truth or your truth. Right now you might not feel that you have opinions and all of their information is totally overwhelming, but once you have a little more experiences and go to college and stuff you will have your own opinions. And you do have your own impressions and values and things you think are right and wrong (for example you feelings that everyone was so light about how people were hungry in Africa- that is something worth stating even if you may not know that much about it.....)

 

So just give it a little more time. It sounds like your boyfriend really cares about you and that's really wonderful.

[blueangel]

Yeah, volpe, I noticed that there were a lot of little things I could have said but didn't. I guess I was scared. Next time I will focus on that, on reacting more openly and paying better attention to each person at a time, but they got so into their discussion- quite loud but intriguing- that I gave up most of the time.

 

and yeah they agree the health care system is really bad. Dont mistake that. It's just they not sure about Michael Moore's ideas for that, whatever they may be. Although they felt his movie manipulative towards one side and one solution, it was "pure genius. Really smart of him to do."

[AngryWaffles]

Oh of course, no problem! It's not anything very embarrassing, infact I imagine its something any college freshmen will go through (regardless if they are serious about their education or not).

 

I have two instances that come to mind very quickly.

 

The first was when I was a freshman. I had gone to class, and at that point really didn't keep up on the news or anything I would consider 'social.' So, sitting around in my English class, I really had nothing to talk about other than what I was interested in (in this case video games and computers). Not very many people are interested in these topics. The class really had a knack for discussing current day events and that sort of thing. So I started reading the New York Times every day and link removed (another site like Digg, only with snarky headlines) and viola, I finally had something to talk about! It really made me feel more comfortable and not the odd man out for once.

 

The second instance was when I first became a Resident Assistant my sophomore year of college. I had slacked on reading the news for quite some time to really focus more on my college work, and found that once again I was out of the loop. As RAs, we have to work desk duty from 8pm to 1am at least once a week. I could never figure out how the other RAs always had their residents and, in particular, girls down there every single night of the week without boring them to tears! It seemed like it was the social heart of the entire building every night of the week except when I worked. It was around this time link removed was introduced, and once I started reading and commenting, my social life at the front desk flourished. In fact, it flourished so much, I was actually promoted to hall coordinator because of my ability to relate to people. The problem with Fark is that the stories are just really down right goofy....Digg on the other hand has stories that cover the *entire* gamut. I even saw a story on their dealing with makeup once. It worked wonders for me!