He said he liked me but did not hear from him again

[NotReady]

I am torn between walking away and finding out the what's going on about this guy I met online. I saw him once and we talked on and off for abt 3 months after and last conv we had was a week and a half ago for about 1.5 hrs and he actually confided in me about some personal things he has gone through and it got intense. He said he feels he felt comfy talking about it with me bec he liked me and was interested in me. All I said in response was that I find a lot of people confide in me regardless bec I listen well. After this phone call I never heard from him so I called to say hi 4 days after and still no response. I tried calling him again last Friday but did not leave a message.

 

Should I just let this go or could it be he does not think I feel the same bec I did not reciprocate his declaration? I didn't think it was a big deal at the time but now I am thinking that his self esteem could be low bec of some big setbacks in his past. I am also in a higher socio economic level than him so could that be an issue? Then again, if he has issues about confidence, I don't think it's healthy to be with someone with this problem too so I really don't know what to do. OR maybe he could just be stringing me along. I'm confused.

[sidehop]

I would give it few days, leave a message later that you are interested in him & want to talk again.

 

If he doesn't respond, I would let him go.

[annie24]

i'd drop it. maybe he became embarrassed that he told you so much personal stuff early on, so now he is uncomfortable. remember, dating is not therapy! or maybe he got back together with his ex, or met someone he likes better. I'd leave it alone at this point - you called before, no response. he knows your number if he wants to reach you. NEXT!

[NotReady]

So not a good idea to tell him I'm ok with his confiding in me if he got uncomfortable? I just feel like I'm chasing him that's why I don't want to call again but I do want to reassure him. I noticed he's sensitive to rejection when we met 'cause he walked away when he thought I was putting the key in my car to leave without waiting for my goodbye. But then again he's already mature (not in twenties or thirties) so you would think he would be more self assured.

[wandy27]

just give him one last call leave him a message and wait for him to call back if he doesnt well just drop it.

[annie24]

So not a good idea to tell him I'm ok with his confiding in me if he got uncomfortable? I just feel like I'm chasing him that's why I don't want to call again but I do want to reassure him. I noticed he's sensitive to rejection when we met 'cause he walked away when he thought I was putting the key in my car to leave without waiting for my goodbye. But then again he's already mature (not in twenties or thirties) so you would think he would be more self assured.

 

this guy sounds like he has some problems. sheesh. walking away from you because he thought you were going to leave without saying goodbye? you are not his therapist! and he's at least in his 40s? he sounds like he has issues. i'd walk away - doesn't sound like he is relationship material. if he's not capable of returning your call, forget him.

[Batya33]

I don't think anyone can be accused of stringing someone along after only one date (no, I don't count the time you were email and phone buddies) -- if he made a second date with you - time and place - and stood you up or cancelled last minute that would be jerky. Why did you not see him again after the first date for all that time? Did he ever ask you out again? That he confided in you could mean he is comfortable confiding in you and have nothing to do with wanting to date you - two different things. Indeed, often a person who is interested in dating another person does not spill his/her guts after only one date because they don't want to scare the person away.

 

It sounds like you equated typing and talking with some sort of romantic relationship and with some sort of expectation you had or obligation you thought he had to keep in touch with you and take you out on another date. I can't really relate to that. He never asked you out on another date and never promised to be committed to you romantically, right? So where does the stringing along come in?

 

A man who is sincerely interested and available to date will ask a woman out on a date particularly if she has called him and shown interest. If he has the issues you describe, he may be available to type and talk but not to date.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

this guy sounds like he has some problems. sheesh. walking away from you because he thought you were going to leave without saying goodbye? you are not his therapist! and he's at least in his 40s? he sounds like he has issues. i'd walk away - doesn't sound like he is relationship material. if he's not capable of returning your call, forget him.

 

I agree with Annie on this... i was thinking the same thing when i read that.... i find that no matter how insecure a guy is ...if he likes someone he usually puts forth the effort.

 

He sounds awfully needy if he was just going to walk away when he thought you were leaving.

[NotReady]

He asked me what I was planning on doing over the weekend a couple of weeks and I said I didn't really want to plan ahead because I just wanted to take it easy. I don't know if he took it as a rejection. I guess I worded it wrong, not string me along but rather lead me on because he has mentioned twice that he was interested in me but things never progressed though so I never encouraged him other than call and say hi.

[NotReady]

Oh and I also end most of our phone calls because he catches me in the middle of doing something but I dont say whether I would talk to him soon. I just sort of say bye and leave it at that.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

He asked me what I was planning on doing over the weekend a couple of weeks and I said I didn't really want to plan ahead because I just wanted to take it easy. I don't know if he took it as a rejection. I guess I worded it wrong, not string me along but rather lead me on because he has mentioned twice that he was interested in me but things never progressed though so I never encouraged him other than call and say hi.

 

my suggestion ..is that if you really want to pursue something with him...the next time you talk to him..mention doing something the following weekend..and see what he says?

[bighair]

Hi,

 

I have some questions for the OP. Did you guys talk for 3 months prior to seeing each other or afterwards? YOu have only seen each other 1 time in 3 months? Have you tried to see him more often? If so, why didn't it happen?

 

I think this is another guy who plays "parlor games." I recommend you read Rhonda Findling's article on ambivalent men here an ENA. This guy does not want to have a relp in real life. I mean why haven't you seen each other more often? Distance?

 

Look, I"ve been there. I wasted like 3 or 4 months of my time on a guy I only met up once, cancelled 2 dates, would call me, email and IM most of the time. This is about this guy who is hiding behind the internet. He doesn't know how to have a real life relp. Meanwhile, he is interested in you and is projecting his emotions on you. You're not imagining that.

 

I say you let this guy contact you. Ask him whether or not he wants to go out (provided that seeing each other in real life was a problem), and tell him you don't want a cyber relp w. him anymore.

 

I see in your last post that you were OK w. this cyber relp stuff. Why? I'd know how to advise you if I got the whole picture.

[annie24]

He asked me what I was planning on doing over the weekend a couple of weeks and I said I didn't really want to plan ahead because I just wanted to take it easy. I don't know if he took it as a rejection. I guess I worded it wrong, not string me along but rather lead me on because he has mentioned twice that he was interested in me but things never progressed though so I never encouraged him other than call and say hi.

 

wow - i think you really blew him off there. it sounds like he was maybe seeing if you were interested in a weekend date and you pretty much shot him down. no wonder you really haven't heard from him. you could have said, 'hm, I don't really have any plans set for next weekend' and then see what he would have said.

[NotReady]

Hi bighair. No I'm not ok with cyber relationships. I mostly just chat occasionally when I'm bored and then see what the other person does and find it amusing (that's what my other posts were about). But this one, we saw each other once after talking for about a few weeks and then its just phone stuff. I did not try to ask if he wants to go out bec I thought he shld initiate it if he's interested enough since I initiated the initial meeting already. I have others who I went out with and I can tell the diff in the interest level of those that pursue but I just happen to like this one that's why I'm hanging on. I know he dated before so it's not like he hides behind the internet or phone. Arggh hate this.

[bighair]

NOtready -

 

I think there is something that's off about this guy. I speak from prior experiences. I say you find out what this guy's intentions are by asking him to go out. If he says no or waffles, then drop him. I think you can do better than this guy who seems to be more interesting in cyberspace than real life....IMHO

[NotReady]

wow - i think you really blew him off there. it sounds like he was maybe seeing if you were interested in a weekend date and you pretty much shot him down. no wonder you really haven't heard from him. you could have said, 'hm, I don't really have any plans set for next weekend' and then see what he would have said.

 

I know this is why I'm wondering if maybe I sent him mixed signals myself but I cannot distinguish now between someone who is geniunely interested or just gunshy bec I got involved with someone who was ambivalent and he broke my heart to pieces. So now I wait for the OP to tell me clearly and I do not assume anything.

[NotReady]

NOtready -

 

I think there is something that's off about this guy. I speak from prior experiences. I say you find out what this guy's intentions are by asking him to go out. If he says no or waffles, then drop him. I think you can do better than this guy who seems to be more interesting in cyberspace than real life....IMHO

 

So you think I should call him and ask him if wants to go out? I've never done that before, I think I'm gonna die! I know what you mean about something being off. All he says is true about himself though but just too wishy washy for me. Too bad for me I like him.

[bighair]

I think you should really find out what his intentions are...that is, why is he on line? Does he just want to type and talk and have that be it? But, the other thing to consider doing is just cut all contact with him. I really try my best to keep people who drive me nuts at a distance. It sounds like this guy is driving you just a teensie bit crazy. Drop him.

[NotReady]

I think you should really find out what his intentions are...that is, why is he on line? Does he just want to type and talk and have that be it? But, the other thing to consider doing is just cut all contact with him. I really try my best to keep people who drive me nuts at a distance. It sounds like this guy is driving you just a teensie bit crazy. Drop him.

 

Yes big hair, he does drive me a teensie bit crazy that's why i do it to him in return by being evasive myself. BUt I always return calls though unless I was really offended by something. We don't really to the internet thing, just talk on the phone a lot. Ok I will try to find out his intentions, hard as it is for me to do.

[CharmedphoenixRising]

NotReady

 

All these terrible games that we have to play huh? Just keep it open, he's got your number if he wants to hang out with you, then so be it. There's no point waiting and waiting is there? If he does and you guys hit it off great, but wait and wait and all these other fishes are swimming past ;-)