Only With One Person For Entire Life?

[Burb]

I tried searching for this topic, but couldn't find it. I would appreciate everyone's perspectives on it.

Me and my girlfriend of two years broke up a month ago. In that month, I have come such a long way. I have com to terms with everything and improved myself greatly. I did run into her at the bar last night, and from her actions and words I feel as if she wants me back.

 

I don't know what I would do if she asked for me to come back. She was my first girlfriend ever, and we were great together.

 

My problem is that I haven't been with anyone else. I am open to dating others, but feel as though I could reconcile with my ex and be completely happy. But can you be with only one person your entire life and know that they're truly the one? Or is dating other people the only way to truly know what you want?

 

Once again, I am not sitting around waiting for her to come back. But I would appreciate some perspective on this.

[brightlights_]

I believe that it's truly about how you feel. Sometimes people may feel like they would like to start dating other people, and see how things go from there. Sometimes others like to be with one person. I think it all depends on how you want to be in the future, and who with. I think that if you feel like you still love her, and you feel that things can go well in the future again with her, then perhaps she deserves a second chance. I think it would be good to take a while to your thoughts and think about how things could be in the future with your different options. The option of getting back with her, or dating other people. I think that the person that's right for you will come to you. You won't have to look all over the place for her. If she goes to you asking to get back into a relationship with you again, then maybe it would be good to think about it at that moment. Don't worry.

[Dako]

Not to oversimplify, but if you broke up after a very short time, what makes you think you'd be able to stay together for the next 60 years? You might just be using "forever" in a romantic sense, but a LTR involves some real challenges.

 

She might want to get back tgether, but do you?

[ElektraHere]

The first thing to do is pat yourself on the back. You AREN'T waiting for her. Thats a good thing. You are 21 years old and the odds of you being with that one person for the rest of your life are stacked against you. Thoughts, values, and perspectives change quite drastically from your 20's to your 30', 40's, and beyond. I am 34, and to think of some of the things I thought were great when I was your age seem almost unbelievable to me now.

 

Go out and date a few young ladies. You might surprise yourself. Don't limit yourself to this first girlfriend. Go out explore and learn new things about the world and yourself =)

[JadedStar]

The way i look at it is that if you have to ask yourself, or others, if that person is truly the "one", then chances are they aren't.

 

If she was, you'd never have to ask us. That doubt you have, even if it is just a grain of a doubt, still is doubt and makes me think maybe she isn't the one for the long haul for you.

 

But you know, that does not mean you can't be with her. I am one of those people who believe that sometimes there is more than one "the one" in our lifetimes. We grow and change, and SOMETIMES break ups are necessary and healthy.

[lizer]

you know, i am 24 and have only been with one person as well. and he broke up with me 4 months ago after 3 years. a story simliar to yours i suppose!

(he had never been with anyone else either, so we were both our firsts!)

truly honestly i do not desire to be with anyone else. i loved him too much and still do. and i dont believe its over over. and that might be the case for you. if thats how you feel. but you'll feel sure about it.

i dont see why you would have to date around if you dont want to. thats just forcing it. im sure you've met your fair share of girls up to this point to see whats around. if she was special to you and someone that no one else could ever replace ... then that is how you know.

[Almond]

If they treat you well.. and you are both happy... than no need to date around.

 

Sometimes dating around too much causes too much comparison and you end up looking for the person who has all the best traits of everyone you dated in the past. That person doesn't exist sadly.

 

On the other hand, I am happy I dated around a bit (I am talking long term relationships). It is a good way to learn what you want, and don't want in a partner.

 

I haven't been in many relationships... but I thought my first was "the one"... but in hindsight she was not... what a terrible life I would have had if I had stayed with her. I am not so sure I would have known that relationships could be better had I stayed with her. Another partner was pretty much my "ideal"... but for reasons beyond our control, we broke up despite everything going well between us. Those first two serious relationships really opened my eyes up for what to watch for in a relationship/partner, good or bad. Now I am in a relationship that is not perfect, but that I think is going to go a long way.

 

I think that having a few relationships can be good for experience (i.e help you identify what you want and don't want in a relationship), allowing you to make a good decision when "mr/ms right" comes along

[Daddy Bear]

I don't think you can go wrong if you just think of her as one of the many girls you could be happy with.

 

But can you be with only one person your entire life and know that they're truly the one? Or is dating other people the only way to truly know what you want?

If a person is only with one partner his or her whole life and isn't unhappy, cool. Me personally, I'm a careful shopper, now that I've learned what a mistake it can be to grab the first thing you see on the shelf.

[RebeccaChow]

Why did you guys breakup?

Do you see the same problems resurfacing if you guys get back?

Do you think she is the one?

 

These are some questions, you've definitely got to date more to know what kind of girl you want. I've dated more than 10 guys & I definitely know what kind of guy I want now. However, sometimes your first love is your true love.

[Burb]

We broke up because we were both taking the other for granted, and neither of us were working at the relationship.

 

I fell off the wagon tonight. Against my better judgement, I went to the bar for her 21st. She kept touching me, putting her hands in my shirt (they were ice cold), etc. Then, on the way to taco bell, she was pretty much sitting on me. She then said "tell me." I said I couldn't.

 

She told me she missed me, and to call her tomorrow.

 

To be honest, I am terrified. I want to be with her so badly. I can't help but feel that I set myself up for another breakup. Of course, maybe she will come back. The signals she was sending tonight certainly indicated it.

[ElektraHere]

You are young and yes I think you may be setting yourself up for another heartache. I would refrain from calling her tomorrow. However you are going to do what you feel you want to do.

[Daddy Bear]

Which do you think is more true: that she's hurting for you, or that she's toying with you for the sake of her own ego? You would know better than anyone else.

[Undefined]

I honestly think that if she has made you happy... and if you've already lasted 2 years... and you can completely trust her and you just really do get on well; (and you trully want to get back with her) Then maybe you should... but you need to appreciate each other- because it's not everyday a young guy and girl can fall in love and be really happy ... you're a very lucky guy.

Supposedly, if you were to date other women- you would start to compare them to your ex girlfriend and you wouldn't be as happy, and nothing would last too long... but maybe you should consider talking to your ex girlfriend to see if she really does wnt to get back together?

Take care xx

[Thfc]

I think it's very very very rare to be able to say that the first person you fall in love with is "the one". When you first fall in love you're not only falling in love with the person you're also falling in love with being in love and that's why everyone says that you don't ever forget your first love. But the thing is, the love you have for the person could well be overshadowed by the love you have for being in love. So, my advice is to both go out, see other people, have some fun and if in a few years time you still come back to eachother, then yes, maybe you are meant to be.

[luv2laugh]

i totally agree with Thfc and this might sound crazy but my ex-boyfriend and i are currently in the same situation. i am 24 and he is 25. i am his first girlfriend and he is my 3rd boyfriend but we are both each other's first (true) love.

 

we just recently broke up this week. we were dating for 3.5 years and he still was not sure if i was "the one." he says that we are good together and that he loves me but still is curious about what it's like to date other people. he said that he'd rather deal with his curiosity now then wait years after getting married to decide that i was probably not "the one" for him.

 

we broke up once before after 1.5 years and since it had been a reoccurring issue i finally decided that i did not want to be with someone who wasn't sure if i was "the one" for them. and he felt that he would have no way of knowing unless he went out and dated other people. and i understand that because it is hard to know if the person you're with is really the one person you will be with for the rest of your life if you've NEVER dated ANYONE else before.

 

so there goes that cliche again..."if you love them enough, you'll let them go...and if they come back then you'll know." if it is our destiny to be together, we will find our way back to each other. also if and when they do come back you know that your relationship will be 10 times as strong. but if not, at least you would not have been wasting your time. you just never know what the future holds. i believe that things happen for a reason.

[luv2laugh]

that's some really great advice in reference to what elektra was saying. Thank you!

[valiantv]

I say go for it, you really want to get back with her, she wants to get back with you... If she asks... Or makes it obvious. I wouldn't be too worried about her being the only one... And if you think you two can make it work

 

if it is our destiny to be together, we will find our way back to each other

 

Nahh, I don't think so... I think this is bad advice. People who rely on destiny to sort out their lives forget that destiny is a result of what you do in your life, not vice versa. Or if you don't believe me, consider this: this could be destiny's way of making you find your way back to each other and it mightn't give you another chance.