Once a cheater, always a cheater?

[Salty]

Im afraid there is the chance he will do it again.... or 6 times like in my case but to forgive is saying here do it again!

[mrmaximum]

In my personal experience and that of my friends who have been cheated on, once a person cheats they will do it again.

 

This is only a generalization and of course there are exceptions to this, but for the most part I think it holds true. I am sure there are some statics to back it up also.

 

My Dad and my ex where repeat offenders, it's something to think about.

[minniegirl]

My Dad and my ex where repeat offenders, it's something to think about.

 

My father was also a repeat offender. Now I have no clue if he's cheated on his new wife, but who knows.

 

Do you all believe that the "once a cheater, always a cheater" motto applies to emotional cheating as well?

 

I just reserved a copy of the "We're Just Friends" book. I think it may provide a lot of insight into a great deal of the pain I've personally gone through.

[steffie200]

hi

i think u should follow your instincts i do believe people make mistakes and really regret what they have done . i feel u should give it a chance but make sure u feel he is really sincere

hope all goes well

[mrmaximum]

My father was also a repeat offender. Now I have no clue if he's cheated on his new wife, but who knows.

 

Do you all believe that the "once a cheater, always a cheater" motto applies to emotional cheating as well?

 

I just reserved a copy of the "We're Just Friends" book. I think it may provide a lot of insight into a great deal of the pain I've personally gone through.

 

I'm really not sure about that one. I guess it could, if one can become physically attached to another, why not emotionally attached? Don't quote me however, I have no experience with emotional cheating.

[EllisBreaks]

My question is: What are the chances that a person who has been unfaithful can be faithful again?

 

I believe it is possible for a person to change. But only if they truly WANT to.

 

So no, I don't believe that saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater" It all depends on the person, circumstance, and their character though.

[minniegirl]

My question is: What are the chances that a person who has been unfaithful can be faithful again?

 

I believe it is possible for a person to change. But only if they truly WANT to.

 

So no, I don't believe that saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater" It all depends on the person, circumstance, and their character though.

 

I'm not saying that accross the board, "once a cheater, always a cheater", but the fact of the matter is that most who cheat, are repeat offenders. I think the number of one time offenders are low. IMO.

[Vanishing Girl]

My question is: What are the chances that a person who has been unfaithful can be faithful again?

 

I believe it is possible for a person to change. But only if they truly WANT to.

 

So no, I don't believe that saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater" It all depends on the person, circumstance, and their character though.

 

I agree and I was a cheater...once in my life. Never again. I now know i was lacking in so many things and that is why i did what i did. I was weak...i didn't know myself well enough...not even what i wanted in my life. Character flaw? I'd say so.....big time!

 

For some, they will always cheat (ie: sex addicts, people who get off on the thrill, or someone who has underlying issues that they will not deal with for whatever reason).

[EllisBreaks]

I agree and I was a cheater...once in my life. Never again. I now know i was lacking in so many things and that is why i did what i did. I was weak...i didn't know myself well enough...not even what i wanted in my life. Character flaw? I'd say so.....big time!

 

For some, they will always cheat (ie: sex addicts, people who get off on the thrill, or someone who has underlying issues that they will not deal with for whatever reason).

 

True and true. I'm happy that you have changed for the better. I too, have changed for the better. I cheated in the past. WHen I was a young teen-ager... Let's just say that i did some things, when i was young and stupid that i'm not proud of. Things that i never would even think of today.

 

Some people change, others don't. It all depends on if you want that change or not.

[treefrogkate]

I believe it is possible for a person to change. But only if they truly WANT to.

 

So no, I don't believe that saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater" It all depends on the person, circumstance, and their character though.

I agree. Saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" (and actually believing it) denies the possibility that someone can change. Yes, change can take a long time, but it can be accomplished if one wants to change.

[not2be]

People can change if THEY choose to. Reading the posts you see that most experienced that the SO said they would and then they didn't. It happened again, does this mean yours will? Who knows only he knows this. You have to live with the anger, betrayal, trust issues he has put upon your marriage. So in my opinion the one who was cheated on seems to suffer the most. We put the blame and guilt upon ourselves. Turning ourselves inside out trying to improve ourselves and our marriages or relationships.

 

It all comes down to this? Can you forgive? Can you live with it? Can you move on and not let the "affair" ruin what you are trying to rebuild?

 

If you choose yes, then keep in mind these things. The possibility will always be there for him. Once they experience the thrill of the other side that can play a vital role in their mind the next time the opportunity comes around. Are you sure your spouse can resist?

 

That is the question?

 

Wishing you much success for your future.

 

not2be

[Charlotte123]

I say once a cheater, always a cheater.

I know many married guys who cheat, and once they start, they love the rush and the excitement and rarely stop.

 

Of course they will, once they get caught, they stop for a while, until they are pretty sure their wife have calmed downn and forgave them.

 

Cheaters are extremely good liars and manipulators. They know exactly what to say, to whom, when to say it, plus they know their wife are devastated and so in love with them that they will get another chance. Most do anyway.

[law1204]

I have a big problem with the "statistics" being bandied about here. Those who espouse the "once a cheater, always a cheater" seem to justify such nonsense with, "I know someone who...," or "Everyone I have known has...," or "All my friends' spouses...," blah blah blah.

 

An anecdote or three is not data, people. Until I see some concrete evidence, that is to say, statistics from a respected medical or psych journal, that all or even most people who have cheated once have a TENDENCY to repeat such offenses, these things should be evaluated on a case-by-case basis.

 

IMO, cheating can have more to do with the nature of the relationship than the personality of each member of the relationship. Someone who cheats on an SO may not do so in a relationship with someone else. I don't deny that there are serial cheaters, but why SERIAL cheaters cheat may in fact be its own topic - lumping "cheaters" into one sorry nutshell is not fair and its not right.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I agree. People are complex and things are not always black and white.

 

I will also say that even if a medical journal or psych journal would publish the results of this sort of study, it would still have to be taken with a grain of salt.

[treefrogkate]

law1204 and crazyaboutdogs:

=D>