Does alcohol really change things?

[Borashi]

I pose this question, as I've heard and met girls who have boyfriends when I go to bars and clubs, yet they still flirt with me the entire time like it's no big deal. Do you think that alcohol changes their perspective on how they view their relationship to there potential other? Or is it the fact that they feel tied down and they want to see what else is out there? ](*,)

 

I suppose it also begs the question of what exactly defines cheating? Everyone has different definitions, and there are quite a few people these days that have "open" relationships.

[EvaGina]

Some people just want to scab free drinks or thee like the attention...

others are just flirty.... I flirt with everyone, regardless of whether or not my bf is there or whether im drunk, actually.

 

IMO, you will NOT cheat on a partner you truly want to be with, no matter how intoxicated you are

[CMJG]

For one, alcohol usually ALWAYS changes things...you say and do stuff you normally wouldn't...and that usually means more flirting.

 

But a lot of those women usually won't 'cheat'. They flirt because it's fun...but most of them wouldn't go any further then that, no matter how drunk they are. Besides, if they tell you they have a boyfriend, that (theoretically) puts them in the free, so flirting means nothing. If you did make a move and it went somewhere, it would be your fault because they already told you they had a bf.

[JadedStar]

I pose this question, as I've heard and met girls who have boyfriends when I go to bars and clubs, yet they still flirt with me the entire time like it's no big deal. Do you think that alcohol changes their perspective on how they view their relationship to there potential other? Or is it the fact that they feel tied down and they want to see what else is out there? ](*,)

 

I suppose it also begs the question of what exactly defines cheating? Everyone has different definitions, and there are quite a few people these days that have "open" relationships.

 

There is a big difference in playful flirtation when you are out in a bar, and real flirtation that might take place elsewhere. People drinking some drinks and being light and fun, and a flirt thrown in here and there should not be taken seriously, especially if they are in a relationship.

 

Some people have flirty personalities and it is harmless, and a light buzz will make it more evident. But i would not take it seriously unless they are trying to kiss on you or something. And if they are doing that, they are useless as they are obviously the type who can probably cheat on their SO's rather easily.

[Raphael256]

Alcohol makes you more self-confident and daring, but I think people use alcohol as an excuse way too much, like they do things thinking they can get away with it because they were drunk.

I've never done anything i wouldn't have when i'm not drunk, i wouldn't ever think about cheating no matter how drunk i was.

if anything id say you show your true self when you're drunk.

[PocoDiablo]

Alcohol lowers one's inhibitions, so people tend to do and say things they may not normally do. Often they will be more open, more daring, more risk taking. However, one still *almost* always has enough control to stop themselves. (*I used to say always until I proved myself wrong one night. Doh!)

 

Cheating per my definition: Anything you would not do in front of your significant other.

[Night Pumpkin]

Ya alcohol does change things....

 

I was on the bus once late at night and there were these two drunk guys holding hands singing "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me...."

 

LOL.

[Batya33]

Alcohol doesn't change a thing. People who choose to drink alcohol knowing that they might behave inappropriately are the ones who choose to change their behavior. Obviously part of that is semantics but I think it's important to shift the mindset from "he couldn't help it, he was drunk" to "he chose to drink so that he could behave as he did"

[PocoDiablo]

Alcohol doesn't change a thing. People who choose to drink alcohol knowing that they might behave inappropriately are the ones who choose to change their behavior. Obviously part of that is semantics but I think it's important to shift the mindset from "he couldn't help it, he was drunk" to "he chose to drink so that he could behave as he did"

Good point, and nice way of putting it.

 

To add, people tend to put themselves in situations where things could go wrong, and this is a very wise way of putting it.

[TheFoglifter]

I believe alcohol just reduces inhibitions about doing things one already wanted to do.

 

I also believe that it takes a discerning eye in clubs to figure out which girls are just trying to get free drinks, and which ones are genuinely interested. If a girl in a club told me she had a boyfriend, and then started flirting with me near the bar, I'd ask her why her boyfriend isn't paying for her drinks, since he's the one who will probably get the benefit.

 

Many guys willingly fork out for drinks even when its obvious the girl is just using them. Its definitely symbiotic in a way. It always reminds me of the beer commercial with the burnt out guy asking a girl "can I buy you a drink, or would you rather just have the cash".

 

To me, when a girl says "I have a boyfriend" she wants to establish an escape route up front. At those times, its probably best to say "he's very lucky" (a double-edged statement) and politely excuse yourself from her company.

[PocoDiablo]

To me, when a girl says "I have a boyfriend" she wants to establish an escape route up front. At those times, its probably best to say "he's very lucky" (a double-edged statement) and politely excuse yourself from her company.

Lines like that are often code for "You're not doing it for me." so I tend to reply with something witty. I read a great one the other day, along the lines of "Hey, that's great. [pause] You know, I'm sure you're happy, but for most people having a boyfriend is par for the course. You really don't have to go around telling complete strangers." and then walk away.

 

I tend to say things like "Oh, I don't buy drinks for taken women, why don't you buy me one instead?" or "Me too." or "Is that the best excuse you can come up with? That's just as bad as a guy asking to buy you a drink. Come on, you need to try a LOT harder, I am so unimpressed."

 

Of course, if she really does have a boyfriend, you need to respect them and walk.

[ycmanvs]

First of all, alcohol affects different people in different ways. Also, the amount is very important because the first drink acts as a stimulant, while subsequent drinks have a depressive effect. Anyway, we can't generalize the effect it will have on any one individual.

 

It seems to me that most people on this thread assume that if a girl flirts, it is because she wants a guy to buy her a drink. Most women I know have no problem buying guys drinks. They actually just like the attention, even if they have a boyfriend.

 

Just because you have a significant other, does not mean that your personality changes. If you are a flirt, or someone who constantly needs external validation, then you will accelerate that wish when you are in a bar and getting drunk.

[TheFoglifter]

... actually just like the attention, even if they have a boyfriend."

 

The one variable that one will never ever truly know is what the girls intentions are. It feels really nice to have attention lavished on oneself. I'd be pretty happy if a girl tried to pick me up and buy me drinks. I'd be very upfront about my unavailability (having been led on too many times before) but it would still be an ego boost.

 

But I know in my head and heart that I won't let anything happen. If this is indeed the case, then there is nothing to worry about.

 

Of course on the flip-side, so many cheating apologies start with something like "I never meant for this to happen".

 

... like that are often code for "You're not doing it for me.""

 

Agreed, a plausible escape route. If a girl really wants to be with you, her having a boyfriend won't matter. In my experience, the player's canned response to "I have a boyfriend" is "he'll never know".

 

I suppose you could respond with "oooh, my type of girl" or "good, I like to exercise before sex".

 

I do rather like "thats the best you can come up with" or like George Costanza, something like "you're giving me the 'i have a bf' line?... I INVENTED that line!"

[JadedStar]

If a girl in a club told me she had a boyfriend, and then started flirting with me near the bar, I'd ask her why her boyfriend isn't paying for her drinks, since he's the one who will probably get the benefit.

 

LOL Foglifter. I love that!

[TheFoglifter]

Thanks, and you changed your avatar again!

 

I've only been to clubs 3 times in my life. I had a good time I guess once I found my friends and whatnot. Not a big fan of the smoke or the drugs, but I did like dancing in the dark.

[JadedStar]

Thanks, and you changed your avatar again!

 

Can't find one I like. LOL