mikeca Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 After posting on here, some helping other in search of help I'd like some more advice. I'm the kind of guy that like to weighs pro/cons in his head before a decision so.. here it is. It starts off kinda funny, I had a dream about my exlast night. We broke up and got back together in 2006 and ended it again in LDR in Nov/Dec06 I've done NC since Feburary (again) and have moved on alot since the first days of posting on here, although i still love her. I know we cant get back together unless the things that broke us up are gone which I know arent fixed yet. Anyway after the dream im on facebook, and decided to check to see if she got on it yet, nope she hasnt whew... so anyway the day moves on and after work, and the gym I have this friend request...guess who! haha And although i've made alot of progress I still kinda have a plan that after I do my fixing and career moves that I would contact her in the future. Before the last NC emails and stuff I told her how I felt and that time hasnt changed my feelings, now I know at one point I will have to talk to her to get the ball rolling again, im just wondering do I accept, so I dont come off like I'm totally havent moved on at all or reject and stand true to what I said to her in those emails...I plan to come and check back with more thoughts. -thanks Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Maybe accept, but try to contact to a minimum. Seems like you want to keep the door some what open. This could be the first crack. Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 If you haven't quite got to a point where you are comfortable or healed I would just let it simmer. No point in allowing temptation in your life if it will cause you to regress. Besides, if you really needed to contact her in the future and if she wanted to talk, I'm pretty sure you will find a way and she won't ignore it. Link to comment
Zackinlaw Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 What were the details of the breakup??? I think it matters for any meaningful advice! Zack. Link to comment
Stryker Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 If you touch base once in a while that may well prove sufficient. ;-) Be friendly, open, forget jealousy or spite, everything is swell! Be light, light, light!!. This one is a little difficult...you dont know what her intentions are by adding you. Be wary of her trying to make you jealous by having a bunch of other guys on her page etc.... Its definitely not the norm, but this is exactly how I got my ex back (minus the facebook request)...er how she came back to me. We did limited contact for a few months (not actually seeing each other though) and when we did get together, she called me about 2 or 3 weeks later asking to make things work again. There are some circumstances that I wont get into soas to not hijack your thread, but she told me that after a long time of not seeing me and then meeting me, she called her best friend on the way because she had the EXACT same butterflies in her stomach as when we went on our first date. Again, this is my own personal experience and our circumstances are probably very different...but if it was a relatively amicable breakup, LC can help if it is kept very light...with no expectations. I'd accept the invite and then leave it at that...let her message you first etc...but be wary of pics of her with other guys etc... Link to comment
mikeca Posted June 6, 2007 Author Share Posted June 6, 2007 Maybe accept, but try to contact to a minimum. Seems like you want to keep the door some what open. This could be the first crack. Ya I think this is a good option, I believe I was just a bit rattled at first by the situation happening how it did and just so happen to be right after I checked, probably sleep on it, hear some more comments and make a decision in the morning.. Link to comment
bear12 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 stryker- did either of you date/have relationships with other people in the meantime? Link to comment
Stryker Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 stryker- did either of you date/have relationships with other people in the meantime?Again I dont' want to hijack the thread, but yes. I had a few dates. She was seeing a guy that she cheated on me with (hence the breakup)...but she kept it from me and then came clean about everything and literally told me "I want to get back together with you" Only then was I able to invest myself back into the relationship..because I was cool with who I was and what I had to offer, be it to her or someone else. I have a thread titled "We are a 'work in progress' " if you would like to know more details (perhaps I'll bump/update it sometime today)....we aren't near 100% reconciliation but things are going very well to this point. We are talking everyday, we are seeing each other on weekends and sometimes once during the week (its an LDR). We have officially recognized each other as "boyfriend/girlfriend" (OMG how old am I ) again so we are back together. But we both realize we have a lot of work to do to get to the point where we are 100% happy with each other. I'm not going to lie, reconciliation not an easy road to travel. It is very tough and much of my thread is just me venting some feelings/insecurities that I have. My only advice is if you go into LC, do it with no expectations. I had expectatoins of us getting back together and it was hell for me for a while. But by the time I started emotionally moving on, going on some dates and really distancing myself, was it ok for us to meet and begin to talk about really getting back together. And she came to ME saying "I want to get back together" From the OP, I don't see that happening yet. That is why you can't have any expectations until she says something to that effect. Dont check her page every day. Dont contact her until she contacts you and when you do reply, keep it short and sweet. Get her interest up and eventually she may come to a point where she wants to make an effort....but be aware that she MAY NEVER come to that point. Keep working the principles of NC (i.e. working on you, do things you like, don't be available to her constantly, work out, update the wardrobe, pamper yourself) and LC may be easy for you...it may be hell...we dont' know what her intentions are (that is the key...) so you can't get your hopes up...for now. Sorry for the long post. I hope this helped a little bit. I'm at work but will try to check in periodically if anything else is needed. Good luck! Link to comment
mikeca Posted June 7, 2007 Author Share Posted June 7, 2007 thats some very good advice I must say I'm still kinda on the fence now that I've added her and in fact confirmed shes in a relationship (which I thought) but we'll see how it goes, if not just delete and walk away again Link to comment
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