EX flips out?!

[Dev007]

OK I have been in NC for 4 days and I told a friend that I was considering not being friends at all with my ex because it hurt to much.

 

She must have heard this on the grapevine and she sends me this:

 

How are things going? I thought about things and I think that we should not be friends. I think that things will be easier for the both of us. Whether or not I was supposed to know I was told that you didnt want to be friends with me and you only said you wanted to talk to me in 2 weeks was because you didnt want to break my heart. well i will not be heartbroken if that is what you think. I want you to be happy and with all the emails and stuff that you have written to me since we broke up you kind of leaned towards not wanting to be friends anyway. so we may as well end things here. I still have all your pictures, most of them on my conputer and I have no idea how to get them to you unless you were to leave your computer at your moms sometime and I upload them on to your computer. otherwise, i dont know how else you are going to get them. i suppose I could gradually email them to you if you want. but i dont want you to only call me in 2 weeks because you feel sorry for me. yes i still want to be friends with you but i dont think that you want to be friends with me and i dont think there is any way that we could be. but if i am wrong then i am sorry. if this is the final goodbye though, good luck in life and i am sorry for everything and i hope you find someone who can make you happier than I did. i guess let me know if you want the pictures and how to get them to you and if I am wrong and do want to be friends you are going to have to let me know. ttyl maybe

 

What do you think this means? I told her I was going to contact her in 2 weeks and it has been only 4 days.

 

sorry it is long but I did not want to leave anything out.

[EvaGina]

shes trying to be big about it... send her a CD with a return-pain envelope, so she can burn your photos onto it and send it to you... include a short, handwritten note saying that you wish her well and you hope you can be friends in the future, but you dont feel comfortable persuing that avenue at the moment...

 

shes not flipping out at all, she sounds upset, but logical...

[Dev007]

Why would she be upset?

Is it possible she still cares for me?

 

Why would she want to be my friend anyway?

[EvaGina]

of course she still cares for you... that doesnt mean she wants to be in a relationship with you tho.

 

You SHOULD be at least on talking terms with your ex's... if they are good enough people to date, then they are good enough to be mates with... (once the hurt has dissipated, of course)

[Dev007]

OK so if I truly want her back

 

I should be her friend and just stay in NC unless she calls me? I am happy and I didn't display any needyness over the phone.

[EvaGina]

dont assume she will get back togehter with you...

you broke up for a reason, and there is no point in resuming the relatinship unless that issue is resolved.

 

Also, she might just not want to get back together...

[Dev007]

Ya I guess that is true. All I can do is be happy and be nice and be myself (like I was when she did love me) and hope for the best.

[DeeTeeCee]

seems like you're hoping to get back with her. i wouldn't recommend doing NC with this sort of mentality, as if you're trying to teach her a lesson or something.

 

i think you need to realize, as eva said, there's a reason you two are broken up. NC is not some way to magically spend time apart in order to get back together. it's about healing from the aftermath of a broken relationship, and perhaps taking time to do a little introspection for yourself.

 

if you should hope for anything, it's that you can heal and recover from this event, but that's really up to you of course.

 

i just don't want you to give yourself false hopes that NC is going to make her realize something and want to get right back with you. if that happens then that happens, your choice for what to do from there, but i'm just saying you shouldn't set yourself up for further disappointment.

[Dev007]

Well we have been broken up for about a month.

 

Since then I have exercised at LEAST 30 minutes everyday. I look great and feel great.

 

One main reason we broke up was because I was addicted to video games. Since the break up I have literally cut back 95%. I only play maybe 1 hour a week now and I used to do a few hours a day.

 

I lost myself but I believe I have found the happy "nice guy" that I used to be. She loved me completely when I was that guy. So, I am just going to be him and be patient.

 

I am also not "waiting around for her" I have been flirting with other females and trying to get dates. I just think she is a wonderful person and the one I really would be happy with.

[redandblack]

I wanted to echo in here. Both DeeTeeCee and Eva give really good advice! Be thankful they're here for you. I want to address this first:

 

"seems like you're hoping to get back with her. i wouldn't recommend doing NC with this sort of mentality, as if you're trying to teach her a lesson or something." -DeeCeeTee

 

Listen to that advice! Going NC will not make you get back together. If you logically think about it, all it can do is end in a loss of communication. However, where the relations between you break, NC has its power. Healing while being in complete contact with this girl will probably be hard. Some people can do it -- I know I could not. Go NC if you are going to keep to it. Only do it for yourself. NC is a way to put space between you and the other person so you can figure things out and get over the hurt. Alterior motives will only cause you to break NC, look weak and irresolute, and not get over the pain.

 

Now, you wondered if she still cared for you. Of course she does! Think about it: you two shared an awful lot together. It's really sad to lose people in life. She wants what is best for you AND what is best for her. Those priorites came to a clash, so your relationship ended. It makes sense she wants to be your friend if you think about it objectively (this is something you'll have to do a lot while figuring things out ). She doesn't want to totally lose you. This may be a little selfish, but that's the way things go.

 

Anyways, give it some time. Go NC if you truly need a break in all contact with her to get your life into order. Try to not burn bridges with her; she seems pretty hurt, but still logical about things. She does still care about you -- the relationship just didn't work out.

[Dev007]

SO you are telling me theres a chance. Like 1 out of 100... more like 1 out of 1 million!!! haha

 

Anyway, looking at it OBJECTIVELY and knowing that she cares about me.... there could be a chance couldn't there?

 

I feel like I am almost completely healed. I feel good, I am happy and smiling a lot. I feel like I did before I lost who I was.

 

I am not obsessing over her, and I can go without contacting her and being needy.

 

I just know that I want her because she is a great person.

[redandblack]

None of us said you had a chance at getting back into a relationship with her. The fact that she cares for you does not mean she will ever want to be in another relationship with you. The fact that you're saying that makes me believe that you're obviously not over the whole thing, yet. You really may need distance from the relationship to see what went wrong on a truly deep level.

[Dev007]

I know what went wrong. It was a lack of communication. It was mostly me not talking because I was distracted playing video games. I have since quit playing them.

 

Love is a 2 way road and she didn't communicate effectively enough on how unhappy she was at the end of our relationship. When things were good though she was basically begging me to get engaged and she was planning a future with me.

 

If I went cold turkey and never talked to her again for the rest of my life I would be fine. I actually got a date this week(with another girl). I just still want her because she was awsome