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find it when you stop looking?


nilli

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Hi all,

 

I'm reaching out as I feel very discouraged about whether or not I'll find love again.

 

Do you think it's one of those things that happen when you're getting on with your life?

 

Anyone have any positive stories to share?

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I think that looking for it and wanting it tells me you are leaning toward desparation. You would be better off convered in manure than be desparate.

 

The people who attract are confident people, who do not need us.

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I have no idea... i have heard such mixed opinions on the subject...

 

I have heard...don't look, just go about your life, do things you enjoy doing..and it will happen.

 

I have also heard that people who look are finding love much faster..and that Mr. or Mrs. Right isn't going to knock on your door and say "here i am!"- so you should look...dating sites... etc.

 

I think its a delicate balance between...looking ...and being open to the possibility of finding someone...and also ..just living your life ..and doing the things you enjoy.

 

I've been doing that..and i haven't found love...but i'm really happy and i guess thats what counts. =)

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As I've posted before, approximately 10 of my friends -men and women -in the last few years met their fiancees/spouses by intensely focusing on finding a mate - all top quality people - including who they found - and all the marriages happened within a year or so of meeting. I don't think it necesarily happens when you're "not looking" but it certainly won't happen if you're desperate/needy and looking for a partner to fill a void in your life that you could and should fill for yourself. Desperation and neediness is a big turn off to me -we all have our times, our moments but as a constant diet I run away. Fast.

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Every time I have found love, it was in a period when I was open to the idea of it, and yet not looking in the slightest. Every time the main "love affair" was really with myself, first and foremost, which enabled me to open my heart, and then things fell into place, by chance - but it would never have "appeared" if I wasn't completely happy loving myself.

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I feel that if you believe there is someone out there for you then you will find them, or they will find you . This might be because when you believe this to be true you are more relaxed and self-assured and that confidence on it's own is so very attractive. There is no "desperate" when you KNOW that it is just going to happen is there?

 

If you believe then you can get on with the rest of your life and that person will just show up one day.

 

***************************

Keep doing the things you love doing.

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I feel that if you believe there is someone out there for you then you will find them, or they will find you . This might be because when you believe this to be true you are more relaxed and self-assured and that confidence on it's own is so very attractive. There is no "desperate" when you KNOW that it is just going to happen is there?

 

If you believe then you can get on with the rest of your life and that person will just show up one day.

 

***************************

Keep doing the things you love doing.

 

i agree with this 100% - that was nicely put... thank you.

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Wow, that was all very helpful. It's made me realise that what I really want right now is to just to believe that it will happen one day.

 

A recent experience has knocked me for six a bit and I'm trying to enrich my life with other activities, work etc..or more important I'm trying to find enjoyment in these things..it's getting a lot better and I have times where I feel great....I'd just like to get on with this and drop the lurking fear of being single forever that casts a shadow on the present.

 

So thanks, for now I'm going to concentrate on believing in it and finding enjoyment in other things.

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