Why is it so hard to trust

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

I have decided to start up a poll for the entire forum to answer. I would like all of you what you really think about this question because it is a very serous thing the word " TRUST" I wanted to know from the hearts of the Women and Men, "WHY IS IT SO HARD TO TRUST YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER" I would like honest answers only. I have 5 different scenerios/answers and would like each of you to elaborate on your reasons behind your answer to this question.

Thanks in Advanced.

Sweetypie...Enlightened....One.

[netman]

I believe that anyone who's been cheated on will always have a hard time trusting their new mates in any new relationship, no matter how much they believe they trust deep down inside. They tend to not trust, then allow the new partners to earn their trust instead of giving them 100% until proven otherwise.

 

Just my 2 Cents.....

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

I love it, netman, i simply love it

[Love101]

I think besides having been cheated on before, another major reason people have trouble trusting is because everyone is so interested in sex. Sex is treated like a public thing instead of something intimate so you think that logically your mate is no different. Even if you believe your mate is soooooo perfect and loves you soooo much, you turn on the t.v. or talk to a friend and you hear about who's doing it to who behind whose back. How can you hear about all these respectable people cheating and risking their lives for sex and think that your mate is better than everyone else in the world? Everyone would like to believe this but the reality is that we live in a world where you can't even trust your priest.

 

It's very possible to be with someone for 30 years before they cheat on you. That's scary that cheating is one thing that a person can put tons of effort into doing to you without you having a clue.

[LovelyLady]

I dont have such a cynical view on the world. I have never cheated on anyone (and I plan to forever keep it that way) and, to my knowledge, I have never been cheated on by a significant other. I feel that when you find "the one" for you, no matter what you see on TV or hear through friends, your mate will stay loyal to you. I might sound extremely optimistic, but I believe that most people in this world have dignity and respect for themselves and their loved one.

[netman]

SwingFox, that's great that you can trust your g/f 200%. You don't know how I wish that I could do that. If it was easy, a lot of us wouldn't have the problems we have with jealousy, insecurity, and distrust.

 

It's easy to say that everyone deserves a fresh chance, and I agree with that, but it still doesn't neutralize the subconsious instict not to trust 100% because of past experiences, and the worse the experience the harder it is to give that trust; that's my point. I work at building the trust in my g/f everyday, and everyday the more she loves me and reassures me and proves it to me, I get closer to where I want to be.

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

Ok, now for the brainteaser of the month!

 

You know what I find to be hillariously funny, is that its a reall catch 22. If you trust your partner too much, they may walk all over you, thinking your dont notice that they are being sneaky, or if you don't trust them, you can run them away to being sneaky. Its crazy, I along with Netman and i'm sure a few others wish i had the Maturity, and securtiy of SwingFox, and because i see that is is possible i am going to try my best to get there. However, the catch 22 i mentioned earlier, makes things very hard . Its likeyou have to tread lightly on everymove you make. What do you think about that?

[netman]

If you trust your partner too much, they may walk all over you, thinking your dont notice that they are being sneaky

Sweetpie, you're exactly right!!

 

My sister was with a her b/f for about 7 years, and she loved and trusted him 300%, so when he spent his weekends with his "boys", she never once questioned it or suspected anything, until finally the girl he had on the side found my sister's number and called her. My sister was totally devastated and shocked.

or if you don't trust them, you can run them away to being sneaky

And if you don't trust them and you become jealous and accuse them of things, you will surely push them away to the arms of someone else that will make them happy since no one can remain happy being the victim of accusations and jealousy.

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

Netman, you need to change your name to Netman the enlightened one, because you have officially been deemed my twin brother...

 

 

I tell you another thing, how about this scenerio,

 

People speak out of both sides of there necks. Meaning ...they tend to want to talk the talk but not walk the walk. They say things that even the Lord himself wouldnt utter, words like "Forever I'll never cheat, never I tell you" then two weeks later, you discover emails hidden in the wind.

 

Or how about this one, haha, this one is the kicker,

 

Why would I cheat on you, when I have everything I want...??

 

I just look at these people and go..."Yeah, ok right, that's like me telling my mom for x'mas, " "mom, why get me another barbie, when I have the ONLY ONE i want right here, I mean mom, who needs there cake and eat it too???

[brandos lovechild]

There isn't too much we can do to influence our partner's ideas on cheating. All we can do is keep our eyes open and hope for the best !

However,you should always have control of the consequences if you are cheated on..and seeing as it is the worst thing you can do to a partner...i believe if they stray,then you have to make them pay ! Never take someone back if they cheat ! If there are problems in a relationship,the cheater should've communicated those problems to the 'cheated on'. If the cheater doesn't feel that they can communicate,they should end the relationship before they cheat !

 

TUPAC : "I know everybody's saying it,but i'm down for the underdog."

[berry1204]

My opinion is that you should start off with 100% trust with someone. I was in a relationship with someone who didn't trust me from the beginning because of his past relationships. Sorry, but if someone doesn't trust me and I know that I am doing nothing wrong I am not going to baby them and hold their hand. Its all in maturity and being able to get over past hurt. I was cheated on several times by an ex and I start every new relationship with 100% trust. If the other person senses that you can't trust them they may want out before you even get started. Think of how you would feel if you knew your significant other had no trust in you but you knew you were doing nothing wrong. Kind of annoying isn't it. YOU CAN NOT BE OPEN TO BEING LOVED UNTIL YOU ARE OPEN TO POSSIBLY GETTING HURT!!!

[mb_guy]

Is it possible to trust someone again after they cheated on you?

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

Yes it is highly possible, but you can't just rush back into that old relationship, you have to talk to that person frequently and try to come to a conclusion. you can't just pretend like tomorow you forgot they hurt you but that old saying holds very true "time heals all wounds" it is so true.

[crazyworld]

Yes i believe that after you have been cheated on that is very hard to trust somebody again but if this person is a good person then you yourself will know when you really trust them deep down inside and it will take a while even if you think you trust them you really dont until a ways down the road and then you will it just takes time

[neallo82288]

I have found my WIFE IN THE ARMS OF ANOTHER man. I have seen a girlfriend give a guy her number in front of me. I have been run through the ringer with the newest ex, but she did not cheat but she did hurt me worse than cheating. So, trust is incredibly hard to come by you will be hurt most of the time!

[sleepers]

My bf and I broke up few wks ago. Part of the reason was that he didn't trust me anymore. And i didn't do anything like sleep around or cheat around behind his back. Nothing of the sort. He just says he doesn't trust watever i say. So i said 'fine, there's nothing i can do if you don't trust me but the only thing i can do is to re-earn it'

We broke up and he said he will NEVER learn to trust me again as long as i am still who i am the person i am. He will never get back to me if i still had the same face (whihc i thought was pretty childish for him to say that) and I was thinking, trust - something you can lose it so easily. What are guys standard for trusting a girl?? For her to say truthful things to him is that so? Or is there something else? I am confused by how guys define trusting a girl or how a girl breach a guy's trust. Help me out here guys?

[jayjay]

Is it possible to trust someone again after they cheated on you?

 

I'm beginning to believe that it is possible but sad to say that things are not going to be the same again. In my experience as of now w/c had been 3 months since I found out that my gf was seeing an another man, trust is a hard thing to regain.

 

I've been fighting myself to trust her once again but somehow this little things keeps on triggering my mind to go back in the past and be suspicious about her. Thus bringing my trust back down again.

 

I gave her 100% or more trust in the past, I trusted her so much only to find out she was cheating on me emotionally and physically. Now I'm trying to work things out and we are doing fine. But now I live in fear of getting hurt again because I'm beginning to believe that her being caught would not necessarily change the way she is until something critical happens (ie. breaking up w/ her).

[jayjay]

sleepers: I think that one or a couple of suspicion or getting caught from a lie will deliberately bring down the trust. It's not necessarily when someone cheats, it could be a lot of things like lying and such.

[simply complicated]

quite honestly i don't trust anyone, i do trust my girlfriend to a certain extent, but lets face it, people are easily tempted by others, no matter what, there will always be someone out there better than you in a one degree or another, the person your with will just have to respect the relationship no matter what.

Its difficult enough trusting anyone period, let alone trusting the person your in a relationship with after being cheated on in the past, or how about this one, have you ever been in a relationship with a person who you know has cheated on their partners in the past, if so you'd know that it's almost impossible to fully trust them, one way or another, they'll give into temptation, i don't care if your married to that person with five kids, i've seen it happen, i can't help but believe my girl will or possibly already has cheated on me, and if you believe you can trust your partner, than all i can say is that they've done a great job lieing to you.

[roadwarrior369]

~ i always believe in trust......it`s probably the most important aspect in a relationship.......without trust there is no foundation. Respect comes next. I honestly believe that without these two parts of the relationship, the relationship will be doomed. I`m a 49 year old male,hetero, and i have a working relationship with my ex and a significant other today because of these beliefs. i think your site is the best thing since swiss cheese for all of us who ask ourselves if we are doing the right thing for ourselves and our loved ones. thanks again........the roadwarrior

[mermayd]

how about its hard to trust since THEY have cheated before or have been dishonest

[hurtntime]

None of those reasons apply to me, I'm a reserved guy, I dont let alot of people in to what I really am about. Because of this people don't really get to me, I was with my ex for 3 years and I let her in. She was my best friend and lover and I thought things were so perfect. I was incredibly happy, then she broke me, no ones ever broke me in my life. I have problems trusting because she said I love you they day before we broke up. I couldn't sleep the night before it happened because something didn't feel right. Again she lied to me and said I love you and everything was fine. Then she broke me, I don't let people in and I don't show them how I feel. When this happened it didn't matter I seriously couldnt stop crying for about 2 weeks. After that it slowed down very slowly. Anyway the reason I dont trust easily is because I'm scared sh!tless of being hurt that bad again. I never want to feel that again and its so hard to take that next step when your so scared. My hearts in hostage by my ex and she won't let it go yet.

[IAMQUEEN06]

In my eyes I find it hard to trust my boyfriend because of things that have happened in the past. Although it is always said that you shouldn't live in the past it will always be a part of the present as well as the future. Trust takes a lot of time and a lot of patience. People say that relationships should be built on trust...there are a lot of people out there who are in good relationships but do not trust each other completely...but as I see I don't think you should fully trust ANYONE!!!

[musicguy]

I just got cheated on....at this point it's really hard for me to trust anyone now.

[alsbarby]

Being cheated on seems to be the story of my life. Whats worse is that I have just been dumped by the person I love because I expressed my dislike of her going ona weekend trip of bar hoping with sister and friends. I'm devastated what can I say.