EvaGina Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 I have been with Mat for 5 months now... and my sex drive has died. A few reasons for this, as far as I can see it: -He gave me HPV and the results are making me feel very, very uncomfortable (I wont let him give me oral sex, or even touch me, and now I feel uncomfortable when he can see during the act, even in dim light) although I am getting them treated next week. -there was a patch where he was too busy and tired for sex, but I wanted it all the time, the resulting rejection has made me nervous when it comes to initiating sex -now that the honeymoon period is over, he doesnt take every opportunity to have sex with me like he used to... if hes playing golf he wont wake up earlier to have sex with me, and he wont put his study aside for 1/2 an hour... but if I fall asleep before he has finished, he will wake me up for sex, which makes it really hard for me to get turned on (although I always enjoy it in the end) -Its winter... I cant stand having sex in the cold and he doesnt have a heater in his room (I have one in mine) -He lives with his folks and I live in a flat I am really uncomfortable in -I am tired, and now that our time spent together is more "domestic" than before I dont seem to find the opportunites to do the sexy things I did (i.e. be in stockings and high heels when he walks in) and because of the rejection thing, I would feel HORRIBLE if I did that and didnt get the desired results I do try, VERY hard... I dont want it to end up like how it was with my ex... but I used to get turned on just thinking about him, now I cant seem to get that hot... Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 Hey Eva I know how you feel. It was that way at the 4-5 month period with my SO too (we've been dating for 7 months now). I felt sort of rejected at times and we rarely had sex. I was miserable (when it came to intimacy) because there was hardly any sexual activity anymore. Me and my SO also spend TONS of time together, especially during the week, so the time we spend together is like you, more on the "domestic" side. My SO is also very tired at night because he's in a residency program and has very long days. Recently though (in the last month and a half or so), we've been having sex a LOT more frequently and I mean, it's been some of the best sex of my LIFE!!! Mind-blowing to say the least What helped is to take time out and do relaxing things that have a sexual flare to them. Have you ever taken a bath with your bf? My SO and I took our first one together a few weeks ago. I put lots of candles in the bathroom and we drank wine while we soaked. It was really nice and put us in the mood for "after activities". Plus it helps if it's cold because the bath his REALLY hot so you're almost ready to get out and get into cooler temperatures afterwards. I don't know if you've ever tried it, but we also use toys at times. I have a vibrator that we use during sex a lot that feels good for him and for me. I've had some of the strongest orgasms ever using it and he has too. Also try not to stress too much about the HPV. My ex gave it to me (grrrrr), but I had 3 follow-up paps over the course of the last year and it's gone now. It completely cleared itself and my paps are now normal. Just stay on top of the treatment (if needed) paps, etc. The only thing is that I don't know if your bf can re-infect you once it clears if he still has it which is basically impossible to know since there's no test for men. Hope this helps a little Link to comment
EvaGina Posted May 25, 2007 Author Share Posted May 25, 2007 thanks I know what you mean by "sexual flare"... which is why I want to keep up wtih the "dressing up" thing. I do things every now and then, like after his birthday, he walked in and I was in a garter belt, killer heels and fishnets, and halfway through he tied me up... but I cant seem to do this without being drunk We bathe together a lot... we shower together a few times a week also. and the HPV is pretty bad... I have external physical signs... but I AM getting them treated next week. Hopefully that will make things better, as I cant stand flinching when he touches me ah, Im about to cry Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 Awwww!! Don't cry!! ***HUGS*** It'll be okay. Maybe use this time to come up with some ideas until after your treatment next week?? We'll help you on here I can imagine how you must feel having external signs and I can totally understand how you feel like you don't want to be touched right now. I'd feel the SAME way! It's sorta hard to be bold when it comes to doing sexy things for me too, lol. Sometimes though, I try to be sexy in sort of an "I'm not trying to be sexy, but I'm just going to wear this really cute babydoll lingerie to bed" Sometimes subtle sexiness can have the same effect Also do you mind walking around naked or with just a bra and undies? I've cooked this way before (something small like dessert) and he LOVED it! I don't know whether he liked the food more or me, lol. Once your HPV is treated, I have no doubt that you'll start to feel like being intimate a little more. It'll be okay!!! xoxo Link to comment
Hope75 Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 What is HPV? Human Papilloma Virus (see the other thread about the HPV vaccine, or click here: link removed) Link to comment
EvaGina Posted May 25, 2007 Author Share Posted May 25, 2007 LOL herpes, or genital warts... according to all information I could find, the vast majority of people carry the virus, but never know it becuase you cant test for it until you either have abnormal cells in a pap smear (HPV is the leading cause of cervical cancer) or until you develop warts. and neither symptom HAS to occur Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 HPV is the Human Papilloma Virus. It's very common and is sexually transmitted. There's no test for men so there's no way to tell if they have it. So most of the time, a woman knows she has it because when she gets a pap, it'll be abnormal and the cells on the cervix will have dysplasia. Often the virus clears itself (usually in women who are in their late teens or early 20's). If it doesn't clear itself, a biopsy is performed to further evaluate the cells, and then a colposcopy or other procedure may need to be performed to get rid of the abnormal cells. There are hundreds of strains of HPV, and while some cause no symptoms, others can cause genital warts or internal warts on the cervix. These warts can be treated. Here's a link to learn more about HPV in case I missed something : link removed Link to comment
Hope75 Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 LOL herpes, or genital warts... according to all information I could find, the vast majority of people carry the virus, but never know it becuase you cant test for it until you either have abnormal cells in a pap smear (HPV is the leading cause of cervical cancer) or until you develop warts. and neither symptom HAS to occur Herpes is a separate virus than HPV. The herpes virus is known as HSV- or Herpes Simplex Virus. link removed Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 ^^^ and what Hope and Eva said too ^^^^ Link to comment
EvaGina Posted May 25, 2007 Author Share Posted May 25, 2007 WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! Nah, Ill survive, Im tough but yes, I wander around in knickers and things when it is just us, living in uncomfortable places doesnt help (I cant wait to move!) I dno, we do these things on a daily basis, maybe he's become desensitised? Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! Nah, Ill survive, Im tough but yes, I wander around in knickers and things when it is just us, living in uncomfortable places doesnt help (I cant wait to move!) I dno, we do these things on a daily basis, maybe he's become desensitised? I think it's great that you do these things on a regular basis, but I guess it's possible for a couple to get used to doing such things after a while. Have you ever experimented with toys in your relationship? Link to comment
EvaGina Posted May 25, 2007 Author Share Posted May 25, 2007 I think it's great that you do these things on a regular basis, but I guess it's possible for a couple to get used to doing such things after a while. Have you ever experimented with toys in your relationship? Yep, a little I have a vibrator... we have cuffs and things... the vobrator doesnt work when I am being penetrated tho... and I am too shy to use it solo in front of him while I am in this... state.... You just gave me a great idea for tonight tho... -rubs hands together- (hes into spanking, and I have a whip, but I dont think hes brave enough to bring it up... ) Link to comment
Locke2121 Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 Sorry about your troubles Sis! I'm sure once you get your problems tended to, you'll feel in a more amorous mood! And who says HE has to be the one to do the spanking?! Link to comment
Cardinal Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 I have had quite a few problems with my S/O in the bedroom lately. What seems to have helped most is just taking time to talk it out. Even if you both already understand the situation, who better to talk with than him? When my physiological drive is lowest, I kind of take advantage of that and just focus on whatever else is going on in life. If it is something he is doing or has done (like rejecting you), you pretty much need to talk with him about it if you haven't. It sucks having a strong physical drive for sex, but just not wanting it with your current partner. Is that the way you're feeling? Link to comment
EvaGina Posted May 27, 2007 Author Share Posted May 27, 2007 I have had quite a few problems with my S/O in the bedroom lately. What seems to have helped most is just taking time to talk it out. Even if you both already understand the situation, who better to talk with than him? When my physiological drive is lowest, I kind of take advantage of that and just focus on whatever else is going on in life. If it is something he is doing or has done (like rejecting you), you pretty much need to talk with him about it if you haven't. It sucks having a strong physical drive for sex, but just not wanting it with your current partner. Is that the way you're feeling? sorry your feeling low with your sex life atm Cardinal I definitely want sex with my bf... he is amazing... i just dont feel sexy anyways, I made a HUGE effort on friday night, and it paid off (the most intense orgasm I have ever had!!) but last night wasnt quite so productive.. ah well, we shall see I suppose. Maybe he finds it hard to relate the overly sexxed, dirty me that I am in bed, to the domestic, quite life'd me OUTSIDE of bed? Link to comment
Locke2121 Posted May 27, 2007 Share Posted May 27, 2007 i just dont feel sexy THAT is what you need to talk to Macca about. I'm sure that he knows alot of ways to make you feel like a sexy woman! Link to comment
EvaGina Posted May 27, 2007 Author Share Posted May 27, 2007 Its not him tho... hes great... Its my own insecurities... I was pretty overweight till last year, and I still feel like Im that fat little lump... plus, I have been so stagnant recently. Riding my bike helps, and Ill go to yoga when I get out of this poohs job. Link to comment
Locke2121 Posted May 27, 2007 Share Posted May 27, 2007 Well, you don't LOOK like a fat little lump! Changing your routine is a great way to up your spirits...and the exercise will do you good! Link to comment
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