Coily

You have my sympathies OP.

On the path towards divorce document everything, and I do mean everything. If it pertains to your kids especially! Send these things regularly to your attorney, maybe weekly even. Also be very honest in this process, you may not look like a saint all the time but it should prove to the court your transparency.

This is more a fight for the future of your daughters, as much as it is you getting out of a horrible marriage.

 

It's unfortunate that there is so much pressure to make choices on gender or group identity, rather than just being who you are or want to be. It's far far more important that you figure out your career path, navigate relationships if you want one, and discover your talents; than being hung up about gender and how one dresses or has hair cut.

Labels are useless compared to who you are at heart. Don't let anyone shove you in a corner and tell you that if you do X then that means you need to change your body.

While he may have been undiplomatic I get where he's coming from, having fled dates due the smell factor. Some people are very sensitive to smells, everyone stinks in their own unique way (and sometimes we don't notice our normal funk).

Aside from his nose factor, how is the relationship otherwise? There may be genuine concern, or he's just looking for an out.

Having been a guy with very painful and non-surgically correctable shoulder problems I have asked strangers for help time to time, though subluxations are kind of obvious. BUT I have never obsessed over someone's legs before hand, which is rather inappropriate.

I just have to wonder if the OP being proud of her friend's modeling career may have put in the BF's brain that he needs to pay special attention to the model friend?

It does strike me as odd he is carrying on this way, but maybe he thinks this is being supportive in a weird way.

The only way to get at the root of this is a genuine conversation between the OP and BF, "calling him out" will just lead to lies and deception at this stage.

Sorry to be harsh, but he is a hedonistic bum.  Unfortunately you invested more into him than he was willing to invest in himself, and he would have eventually pulled you down into that churning cesspit. 

You did the only thing that you could, otherwise you would have to bear the brunt of tending to an adult toddler. OP, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and feeling empty after investing so much of yourself into someone takes a toll. Now time to find someone who isn't a burden and won't whine when you try to help.

So a couple of things: What is the generic nature of the business you  two work in? And relative positions? I think this is very important in understanding the type of communication the two of you are engaging in.  Also is this a pattern of behavior with your husband or a one off?

Are you both all work/task focused or do you both make time to play with your child?

Is it possible for you to reduce hours or quit your job, IF that is something you would want?

In the past how were your friendships? Were these confidants or were they more fluff lets hang out types?

I am not a fan of how your husband is acting, but I want to dig a little before making an opinion on that. I think the bigger question is what do you want to do about being socially isolated? Others have made great suggestions, I would throw in Meet-up groups as a way to find activities and people to meet.

I have people in my life that one would also consider friendless, they  tend to be either hyper career or family focused. Would your husband be supportive of you finding friends or is he wanting you to limit yourself to family?

6 minutes ago, MartinHalaj said:

That is great idea. I think that would be a good start, but when I click to open her profile on facebook this shows up :

This Content Isn't Available Right Now

When this happens, it's usually because the owner only shared it with a small group of people, changed who can see it or it's been deleted.

I can chat with her, but I just cant open her profile and dont know how to send the request. Do you know what could cause this ?

Could be many things. She could have lots of restrictions on who can see her profile, not uncommon. Doubt it's a block since you can still message her. I would say start with the chat, a simple "hey remember me from X class?" As it's been a while let her take time to respond, don't hound her for a response as you will get no where and come off as a jerk.

Do play some catch up with her IF she wants to chat.

The whole "lets stay friends" thing is often just a way to keep on good enough terms so when they get bored they have someone to use (ego boost, sex, etc). Do yourself a favor and don't let them play mind games with you, burn the bridge no longer in use and walk away.

After, as Wiseman2 said, you send her a friend request, ask her questions about school or her life. But most importantly listen to what she has to say. Also don't be afraid to be yourself, as shy and awkward as you may think that is. If she's interested you two will find something to chat about.

It can be a huge nerve wracking experience the first venture into dating, but it will help you down the road. Best of luck!

Yikes! This guy is garbage, stinking on hottest day of the year garbage. The fact he's acting as if one of the most intimate acts people do is no big deal to share; is horrific. Honestly sounds like he's grooming you into a swingers lifestyle, without your consent.

Run.

I think the real question you have to ask yourself is what do you think will change about who you are and who you want to be as you get older?

If it is having kids then age is a consideration. But for everything else, that's really a state of mind. People age physically and emotionally different, I have friends in their 50s who are fit active and look to be in their late 30s. So don't get hung up on a number defining you and your interests.

I say stage a "daring commando raid" by visiting your sister at an inopportune time, say at 3AM without your mother.

Maybe not a great idea, but maybe you should just bail on the whole trip? Work suddenly called you in, or your boyfriend decided to take up underwater basket weaving and the week of vacation is the only time he can practice. Or more simply put, if the sudden change in timing is upsetting your apple cart then you may want to wriggle out of it, even if the wriggling is blatant.

For me I really want to return to France, specifically Sedan, Verdun, and maybe Brittany as well. But then I'm a sucker for rural Belgium too.

Weird just weird.... Maybe because I don't have a close relationship with my father, but I don't quite get why one would invite a parent to a bachelor party. But if my best friend wants to he wants to. Haha

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Cranky Lions Only Wanted Nachos🌮🦁

FILTER ☕

Fluoroscope illuminated Lance, through electron radiation.

LEMUR

It's going to be a long one, also hi all been a while.

In another social media platform, I saw multiple cases of various individuals making a bad joke or poor comment; then it seems get coerced into an "apology" by the moderators there. Usually leading to bashing and piling on by members of the group; it was uncalled for and close to abusive. It became more and more common, and then the straw the broke the camels back one guy who was a bit abrasive; then the head mod posted screen shots of a private conversation to humiliate the guy. I had enough.

So knowing that any private conversation would be used as a weapon, I made a rather harsh post (could have couched it better I'm sure) calling out the culture of bullying that had developed. I even called out the bad behavior of the guy who had sparked the last event. Then comes the parade of people who kept justifying themselves and their bullying comments; if these were adults in their 30s and 40s the amount of excuse making could be forgiven. Then the mod who had fueled things, tried to make it about me not following rules and how one should always contact them if there's a problem; I'm still waiting for a response. Oh but that's right I got blocked by the mod. Haha

I should have known better than to stir up that toxic hornets nest, but I cast pearls before swine it seems.

Seems like so many people are just ready for a fight, and taking any opportunity to lash out at anyone who rocks their boat.

I am supremely irked with my boss right now, that is dumping all sorts of things on me and never told me about it. Things that until January had been exclusively his domain, now I am getting threats about the future of my job. that jerk! If he'd told me about taking up these duties and him just playing on his computer instead of working, I could deal with that. But this ? Nope!

Can I do the sales and proposals writing in addition to the engineering? Absolutely. But when I don't get the emails, when I'm not told that these are my new duties; he can go himself. Just some communication would be nice, some leadership rather than expecting me to read minds or go hat in hand every day to be ignored asking about upcoming things.

Been a while since I've been here; nice to be back with a better outlook.

I swear half the people on social media have nothing better to do than whine and screech.

5C this morning.

I am so envious, we're still suffering from about 28C down here; also a touch of hurricane panic.

I'm noticing more occasions where people don't use turn signals, and also when people don't use punctuation. Is there a connection?

Yes, but here let us use the social media pillow to stop your thinking...

Other topic, self pity party being thrown as we speak. If the "you attract who you are" is valid the I am no one? Half laughing & half distraught.

Also messy situation in the making, partly my fault, partly hers. We cannot be honest with each other it seems; we both pull away or ignore each other when it counts. Aka we wait until there is emotional disassociation to use.

Dang i am stupid; went from generalization to specifics.

People who are happy to talk about themselves endlessly but never show any interest in you.

Let me tell you about what annoys me.........

Narcissism is rarely fun.

Dias, you need to start running a travel agency!

This has been a stupid week, not good or bad; just very very stupid!