sikk_entyerd

Thanks to so many who have helped me cope with my most disastrous times. All those replies have really helped through my break up with my gf of 4 years. 2003 was a most difficult year for me but thanks to friends, family and others on enotalone have helped me through the thick. I've dated other girls since but really haven't been able to give myself to any girl. Since the breakup I've been always guarded not to let myself catch feelings too quickly to once again be broken. So far the girls I've been dating aren't really up to speed as I subconsciously compare them to my ex. Anyway, I've not seen or talked to my ex on whole year from Jan 2003 to Dec. She calls me right after X-mas and is totally at mercy. We meet and talk. At first I was totally reluctant to even speak with her after how she stabbed me in the back seeing this other guy when she was with me at the time. For she was the cause of my misery the whole freakin year and I just didn't want to have anything to do with her. She sends tons of e-mail messages and I get about 30 missed calls from her from my cell saying she misses me and wants to meet and talk. I return one message saying to but inside I'm really not over her and needed some sort of closure or something so I after another 30 or so missed calls and emails I decided to meet with her. We meet and the old good memories start. I have this sense of happiness again. So what do we do we end up hooking back up again. Theres been 4 years of history behind us and I felt even though she lied to me, I still love her and want to try to work things out. Anyway we've been together since for about 3 weeks now but still get that feeling of uneasiness. For me this is the worst thing, where you can't really trust that person completely yet and you tend to worry yourself sick. I don't know what it is exactly but I feel as though now, I was much happier not worrying for anyone when I was alone. I don't know whats wrong with me, I was depressed and angry when she wasn't in my life but now that my ex is back in my life I'am not happy. Maybe the feelings for her have changed and I've finally realized that I'm over her while with her. I really don't know what to do? I thought I wanted us to try to work things out but I still don't trust her like I did in the past and my feelings for her seemed to have changed. Am I just hanging on to the good the feelings and memories I had of her in the past? Sorry for such a long and confusing topic. I seriously need some advice.

I don't know what to do with myself. Its been 8 months already since I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years and I'm still in a rut. I still can't get over that fact and get on with my life. Every waking hour I have feelings of hate, anger, resentment toward her and her new boyfriend?...friend?...I don't even know what they are now? But the fact that the two conspired against me secretly in the first place still just angers me so much, when I had confronted him a while ago and told him very nicely to please not interfere with us at the time when she and I were trying to work out the kinks in our relationship. If she wanted to do the "playing the field thing", she could have at least told me and broken up with me like that, instead of doing things so secretly with her coworker. He kept calling her to mess things up with she and I, when we had an agreement with each other that he would not call her up and make her want him. This was about 6 mos ago and I remember things still so vividly. I need serious help. I'm like a bomb waiting to explode. If I ever catch the two together, at the mall, in the movie theater, or anywhere...I'm soo afraid that I'm going to rush the guy and beat the crap out of him and make a fool out of my self by doing so. I don't love her anymore because how she broke it off with me by going out with this guy secretly. You think you know someone after 4 years but I guess not and I'm not so gullable. It would take an idiot not to see that in their relationship if that person was a fake. Maybe she was that good for doing that to me for 4 long years. She never once behaved like this and I never imagined it would end up like how it did. She and I would sometimes talk about where our wedding and stuff would be. Never realized that she would do this to me. I never did any wrong to this girl to be so decieved like this. I was a very good boyfriend to her. I was always there for her and I put her up on a pedestal. Her friends know who I am and they agree with me behind her back but I guess it doesn't matter now. I was going to marry this girl, I was that madly in love with her. I just feel so depressed day in and day out. I go out with friends and talk about it so much so that they are tired of feeling sorry for me. They keep telling me to forget it and just move on but I just can't. I've since dated about 5 girls but I'm just still soooo unhappy. About three of them that I've dated have grown attached to me but I'm just not happy with any one of them. FYI...they all know that they're dating me (i'm not a player if it sounds like it) I want revenge to say the least, I want both my ex and her friend to suffer in some way or another. I sure hope that the saying, "what goes around comes around" holds true, because nothing would give me more satisfaction that humiliating her and punching this guys teeth in. I've felt suicidal at times, and I just don't give a flying (f word) about life any more. Prison time wouldn't sound too bad if I could just give it to this guy. I don't know what to do or where to turn. I feel really really depressed today more so that other days so thats why i'm writing to get some stress off of me by letting out some steam. To some extent its helping. No one has to reply to this message if they don't want to because actually there's no subject to reply back to. I don't think anything or anyone can help me right now. Its in God's hands now...I just have so much respect for the people who can just move on with their life after what their once better half betrayed them and the couples out there that last. I envy them. God Bless all those that have had their hearts broken. May your hearts be once again be mended.