Igelchen

Thanks for all these stories. especially: Who cares if it's false hope? It's gonna get me through my exams. Or it better do.

Never beg anyone for anything. Nothing is worth that. Feelings are running high. Let him be a while longer, then if you must contact him, send him something casual. You can say you miss him, but lengthy messages are a no. Keep it light. Don't apologise. He loved you before - he won't hate you forever. He may never want you back or love you again, you might not be friends even, but the hate will pass. He's probably upset, and unconsciously blaming you for it. That too will pass. don't blame yourself. We're here for you.

Back to square one. * * * * . I emailed her. EDIT: and she replied. She has a boyfriend now. Three weeks after the break up. And she's already had him stay the night. So much for "I want to stay single for a while". She couldn't do it if she tried... this is so bloody awful even the general election couldn't distract me from the misery.

Dun dun duh... two hours into day 2 and, after lying awake miserable thinking of how little time ago we lay there together talking all night, I only just stopped myself from sending an email. I wrote for an hour, then wavered between the send button and a copy and paste into my diary. The latter won out. That's about the twelfth message I've drafted to her in three days. It's a good thing I know the things I'm trying to say to her wouldn't have any effect:

DAY 1: Four weeks since the breakup. I've actually been in No Contact for nearly a week, now, but time has passed and I've found myself thinking about trying to write to her again - despite the fact she made it clear this will not make her happy. I can see why it's a terrible idea from my perspective as well. It's only made me feel awful to talk to her - even though during the contact, even if she's shouting at me or insulting me, I feel better for seeing her. I'm still remembering too much of what it was like to be together - and how happy she was with me until right before she left me. And the confusion between our mutual happiness right before and her determination since then that it was a huge mistake and can never work again just keeps giving me false hope. She's still the first thing I think about in the morning. Her music still goes round in my head though I've banished it from my collections. I have to accept this and move on, and I stilll haven't. So now in the hope of somehow committing to this idea for longer - I swear not to write to her or contact her at all until at least June 5th.