Fudgie
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Everything posted by Fudgie
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They are probably just happy to have a paying job. Several of my friends have been furloughed at their jobs. Rent is due tomorrow. I can pay mine without a problem because I've been working and will continue to work but what about all the people who can't? I don't trust landlords and creditors not to screw people over. Maybe they will defer payment but they won't waive it. When all of this is done, people may have 3+ months of rent or bills that will come "due" and they will be trying to play catchup for a long time. That puny $1,200 check is nothing for most people and what they have lost. At the end of the day, we have to pay our bills and we have to eat and no one is really helping Americans out. Just the promise exists of some $1,200 check that won't come for at least another month or so. In the meantime, people are scrounging.
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I hadn't thought about the radio. Unfortunately, everything where I am is super syndicated now and I don't know of any true local stations at the moment (except for one but the hosts are nasty and I won't listen to them). I listen to a national broadcast station a lot, lots of classical music.
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Bolt, While it's true that some young people do end up in the ICU and die from COVID, the majority of those getting seriously sick and needing such care are older folks. Nobody is immune but you do have a bit of increased risk over your coworkers, not taking into account everyone's preexisting conditions. I just turned 30 and I'd rather not die but I worry more about my parents and other family than anything else. All we can do is take the precautions. We had a suspect COVID patient in my unit. I think it's a matter of time before it hits here and my patients will be toast. Mentally, I'm not in a good state. I'm no longer feeling as emotional, just numb. I'm functional but withdrawn and just going through the motions at this point. I actually have ahedonia now. Food doesn't taste good, comedy isn't funny, I can't masturbate, etc. The only thing that feels good right now is sleep. Therapy and meds can't help this. I can only hunker down and get through it, hope my patients survive, and hope for a return to normalcy without the loss of anyone I care about.
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I ending up getting some Indian food delivered (contactless delivery and I sanitized the outside of the container after I got it). Cracked open a bottle of wine.
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I just can't believe this is real life right now. Afraid to go to the store? Seriously?
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That's not okay to yell at someone like that. I've definitely given a stink eye to adult people (it's usually men) who get too close. I find wearing a mask keeps people at bay. People treat me like a leper and get out of my way. Whatever, you can think I'm sick, just keep away. I think next time I get a guy obnoxiously close who knows better, I'm going to give a dry cough as I'm wearing my mask. Hopefully that will make them back up
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I don't want to be too specific but I am in NY. Not the city but NY. My county gets new cases all the time but we don't have the right testing so a lot of people are sick with symptoms and not being tested. The blow back in NYC may come to affect my life, I don't know. I'm bombarded with emails from the state, begging me (health professional) to go help but we have our own problems here. The worry is that the governor will try to ship up sick patients. NO, KEEP THEM DOWN THERE. We won't have enough vents for the locals here - we don't need newcomers.
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Why would anyone yell at your son?? That's nuts. People are CRAZY. I am honestly scared. I do not have a handgun as I have a history of depression/suicidal feelings (too tempting) but I hunt and I have experience with rifles and shotguns. I have a shotgun right now. I've used this shotgun A LOT for hunting small game...birds mostly and clay targets. I never thought I'd have it in my own apartment for personal defense. The ammo I have will kill a human at close range which is exactly why I have this gun - so I can just point/shoot if someone comes into my apartment aggressively. I have a little bit of ammo but plan to try and get more.
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Another homicide in short order in my city. Things are getting ugly here. I have coworkers who date/are married to cops and they confirmed to me that the cops are not responding as much to calls. Only true emergencies and even then, it takes them longer to get there. They are worried about getting the virus. I sleep with a gun now.
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I really do hate going to the store now. I love going outside when it is nice out but the store? Blah. I'm thinking of just ordering groceries online now but I hate the waiting and the price increase. Bah. My mom made me a thick cloth mask to wear when I go to the store. It's not N95 but it's a good droplet mask. So maybe that will help. One of my patients had symptoms, got the test done. Not a good day, lots of workers were upset. Luckily the patient was negative. What a whirlwind. I used to say for years "Damn, we need a plague!" to myself...when stuck in traffic, when in a line that was taking way too long, when my favorite yogurt was all bought up, just silly things like that. I feel kind of bad now. I got what I (jokingly) asked for and I HATE IT.
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It does feel intrusive. That's a good way to put it. I think I prefer voice calling because 1) I'm really used to it and 2) I get to do other things while I talk to someone. I can cook, I can do my adult coloring, etc. I am not just sitting there looking at the screen to video chat. It feels weird to just sit there and look at someone to communicate via phone like that. I know it's sometimes to be a replacement for face-to-face conversation but it just doesn't do it for me. I told one of my close local friends "let's go for a socially distant walk! outside!" You know, we both have cars, we could meet at a nearby park or something. Nope, she wants to video chat. It makes me feel like an old fogey.
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I'm like your mom, Sera. I hate videocalling. It's not about how I look on it either, I don't care. I just find it awkward and it makes me feel sadder. I'd rather just stick with phone calls. My mom is bugging me to video chat (she has iPhone, I have Android, so we need to do another workaround) and I just don't want to. I'd rather just talk via voice.
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Honestly, at this point, my home is my safe place. I am NOT santizing my home. I have a process where I treat my work clothes differently than my normal clothes (I've always done this) and I also wash my hands immediately before I touch anything in the apartment. My apartment is my safe haven. I don't worry about getting sick in here as long as I'm careful about hand washing and disinfecting what I bring in. It's only me living here so I only have me to worry about.
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I'm so sorry. I've had to increase my medication too. I also got a weighted blanket for use at night. I'm still having trouble sleeping. Today, I am trying to positive let's see how long this will last... The upsides, I still can work (healthcare, I will always have work!) and I am still working on my Masters virtually. I don't intend to have any delay in my education. I am lucky in that regard. Trying to be positive, trying so freaking hard.
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Don't forget too the fact that many people can have it with mild OR no symptoms... And are contagious still That's what is scary to me because we have very limited testing (BIG PROBLEM) but given that you can have no symptoms and still have it...well, who knows how much this has spread.
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Bolt, I feel your anxiety. I am terrified of the possibility of the virus coming into my health facility. We have been locked down for weeks (even before the whole state shut down) but I feel it's inevitable.
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Batya - I'm with you. I think the idea of asking you to use/provide vinegar and soap for an online project is just crap. It's tone-deaf. With what is going on, I think it's utterly inappropriate to ask people to use up supplies like that for entertainment purposes. dias - to be honest, everyday I want to quit. I don't because...well, I can't. This is my livelihood. I positioned myself well for further schooling. I can't walk away now because it will have consequences on the rest of my life/career. I'll be honest, if I were married with a husband who made good money and I could stay home, I would have left and stayed home with everyone else. And, I don't know, maybe I'd feel bad, it's hard to say. I'm definitely no hero here. I am reluctantly going to work. This is absolutely the Spanish Flu all over again. And so many people don't care/take it seriously. I am not taking care of COVID patients (yet?? Oh god) but my patient load/acuity has gone up with this crisis and my patients are very vulnerable. We are doing all we can to make sure we don't bring the virus instead of the facility. I wear a mask everyday for 12+ hrs. I also have some homemade PPE.
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bluecastle, I agree - in the US, we have very few security nets. I am still really frustrated though because in my state/area, there is a LOT of emergency help. For example, my state put a moratorium on evictions and the like. If you can't pay your rent, you can't be evicted now. There is free cable internet for all of those who can't afford to get it at this time, to help them keep in contact. Also, ALL utilities stay on - heat, electric, water, everything - the state made it so in this time, you can't have it shut off if you can't pay. Don't forget the loads of food banks and most of the schools here are giving away a couple hot meals every single day to kids/families. I sympathize with people who are hurting financially right now but at the same time, in my area, you can get by with the basics and not lose your shelter/food/utilities and you don't have to pay a DIME. You won't lose ANYTHING. You don't even have to dig into your savings. Hell, use your savings to get a monthly streaming service so you can sit at home. I'm so upset and frustrated today. Some horrible things are going to happen and in short order. Trust me, there is going to be a massive surge of sick people and they won't be able to get the care they need and the bodies are going to pile up, just like in Italy. I have a grave feeling that in my position, I'm going to see some really horrible things and I am not sure if I can handle it mentally. I've seen terrible things in healthcare but not in this scale, people dying in droves.
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My anxiety is up again today. The patients I care for are on ventilators long term. There is talk about the possible redeployment of ventilators in my area in an emergency. You get my drift - I feel f_ing sick about it. It's going to be terrible in the US because people are myopic and selfish. People just can't stop going to social gatherings or touching their damn faces and here we are. My dad is in healthcare, retired, and may get redeployed. I am scared! I was told that they will try to use him in non covid situations to free up younger people to go work with covid but who the hell knows. Anxiety is really up today.
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Sort of. I don't really have the ability to have a formal alarm system (my door frame would not accommodate those sensors) but I have local alarms on my windows so when my A/C units are in the windows, if someone tries to pull up on the window, whelp, very loud.
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Feeling better today. I did put on a mask and went to the grocery store for a few things I needed. Thankfully the shelves are being stocked again and people aren't running around grabbing stuff and panicking like they were. Tomorrow I have to go out again to pick up a prescription but I can have the pharmacy run it out to me. Work is stressing me out but no COVID (yet?) in my facility. We will see what will happen. It gives me a lot of anxiety knowing that this cases continue to go up where I am (although not as bad as NYC, thank GOD). I fear that I'll be in an unsafe position with patients and I'll have to see some really horrible things. I have a fair bit of ICU experience. I know how to take care of a patient on a ventilator. I think I'm going to be utilized at some point...just not sure when/where/what. But I'm not exactly jumping up to volunteer. I am keeping my head down and continuing my standard work and hoping that we can keep the virus out of where I work. There is NOT ENOUGH PPE. I have my own masks, some homemade. I won't disclose what was used to make them or else some more things are going to go out of stock but they do work. I'm hoping at some point, maybe I'll get infected with COVID and then given my young age/lack comorbidities, it will pass and I'll be okay and then I don't have to worry about getting it any more. New concern for me: crime. All of the school closed and lots of unemployment. My city has had a lot of issues with violence and crime and it seems to be getting a bit worse. We had two homicides in pretty short order which is very odd for the cold months. People tend to do more of that nonsense when it is warm out. I am concerned because I am alone in a bottom level apartment. I know how to use a gun (have used them for years) and soon, I plan to retrieve my shotgun from my family's house and take it along with some ammo back to my apartment. My family is in agreement. I need some protection at home. I'm sad that it has come to this. But I feel that I have no choice. I don't trust the government to continue the course to protect its citizens. I don't trust the police in this mess to stop crime effectively. This is the time to be self-sufficient. I just wish I didn't have to do it alone right now.
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Today I am really regretting my career choice.
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On edge. Hasn't hit my facility yet...terrified. My already fragile pts go into respiratory distress sometimes and I can feel my pulse quicken. I'm in total isolation outside of work. Running out of PPE. I've made my own masks that account for micron size and conform to my face. I won't say what I use because I can't have people panic buying, sorry. Homemade masks, this is what it comes to. I can't sleep properly. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I'm still reeling.
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I'm completely on edge every day at work. Watching like a hawk for respiratory symptoms. I can't eat much or well. I'm basically a supervisor at my current job and I'm exhausted from the stress AND also having to dispel rumors ("No, there is no COVID in our facility. Let's put that to bed.") and managing in-fighting with some staff and patients. Everyone's nerves are frayed and they take it out on each other. I had a nurse practitioner almost bite my head off today and I just looked at her and I said" I'm sorry I'm adding to your stress. I really am. I am scared and stressed myself." and she treated me differently (better) after that. I want to drink but I don't. Today I ate one small egg wrap, half a sandwich, and 3 cups of coffee. The cases just keep going up in my city and I'm worried.
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I think it's ridiculous, the lack of tests. I'm a healthcare worker with a vulnerable population - I should get tested if I have symptoms. Yet we don't have enough tests. I'm told if I get sick, to call work and call a hotline and stay home. People like me and the elderly/immunocompromised should be getting the tests, not celebrities in their big mansions who just want something to tweet about.
