joseph_heller

Thanks Heb and Bell, you both make good points. Maybe, I don't 'believe in myself', Heb, and I don't know how I'm going to do that either. Thanks for that. It is food for thought. Bell, yes, I do think I am more intelligent than my colleagues, or if not more intelligent, then certainly some fundamental thing which puts me in a different 'level' to them, as you say. What bothers me is that all types of people, whether highly intelligent or unintelligent, seem to be able to co-exist, yet I don't seem to be able to. I really struggle and it bothers me that other intelligent people seem to manage it. For example, many intellectuals come from, and have survived, humble beginnings, co-existing with people less intelligent than themselves. So why not me? Also, Bell, I have difficulties accepting your point about everyone being worthy. Surely, it's logical that people can only have wealth and success when other people don't. Think about it like this: if everyone had a million pounds then a million pounds would be worth nothing, or for instance, I can only come first in a race if there are others to come 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc. Btw, when you say, "Something in your early past must have happened that gave you the idea that you are not worthy (of success, or in general)".. that is a point I suspect is true, but I have no idea what it is, or if knowing what it is achieves anything, anyway. Thanks very much for your help. Although I viewed the website you gave, I have very limited use of the internet at the moment - will have to return to it at a better time, thanks.

Any advice would be welcome. Can anyone appreciate a self-destructive characteristic, holding you back and never allowing you to ever fulfil your full potential. Despite being an intelligent person, I'm in late 20s and yet still in a fairly low paid, unskilled job. I already feel alienated from my work colleges as my personality is so different, and every time I try to better myself, through learning and reading more, I feel as though I am alienating myself even moreso, which makes me panic. I often look at those who have achieved so much more than me as being more capable than I am, yet, deep down, I don't really believe this to be true. I believe it is partly a question of self-esteem. I don't feel as though I am worthy of success, financial or otherwise. Also, in a strange sort of way, I believe wealth is immoral, yet achievement normally brings wealth. Can anyone empathise with this? Any advise would be much appreciated, thanks.

Thanks again, Winkie. I'm coming to the conclusion there is going to be hurt, regardless. I don't think it is possible to be friends. We love each other. We have intimacy and cherish each other, however, sexually, it just isn't working very well, and I am sexually encouraging myself, when I shouldn't be, really. I sincerely don't think she would cope with just being my friend (nor me for that matter). This whole relationship leaves me sad. Btw, I appreciate your point about type. I guess we are sexually attracted to different types and the types we are not sexually attracted to, probably fit a smaller bracket. Yep, I suppose it would be easier to say what doesn't do it for you rather than what does.

A big thank you to swing, winkie and mask. Winkie, she is attractive, but not my type, really. I sometimes feel guilty about it which is probably somewhat illogical. It's purely a visual thing. I'm mostly sexually attracted to thin women, which she isn't, really, and there's not a lot I can do about my sexual preferences, so it seems. But I do love her, and I don't know if I can be her friend because I feel protective towards her and I want to be with her and hear from her all the time. We get along so well and I do want to grow old with her and all the things associated with love. However, my first contact with her was over the net and I discovered that, in real life, although she is attractive, one man's meat and all (excuse the expression). I just am not sexually aroused. I thought love is all that counted but now, being in this mess, I do wonder. I am fully aware of her feelings and they are extremely important to me. I just don't know what to make of this relationship. I think we are both going to get hurt and I am wondering if the mature decision here would be just to let each other drift on. I guess there is no painless conclusion to any relationship, but if I have no sexual desire for this person, then I guess that is too significant to continue. Would you agree with this???

A "Hi" to everyone as I'm new to these boards. I'd be very grateful for some advice on a problem (if anyone here has, indeed, experienced such a problem). To be brief, I have been in a relationship with someone I met on the net for a year now. We are in love. The situation is, however, that we spend most of our time on the phone as we live so far away from each other, although, still in the same country. I have met her several times when we have had a physical/sexual relationship. I love her dearly and care about her soooo much, yet, here is the problem: maybe, because of the new-age world that we live in, this problem maybe hardly existed before such technology as the internet. The problem is that I am not *sexually* attracted to this woman I am in love with, and I don't know what to do about it or what to think, really. Is it even a problem as we love each other. Big question, I know, but your advice and experience would be very welcome.

I agree with ragga. I know this is sensitive for you, but if I'm honest, I believe there could well be someone else. Think of it along these lines. If there is someone else then he is right, he isn't good enough for you. That's one way of putting it - the way he has chosen - which probably alleviates his guilt somewhat, too. If there isn't someone else, then someone in the reckoning or something in his contemplations re. the freedom of his sex life, maybe.