8minuteslate

Ok I did it. Sent the letter and photo. In the letter, I apologised to her and told her that I hoped she was OK. She txt-ed me the next morning to say thanks, but I could tell that she's still devastated that even though I'm the one for her, she's not the one for me. I guess she probably even finds it hard to believe what I said. You guys were right about that one. Wow, guess I'm fortunate that she can still talk to me after what I did. We haven't communicated at all after that. I don't want to mess her up, so I guess its entirely up to her if she can view me as a friend (but I don't think that will happen anytime soon, or ever) Thanks for all the help, everyone.

Isn't that weird though... It's like saying "I could LEARN to love her". I agree that the relationship should be priority, and that we should work at it. But I think you should also know when the two of you may not be right as a couple. Digressing slightly from that point, what happens when you're in a relationship, and the other person is SO sure that you're the one for her, but you're still unsure. You tell her. She knows this. But she gets frustrated and upset at you every other day because you can't return her feelings as strongly. What then? Do you fake it? Do you back off? I don't know... perhaps regretting that you didn't try would be better than trying, but not meaning it.

I'm not even sure I deserve the "friend" label to her. But yes, that is what I am saying. I am NOT looking to get back together with her. I just want to know that she will be OK. No pressure to re-establish contact. No pressure to "just be friends". All your advice has been helpful. Yes I think I need to keep my promise. Give me strength. Thanks for all your help, everyone.

It's what I DO want to do. I DO want to let her know how I feel. But after the whole thing, I'm very unsure of my own actions now (hence this post for advice). Isn't it selfish of me to contact her when she's trying to move on? It's like saying "Ok, I feel better now, hence you should feel better too." The trouble is that, she may still be in love with me. I don't want to do this and have her relive the entire thing in her mind again. I forgot to mention that it's her first relationship (even though she's in her twenties). I feel completely crap that it had to be such a bad first relationship. Or, she could be successfully moving on by telling herself that she hates me. If so, then what good would my interfering do? Thanks for answering so quickly, smiles314.

I need advice about what I should do post-breakup. There's always a long story behind every relationship, but I'll try to be concise. Hope there's someone out there who can give me advice, or give me the finger, since I deserve that as well. I knew this girl for about 6 months before we started officially being a couple. There were some dates before that, but I saw it as more just hanging out, doing stuff with a friend. I kissed her one time before we got together, and then the next day, told her it was a mistake, and could we go back to being friends. She seemed OK about it, but I think she was deeply hurt that I wasn't able to see her as anything more. Two months ago, I kissed her again, and this time, we got together for real. A month into it and I started to doubt if getting together was right, again. Sure, I enjoyed her company, and liked her as a friend, and was attracted to her. But in my mind, it was less serious than she wanted it to be. I was merely enjoying being with her, but she was falling in love. She would give the silent treatment, which added more to my doubts about the health of the relationship. I ended it after two months. That was OK in itself, but I made a big mistake after that. The next night, I went back to her and asked her to take me back. She accepted. The morning after that, I broke up with her again. She was devastated, after believing all I said about wanting to try again, for real. I returned to her place one final time again, to tell her everything, and that I didn't love her, and how sorry I was that I was so irresponsible and heartless with her feelings. I've just kinda come out of a pretty bad guilt trip. It helped to make me see just how badly I screwed up. But now, I feel that I want to make amends. This may be a dangerous move. Here's my question. Should I initiate contact? She asked me to promise that I would send her a photo of the two of us. I promised I would. I was considering sending that to her soon, along with a letter, that basically said I was sorry to cause her so much pain, and that I wouldn't torment her again after this. Or, should I leave it be, and accept that she will never ever have any respect for me again, and in her eyes, I will always be a heartless b@st@rd. I don't know how she's feeling now, and I don't want to add to her hurt by initiating contact again. What do you think? Thank you for reading this.

I can't help you sort out your feelings for her, but I can tell you what NOT to do. Three weeks ago, I was in your exact same position. I had been with this girl for two months, and for the last two weeks, I had been feeling just how you feel. I wasn't sure if she was THE ONE, and it bothered me that she was obviously falling for me, but I was merely enjoying her companionship and closeness. I broke it off that night, and she was of course upset and hurt. I told her it was for the best since I couldn't match the intensity of her feelings for me. Here's the big mistake. I felt so guilty for doing that to her that the very next day, I convinced myself that I could give it another shot. She took me back. Here's the ultimate mistake. A couple days after that, I see-sawed back to feeling unsure again. And broke up. Again. She was completely devastated. Even worse than from the first break, which happened only a couple days before. Put yourself in her shoes warrior. All you're feeling is confused, but your heart is not at stake here. What I did to someone I considered a close friend was unforgivable, because she had to endure blow after blow to her heart, all because I didn't know what I wanted. I am regretting my actions so badly now, but I am trying very hard to see that I should not guilt myself into trying "one more time", because that will be utterly destructive to her. She is the one who will hurt, not you. Just wanted to share. Hope you make the right choices.