pearlylove

thank you so much. i really appreciate you listening and helping me out. this is being copied into a word document so i can make sure to look back at it and not end NC just cuz i feel alone.

i wish i knew how to respond to this, i'm just responding because i know how nice it can be to know that someone is out there listening and caring about what you say. How are you going to get over it? Because eventually you're going to find someone who is going to be true to you and only you. He caused you a lotta pain from the sounds of it, so once you two are less attached you wont have to deal with all of that so much i'm sorry if i sound ignorant, i'm trying here. I've just not been in that situation before. Just know that I care. We are all llistening and i'm sure someone will respond with quality advice

okay so i've read them but now I'm a bit confused. How do i know when to end the NC? I've seen all these "too soon" deals...and i don't know my ex tried to contact me after only a few hours after we talked and decided it was official NC...but i told him again that i really need this time. i havent gotten my period yet and he knows that. 3 days late (i'm on bcp, it usually comes the SAME HOUR SAME DAY every month)...so he keeps trying to talk to me even though we decided that my friend (mutual friend) would let him know. so i guess i dont know if it's ok to think of that as an ok excuse for him... but my main question how do i know when it's been long enough NC???

damn. you guys arent kidding. i read the first few a while ago and thought it was a different situation but then i randomly picked pages and he does talk about my problem. THANKS YOU TWO!!!!!!!!

So i talked to my ex for the last time officially before starting the NC. He gave me his last goodbye letter and it felt like it wasnt even from the heart. it kinda hurt to be honest just knowing that. His new girlfriend is coming this weekend so i'm escaping and bringing my best friend home with me. What I'm worried about now is that I'm going to miss him sooo badly and want to talk to him again. And even more, all of his friends are my friends too. do i stop hanging out with them too?? i dont know what to do. i feel so lost. and for the future how do i stay strong and not talk to him??? cuz i'm fine now cuz he's only been hurting me but i'm worried that feelings gonna die away...

Oh annalise, It's SO hard to keep from breaking down...it really is. I'm stuck going through this cycle even though I wasn't the one who initiated a break up. DAMN I know that up one minute down the next, but I always thought it was just who i am, glad to know that as horrible as it feels i'm not alone, so i figured you might want to hear it too. it's gonna be really tough now, because a break up is a CHANGE and no one EVER embraces change unless the benefits are right there in your face. Regardless of all the fights you may have had, I'm guessing he was someone you talked to about days events and stuff. That's where the change is. Maybe eventually you can go back to talking about that stuff with him (NOT AS A BOYFRIEND...i wouldnt even say friend cuz someone doesn't deserve to be a friend if they cant be honest with you. that's number one. dont settle for less as much as you care for him) but right now, what this site advocates is honestly the best way to go. No Contact...but if you can't do that...as little as possible right now. It's just gonna tear you apart more to talk to him about things and know that you're not together anymore. It really sounds like you did the right thing. You'll realize it in time. Someday...there'll be someone who's going to treat you like you deserve--by being HONEST!!!!! Girl it's HUGE. don't regret what you did!!! Think of change as being on the verge of something...like something better is just around the corner, but you just cant see it yet. someone better maybe. right now just try and do things you enjoy. and talk on here obviously. we're here for ya even though we don't know you. watch movies, go shopping for clothes (if you're into that), paint your nails, make some crafts, any little thing that you can do will help. YOU is the one important thing right now, not wondering if you made the right decision cuz it sounds like all of us here really think you did the right thing. just trust your gut/intuition.

Yeah...you have the facts right. And you know what? I've been laughing at it ever since I read it. TRAINWRECK. you are AMAZING!!! damn. thanks. first laugh i've had in a while. And you know what ELSE??? I FINALLY (2 weeks...) gave in--No Contact it is. I let him know that it is not against him, that's it's for the best for me and (most likely) him, that I need my space for ME right now instead of all the time I spend thinking about when I am going to see him next and such, and that I'm not intending it to be permanent (if it is...then it's a message, but I still see him as far too good a guy to lose completely, he just SUCCCKKKSSS with breakups. I mean, momentous JERK about it sometimes!!!) and that maybe someday when all the pieces are put together, my confusion is gone, and I can think/LOOK at him without my heart breaking inside, THEN maybe we can try the friends deal. Kinda sucks, but I really have a feeling it's gonna be okay. He's just really mad b/c he feels like i'm taking the easy way out. I just tried to explain as best i could that this isnt going to be easy...it's gonna be HARD...but he still thinks trying to be friends would be better. I just think it'll work out better in the future days (IF THAT HAPPENS) if we can try it after all is settled and hard feelings are ..settled...put to rest? i dunno the word. So my best friend and I are going HOME this weekend. Mad that he's controlling this part of me and that i'm leaving b/c of him, but it'll be far better off than knowing he's downstairs kissing this other girl. FAHK. ouh that still makes me angry. Anyways, he wants to write me one last letter before we start the NC for good. I have a quiz on friday 9am, I'm LEAVING friday at 2pm...my problem? he wants me to read it in front of him...or should I say NO...or should I decide the time before the quiz or before driving home? HELP HELP HELP He read my letter in front of me and he thinks it's only fair for the same to be done to him. What do you think? I HONESTLY CANT DECIDE = ( and "Some guy out there will think the world of you, love you for all your qualties"...i HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, but i still wonder if that' even possible. depression? how the hell can you like that?? i've been on medz and seeing a psych for it but still.....

You know what? What you said about "don't let him have his cake AND PIE TOO" really struck a note in me. I see what you're getting at, and I'm glad you brought it too my attention now. You are SO right. And what else...i don't have any control over his decision no matter what...so why should I spend my time worrying about it? how bout this...do you have any advice BESIDES TIME about how the hell to get myself to stop thinking these suicidal and hurtful thoughts?? I keep thinking if I wasnt good enough for the one person i thought was the best in this world...how am i gonna be good enough for someone else? and qualities that i thought were good were apparently annoying and bad in his opinion. I've never bashed myself so bad. I mean i know i'm harsh about myself TO ME...but this was from someone ELSE!!! = ( Okay, and nadine, i'll start taking your advice. I've already started. I deleted him from my contacts list on AIM and my email, and i took him off my cell, that way if i get the urge to call him, i cant. Just...right now he owes me a lot of money and he's also wanting to use the money to see this new girlfriend. I'm afraid if i dont go to him every now and then to MAKE HIM GIVE ME MONEY, he'll use it to go to her. I know he'll pay me back eventually, but i dont want my money going to her, and i also want the money NOW instead of LATER. I really dont know what to do. I don't want to keep much contact with him /any at all...but i dont want to lose that money. HELP PLEASE. It helps to see that it does indeed seem okay to be friends IN TIME, just not NOW. cuz NOW is when i can't take it. NOW is when it's tearing me apart. And another question: (it's ALL I HAVE right now = ( ) part of me wonders if him talking about marrying this other girl really is odd, don't they say when you know, you know?? I mean...maybe you're right. maybe he didn't love me as much as i thought he did...which just made me cry again. GRRR okay i think i'm good for venting now. sorry i didn't have time to reply earlier. please be with me guys.

wow, both of you, thank you so much. yeah, so far I've asked him not to talk about this new girl. I guess you're right about the fact that I kinda am letting him have power over me by keeping in touch with him so soon after the break up. I guess I will give it some time, some time alone, to do stuff for ME. Is it wrong of me to hope that we can be in touch eventually even if it doesn't lead to something bigger in the future? I'll write more when I get back from volunteering--right now i'm keeping myself busy so I don't dwell on things too much. I'll give more of a response cuz there IS more i'd like to say/ask/inquire

I wrote before, but I was hoping I could try again for more responses, because I really am lost. My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago and started dating a girl he didnt even know but was introduced to by his best friend a week later. He's already talking about marriage with her but he is still trying to be friends with me and hang out because he says he doesn't want to lose the one person who knows more about him than anyone else. But, will I just get dumped off the side of the earth when this girl begins to know him more than I do? Or is it possible that he's being sincere and doesn't want to lose touch with me because he really does think I'm a good person. He keeps saying he doesn't want to lose touch because he thinks we really did have something and the future is a possibility, as I can't help but believe, but all this is hurting me beyond belief right now. He says this but talks about marriage with another girl? SO CONFUSED!! I tried to do the no contact for three days, but then he ended up coming up to visit me like...6 times in one day on that last day. (He lives RIGHT downstairs in my dorm...) I don't know what I could do "please stay away from me?" I dunno...seems harsh to me. But should I just deal with it and hope that when we are both truly out of each others lives that if it IS meant to be that we will get back? But then again I worry that if we do lose contact that we never will want to get back in touch. Oh, and another thing, this new girlfriend of his is coming to visit him this weekend because his parents wont give him his car to go visit her because they thought i was the one and they want him to think about things. they know it's his decision but they also think he's doing this as a rebound even though she is a really nice girl. SO, problem is, it's gonna be VERY DIFFICULT to avoid her since the bathroom is on HIS floor and i have to pass his floor to get inside and outside. So do I just deal with meeting her for a few minutes and then leave to get it over with? Or do I go home and let him control that aspect of my life? Or do ...I don't know!!! PLEASE HELP ME OUT!!!

I'm taking the post down because it seems like it's not a bad enough situation to warrant any responses (Fisch, thank you for your help, it is much appreciated, it's nice to get an outsider's opinion)