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Everything posted by pearlylove

  1. okay, i think you did the right thing with asking her not to call you anymore, and it was very respectful that she listened. right now i dont think you should worry about her as much as you are--as in TRY to work on YOURSELF right now, like all the other posts say. I think you should only contact her again when you can hope for the best for her and be happy that she is doing well instead of wondering if she's in love with you still (which honestly i dont think she is...i think she might really be truly happy). Right now you still need to heal, and contacting her is only going to set you back--especially if you find out that she IS INDEED totally happy with things in her life. cuz then you're gonna be stuck thinking "she's happy without me" and crap like that. keep doing what you're doing until you, yourself heal. you may still be in love but time will do it's thing and (hopefully) it'll change to a different kind of love where you wish the best for the other versus wonder "will things go back" "does she love me" "i wonder what they do on their own".... i hope you understand what i mean. you need more time. dont give in to the urge to call. you're doing great.
  2. okay. i'm trying. it still feels bad because i do think of him. i feel so funny diverting my mind from him...i have to keep doing it SOOO much!! man i wonder if it's unusual to think of him so much (stupid question i know...but honestly...a LOT). okay. i think you guys have convinced me. no birthday thing. can't have his cake and PIE TOO like one person said--can't remember who. but ...he didn't really hook up with her, he's just going to be in a long relationship with her (he doesnnnttt do short term)...so maybe he deserves a bit? nahhh not now. maybe eventually...but lately he's been a jerk. you're right. sorry this is so choppy!! while i'm writing i keep figuring things out and then getting confused again... = / thank you.
  3. i'm not really sure either...that's why i cant stop thinking about it. i mean...number one: he ended it. number two: he got with another girl within 2 weeks of breaking up. he should have it all. but my friends have been saying he's been sleeping and drinking and not eating much at all...so he's gotta be hiding somehow--but how could he be in a new relationship with that all involved....like, sadness or hurt??? or it might have to do with the whole no period thing..i mean i took the tests and stuff and i'm not pregnant...i wonder if it somehow has to do with that? UGH SOOOO CONFUSSSEEED = ( i'm sorry i cant give you any leads...i just really wish i knew myself. man it's gonna be so weird (AND HARD) not wishing him happy bday. but thank you for the advice. i needed someone to back-up and tell me. any new ideas? especially on the how the heck do i get my mind off him when i cant really do other stuff to focus on me cuz i have exams like crazy?? (and it's not exactly productive studying when i'm trying to get him OFF my mind) = (
  4. okay i was doing so well not thinking about my ex until i ran into him when he was hanging out with my friends the other night. his eyes were so hurt and confused and sad...and i just cant stop thinking about him since. 1st: any advice how NOT to think of him when i cant really keep myself busy because of all this darn schoolwork?? and 2nd thing: why on EARTH am i so sad/is this so upsetting when part of me is so unbelievably happy it's over? i mean, he told me i couldnt turn heads when i wasnt wearing makeup...and he wouldn't let me wear a hoodie because it made me "look funny" and i couldnt act like myself and be childishly happy because it upset him. like...there's so many positives to being out of the relationship (i'm even going abroad this summer now!!!), but it still upsets me so. i know part of it is the fact that i lost one of the 2 best things in my life (besides my family and friends)...but i find myself concentrating more on HIM overall. I DONT GET IT!!!! = / and last thing: his birthday is this sunday...do i acknowledge that at all...to him...or do i keep myself busy and try NOT to call him or think of him (oh good luck to me)...?? i hope you guys realize how much you're helping me through this. i am so thankful my friend showed me this forum...
  5. if he was being a jerk then you did the right thing. i couldnt get the guts to do it myself when my now-ex was doing that to me for a good month. i had no "reason"... but he ended up doing it after holding it over my head like crazy. i know this isnt any consolation but if he was being a jerk then he mighta done the same thing my ex did with a little bit more time. so you're the one in charge and i agree with lady--you feel like you regret it because you're in shock. this is gonna be the biggest change imaginable. i hope you realize you deserve someone who is going to treat you better than you can even imagine--not like this one did. i wish i knew more of the details...why he was being a jerk...i think that might be integral in whether or not what you did was the right thing. but bottom line...if things werent equally happy, then you know the deal.
  6. ack. i'm glad you said this cuz i have found myself in this trap after i ran into him yesterday. last weekend i spoiled myself majorly...bought myself a ring and a sexy bra and went rock climbing..helped a LOT (too bad he decided to come up to my room and break NC--next time i'm totally not evening opening the freaking door, that set me back). this weekend i'm doing the same sorta thing with booking activities to enjoy one day at a time. i'll concentrate on me...no more HIM. ugh. thanks suede
  7. Tod: i guess i will. i guess better safe than sorry. yeah i've only had one other bf and that was for 2 years...but that was much easier to get over b/c i did the deed with him. i'm surprised he still talks to me...but that's kinda nice to have. this one ended it with me...and i saw it coming for a good month cuz he was being a real jerk, but i couldnt break it off cuz my rents woulda killed me and i honestly had no reason cuz he had been so good to me otherwise. but yeah he's already in another relationship...but the sadness his eyes still hurts me. not sure why. okay so hi's it is whenever that happens...i know it'll get better. i understand that it's stupid to think we'll never see each other--and i dont want that to happen. in fact i still think he's a good guy (when he's not in a breakup lol) so i'm hoping we do end up being okay eventually (in a while haha) okay so i'm good now with the venting/telling more info. thank you guys. big time.
  8. haha i meant the cramps as a good thing as in maybe i'll really get my period. i was sposed to get it last tuesday...it's just really weird cuz it usually comes the same day same approximate time (tues night). oh crap i didnt read the specifications...i took the first response one--buy one get a 2nd one in the pack free. hmmm i'll look it up. i'm thinking it's stress. also...what do i do about the fact that it's inevitable that i'm going to be seeing him around my friends who are going to want to talk to me? ...i'd feel bad ignoring them but talking to them / going to them would mean seeing the ex again...and that spirals me down.
  9. Okay so remember the deal before with not getting the period and being on NC?? i got cramps today and i took 2 pregnancy tests--2 different results...being a bum and not taking another one (i know people are about to kill me i just really dont want to......). but that's not what this is about i'm hoping someone can give me advice. we're on NC but we still eat dinner at the same place--he goes with his friends i go with mine (the dining commons). i would have avoided him if possible but there was no way cuz he was facing directly where we were eating (i noticed after we sat down) and i had to pass his table to get my food. PLUS his friends are ALSO my friends from B4 the relationship...so how could i not say hi to them??? ugh. it was really hard cuz they waved me over to the table but the look of sadness and pain and confusion in his eyes is now stuck in my mind and making me sad again. I should be happy because that's what he did to me and then moved on immediately...but that's not the kind of person i am. please help me out, any words will be appreciated.
  10. Even further, Let the universe give you your life for what it is. This is lifes way of saying that you belong somewhere else. Do you have the strength to let life give you your life instead of YOU trying to go against the grain of something that is NOT working. wow. thank you. that's amazing and i NEVER thought of it that way. i can try this and hope hope hope that i can succeed.
  11. yeah you're not kidding. this is what happened to my ex and why i ultimately broke contact with him--he became an A-hole. maybe in time he'll get better and such but right now i cant deal with the fact that he did a whole 180...it's absurd.
  12. haha sorry...basically i made him jealous because he thinks i got this ring from a guy. and i was saying that it would be payback for him being with another girl. does that make any more sense?
  13. oh f-word. he just came to my room. i told him to leave cuz i hate him right now cuz he's been treating me worse than i deserve as a person. he wants to know about my period and i just told him he'll find out when it's definite he's jealous of the ring that i got. thinks i got it from a guy. he was really angry at me for him being with a girl but i'm getting things...HAH. sucker.
  14. yeahhh breathing...a bit. out of anger haha SOOO pissed off at him and at MYSELF for giving such a jerk the time of day that he doesnt deserve at all grrrr i wish i could focus the attention on myself and making ME better...but i'm having such a tough time. saw him riding on his bike talking on the phone (prolly to her) HILARIOUS and pathetic at the same time if you ask me. and hes throwing away his friends. they're all pissed at him cuz they asked to be introduced to her this weekend and he didnt even talk to him. what kind of friend is that?? i say a-hole. and now i'm ignoring his phone call (right now, he's callin...can anybody tell me how to block his number???) grrrrr okay going to get the test to calm myself down a lil. i'll be back later
  15. okay update: spotting is a good sign. should i still take the test? sorry i should figure this out myself. just wanted to update you guys. thanks for being here for me.
  16. oh my friend said it sounded like i wanted to tell him myself...HELL NO i will NOT talk to such a jerk. sorry i'm QUITE pissed off right now. all the lies. him deleting my comments. UGH
  17. oh and i got spotting this morning too...i really dont feel like having our mutual friend tell him cuz i'm so effin pissed at him. lie after lie. i'm not pining over such an a-hole, i'm just so freaking mad at him for the way he's trying so hard to hurt me. i've never done anything remotely mean to him so why do i get this treatment?? arrr it makes me soo ANGRY!!!!
  18. okay i'd like to keep in contact, and they do a good job of not bringing him up at all, so i'll just make sure I DONT DO IT. they like me for me and they dont want to hurt me by talking about him...so until something fails by talking to them...i think i will continue. i need to end my damn curiosity of looking at his stinkin profiles online. i deleted them all and blocked him but my friends are still friends with him so if i get really emotional i can go to those. how do i stop myself???? cuz it only ends up hurting me knowing that he has that twinkle of happiness/being in love with another girl...ARRGGGHHH it makes me angry just thinking about the way he smiles with her--i never gave him such a smile. this is what i get for looking at his profile. you would think the hurt would keep me from looking, but it doesnt. my stinkin curiosity overrules it for some gosh darned reason that i want to kill. any ideas would be HIGHLY appreciated. oh, and to update, i still gotta get the pregnancy test cuz i've been the biggest procrastinator and NOT wanting to accept that i have to take it. ugh. fun times. yay life. and why is suicide frowned upon when we're going through so much stinkin pain??? dar sure things might get better...but why is it worth this pain right now????
  19. i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry to keep posting. i just found out that he deleted EVERYTHING online that he had in contact with me. why cuz i talked to his sister and basically found out everything. do i not talk to her anymore? i LOVE his family they're one of 2 good things in my life...HELPPPP
  20. haha okay i'll do it. i'll let you know. damn just found out he's officially with her. my friends are happy cuz that means i'll HAVE to get over him cuz he tried to change me apparently...just upsetting. 3 weeks. he's done. oh yay. (sarcasm)
  21. just a quick question: is it possible to take the pregnancy test too early for it to detect that you're pregnant? like, if it turns out negative when i take it do i have to worry at all about having to take it again? or do i double up?? i know i can call my doctor about it all, but i really don't want to scare her before things are known....so i'm hoping someone here will know.
  22. okay so pregnancy test it is. damn is that gonna be embarrassing. oh well i did it to myself. we had sex 2 weeks ago, and i'm s'posed to be starting my new pack today. should i? dahhh okay okay pregnancy test. sorry, going crazy. but you're right. dont work myself up until it's a definite. i'll keep you all updated, thank you. and i hope you're right. i hope it is just stress
  23. okay so we started NC this last thursday, and it is now sunday. i am on birth control and i was supposed to get my period last tuesday--which happens the same day EVERY month. we had breakup sex without a condom the last night we were together. i'm getting VERY scared. do i break NC to discuss options with him?? or do i just go through my friends to talk to him?? or do i just do the abortion or whatever happens on my own? I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. PLEASE, any advice will be MUCH appreciated. i went home for the weekend but i'll be back to school for dinner tonight where he will be. he knows thru my friend that i havent gotten it yet, so...i just dont know.
  24. Damn, our situations seem pretty much exact!! Except 1) my relationship lasted a year and a half and 2)I had depression from the very start. i had just gotten out of seeing a really good psychologist and when things were going so well for me i went off the medicne. after that 3 months of happiness things pretty much went down the drain. my depression got the best of me till my friends made me live after i attempted to drink myself to death. i thank them so much for making me NOT go to some suicidal center, but letting me try to fix things on my own. well i wasnt actually trying until now, and that's what I wanna tell you. This breakup has really, REALLY pushed me to get better. Like you, things were PERFECT before that nice D-word creaped in on me. So, i dunno if while you had depression, you were relying on him at all to help you feel better. I know i did. Anyway, i'm trying to tell you that this break up can really be the best thing for you (and me) right now. it is truly giving us the motivation to get better for the hope that maybe he'll see when we're better and wanna give it another shot though. ths is gonna sound like the worst thing in the world to do, but NC really is a good way to go for now since we are bound to do thngs based on our emotions that are gonna push them further away then we want them to be (i just initiated it this past thursday). it'll force you to learn how to be dependent on yourself ONLY and as long as you let him know it's not permanent...maybe when things are settled down and you can look at him without your heart breaking, then...he may see that you are doing better. but honestly..it might help you to not even expect or hope for that right now. that way if down the line someone better comes around you wont pass them by or if thngs dont end up workng out with you and this past boyfriend you wont get even more down. hope this helps a bit, i just thought it was amazing that our situations are so alike. keep posting. i'd love to have more conversations about this.
  25. thats wonderful, i dont know what to say but thank you.
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