peachyteach

What you said makes a lot of sense. He has already had time to accept the separation whereas I'm still in a state of shock. I suppose that explains the cavalier emails from him. And yes, it's important not to be jaded by this experience...this is a singular experience with a particular person...I will try my best not to let it taint my outlook on love and marriage. Thanks for the positive reminder!

Vynde, Kalika, thanks for checking up on me. I'll be going to get my things from our apartment tomorrow so I don't know what sort of emotional state I'll be in. Right now I'm pretty even keeled after an evening of talking with a good friend. Unfortunately me and the ex have continued communicating about the practical stuff through email and things are very amicable...it just drives me insane how cavalier his emails are. For example he sent me a long email of the breakdown of our assets...very fair and generous on his part and signs off saying "I look forward to putting this ugly stuff behind us and having other things to talk with you about." What is going on in his head? Am I supposed to read between the lines? I just can't believe what I'm reading!!! He really can't be serious! There is no "us" anymore! It's just so infuriating but I will try my best to be Zen about it.

Thanks Pisces and Tony for your support. It must be so hard to maintain NC when you work with that person. Have faith in your strength and when all logic flies out the window in the face of emotions you know that you can always come here for support. This forum still boggles my mind...I'm simply amazed at the strength and support you can feel from "strangers" (no insult intended...you know what I mean!) Coolsome...thanks as well...learn from our mistakes...it's that simple.

Hi Tony, I'm so sorry about what you're going through. I'm going through something similar. After a four year relationship and 6 months of marriage my husband wanted to separate. We've been separated since Monday. I still love him and wanted to work things out. I was willing to sit down and talk about the problems and work on the changes that needed to be made but he was unwilling although he says he still loves me. I'm glad I read your post because I too feel a desire to call/email him...I can't help it because I still love him and we are still on friendly terms...it's just so confusing. But I would listen to the wisdom of others and as hard as it is to let go of someone you love you MUST do it for yourself. No good can come from holding on to someone that does not return your love. As many have already said now is the time to focus on you and to do what you need to start the healing process. There will be tough times but I know we will get through it. And thanks for your post...I needed to read that. Take care of yourself! Sending a hug your way! Maia

Good Morning everyone, I've been reading many of the posts in this forum and you've all been very helpful and insightful. I'm feeling better today and am so grateful to have such wonderful family and friends to lean on. I needed to take some time off work to get some of the practical things done. Sitting down and dividing the assets seems so surreal...as if there is suddenly a price tag on my relationship...I hate talk about money...it's part of the ugly process of separating I suppose. Although things are friendly between us right now I can't help but wonder if they will continue this way when money is involved...it's seems like a slippery slope where emotions can interfere with the process. Luckily our assets are simple...we only have furniture and a condo involved. Have any of you had luck in terms of dividing the assets on friendly terms? I really hope this part will go smoothly.

Thanks John, Having gone through a similar situation it seems as though you have a lot of wisdom about the healing process and I appreciate learning from your experience. I've never really posted on a forum of any kind before but I think it's incredible how comforting the words of a stranger can be. "I'm finding that the key to getting over the break-up is not by trying to forget what took place, but rather embrace it, learn from it and make an effort to use that experience to better yourself." This is exactly my sentiments...I have always been a positive, confident person who would rather learn from the past rather than have regrets...it's just nice to hear someone else say it. At the moment things are too raw but I know I'll come to this understanding soon. How are you doing/feeling after your divorce? Have you felt a transformation in yourself? Are you excited about finding love again? And thank you for the last line in your message...it is inexplicably comforting...thank you.

Thanks BSBH... I never thought I'd be one of those people who's marriages didn't last but here I am. You're right about being friends...it's not the best choice for me right now. It's just so damn hard suddenly not having that person in your life. But you're right about focusing on the separation and discussing details of the divorce. Luckily we're still on friendly terms so things won't get ugly when it comes down to splitting the assets. I just can't wait until I feel like myself again. All these emotions and memories running around in my head are exhausting. How do people get over a break up. What are some tangible steps that have helped any of you out there?

Thanks Kalika. I appreciate your honest advice. It's good to hear the opinion of someone who's outside of the relationship. Much of what you've said just reaffirms what I think as well...I needed to hear that. You are absolutely right...I need to start focusing on what I want...the marriage is over.

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum but I just wanted to say how helpful it was to read many of your posts. I'm going through a very painful time right now. My husband and I have been together for 4 years and were married last July. It's only been 6 months into the marriage and he has decided that we need to separate. He feels we got married for the wrong reasons and that he had doubts before the marriage but was compelled to go through with it because of the inertia of all the plans we made. He feels that some of my character traits are a fundamental problem. He has articulated that part of my personality has interfered with our emotional connection. The thing is that I never pressured him...it was entirely his decision to get married. I just feel that he hasn't communicated his unhappiness to me during our marriage. This all seems so rash and abrupt... I don't feel I have been given a fair chance to grow as a person and learn to be better at loving my husband... I am completely willing and open-minded about working on our relationship. I admit to seeing some of the changes that need to be made from my end and I'm committed to working on my issues. I just feel 6 months into a marriage is still a time of adjustment (neither of us has lived with a significant other before) The crazy thing is we still love and respect each other and we're on good terms. We're able to talk and be friends despite all of this which makes it all the more confusing to me about why we can't work this out. He is very adament that his decision to separate is the right one. He says he doesn't feel the same way about me. I know there isn't another person involved. I just feel we haven't exhausted all the possibilities in terms of communicating, counselling etc. He is unwilling to get counselling. Am I just crazy? Does this sound like a rash decision? I don't understand how someone goes into a marriage and is unwilling to commit after only 6 months. Is there anything I can do to turn things around? We have an amazing relationship and connect on so many levels (physical, intellectual, interests/hobbies, music). I just can't understand why trying to work things out is so unreasonable. I guess what I'm asking for is some advice. What should I do? I suppose there's nothing I can do if the other person is unwilling to try...I have some hope things will turn around but I'm prepared for the worst. We are best friends and he still wants us to be friends and hang out. This doesn't seem wise to me but it's hard to completely shut out someone you still love and care about. Please, if you have any experience or advice to share I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks! And my heart goes out to everyone who has been or is going through a separation.