NmaeZero

Yeah...I don't feel too much like arguing my position here anymore. What's going to happen will happen and that's it. In the the mean time I'm going to enjoy being a young, and perhaps nieve, teenager and continue doing what i've been doing. If it aint broke why fix it right? So to all you worry-warts.

Thank you Honey, finally someone not on a witch hunt. I hear what you two are saying Budman and Hope but you two made up your minds before you gave me any advise; I could sense it. Circumstances aside I think you two are missing the key ingredient in the situation, FAITH in people and the ability to give ppl the benefit of the doubt. Why else would I be involved in such an extreme situation unless I had some sort of feeling that I was doing the right thing? Of course you guys can only go by statistics in this case because you don't personally know him or me. I'd like to reiderate what Honey said, he was honest about where he went and why. How do I know? I did my homework, I have the custody record to prove the charges and his age (btw he's 19, he'll be 20 this Feb) and all of that other stuff. He hasn't lied to me about anything important thus far, period. I don't know about you, but I can't condem someone just for making a mistake and screwing his life up by going to jail. I sure as heck wouldn't tolerate it if he kept doing the stuff that got him in trouble but he isnt. In fact is he's starting community college for a major in web programing THIS monday. His financial aid got reinstated under strict conditions, he ordered his books, and just yesterday he informed me that he just got a pretty big job recommendation for a site. Am I making my point here? Yes he's made mistakes, BIG mistakes, Felony mistakes; but he's actively fixing them. And Budman, I'm sorry that you don't believe people are capable of putting themselves in harms way for others, even at the risk of screwing themselves over. When did doing that become such a shock to ppl anyway? Anyhow, I'm not worrying about the outcome and I suggest you guys don't kill yourselves thinking about it either. What's going to happen will happen. Life does go on.

Oh and btw, I think ppl's theories are who they are, so if I'm attacking those it's easy to see how it could be taken as a personal attack.

He was 19 when it happened so it's not a clean rec, but he can exponge it in like 10 years or something. As far as attacking you goes, I dont think I am. I'm merely stating my own opinion and views confedently. If I have something I feel needs to be said I'll say it, that's just how I am. I'm sorry if you guys feel attacked, but I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I agree with you when I don't. We'll call it a friendly, yet heated, debate and leave it at that.

All I can do is really laugh at this situation. You guys still blow my mind with your advise, it's duelly noted though. First of all, how can you say the circumstances of a crime dont matter? Life is nothing but circumstance, and I hate to tell you this but sometimes ppl actually have to make difficult choices. Ever heard of the lesser of two evils? I think most of you are coming from a closed-minded and bitter point of view b/c of what you've gone through. You want to assign the Red Flags that popped up in your bad situations to mine. I can understand why you do it, it's human nature...but I can't agree. What's the biggest thing I should worry about here? Should I fear this experience because it has some technicalities or road bumbs (because that is all any problem is, BUT a road bump in the larger scheme of life). Yes there can be some bad out comes to this situation but I've thought of ALL of them, and hahaha I don't fear them. I'm confedent enough to accept whatever the outcome is. What I do fear is ppl's fear, ignorance, and judgement. As for a violent history, you guys are too quick to assume, and it's a really a shame b/c you can't live life like that; you miss out on so much great stuff. Anyhow, you're more of the same comments are noted and stored. I'll keep you guys "posted" on the outcome. Oh and if you should happen to see my story on America's Most Wanted, girl found dead and mangled in Oregon woods, then all I can say is Ooops! My bad lol. That's all I care to argue on that point; Good day

well since everyone keeps hounding me about it, he went in for Attempted Assault III. Does that really affect the advise I'm going to get? I mean honestly, everyone in here has made it dead clear that i'm wasting my time here, so what is this extra piece of info going to add? An extra (!) on the RUN FOR THE HILLS statement? Besides you guys don't even know the circumstances. I'm sorry but life is not a TV show or a movie here. Things don't play by a script, although I'm sure that's the way most ppl see it. I'm tired of worrying about the A-typical reaction from ppl. I'm just tired; so there you have it. Is there anything new to add or more of the same?

If you feel uncomfortable talking like that around him then don't do it b/c it's not helping you or him... sometimes it's hard to say no to guys but it's something every girl must learn how to do. Remember, he's just another person; there's nothing wrong w/ saying no.

Well that's food for thought. I really would like to be certain, but for the time being i feel like I have to shelve it all. We're in a predicament here what with the parole and all, but hopefully I wont have to wait too much longer. I'm thinking about a trip to Cali to check out a college campus i'm considering transfering to my second year of school, and well it's right beneath Oregon (where he lives) so I'm planning on figuring out the f2f chemistry then. Have any advise on intial meetings in these situations?

I've figured as much, but I try and look at it this way. Regurdless of what happens there's always something to be learned. I've come to realize (after many years of thought lol *sarcasim*) that it's worse to regret than to mess up. My dad always says that so I guess I'm taking it to heart. Lol, and if everything does go bad then hey I have a pretty awsome story to tell. I'm trying to get into the habbit of looking at the bright side b/c life is too short. But tell me, what do you think I would stand to lose by continuing the way I am. I'm curious.

I wonder though, does everyone think that I'm too invested in all of this?

lol, I know that, but you asked long term remember? I was just saying what I honestly felt, but at the moment we're on friend mode here. And we are focusing on school and so forth. No worries, we know better than to rush a good thing.

Long term I can see, mind you I'm not for sure, but I see a future together with him. Married, kids, the whole thing lol. A bit much for a 17 year old but hey I'm being honest here.

I'm sure I am looking for validation, b/c I know that I have already made my decesion. I suppose I just got tired of keeping it all to myself. Venting perhaps? Regurdless, I don't plan on making hasty decesions with him. We both agreed that we shouldn't rush anything. And personally I wouldn't want to move in with him at 17-18 anyway, i'm smart enough to know that wont work too out well. But yeah, I have to at least persue this experience b/c I'm sure I'll regret it if I don't. Thank you for your advise though, I have considered what you've said even though I might come off as a pig-headed teenager.

I understand what you're saying, and i'd most likely give the same advise to someone in my current situation, but i can't help but feel like the rules don't apply here. Seriously, all of this goes alot deeper than I care to admit b/c it crosses some of societies taboo topics....and honestly I don't think alot of ppl, perhaps not even you, can grasp the mangnitude of what's going on here. Now, going back to your questions: No, I am not purposely attaching myself to him because I want a "pet-project." I don't want to be his savior, in fact i'd prefer he save himself because I'm a firm believer than only you can save and help yourself. The main reason I like being around him is because he's inspiring. He makes me want to be a better person, isn't that suppose to be a good thing? As for my parents knowing, they know about him to a certain extent. They know his age, where he lives, the basics; he'd (the guy in question) would prefer they know everything about his record and so on but I'd rather not disclose everything all at once. I think there's a time and way to introduce things to ppl and then there are some things that I think should just be between the two of us. In the case of the felony I do want my parents to know, but I want him to tell them b/c i don't think it's my place to do so. We're working on that now. And finally to address the being a "minor" issue, I turn 18 in 2 months. I feel that i am mature, but for those who still believe in the law when I hit 18 i'm legally responsible for myself anyway so I don't think it's at all relevant at this point. I've taken a detailed and close look at this situation, from all types of angles, and so far my instinct tells me i'm not in the wrong here...but still I'm trying to search for outside approval. I'm beginning to arrive at the conclusion though that a really mature person would stop searcing for justification and accept the responsibilities of their actions; good or bad. So perhaps i'll take my own advise here lol.

So you're saying that because there are too many obsticles I should just give up? I'm just a little bit daunted here at some of the advise i've been recieving. Dont get me wrong I want opinions, but I want opinions with real reasons not cookie cutter "he's trouble" statemnts. What exactly are these red flags that I should be cautious of? The fact that he was in jail or the fact that he lives sooo far away? All I really have to say here is that ppl don't come perfect, not even internet ppl, and if they do then that's when you should worry; when they seem too perfect and too clean to be true. I think ppl expect WAY too much from other people these days. Everyone is so busy looking for Mr. Perfect that you skip Mr. Real, I guess ppl prefer Mr. Perfect though b/c he = less work. In the end I rather be aware of the "red flags" than be oblivious to them. *sigh* I don't even know why i'm here trying to defend it anymore...whatever happens is going to happen regurdless.

I mean that's personal information and it's not really mine to tell dont you think? Would you like your friends broadcasting every detail of your issues to everyone, I think not. The most I want to say is that it was a felony and he did 2 months, but he only did those 2 months in the first place because he confessed that he wasnt just there when it happened. He was involved to a limited extent. Basically he chose to be honest and serve the time for the crime he comitted. Does that help?

I prefer not to go into details about that, but i'm know what the charges were and they dont bother me. Only thing that really concerns me is the parole.

Well it sounds like a plan. I hope I'll get the oportunity to check out Cali soon, maybe over the summer partially for myself and for my friend (my friend from high school). She got a full scholarship to a college out there and she's been hinting at me transfering campuses and living out there too. Also I have family and another close family friend living out there. Of course alterior motive would be meeting this guy in Oregon, but yeah I'm starting to make some plans. Anyhow I'm sort of curious to hear a male perspective on my situation, so far only females have responded (and it's been helpful) but I want as many points of view as possible.

blender is right about most things in this case: I do think it's odd that he disappears and reappears whenever he feels like it. BUT, speaking from the position of someone who was/is in a similar position I have to add that just because someone has done time in jail doesn't make them a horrible person...we all make mistakes, but some make bigger ones than others. Judge this guy based on his honesty or lack there of; not his criminal record. As far as going about snooping out his criminal rec try different online data bases. I used the free one that I found via google searches (lol) to locate my guy and pull up his charges. There are alot of helpful sites available, my suggestion is do your homework on him, get the facts, use your best judgement, then make a decision on this guy.

Uhhhhhh... well I can't really say too much about the jail thing because I am also in a simlar slightly different situation...but has he told you why he was in?

I've only gotten 4 comments on my story and one of those was mine lmao. No one else have something to add???

Thanks for the comments guys. Oh and just to clear a few things up (as if the story wasn't long enough lol) I do know exactly what he was in for because he told me the entire situation before he went in, and while he was in jail I played detective and located the jail he was in. It's interesting what you can find via internet; but anyway everything he told me was true: he had the charges he said he would, he was the age he said he was, he lived where he said he did, and he had no prior record. He didn't lie at all! Needless to say I trust him quit a bit because he's been honest but as far as the relationship goes I think we'll be moving it more towards a close long distance friendship for the time being. It's been a year now and we've been through the whole lust from a distance thing, now we're in a more settled and relaxed situation. We both understand that we love each other and we don't hesitate to say it lol. My friends think I'm acting like I'm married, but I see it this way: I didn't fall in love with him; instead I chose to love him unconditionally. All that means is good or bad, wheather things work out great or not I've made the decision to love this person for who he is. It doesn't mean my life revolves around him (hardly, I still enjoy dating and flirting), it just means that he will always have a place in my heart and thoughts. Honestly, that was the hardest realization to make, but once I accepted it I can't help but see things ending well (weather we have a future together or not) P.S. I might end up transfering to a college in Cali after a year in college here (it depends) but if I do I'd have an opportunity to meet him since Oregon is right above. And of course I'd bring a friend, I know he'd be upset if I didn't.

I'm not sure if my opinion carries too much weight here b/c (1) I'm only 17 years old, and (2) I'm also involved in an online relationship; but I will say that I feel you tourment when it comes to being obcessive about a guy. But as hard as it is not to want to talk to this guy 24-7 you've got to learn how to recognize you're complusive behavoir and work on stopping it. Distract yourself, go out and have some fun! And remember, the biggest dictator of your life is you. If this is hurting you inside examen the situation and make a choice not to feel like this anymore. I'm learning how to do the same, so if it helps you're not alone. Hope my 2 sense helped

Hi people, I'm a new user here but I decided to register because I wanted to use the Forum to ask a question, but of course you've got to be a member to use it so, Ta-da! here I am. Anyhow, I'm really looking more for opinions and advise rather than an answer to a specific question, but first I'll briefly layout my situation. ](*,) ](*,) About a year ago now I met an interesting guy online living 6 states away in, of all places, an online video game. Originally, we didn't like each other much (basically you're typical online clash of super-egos) and one evening while playing we got into an argument about his superiority complex and my issue with it. I didn't expect anything to grow out of it, but somehow we stopped arguing and started talking only to discover we, emotionally, had a lot in common. After that one argument/conversation he asked me for my AIM screen name. To be honest I didn't think he'd actually contact me outside of the game so I gave it to him w/ no expectations; but to my surprised he IMed me one or two days later. In the beginning I was pretty indifferent about talking to him b/c I'm sort of jaded on meeting ppl online. I was 16 at the time and he was 18 but I'd been in the "chat-circuit" so to speak since I was 11 and in that time I'd met a lot of guys and had a couple of short-lived online relationships. Regurdless, I saw the conversation as a good way to kill some time so we started to chat about anything and everything. BUT as the conversation progressed I started to notice that we had a lot of the same thoughts and ideas about life and ppl. in common and after that conversation I felt really different inside. We were both real candid and open w/ each other and said whatever we wanted to say. If I thought he was feeding me BS I told him that, and it felt really good not to have to tip-toe around being polite and stuff. On another, internal level, I felt like something had changed inside of me. I felt completely satisfied with the conversation. I felt as if something missing had been put inside of me. It was odd yet peacful. Soon after that encounter we started to talk a lot on AIM (mostly about our ideas on people and relationships, etc.). After about 3 months I decided I wanted to see what this guy looked like so we both exchanged pictures. Fortunately we both agreed that we were equally attractive ppl lol. Very shortly after that he jokingly gave me his number and told me to call him, so I did to his dismay. He was really shocked that I had called, and more so that I didn't conceal my phone number. He actually kind of scolded me for doing it b/c he said that he could be anyone, maybe even a real dangerous stalker. Of course he was right, but for some odd reason that didn't concern me. I just had this feeling that I had nothing to worry about with him. Our relationship progressed from there, we talked often on AIM and on the phone (I have the long distance bills to prove it lol) and as a result we started to get closer. Unfortunately everything was not perfect. At the time we first met both of our lives were pretty stable. He wasn't in college but he did have a Website design business he was getting sucessful with, he was even making plans to fly to Chicago (where I live) from Oregon to tap into the clientell over here; but life threw a curve ball at us. Now up until this point we had gotten pretty intimate over the phone, and he even started to hint that he cared for me as more than just a part-time online friend and I felt much the same way although I was more cautious b/c I had reccently attempted to have a relationship w/ a friend of mine that i'd known for 8 years which failed. Anyhow things in his life started to go real bad. I wont go into too many details but he got involved w/ some not so great ppl and got kicked out of his parent's house and lost his job contacts, etc. Basically his life was spiraling out of control, but I knew I cared for him so I did my best to help him through it all. To make a real long story short, for the past 6 months we've been going back and forth about him getting his life straight again. We argued (not maliciously) about what he should and shouldn't do and how his actions affected my life too and so on. I even tried to distance myself from him during this time because I was feeling emotionally drained worrying for him. But dispite my best efforts I couldn't bring myself to abandon him. Something kept me tunned into him, almost like an SOS radio signal transmitting itself from within me. To bring it all up to date (for those of you who are still reading and are not asleep at their monitors yet) My online guy buddy got himeself into some trouble with the law and spent the last two months in jail. When I found out he was going in I wasn't sure what to think or do. Everything had happened so fast, and well honestly I wasn't sure if I could deal with this MAJOR issue. I wanted to end it, but yet again I couldn't. Yes I realize this sounds like an addiction, and it might be I'm not really sure at this point, but my gut feeling didn't want to let go of him partially because at the start of his problems he had told me that he loved me. I was of course real skyptical, but after close examination of what I was feeling and putting myself through worrying for him I realized that I loved him too. I told him so before his problems with the law came up. With much difficulty I had finally admitted to him that I loved him unconditionally, and when I make committments like that I don't take them lightly. He's out now and working really hard to get back into college and putting his life back together. I admire and respect him for it. His complete willingness to better himself is the most amazing thing I'd ever seen in anyone, and that's what I love most in him. But as a result of all of the trouble he got into he's now on parole in his state for the next possible 5 years, which means we wont be meeting f2f anytime soon. So now we're in a position where all we've got is Instant messages and maybe some phone calls when we get our phone plans together to avoid the major long distance charges. As far as our personal relationship goes, as far as he's concered it can be completely open on my side. He's even told me that he wants me to go out and date other guys b/c he's completely secure with it. How can I hate someone like that right? I know that I love him but wow, this is all really hard foe me. Most days i'm confused about all of it and not sure what I should do next. Do I date, not date, stay committed to someone I've never really met, leave him? I dont know anymore. What it basically boils down to is both of us putting faith in a relationship that isn't even promised. There's no gurantee that we'll even get along in real life. Yet it's hard to let go especially after all of this reccent and condensed history. Anyway that's my very long story, and if anyone has a comment or advice about it I'd love to hear it; that is if you got through all of it lol. Confused and on hold, ](*,)