JIzzyM

I miss him. Just him. Yes, the relationship is missed as well, but more than anything I just miss him. Yes, I see him and he is sitting next to me watching tv right now (we still live together), but I miss being with him and sharing our lives.

It went well. We aren't back together or anything, but we talked a lot and I think he is feeling better about his life. Yes, he still has some stuff to work on and I understand that. I don't know if we will ever get back together or not, but I'm just glad he's feeling better about everything. He said that maybe I was right and he did just give up on us without trying and he regrets that. He says he misses me and loves me and wants to be with me, but he has to love himself before he can be the boyfriend I deserve. They do say you have to learn to love yourself before you can love and be there for someone else and I understand that. Yes, he loves me and misses me, but this is his time for himself and he promised he is going to work on himself and see someone at the college this week about it. He said that he really listens to me and takes to heart what I say and thinks about it a lot and the advice and things I tell him are really helping him. I'm just glad that I can help. He says he sees a change in me as well, a good change. We both are taking this time to work on ourselves and if we work out, then great, but if we end up just being friends then I guess I will be alright with that too. He is afraid of disapointing me and doesn't want to be back together until he is clear of his problems. That could be never or too late and we both understand that. I told him he could be giving up on a great thing and he says he knows that and I told him sometimes you have to take chances in life on the things you love and he agreed. I told him that if he wants me back he is going to have to work hard and show me that he wants to be with me for the right reasons and that things will be different. We both agreed that neither is at fault and that we both have things to work on if we ever got back together and that if we did, it would be hard work and we both would have to be 100% commited to working it out. I know somethings I did in the relationship weren't right and didn't help the situation and he said the same thing. Who knows what will happen, but thank you to everyone on here who took the time to read through my posts and help out!

Alright, so we are going to be talking soon. I feel like I need to do something. I can't sit still, I can't think about anything for more than 5 seconds, I can't do anything! I want to go do something, but it's Sunday night and there isn't anything to do here at 10pm. ](*,) I asked him earlier if it was bad? If it was his mother? If he is okay? If I should worry about someone? He said no to all of those things. I asked for something, anything! He said it had to do with he and I. So I asked if it was something like, "Oh we are doing good as friends and blah blah blah something dumb like that" and he said no, don't worry. We will talk about it later and I want a long time to be able talk about it and stuff. Who knows what this means? I don't and you guys can't tell me anything either. So, here's to not getting my hopes up and being strong!

I know that I have been updating a lot lately and am the only one posting on here now, but I feel like I need to get this out before I call up everyone in my phonebook and ask them about it at 3:15 in the morning. So, tonight while I was out at a bar with my friends (I was the DD ) I got a call from the ex, but I didn't answer. YAY! Then I got a text message asking what I was going? and I didn't say anything back. YAY! So then about 3 minutes later I got another text from him saying,"I know your avoiding me probably but I just wanted to talk but if you don't I'll understand just tell me that". So, I caved in and sent one back telling him that I was out and it was loud and that my roommate was drunk and I had to take care of her and if it was important to call later. He responded with,"No, I'm sorry look can we talk tomorrow?" I asked if he was drinking...bc if he was then I would say no bc he was just drunk, lonely, and sad. He said,"Nope". So I said we could talk tomorrow. A few texts later we said goodnight. I don't know what this means. I'm thinking he is going to tell me something like he can't live here with me anymore or that he doesn't ever want to see me again. I don't know what to think, because I don't want to get my hopes up. I mean he did call me tonight to tell me that he missed me. ?? Who the hell knows? Let me know if you guys have any ideas on this because I'm going a little crazy trying to figure out what to think. Thanks everyone!!

Hey everyone! Little update here for you all to read over and help pass the time. Tonight, I went to visit my best friend at her college to hang out and have fun. I hadn't talked to the ex all day and wasn't expecting to at all tonight. He had gone up to visit a friend too, but was spending the night there. I obviously didn't spend the night and will be going out tonight with some friends here at home to have fun. (when I say have fun, I don't always mean drink haha I don't drink very often) I was getting ready to leave my friend's apartment when I got a call from the ex. He said he was bored and everyone was already passed out (it's homecoming they drink all day) and he didn't drink. He wanted to call and say hi and see what I was doing. He thought I might be at home, bored waiting for my roommate to get off of work. He seemed surprised that I was out having fun. We talked for a while and then he said he missed me and that since I told him that we need to communicate better and that I wish he would just tell me what he was thinking (since its always a guessing game since we broke up). So he said he did that and he wanted to tell me that he missed me and wished I was there. Haha isn't that hilarious. I told him that he saw he last night and he said I know but I won't see you tonight. I don't know what he is trying to prove here but I'm going to ignore it until it's actaully brought up and brought to my attention. Feel free to leave comments and let me know what you guys think! Thanks and I wish everyone the best with their situations!

Thanks everyone. I am realizing that most of you are right and I had some of the same thoughts and questions run through my head. If he doesn't want me to be a problem-solving partner, then your right, I deserve better than that. I am going away today to visit my best friend up at college, so I think it will be good and I will have some fun. We will bash him a bit and I'm sure that will make me feel a little better. Who knows what the future holds, so I'm going to go out and have fun and stop worrying about this whole situation. Yes, I'm still going to live here with him and be friends, but no I am not going to sit around and wait. Opportunities will not pass me by and he can not stop me from being happy. I don't need a man in my life to be happy, so from now on I'm going to worry about it as little as possible and try to stay positive. It's going to be hard, but it's going to be better in the end that I stop fretting over this whole ordeal. Thanks again everyone. You all have such kind, realistic words with wisdom thrown in at the perfect spots. Thanks!

Hi Ellie. Thanks for your response. Ultimately, I would love to get back together with him. Yes, some things would be different and we would take it slow, but I want to be together with him in the end. I love him, he says he loves me, and we are being friendly and civil. We both need work, so when the work is less severe (bc working on ourselves is never really over) maybe he won't want to be with me. I am trying so hard to not get my hopes up and not think about it happening, but it's hard. I don't know what to think about it anymore, bc I want to be with him, but I don't want to jinx it or anything. Now I know that's not possible to jinx something, but I want to know that I didn't do anything to make it worse and push him away. That is why I am doing my best to put up a happy front. Yes, I'm sure he sees through it like everyone else does, but at least I'm not bursting into tears every 8.34 minutes and making everyone more uncomfortable. I want to ask everyone what they think and want to know what they think I should do. I want to ask his bandmates, brother, mother, and friends. Granted all of these people are my friends too, but I wouldn't dare put them into that position. But believe me, if they put it out there and allow me to ask them questions, I will jump all over that like my cats do to their catnip. Do I act alright and fine or do I act distant and slightly pissed? FYI if I do the second, then he is bound to ask me what's wrong. It's like clockwork, if I act anything but trilled he wants to know what's wrong and why I am mad at him. PS- 99.9% of the time I am not mad at him at all, sometimes just quiet or watching how the world is revolving around me. Hey, I like to people watch, don't make fun. Thanks everyone!!

Okay let me get this straight...he continues to confuse you with his other ex's? If I am correct here then I have a few things to say... You deserve better then this! He can't even remember who he is with at one point in time. You deserve to be the center of a guy's world! He should remember your birthday, anniversary, and for god's sake your name! If it was an honest mistake, he wouldn't have done it more than one time. I know this itsn't what you want to hear, but please take your situation and step outside of it as if you were a spectator. If one of your friend's boyfriends did this to them, what would you say and think? How long were you together? How long were you broken up for and are you doing NC? Let us know and good luck!

Derailed thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate them. I just can't stop thinking about him and our relationship. I know he needs time, but I have never been a paitent person. I want instant gratification and I want it now! haha. I wish I had a crystal ball to see the future, for you and I both, hell for everyone on here going throught this, but I don't and I know I need to let this take it's course and give it time. I know I should be taking my own advice sometimes, but I think that might be easier said then done. I think that's why we all understand that this is so hard, because we can dish out the advice like its Thanksgiving dinner, but we can't take it bc we are stubborn and want it all to be okay. Am I right or am I the only one who thinks this? Thanks so much again and I will let you all know how this pans out tomorrow and so on.

So, tonight my roommate and I went out to a bar to have some fun. She is going through a situation similar to mine that has been going on for about two years now. So, we talk to each other about it and try to make sense of everything, but we can't really bc we don't understand. My ex was texting me all night before we went out and ended up meeting us at the bar for a little. He sat down and was talking about the show they were at and then said,"I can't stay long bc I have to get up early tomorrow sorry." and I just said that I didn't care and it wasn't a big deal or anything. He said he is going up to see a friend at college tomorrow and it's their homecoming so he will be there all day. I said that's cool. He kept talking and I felt like I was getting my face rubbed in something for some reason? He was asking me if I was still going to visit my best friend at her school tomorrow and acting like nothing ever happened. I just don't get it. He told me that he had a pair of my jeans by accident and I told him that I put his stuff out on the couch for him and he gave me a sad puppy dog face with the lip pouting thing. I told him that I don't want that face and that he should stop (in a laughing way). I just dont get men! If a guy could please let me know why the hell you creatures are like this and I'm not saying you all are like this at all. I just don't understand. I know he needs time to figure out his life, but he still makes an effort to talk to me everyday and hang out everyday. I mean I understand that we live together, but that doesn't mean we have to hang out all of the time and act like nothing ever happened. He just IMed me asking if I was mad at him. I said no and he thought it seemed like I was. He bought me a drink tonight (diet soda, no I'm not drunk now haha) but wouldn't take any money for it. He jsut asked me why I won't let him do anything nice for me once in a while? WHAT THE HECK? doesn't make any sense to me. I'm done looking into things and I will still encourage him to seek help for his depression, but I can't keep torturing myself this way. Do you ever just feel like giving up? Not in a suicide way, but in an emotional way? Like I just feel like giving up on us getting back together because I feel like it's pointless. Who knows though, I'll probabaly change my mind about this tomorrow bc I do definitly still love him and am just pissed off bc he acts weird sometimes. I just think its to get a reaction out of me sometimes. Why do some guys do this? Is it their age? Do they get scared? Do they want their freedom back? We never had a problem with us doing things seperatly but did a lot together. We had separate lives as well as lives together and I felt the balance was great. Just let me know what you think and if any guy has ever done this to a girl before or vice versa please let me know what was going on in your head! Thanks everyone (especially Seventh!)

Seventh I really appreciate everything you say more than you know! I just love being able to talk to others who know how this feels. Thanks so much and I really think you deserve someone who is as great as you are! Just remember your kids and how much joy they bring to you and not your ex! It will be hard but in the end it only mskes us stronger! I think I did the right thing by not going and by i think, I mean I know I did. Now he will wonder what I'm doing tonight, because he already knows that I'm going out with my one roommate. I know my situation is different from a lot of others, but I still think I need to get out there and be happy for myself and have fun. I can't just sit around and wait for him to work on himself and be happy. He might not even want me back once he is happy and I am preparing myself for that too. I think we are going to go to the free counseling service sometime this week. He needs it and I'm sure that while he is there, I could talk to someone as well and would benefit from it too. Thanks again everyone! I'm sure I'll update this as the days go on and things happen and we talk, but I really hope everyone can learn from their experiences and the people on this board, b/c it's so helpful!

Okay time to update. I'm having a little trouble right now. I'm not upset or crying, but I'm very confused. My ex has a twin brother whom I was good friends with while we were together. He recently got married and is also in a band. He graduated college and has a good job and is signed to a record lable. My ex has not graduated and is not signed to a record lable. He will be working next semester at a tax office as a manager, because he is an accounting major. Just giving a little background to the situation, because I think the brotherly rivilary is also giving my ex stress. So, my ex asked me today if I wanted to go see his brother's band play and my friend's band play. I never really gave an answer and he came over later and told me I should go again. He gave me directions and even told me that I could go with him, but I still declined. He told me that he would text me when he found out what time my friend's band would be playing. I just got his text message and I said thank you but I'm not coming. Then I got a message from his brother asking me if I was coming to the show? I said,"No, I was going to but didn't know if it was a good idea and that I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable and wanted to give (ex's name) some space. good luck at the show!" Then I got one back from my ex asking me why not? I decided that I wasn't going to answer right away, if at all. Then I got another back from his brother saying, "Aw you should come anyways! We're still friends!" How nice of him?! I replied back saying,"Haha I know and thank you!! but I will be at the next show and will take some pictures!" I sent one back to my ex saying,"Cleaning my room" (why I wasn't coming to the show) and he said,"Okay". That's the extent of it, but I don't understand why they would both be texting me at the same time? Maybe I'm looking too much into it and should drop it, but it just makes me wonder? Maybe they were in on it together and both wanted to see what I would sayand if it would be different? Or if his brother wants us to get back together and is on a path to do so? Haha this is crazy and I know it. I just had the thought and had to say it to someone. I am 99.9% sure that it is just coincidence and that I'm looking into it too much. My life isn't a movie and I think that's what my scenerios are sounding like. Well, let me know what you think and what I should do! I cleaned up my room (our old room together) and am going to change it around once I have someone to help me. I put all of his stuff into a giant plastic bag and took down his picture collage I made for him and put it near the basement for him to take down. Maybe it will trigger some emotion out of him! haha but who cares right? I'm going to move on! I'm devoted to move on and to not be a sad, dumped girl anymore! Let me know what you think and how to move on/give him space while still living together and such!

Any more advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks everyone.

Seventh - Haha thank you so much for your response! The gay thing made me laugh out loud and it felt good. I actually brought that up last night when we were having a friendly discussion and he told me no, he wasn't gay. He said, "You know that I have a long history of not having girlfriends and I promise you that I'm not gay." He has had 2 serious girlfriends (me and another girl. both lasted for long periods of time and she dumped him about 3 years before we met) and in between girlfriends he hung out with girls, dated them, ect but never had a girlfriend again until me. So I had to ask about the gay thing and told him if that if he was gay that it's 100% fine with me, but he said he wasn't. So, the truth is out, my ex-boyfriend is straight I have mentioned it to him more than once to please go see someone. I have been through therapy before and believe it is a very good thing for anyone who is going through a rough time. It helps to get it out, which is why I like this forum! His mother is a psychologist, but they don't talk about feelings and such like my family does. They just aren't as close, but she can't even refer him to anyone bc he doesn't have health insurance. He is in school, but once you are 23 you can not longer be on your parent's insurance without being cobraed. I know our college has a counseling service and we looked into that together. He promised me last night that he is going to go see someone soon and work on his problems. I know he's depressed, he knows he's depressed and so do a lot of other people in our lives. Hopefully, he goes and gets help there though. I told him that even though it's against my better judgement, that I would go with him to his sessions. He seemed appreciative and said no other friends would do that for him and thanked me. Hopefully, he can work his problems out now before they get any worse. I guess I need to give him time to do that and be there for him as a support system. He doesn't have many friends to lean on that are ready to talk about feelings and we both know that. I am now in friend mode and ready to help. This doesn't mean I'm going to give up on myself though. I come first and then everything else comes after that. It's me time right? Thanks everyone! Keep the advice coming because I know I will need it as we continue to live together and take care of our dear animals together!

So, today my ex IMs me when I got online asking if I wanted to go see a battle of the bands with him tonight. He said that his brother's band is playing and so is my friend's band. ( This is a friend who I knew before my ex.) My ex doesn't like him and not bc its a guy who I used to have feelings for (whoch we both did) but that my ex got him a show to play at and my friend left right after his band was done playing and didn't watch any of bands play. He said its disrespectful, but hey whatever, this has nothing to do with my point and for that I apologize. Okay, so he wants to know if I want to go along or whatever, but I can't tell if he's joking or serious. Why does he keep asking me these things and calling me to ask if I need anything before he comes home? Stuff like that just kind of confuses me, but I try my best to not look into things like that too much. He says he's just trying to be a good friend, because he owes that to me and he wants me to be in his life forever and doesn't want me to hate him. Classic case of not wanting to feel guilty right? Hmm.. Yes, he told me that he loves me again last night and cares for me and worries about me and feels guilty. He also kept on asking if I was mad at him. My one roommate and I get a laugh out of this from time to time. She thinks he's up my * * * all the time (figurativly people, come on!) because he doesn't know what he wants anymore and she thinks we are going to get back together in time. He also confessed to not knowing what he wants anymore, but he said not with me, with his life. He then told me that I was the one girl who could make him happy and be with him forever, but that he can't be with me right now and can't handle a relationship like ours right now. He said he doesn't want to find another girl and that maybe he won't date ever again in his life. See what I mean? He has no idea what he wants right now, out of anything. Do I just give him space and time and such? Remember that we live together and that he comes over a lot during the day to sit and watch tv with me. So NC is going to be impossible. I just try and be myself and not get upset or act sad, bc I'm a strong independent woman! So, I repeat that phrase over and over in my head while being witty, laughing, joking around, and making fun of him like we used to do. Let me know if you think I'm going at it in a completely wrong direction, how to not get my hopes up during these moments, and what all of this crap really means? Thanks everyone!

Lack of trust, friendship, respect, and feelings. I have done most of the dumping in my relationships (since there are so many! ha. *sarcasm people!) I think every relationship is different and most people have their own reasons for ending it and you can't just pin point a couple of reasons why you dump someone. It can be different for everyone and every relationship.

friscodj...Thanks for you response! I know I need some space from this situation, which is why he is staying at his mother's house right now. He won't be sleeping here for a couple of weeks, which I think is a good thing. I feel I have made a lot of progress on myself since the break-up, even though it hasn't been very long. I am making a consious effort everyday to think of myself and how to be happy with me. I even give myself little pep talks when no one is around and if someone if around, obviously I just think it in my head. I'm not crazy and I don't want my roommates to think I've over the deep end. I know that I shouldn't focus all of my positive engery on him and his life, but I love him and want him to be happy with himself. That doesn't mean I don't want the same for me. I told him that I will not be waiting for him to come crawling back. He said that he doesn't expect me to, because that is just unfair to me. I told him that if he ever wants to get back together with me that he has to show me he has changed into the man he wants to be and that he will have to work hard to win me back and that I might not be there for him then. He accepted this and looked a little sad, but hey, he dumped me right? I have realized that we both are reasonable people throughout this whole ordeal. Not that I didn't think we were before, I just never really thought about it like this. Thanks everyone!

Thanks so much for your advice. It's what I need right now to make it through each day. My family and friends have been amazing, but I just wanted some outside advice from some people who didn't know us at all. I'm so glad I found this site. About him being a musician and it being his dream...I always told him that I supported him and will always support him no matter what happens. I only say the stuff about it being unrealistic to others, because I don't want to push him away. It's his dream and I know I shouldn't crush it! haha Thanks again! Ps- At least I have my cats and dog to keep my spirits up right now. It's like they know something is wrong and are trying to be cute to cheer me up

jamiek...good luck with your e-mails! He's being nice and friendly, which is good. Try not too look into it too much, because that's what gets your hopes up. I do that and I'm doing my best to stop, because it hurts a lot when you realize it doesn't mean anything more. I wish you all the luck with him and you future! Good job with the e-mail! Very nice!

To Slightlybent...thanks for the paragraph idea. I really appreciate it. He's not really a douchebag, I'm just angry and sarcastic, especially now in my time of pain. Thanks for the advice though. This is a hard time and I appreciate everyone's help and thoughts!

So, my boyfriend dumped me on Saturday. It was awesome. My cynicism has taken on a new life. So, here's the story. We had been together for a year and 4 months. We live together with two other roomates and have 3 cats and a dog together. He is 23 and I am 21. Yes, we are young I know, blah blah blah. We had a fight on Friday night and he went to his mother's house to sleep. We talked the next day and he dropped the big old "B" bomb. Breaking up, they weren't lying when they said it was hard to do. His reasons were as follows, he doesn't have enough time for me, he doesn't want me to settle, and he says he can't be the boyfriend I deserve. Basically, he's a douchebag. Not really, that's my anger talking, I do love him incredibly much. Also, he is in a band and wants to make it famous and be a professional musician and all that crap. Obviously, this is unrealistic and he is living in a fantasy world. His mother also has cancer for the second time and that is very stressful on him. He is in his final year of college (accounting major...he hates it), which I think makes him even more stressed, because now he can't fart around thru life anymore. He doesn't want to grow up and get a real job, because then he can't be a famous musician. So, we broke up and I slept at my parent's house that night. The next day I woke up crying, but soon became incredibly mad. How could he expect me to move back to my parent's house, leave my roomates who were fast becoming my best friends, leave my dog and cats in his hands and only be able to visit them (he told me i could have them, but my parent's weren't about to allow me bring them into their home...they would allow me but they said their nerves couldn't take my rowdy, adorable dog haha..i understood), and let him have the house I had begun to love. He can't break my heart and get everything else, that's not fair! So, my roommates and I talked and we decided to sit down and talk with him that day, which he agreed to do in a civil way. We put the option out there that I stay in the bedroom and he move into the basement. He agreed. We are all in college and work part-time (aka we are poor), so no one could afford it with just 3 roommates. So, we are going to live together and be friends. This is where the laughter has begun, because I bet everyone thinks that this is crazy. Yes, it is crazy and I wil admit that. We have talked since then, everyday, but 2 of the times it was long and emotional. No, not in a screaming, crying way. In a he talked about his life and why he's not happy and how this is hard for him and he feels guilty and know he needs help type way. So, I'm going to give him the time and space he needs to figure his life out and be happy with himself. He said he was unhappy and couldn't make me happy, which made him even unhappier(Sorry if that's not even a word). I wasn't happy with my life either, not saying I wasn't happy with him, but I wanted him to show me he loved me a little more, instead of just telling me. Granted he did do some cute things, but yes he had changed some from the beginning of our relationship. We were both happy then and did cute things for each other and didn't have all of these stressors in our life. We had talked about getting married one day and being the loves of each other's lives and all of that jazz. He still tells me that he loves me and cares about me, just that he can't be with me right now. He doesn't want me to wait for him, because we both know that isn't fair. No, I don't want to move on to other guys, but I want to make my life my own and be happy by myself. He wants to do the same thing. Still, this breakup thing sucks a big one. I want him to be happy and me to be happy and then for us to be happy together. I need some advice on how to deal with this ridiculous situation. I still love him and want nothing more then for him to be happy. I know that there is the possibility that once he is happy with himself, he won't want to be with me. That sucks the most. I wish I had super powers to see into the future, but I'm sure you all do as well. He told me that he doesn't want to date anyone else for a looooong time and that he had found the one person for him, but couldn't do it right now. I feel like he has some growing up to do and some soul searching to do too. I have to do the same and just hope that we can do all of those things as friends and then becoming the couple we once were again. I have read a lot of the other threads and know that everyone says to stay away from them and not have any contact, but the situation I'm in makes that impossible. Let me know what I should do and what you have done in these situations. I hate this crying, not hungry (I LOVE food), waiting around feeling. I have high points and low points. He and I joke around and have fun sometimes and other times we talk about our previous relationship. I have put an end to talking about the relationship, but we still talk about our days and what we are doing and such. I told him he has the companionship of a girlfriend, but not the responsibility right now. He doesn't agree and says we are just being friends and he's trying to be a good one because he owes it to me. I told him that he doesn't and not to try any harder then he would with any other friend. I know this was long and seriously if you got this far, then wow thank you! You should get an award! Thanks guys and good luck with all of your break ups and hard times. Just let me know what to do and what you guys think!