I had been dating my bf for the past 6 months. We had ups and downs, mostly due to the fact that he wanted to take things slowly after recently getting out of a LTR where his ex had cheated on him. He told me that I was a gem, a rare find, a special woman - but one day, he just up and disappeared. Here's the background:
I was admitted to the hospital after a near-death experience that was very sudden and very serious. I left him a message letting him know what happened (we were still dating at the time - month #6) and he was absolutely panicked when he found out. He told me he was so scared that something would have happened to me, called the nurses station to get updates and leave messages for me, and told me he would come to the hospital right after work to check up on me. He never showed up to the hospital. He called the next day to tell me that the traffic had been bad (how lame) and he couldn't get to the hospital, but wanted to take me out to dinner after I was discharged the following day. I said fine, but we needed to be back at my house by 10 so that I could take an injection that was time-sensitive. At the time he was supposed to be at my house, he called to tell me he would be an hour late b/c he had to return a phone call to his brother. He showed up with flowers, a bottle of wine and held me in his arms for 10 minutes in a tight embrace and told me he never wanted to let go. We had a nice evening and made plans to get together for his birthday the following weekend. Two days later, I sent him an e-mail letting him know I had something really fun planned for his birthday, and much to my surprise, I received a response saying that he didn't want to go out for his birthday (with no further explanation). I waited a day, and then sent a response saying, "that's fine" and told him that I was staying home from work b/c I still wasn't feeling good and was having trouble breathing. He never responded. I let a day go by, then two days.... and now it's been one month. I have heard nothing from him - no e-mails, letters or phone calls. NOTHING! For all he knew, I could be dead due to complications from my illness - and still nothing.
Thanks to this web site - I have maintained NC. It's a struggle every day b/c his behavior is so cruel and inexplicable. The one thing that's keeping me back from e-mailing is knowing that he deserted me in the time when I needed him most - AND - that he was willing to cause me stress when my physical health (breathing) was already in serious peril.
However, I have an obsesssion about knowing why. How is it possible that any human being could up and leave someone during such a tough time - and just forget the history we had together. I don't get it. I understand that this speaks volumes about his character and doesn't represent the type of person I deserve to be with. But, to be honest, it makes me feel less than human that someone was able to do this to me.
Has anyone else been the victim of a disappearing man? How did you find closure within yourself? I know he won't (or can't) provide it although it's tempting to e-mail him and ask. I'm taking this time to work on myself and get my life moving ahead without him, but I can't stop thinking about the why. Every day, it's a struggle to e-mail him and ask what happened. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thnx.
Sharon
