soundcell

i wouldn't fall for a girl because she reminds you of your ex. i went out with a girl in japan for 2 years. after the split, almost 3 years ago things were fine at first but then i started having reoccurring dreams about her and cried almost every night for a year. until just recently i haven't been thinking about her much at all. most of the time though, the pain will never go away 100% though. she hasn't gotten over you in 2 days. but it's not like a movie, girls usually don't take back their ex's and if i were you i would lose her # and move on, find someone new. friends, girls that are friends and cool to hang out with. and take it from there. but that's just me, and i'm not very good at taking my own advice. good luck. and you will have relapses too, stay strong and don't think about her and definitely don't call her. by the way, i didn't know this was a gay/lesbian section, just saw your post

but girls don't like nice guys, i know. nice guys finish last no matter what anyone says. girls may say they like nice guys...but they don't. i have tried being the nice guy, i'm sick of it. but by bad did you just mean pessimistic and a grumpy old man attitude? and i have been in love once. i didn't love myself then and i was depressed. being with someone though makes me forget all of that and i feel much more at ease with the world and myself. the world seems much less lonely and bleak when you have someone. but at the same time, the beautiful moments with my ex have haunted me. i don't dwell on her much now. i know it's not good to dwell on the past but it is a bad habit of mine. and those good moments are now evil. and i don't know the future, but i would rather kill myself now if i end up my whole life alone. i think of suicide every day and have since i was a teenager. i talked to a coworker today and she understood much of what i had to say. she is going to give me some seratonin producing vitamins (H something, don't remember) she said they're over the counter and help. i don't know, she has depression too nottoogreen - when you said not to blame others, did you mean God?

so if these issues are never fixed i will be forever alone? that is my greatest fear. and i've never had much self confidence. these sound impossible for me to do. plus i've always been depressed, i don't think it's gonna change and i think you already covered how to manage myself, what do you mean by balance?

thanks, your words cut to the core. this means a great deal to me. so, i disrespect myself by not liking myself? and others see that? but what do you mean by trust? also, i have never liked myself and i don't think i ever could, i don't know how. ya, it would be foolish looking for God when he doesn't answer and when he might not exist

nottoogreen - what did you mean exactly that i'm too complex? how can i fix myself, if it's possible

thanks doyathink! =P girls often say I'm "cute" but i hate that term. bunnies are cute, so are puppies and babies. i'd rather be handsome and more masculine. i wish that i knew how to post a better photo since the upload only lets you do 150x150 pixel, 14kb max. i know i'm good looking, but it's my personality that sucks. i think people can tell just by looking at me that i'm depressed. i just don't know how to approach girls, ask for a date. i don't have a social network anymore. i don't know many girls that i can ask out and i don't think i could approach a stranger and what i would say i also forgot to mention that i was seeing my upstairs neighbor for a month and it ended a few weeks ago. she stopped talking to me and having anything to do with me. i said something stupid and apologized but then she was just like i want to stop seeing you. it sucks that i still have to see her and hear her. i haven't seen her at all, seems like she is avoiding me. i learned my mistake from getting involved with a neighbor, it sucks. i now have a grudge against her because my ex stopped talking to me years ago and she was always like, "if we break up we'll always be friends." she lied and it made me so angry. i feel the same way about my upstairs neighbor kinda. hey nottoogreen- i did the personal growth exercise: Personal Therapy Things I Love Besides girls: My family healthy foods art/painting spinning records internet Music movies My friends going out for coffee Future Goals Separate from girls: Graduate from college Get a good job, english teacher in japan, artist, or something stay healthy become a popular dj Have a child Travel - Japan again, europe, hawaii to visit my brother i haven't seen in 5 years become a popular artist have money, house, car, etc. Questions: If I were more honest about my feelings...I would probably know that when bad things happen to me and when people are mean to me it is probably about the same average that other people get. also, it is hard to percieve how others think of me so maybe i shouldn't be so paranoid The bad thing about admitting my pain to myself is...it makes me feel sorry for myself. maybe i'm just too weak, but it seems other people can handle it The bad thing about admitting my fears is...if i tell people that leaves me vulnerable. If I were to be honest about myself about my anger...i hold grudges, i hate certain people and it bottles up and i dwell on it. i don't vent my anger properly. i have aLOT of anger. i also think that anger eats away at me The good thing about denying my excitement is...it makes me seem like i don't care and maybe cooler? i have a tendency to be too excited sometimes and talk too much When I think of how I try to protect myself by denying my feelings and emotions...i lie to myself but it's still there. i don't think about my ex much anymore so i pin my heartbreak on loneliness and not her.

What points your ex matches? 10, maybe 6, i should have pointed out that it was a long distance relationship. she lived in japan, the reason she broke up with me is that she said we lived too far, it was too hard. she stopped emailing me and was neglecting me during the last few months. What points do you match? umm, i probably fit all of them besides gossiping and putting myself last. i've been trying hard not to be so opinionated and pessimistic in front of people and not to be so materialistic and greedy. i always thought i could impress people with my nice possessions but they do not make me a better person and they don't create happiness. Why you do not like yourself? no matter what i do i'm scrawny and i have a high metabolism. i'm 27, 5'10" and weigh 140 lbs. i don't have much money, i did poorly in school last year / no motivation, procrastination, introverted, i isolate myself from the world and usually decline invitations. seems people generally don't like me, think i have some sort of bad aura/curse or something. i don't like that i don't know how to start and keep relationships. i don't like being shy, alone. seems like i have bad luck since many bad things happen to me. Any history of abuse, family problems? people at school teased me, beat me up. i was one of the nerdiest kids in the entire school. picked on so bad. and my biker stepdad would get drunk and say lots of mean things (i probably believed what he and kids at school said about me and i still think that / i think i have an inferiority complex from that), sometimes hit us, make us do chores everyday. he didn't beat us really badly, he would hit us every once in a while and we were scared of him. after years of that and him throwing his motorcycle helmet at my head and leaving a huge bump i ran away to my dads and called the police. thanks again

I have read job and i also told God not to test me because i am not strong, i am weak. no, i have not attended church in years. i hate christian music and i hate it when they tell you to meet people, also church is very boring. the bible is also too hard to understand all the metaphors and everything so i don't read it. i would rip my bible apart if my parents didn't buy me an expensive one. anyway, i never asked to be alive so it is unfair for me to suffer. it is God's fault for creating me, it is God's fault for my sins and everything because he created me. God should go to hell, not people. I have asked him millions of times for help, any help, any support. i have gotten no response and no end to my pain. well God hasn't really abandoned me because he has never been there for me. i have never seen him or heard his voice or any comfort. be receptive to what? I have believed in God but he hasn't believed in me. God hasn't promised us a bed of roses but he has given us a bed of thorns. really, really sharp thorns thanks for your advice!

i mostly feel like no one likes me. i am often isolated and alone even though i don't want to be. my relationships don't work out. after my ex dumped me after 2 years i cried almost every night for like a year and it's been 3 years now. i get depressed over it now but my sadness comes from mostly being alone. i wish i had someone who loved me. i have never loved myself and i don't think i ever can. so does that mean i won't find anyone? a few people have told me that if i don't love myself no one will. so am i screwed?

Why doesn't God care about the people he created. He created me and abandoned me to a lonely cruel world. I hate him so much, i have always believed in him and prayed the same prayers for about 15 years now. no answer. I have become so bitter to him that I curse him everyday. I would rather kill myself and go to Hell than live my life of agony, loneliness and despair. I have tried asking God to take away my pain for many years. i have wanted to kill myself since my early teens, I'm now 27. 27 years old, alone and desperate, desperately wanting love but there is no one whom loves me and i'm always alone. i miss my ex that i went out with for 2 years, i miss a few other girls too, not many serious relationships but have gotten my heart so broken many times. my heart feels like a pile of sharp shards now, and it sometimes literaly hurts from the emptiness inside me. i don't cry myself to sleep almost every night now. instead, i feel disappointment, sadness, loneliness, fear of the future and I also feel partly numb. what do i have to live for? why do i always fail? why does it seem like no one likes me? why don't i have many friends anymore? if i am never happy why shouldn't i kill myself and save myself a future life of sadness?????! is it normal to lose friends as you get older? i know God doesn't care about me, my stepdad abused me when i was getting older, other kids too, which made me get an inferiority complex. my dad died like 8 years ago. i live in another city from my family so i don't talk to them much anymore. i love my family but i don't think i love my mom, i think that i have always thought that she doesn't love me so that may be where some of my problems come from. other than that, everyday i think about suicide. when i walk accross a bridge or in a mall i think about what it would be like to jump off, i fantasize about it. i just want love and no one loves me. i want love so badly people have told me that i will never find a soulmate if i never love myself. i have never loved myself and never will so does that mean that i will never find a soulmate? i don't think i could ever learn to love myself. in my past i have been on medication for a short time, didn't work. tried counseling, didn't seem to help. i haven't done lsd, ecstasy, shrooms for like 6 years and i don't do drugs anymore. i smoke and drink occasionally. i have gone to college like 3 years and i probably have 2 more to go. my grades were really bad last year so i don't know if i can go next year. i have been a drum and bass dj for 6 years and i'm really good, only starting to play out though. i also paint modern art, and i'm pretty exceptional. i'm smart, tech savvy, but none of these things truly make me happy. possessions and my abilities doesn't replace companionship. i am too materialistic and selfish. anyway, i've rambled on too long. i'm just desperate and i need answers so bad. i just am afraid of the physical pain of death and chicken out. what will others think? (i think they could have sympathy for how bad i hurt). what would i miss? mostly bad things, because my life has been really bad. so i don't want to hear any "lie is beautiful, life is a gift" (more like a curse) or there are so many good things, because it is mostly bad. Shame on God for letting us suffer. I hate him very much. Letting bad things happen is just about as bad as doing bad things. God is lazy and he either doesn't care or he laughs at us when something bad happens. I have cried out to him so many times and I am done with him. I would appreciate any feedback you might have. thanks