ally87

Thanks I've been resentful during me and my bf's 1 and a half year long relationship. I feel like I'm dragging us both and relationship down because of my worries. He's an amazing boyfriend, it's just the "ex-issue" that bothers me a lot. I just can't find a logical explanation to WHY he's still friends with her. They weren't even friends before they got together. And they were only together for 10 months (lots of ups and downs). I just don't get....

Sorry to hear about that! I now think I should talk seriously about this to him. That I don't want to ruin our relationship because of me worrying about his ex and his feelings for her.... I have to let it all out, I've been resentful for such a long time! Thanks for your feedback

That's harsh! But great to hear that you remained friends My bf and his ex, which he now calls "my friend" are not actually best friends but it bothers me that he occasionally goes out with her and her girlfriends. she sometimes calls him to ask him to help her with a guy problem ++ and I know a couple of times where they've met and just hung out together (like for example, watching a football match together). I also remember that he called her after he and I got into a fight. And he told him stuff about our relationship. He says that it wasn't a big deal, that she's just a friend. I didn't react right away when he told me he told her about our issues. I've held back my resentment since then... And he told me that he told her that I was jealous of her...!! Well, I kind of am, but he still didn't have to tell her that! and once again, I didn't react. I didn't want to over-dramatize anything. The reason why my bf told her that I was jealous was to reassure me that I didn't have anything to worry about when it comes to their friendship, that he's not hiding anything. She has a new boyfriend too now. When he told her that I was jealous of her, she said that's so cute! She wants you all for herself!" I honestly don't know what my instincts are telling me. I'm just confused and worried. And jealous. He told me that he's completely over her, that the reason he's still friends with her is because they're not stuck in the past. He seems to have forgiven her, and she wants to remain friends with him. In the beginning of our relationship he still had stuff from when they were together in his bedroom- a postcard on the wall, pictures of her in his card holder..! Pictures of them together on his laptop- until I confessed to him 8 months later that it bothered me that he still had her stuff. He told me that it was a way for him to "heal" after she cheated on him, but that he's actually forgotten about those stuff. But he said that he's going to put those stuff away since it bothered me. I was okay with that. But I honestly weren't "safe" with that, so I snooped on his e-mail account and some of his profiles (friendset, hi5) and saw that he still had a couple of old e-mails from her and a draft (before we got together)he didn't managed to send her. And I saw that he named her "baby_princess" on his msn contacts (info page... you know, one of those quick names when you add someone as your contact). And then i found out that he still had his ex's name as password on both of his profiles. I got really upset but didn't tell him because I didn't want him to know that I was snooping.. Up till after 10 months of being together, I saw that he (finally!) changed his password to MY name... And then a couple of months ago when I was alone at his house with his mom (he was at work), his mom told me to find some candles in his drawer. I opened his desk drawer, I pulled out a stack of letters and papers, and then I saw the postcard he told me he was going to put way... And the 3 pictures of her... I got upset again, because he could easily pull them up anytime when he felt like it.... I told him about it and then he said "alright, I'll put them away in a place where the sun doesn't shine on them!" Anyway, these are most of the stuff he's done/I've found out that tells me he still has feelings for her. Especially after I found those stuff in a highly accessible place. I just felt like he hasn't really gotten over her...

Well, I brought this issue up and he said that I have to stop looking back. That "past is past". I guess he's the type of person who easily forgives people, I don't know. I don't think he hates her or hated her back then (she cheated on him 2 years ago). He talked a lot about her before he and I got together. About how much she hurt him, how much he loved her/ was inlove with her. And I think that he still has feelings for her even though he's stopped talking about her... But is it really possible to have feelings for an ex of yours who cheated and broke up with you even though it was 2 years ago? He's with me now but I can't his ex out of my system because of the impression he gave me before we got together... About what he felt about her :S

I was just wondering if it's really possible to stay friends with an ex of yours who cheated on you (and being the cause of your break- up)? I'm curious. Because my boyfriend and his ex are friends... He told me that she hurt him by sleeping with someone else. She told him about it and he got heartbroken, but they still managed to stay together... for 4 months. And then she broke up with him because she had feelings for someone else. I would've never established a friendship with an ex who cheated on me... It's like having a "friend" who doesn't have respect for you. I think it's still weird that my bf's friends with his ex. They weren't even friends before they got together. I'm worried that he might be clinging to her in some way... I don't know. What do you think?

we can still experience things together but not as a couple.. we were friends before we got together. but i expect some time apart before we'll eventually start hanging out together again. read the post above about how his personality is... i know him... so i don't know if he'll manage to bottle in his urges if we were together.. :S i've planned my studies for a very long time- even before i met him. i just can't change my plans... thanks for feedback!

thanks! but i guess it's normal to feel lonely and empty even though i know i did the right thing... i'm still attatched to him.. we were together for 1 and a half year..

Thanks for the feedback. He knew that I was leaving... We talked a lot about it while we were friends before getting together.. And in the beginning of the relationship he was quite enthusiastic about it because he said that he also wanted to move abroad with me. That he'll study there too... So I was actually expecting him to follow this plan... I guess we were in a Honeymoon period... I wrote a post a couple of days ago regarding his personality... He's an extrovert unlike me... He's done a couple of things (not cheating though) that are kind of making me trust him less. I feel like I've kept him away from the things he used to do. I've prepared a lot for my studies abroad and he knows about this. But then today he said that he wanted to live here and he wanted me to study here instead... and he told me only NOW..

After a couple of weeks considering breaking up with him i finally did it today... But... ... I feel lonely and empty. I broke up with him because we're on different paths in life. I'm 19 and he's 20. We were together for almost 1 and a half year. I'm moving abroad next year to study and eventually settle down there (as in staying there for good). I thought my bf and I agreed to move to the same place after i graduate, but we talked again about it this evening - about our dreams, goals and plans. Turns out that he doesn't want to move abroad with me. He wants us to live here where we are now... I got upset because I thought we had our plans set out. I'm just not willing to change my plans for him and for us. It's selfish of me, but I feel that I have to focus on myself. I'm only 19. I decided to move abroad BEFORE he and I got together. We've tried coming up with solutions. A compromise. But I felt that an issue like this isn't possible to compromise. I can't live here and there. So I broke up with him. He started crying and held my hand, saying 'don't leave me'. i said that i'm not leaving him, that i'm always going to be there for him as a friend. that there aren't any other solutions. what is there to compromise? i also told him that i wanted out because i want him to experience more. he's only 20. and i feel like i've hindered him of 'the real guy life'. i know him. he's never been single for a whole year! he needs this experience, and i love him so much to actually let him go. he said that wanted to experience more WITH me... but i said that it's not possible because i want him to grow as an individual and that he'll anyway eventually do something stupid if we're together and when his 'guy urge' bursts out... did i do the right thing? i mean. he said it was too early for us to break up. but i said that it's not too early because we obviously know what we want to do later in life. i don't want us to stay together only to know that we're going to break up anyway because we're not on the same path. i feel that if i stay in the relationship i'll be too dependant on him, too attatched.... i'm devastated. it was devastating seeing him crying so much... it was hard... we just held around each other and cried and said how wonderful we really are together, how much memories we've created.. he said that it hurt so much to know that we have to end it just because we have different goals. that were perfect together.... he told me that he still loves me and then he said that he'll find me again.. that we're going to find each other again... i broke up with him now even though it's still 1 year until i leave this country. but i had to. i want the time to heal properly. if he and i broke up right before i leave it'll f*ck up my studies when i'm there... so guys.... what are your thoughts about this? -ally-

That's what i'm trying to find out... Because i don't know if all this doubt, angst and suspicion causing me is caused by myself... Am i being reasonable if i break up? Am I being fair to him?

I don't know... He's put the postcard away and deleted the pictures of her (i've scanned his laptop... sneaky, i know.. But i still found those 3 pictures of her tucked away in his drawer.. Along with the postcard it just seems as if he's just trying to "hide" the postcard, not put it away and forget it. Including the pictures. He can easily open the drawer and pull those stuff out..! I found out about this last week when his mom told me to try to find a couple of candles in his room... (i was alone at home with his mom, while he was at work.) When i found out that my former serious bf cheated on me, I collected all of his stuff, ripped them up and threw them in the garbage where they belong. i also changed my password. I brought this up during a conversation with my boyfriend. That i'm hurt because of the stuff i saw and found in his room. He said that he really didn't notice those things because he's barely at home, that they don't mean anything to him anymore. And that right after their breakup, he couldn't put the stuff away- a way for him to grieve, he told me. but still.... we were together for 10 months before he eventually put those stuff away and changed his password.... Weirdly, i know deep in my heart that his head is more with me and the relationship than with her, he really cares about me. i know it, and i can see it in his eyes and in his actions. but finding those stuff still bothers me. i may be selfish but i really want his head to be TOTALLY with me. i can't accept if a part of him- small or big part of him- is still with her. i can't handle that. i want a partner totally focused on our relationship. i can't stand it if his thoughts wander to his ex. as i've understood about the relationship with his ex, he was really inlove with her and had plans set out for both of them, but then she cheated, and it all went downhill. i honestly don't know the real reason to why they broke up. yes, i'm paranoid, but i think there's a lot behind their break-up. I feel that since i don't know the whole story, i can't have peace and forget about her. i'm so suspiscious but it's because i don't 100& trust him. i don't know if i'm being unfair to him, or just simply jealous/paranoid, but i'm so sick of worrying about his ex. he doesn't talk about her anymore (he used to talk about how much she hurt him while he and i weren't dating), he knows that it's a sensitive subject... BUT... i just sense something's up in his actions... Actions is stronger than words. the way he has put away the postcard and pictures. But maybe my "sensing" is controlled by my own fear of losing him to her, my jealousy, my lack of self-esteem.. i don't know.. i'm just confused right now.. Yeah, he's an extrovert. but his friends and i have noticed that he's become more introvert. he doesn't go to parties as much as he used to. he's more at home with me or his mom(she's going through a seperation with his stepfather)i feel that i'm kind of hindering him of doing the stuff he used to do... i'm not doing in on purpose, because i've never told him to stop partying and stop going out with his friends. he's reduced his extrovertness without me trying to make him do that. i really can't put up the differences between me and him, but i never saw that as a problem, because he's more likely to change to adjust himself to me... but it's not healthy for him... it's like keeping a lion inside...! or something like that. he may be less of a party-animal now, but what happens if we get married? his urge of exploring and partying will eventually burst out one day... and i'm so afraid of that.... Thanks for your thoughts!

Hi guys... This is one of my first posts, and it's a bit long too! I'm 19 and my bf's 20. We've been together for one and a half year. We love each other very much, as almost all couples do after staying in the same relationship for over a year. Right now I'm a bit confused and overwhelmed about my feelings for him and about the situation we're in. i feel like i've hit a rock... not one of those small ones that most relationships encounter. it's bigger and certainly powerful... and i don't even think that my bf has even realized or noticed that we've hit one. i guess this is more of my own personal rock... i'll just type a list of what's bothering me in my relationship to give a quick highlight of my confusion and feelings... - his ex. the one he were with before he and i got together. i find myself comparing myself to her. and to be honest, i'm nothing compared to her! she won a local beauty contest last year, graduated from a prestigious school, and recently got her driver's license! i'm still in my last year of high school (had to retake a year because i felt like i chose the wrong course), and i'm even afraid of even trying to drive! his ex is pretty, she has this glow of self-esteem. I don't think i'm ugly but i'm still comparing myself to her. they're more compatible. they're both the type of persons who like challenges and trying new things. and they're both outgoing and social. i'm not saying i'm not outgoing at all, it's just that she has THAT and all of the above... my bf wants us to go snowboarding but i'm trying to find excuses to not go! he's told me that he likes that i'm more calm and humble unlike his ex. and that this quality about me balances out our relationship. i don't know.... ... i just can't get his ex out of my head!!! and to top it all, i'm still thinking about the negative stuff that occurred in our first 9 months together... well, i found a postcard from his ex from when they were together that hung on the wall, and lots of pictures of her on his laptop. and he still had 3 pictures of her and ONLY her in his card case... i even found out that he still had her name as his password on his Friendster account. i got really frustrated and hurt, but i confronted him and he told me that he forgot about those stuff and he immedietly removed them. i didn't mention the password or else he would've known that i snooped on his e-mail account(which i know the password to). but it really hurt that he had her name as password even though we were together for almost 10 months at that time... i feel like he lost a treasure... the reason to why they broke up was because she wasn't inlove with him anymore and cheated. but i just think it's odd that he forgave her almost right away. i don't really know if he's really over her. they were together for only 10 months. he and i got together only 4- 5 months after they broke up... i find it hard to believe that he was completely over her by that time... - i just can't get this another old incident out of my head.. after 6 months into the relationship we were at a party and he was really dancing close with a girl-friend of his. just imagine your bf dancing close to another girl to * * * * *cat Dolls "Don't Cha".... I honestly relate dancing to sex. That's just the way I view it. I also remember him dancing with me first and then when he saw her he turned his back and started dancing with her. and i stood there like a total moron while my bf were dancing to a petite blonde bimbo (sorry! just letting out my frustration). i was humiliated. but i did confront him later that night. at first he told me he was drunk (not an excuse at all!)... and then he changed his excuse to "i did it because something took control and i started acting like my ex (the girl mentioned above apparently has an 'i-don't-care' attitude)" ( * * *??!!).. and then ta-daaa, and his third excuse... "but all of my guy-friends dance with other girls other than their girlfriend".. i got so mad that i actually called him a *uck-head and slammed the phone... but somehow i did forgive him, and now he's telling me that he's stopped dancing with other girls at parties... - yesterday i found out that he was at a club with a girl-friend and his ex mentioned above(!!!). i saw that he had a club stamp on his wrist, i met his girl-friend which is my bestfriend's sister who also had the same stamp on her wrist... anyway, he didn't try to hide it or anything. i just looked at his wrist and said: "oh, you were out last night?" bf yeah, did it spontanously after work. my girl-friend called me" i got hurt, actually, because recently when i've asked him to go out with me and my friends or go to a party he says no, that he's too tired and bla-bla-bla. i confronted him and he told me that we always fight when we're at parties and he wants to avoid that. he's kind of right. we always somehow fight or start discussing at parties. for instance, the last time we went out, i found out that he started smoking. i saw him with a sigarette between his fingers and then he said haven't told you but i've started smoking". i got really hurt and we started fighting. my friends apparently knew this but they didn't mention it to me because they thought i already knew. i got hurt because i was the last one to know about this...! his excuse was that it was hard for him to tell me because he cares a lot about me.... (!!???) horsesh*T! but we've agreed on trying to go out again without starting a fight. - he sometimes says that he'll call me later or at a spesific time, but he doesn't. sometimes he calls me later than promised or come up with an excuse that he was tired, bla-bla-bla. i don't know about you guys, but i feel like trusting him less and less when he doesn't keep his promises even though they're very small...???? he often brings up ideas and plans about buying this for me, taking me out there, doing this and that (e.g. save money for a new cellphone), but he never does what he says... - i'm moving next year to canada to study for 3 years, and eventually move abroad for good. i've told him my plans and he thinks it's exciting, and that he also wants to move aborad because of bigger opportunites. and that he wants us to move abroad and live together after i graduate. he'll stay in this country for atleast 2 more years. i don't know if he's really seriously considering moving abroad because i also have a feeling that something may come up and he won't be able to move abroad with me. anyway, we're going to have a long distance relationship, but i'm unsure if it'll work because of my jealousy and because i worry too much. but i really feel that we're on the same path in life (we want the same, same values and goals etc.) but in different tempoes. i'm so afraid that we might lose each other on our way. and to be honest. i don't trust him 100%. he's a really incredible guy. his friends (which are also my friends too) say he's a true friend. i know him well, and it seems we belong together despite our negative epsiodes. we fullfill each other in every way. but the past is kind of haunting me and making me trust him less. - i'm so afraid of losing him because he's the best thing that has ever happened to me! i've learned so much from him and about relationships. and believe or not, i've learned a lot about myself too we're young, i know. we still have 10 more years to explore. he's my 2nd serious bf, and i've experienced a little with different guys (sexually and mentally) even though it wasn't that serious. but i still question my bf. i'm wondering if he really wants to be with me. we almost broke up a couple of months ago when he got confused about what he really wanted. to be single or committed. we had a 2 weeks long break. after those 2 weeks he "tricked" me into his house (he made his mother lie to me, saying that he wasn't home) and then he told me he couldn't do it anymore. that in those 2 weeks with partying and hanging out with his friends he realized that he wanted me and not the singlelife... i wonder if he still means it... but now i've realized that i can't give him what he wants... i've seen him lately happy with his friends, spending the night at their place and going out. and i'm wondering if it's best to break up so that he can explore more. i feel like i'm stopping him from living the "real guy life" even though he hasn't said or done anything dramatic to signal that he wants to explore more. i don't know... i feel he's missing out on a lot... i'm mostly going to work a lot to save money for my abroad studies... and my parents are a bit strict when it comes to spending the night at friends. they're catholic and they don't want me to spend a night with my boyfriend because i might get pregnant (!!!) i don't really have a close and open relationship with them because i know how they'll react on different things.. my bf often asks me if i can come and spend the night over with him at his friend's house or just hang out in the middle of the night.... but i can't because i'm in my last year of high school and i have a lot of assignments and homework, and i usually work in the weekends, early in the morning. i've rejected him a lot lately, and he's stopped asking me. i feel like i can't be the free girl i think he wants me to be. and i'm also moving next year.. i really want him to be happy. i love him so much... ... but breaking up with him has crossed my mind a lot.... There's more to tell about my situation but i'm too tired and confused to type more.. Any thoughts, ideas or advice are higly appreciated! i'm sorry for the looong post and for my spelling mistakes... i have a cramp... -ally-

I have a doctor's appointment on Monday I felt like skipping my periods because I was on vacation, and I hate having my periods because of the bloating, getting a few pimples on my face, stomach ache, mood swings etc., especially when I'm on vacation..! I'm on the placebos right now, and I should be getting my periods tomorrow or today... I'm actually looking forward getting my periods after 2 months without it.. I were on a low-carb diet before, but stopped because I lost too much weight. I've been eating a lot of carbs lately, especially sugar, so maybe that's why I feel bloated. Thanks!

I'm on Yasmin. No side effects, so I'm pretty lucky. Sometimes I worry about being pregnant because I've been skipping my periods, and then I won't know if I'm really pregnant... And then I read somewhere that small blood discharge could mean that I'm pregnant because of the fetus expanding or something. Thanks!

I'm going to see my doctor for a general check-up on Monday, and I might as well mention my abdominal pain Thanks!

I've been skipping my period twice now by continuing the pills (skipping the placebos), but lately I've gotten this darkish discharge. My lower abdomen is visibly rounder and I sometimes feel pain. My appetite has increased and I always feel tired. BUT.... I took a preg test this morning... It was NEGATIVE. Maybe my lower abdomen seem bigger because I've started eating a lot of junk... Hot dogs, candy... etc. What do you guys think?