Mikerok

Hello all, I apologize ahead of time....this will be a little long. Well my wife and I were together for 2 years before marriage. We are both in the military and she got sent to Alaska in Jan.05. Two days after she left for Alaska I went to Iraq. We talked about our options and both felt that we wanted to be with each other forever. We planned the wedding to be after I got back from Iraq. She obviously did most of the planning since I was pretty busy in war. I am 24 and she is 23. Well we finally married in Aug.05. Everything was exactly how she wanted it. She told me it was better than she ever could of imagined. At the reception during our first dance she told me that she really wanted me to take our vows seriously. I agreed of course. That night at the hotel she told me how happy and excited she was to spend the rest of her life with me. Well, I went back to Texas after the wedding and she left for Alaska. We had to now wait for the military to get us together. We have now been apart for almost a year and a half. The first 10 months we were apart she sent me letters, cards, and she called me like 6 times a day. If we did not talk on the phone for long she would get sad and tell me that she was lonely. We have visited each other 4 times in that period. Everything seemed great to me. About 4 months ago she started not calling much and the letters totally faded away. At that time she also found many new friends and started hanging out alot with them. One of them in particular she hangs out with all the time. He is a gay male. They started to hang out at one of the drag show clubs downtown almost every weekend. She told me that she liked the fact that she didn't get hit on by people and that she didn't have to deal with rude men. I could understand, i mean it seemed pretty easy for me to let her go where men weren't constantly grabbing at her. We found out 5 months ago that the military has gotten us orders to be together this week for good! Well out of the blue she tells me that she does not think she wants to be married anymore. She said that she was scared and that she feels like she is too young. She used to want a kid in the next 2 years, but, now she does not want one for like 8 years. I have heard her gay friend say things about getting old and not wanting to grow up so I think she gets those feelings from him. Things kept going downhill to the point that she barely called me anymore. I knew something was up but she just kept saying that she was just scared and unsure. She finally told me that she thinks she likes women! That was a shock but she assured me that she had not cheated. She then started to really treat me like I was a nobody. She started saying things like, we were never meant to be with each other, she never loved me as much as I loved her, and really hurtfull comments like that. 3 weeks ago I went up to see her face to face. It was really not what I expected at all. I poured my heart out to her. I cried for the first time since I was 5 years old. The second day I was there she was getting out of the shower and sitting on the bed putting on lotion. I went up to her and asked her if she had cheated on me. She said no. I asked her again, but, also asked her to swear to God. She then started to cry. My immediate action was to hold her and I told her that her husband was standing outside the door. That right now I was her best friend and that she was going to be alright. She told me everything. She had an affair with another woman. She also told me that they went on a few dates and that she had sex with her twice! I was so surprised. But, I felt like and still feel like it is something that we can get past. Lately, she tells me more and more that she has really thought hard about it and that she wants a divorce. (5 months ago she couldn't even sleep without me) She gets very angry at me when I try to tell her that I still want to be with her and that she is all I ever wanted. I don't know what to do! My belief in God is what keeps me afloat. Every time I try to talk to her about the situation, it becomes an argument starting with her getting angry and telling me that there is nothing I can do to change her mind. She seems set on it. She tells me that I deserve better and that I should be happy that this is happening now and not when we have kids together. I feel like she is so far gone already. How can I stay strong and what do I need to do to even give us a chance. I have agreed to get a separate living arrangement and to work in a different section.(we also work together!) I want nothing more but for her to be happy and I really believe that she is denying herself the fact that time apart played a huge role in her feelings. What more can I do! She does not want to try counciling or going to a chaplain. She just wants it to be over. She tells me that maybe there is something better out there for the both of us. But, you need to understand that this is a total 180 from her feelings just 5 short months ago. Please help and be critical if need be. I have already hurt more than I ever thought I could bear. Any and all advice is appreciated in advance.

I will be there for good next month and she is 23 and I am 24. In the fall we will both have another birthday. I just feel like I can't give up on her. I came into this with my head high and I really take my vows seriously and the word of God. In the Bible.....The only reason for divorce is fornication with another person, and still it says it is a last resort. I have to believe that God will pull us through this. I love and cherish her too much to just give up, because that is the easier decision to make. I still want to thank everyone for their input and I am open or else I would not have posted it here.

Hello all, I really need some help. My wife and I have been apart due to geography for the last 1 and a half.(we are military) She recently revealed to me that she had an emotional affair with another women and that she really enjoyed the time they shared together. She also admitted that they kissed once! The problem is that for the first 13 months apart she was really lonely and would constantly tell me that she needed me there with her. I would always tell her that everything was alright and that we needed to stay strong. I should have made more of an effort. About 4 months ago her whole demeaner changed. Limited calls, lack of excitement in her voice, etc. At the 4 month mark she also began a friendship with a gay male. I think that she needed something physically there to aid in her lonliness and with him being gay they ended up hanging at gay clubs and such. We have really been up and down since then but, she has never given up until now! In 3 weeks I will be there. She is really nervous and her friends are to. The girl that she was seeing had since moved to another state and they have not talked according to her. The big problem is this......Now she tells me that she is not happy with me and that she can't deal with marriage. Mind you that we have not been together at all accept 3 visits since our wedding day. Before that we were together for almost 3 years. She tells me that the marriage was a mistake and that she is not sure if she is willing to try to make it work. One day she says yes and that she is sorry and the next she says no and that we will never work. She confides in her friends and has quickly started trusting them even though they have never treated her good and they don't even know me. I told her that I am coming there now....this weekend.....so I can see her. I think that this phone thing is just not working and that she cannot really see how badly I want our marriage to survive and gain strength. She says that she is really ready to give everything up and be single again but, she says that it has nothing to do with me or anything I did. I am really hurting but know that I must fight for the women that I love!!!! She told me today that she loves me but is not "In Love" with me anymore....but, she also said that she really wants to see me this weekend just to make sure. I said that it might not be that easy and that it is going to take alot of work to repair our relationship. This time away has really affected her and I don't know what the friends are telling her but I can tell that they don't respect me. We are 3000 miles away from each other but I just bought a plane ticket to see her and I also bought us a bed and breakfast for 2 nights so that she can get away from her apartment and the life that she has been living. I desperately want her to remember how she felt about me and forgive me for not taking action sooner! She also said that she will know if she still wants to be with me as soon as she sees me in the terminal! Is that possible? What do I need to do? She has always been the type of women that is very naive and does not like to admit she is wrong. So am I! I know that I have to tell her everything right then and there and show her my heart but I just need help. Please help me! Does it seem like it is a lost cause? Thank You very much in advance

Thank you, I think you are right.....I am just nervous because not only will we be in the same city and military, but we work in the same office! It has never been a problem before but if we don't work out, i'm screwed...I can't see her everyday and not be with her. Thanks for your input though!!!!!

Hello all, My name is Mike. My wife and I have been together for 3 and a half years. We are both military. In Jan of 05 she got sent to Alaska for a tour that will last 3 years. Two days after she left for Alaska I was sent to Iraq for 6 months. I received notice that I will be back with her about 3 months ago. We are going to be stationed together. It has been hard but we manage to keep in touch very well. Everything was near perfect while we were together in the same home. We enjoy each other very much, even a trip to a furniture store together is fun for the both of us. The first 8 months we were apart she really made sure to tell me how much she cared about me and how much she needed me there with her. My wife used to get upset if I did'nt talk to her 2-3 times a day. And if we only talked for 10 minutes at a time, she would tell me that she really just wants to talk to me more. I understood how lonely she is and I happily made sure to talk to her more often. We have visited each other in the last year 4 times. The most recent was a surprise for valentine's day, she came here without me knowing. Everything was great. In Alaska my wife struggled to find friends that she was comfortable with. She now has 3 good friends there. 1 just had a baby and is really not up to hanging out and stuff right now. The second friend is a girl from work but she lives 30 minutes away and is married so quality time to be together is hard to come by. Her third friend is a gay male and I really did'nt agree with her hanging out with him by themselves. I just was'nt sure myself if he was really gay or not. She promises me that he is but 4 months ago I told her that I really do not want them hanging together alot until I get there to evaluate for myself. I know lack of trust. At about that same time she was really letting me know how lonely she was. I told her that we could talk at any time and that I was always there for her. Slowly the letters and the phone calls stopped. It has been 2 months since I have received a letter from her and phone calls are often short and limited to when she wakes up and before she goes to bed. This really worried me and I began to question if she was alright. 2 nights ago...I could'nt take it anymore. I had to know what was bothering her. I was very emotional fearing the worst. During her time there in Alaska her and her friends frequented a gay club almost exclusively. She told me that she enjoyed the drag shows and the freedom from being bothered by horny men. I could'nt argue with that! Either way I would have been fine with but a gay club could'nt be that bad. Well the other night she told me she was scared of me coming there and she is attracted to women. Every now and again she would tell me that she was hit on at the club and that it was a women. For some reason that was easier to cope with than if it was a man, but I did tell her that even if it is a woman that is still cheating if she messes around or gets a phone number. I really did trust her. After she told me that she was beginning to become more and more attracted to girls, I asked if there was any in particlular and her answer was yes. She said that she even went on a date to the movies with her and enjoyed her company. She swore to me that she did'nt do anything physical with her what so ever. Not even a kiss. And she also said that she only saw her at the club a couple times and that movie date was it. Then the girl moved to Virginia. I asked her if she thought that there was any way that had to do with just being lonely but she was'nt sure. She said that she has been curious for about 5 years now what it would be like to be with another women. But never acted on the feelings before then. I am really worried. She is my everything. We talked about it and she got really emotional, apologizing and telling me she really needs me there with her. But she can't promise me that this won't become a problem in the future and I understand. I can't sit here and say that I won't ever cheat on her. You never know.....you want to believe it but you don't really know. I am supposed to get there for good in a month. And I really want to try to work this problem out. What should I do? Is this just a result of needing a caring voice person to person or could it be deeper? Please help me!