gracie

Only your ex knows the real answer as to why he feels the need to move on. You know that you haven't done anything that would make your relationship end. It's hard not having closure and hearing exactly what went wrong, but often you aren't able to have the luxury of knowing unless you end the relationship yourself. Being positive and focusing on the things in your life that make you happy will go a long way. Paradox's advice not to obssess over him is excellent advice. I'm a dweller, myself and it makes the process of getting over much much harder. Realize that it'd only be a good relationship if he was committed to it like you are, so right now it's best that you're apart. If it's meant to be it will be. That's what I always say. If not, there are better things in store for you.

My gripes probably aren't very different than most of the threads in here, but I need to get this off my chest and I figured if I could get fresh perspectives too it couldn't hurt. I'm afraid that my issues with trust are going to hurt the relationship I'm in. I hate the feeling of unease and I'm not typically jealous. The person I'm seeing now was in the middle of seeing two other girls when we first got together, but we weren't serious or exclusive at the time so it didn't really bug me. This was almost a year ago. We've become more serious within the past two or three months and we've gotten to know eachother very well. I know that his past shouldn't influence our relationship but recently I found out that he'd saved pictures and conversations he had with these other girls on his computer. They're dated exactly when I knew he was seeing them and didn't find anything more recent than four months ago, but I find myself being a little worried that he may still have feelings for these other girls. When I found out the other two girls he was seeing were unavailable to him because of circumstance, it made me wonder if his interest in me was only because I was convenient. One lived thousands of miles away and the other got a steady boyfriend. I asked him if I was just a backup and was reassured that the feelings he has for me are genuine. He tells me he loves me. Still I can't shake the feeling that he's only interested in me because he can't have the other girls. You know, "the love the one your with" thing? It's terrible and I know that everytime I question his fidelity and trust it's damaging to the relationship. I don't know what else to do. Thanks for your time and advice.

I know exactly how you feel. It's tough when the person you're with seems to have moved on and just expects you to get over it. I've been moved on from more times than I care to mention and none of them would have been so heartbreaking if he'd just talked to me. It would have been sad, but at least knowing he cared enough to inform me about what was going on in his head would have made me feel more significant. Sounds to me like your ex was contemplating this long before he made you aware. Maybe even kept it from you in case he and this penpal didn't click? That's just speculation based on what I read. It's certain that he's feeling a bit guilty and looking for your approval for him to move on so he can fee less bad about it. I'm sorry that things worked out the way they did for you. The only thing that's helped me get over it is time and a lot of it.