Corleone

This sounds like my story. You've done everything you could...it's now up to her. So long as she's in this new relationship, she's going to wake up and convince herself every day that what she did was right...that being with you is wrong. She'll remind herself of your differences, fights, etc. instead of focusing on the possibility of a future with you. That being said, she's trying to either ease her guilt by offering up a "friendship," and when you refuse, it provides her further justification for her actions (i.e., it's your fault that you're not friends) or she's just being selfish--knowing it hurts you to speak with her but also knowing that it makes her feel good (and choosing to focus on her own needs rather than yours). She's gone, and that's a good thing given how quickly she moved on and how she's acted. You've handled this well. Now it's time for a massive dose of NC so that you can move on as well.

Moondog's reply above is RIGHT ON THE MONEY. Stop blaming yourself and feeling sorry for her when she's abusing you and start seeing her for who she truly is. Once you can do that, you won't like what you see...you'll be angry for a while, but after that, whether she "gets hers" or not won't even matter to you. You'll be done with her...totally indifferent.

We're both in our early thirties...neither of us have ever been married (although both previously engaged to others). Further to my earlier point, I spent the first couple of months just hoping her new relationship would fall apart...visualizing them spending weekends with his three kids (and, because of her personality, KNOWING that those kids would drive her crazy) and waiting for her to call and beg me to take her back and take her away from the misery. I told all of my friends there was no way I would take her back, but secretly, I would have sawed off my right hand to get her. That is NO WAY to live your life. You're actually lying to your friends...yourself...your family...and for what? Some person you dated? Nobody should EVER be given that kind of power over you...only you should have that. You have to just start again with square 1--yourself. The only time I even began feeling better was when I let go of those thoughts of "where are they"..."what are they doing"..."are they together right now." I would even get NERVOUS as night approached because I knew they'd be shacking up together while I sat home on the phone with my friends pining away. Brutal. Most of us have had the wonderful experience of sending our ex a nice thoughtful email or text, and then getting some lame response like 9 hours later (if at all) that is 3 words long ("hope you're good") was my favorite (after having had her be my best friend for 2 years)! Take back the power in your life by letting go of these people...place them in a category of people you were once close with but don't care if you talk to again (like, perhaps, your high school sweetheart that you thought was "the one" or some friend from college). It's SO hard, but you have to focus on the one person that will NEVER do this to you...yourself...and AFTER TIME, you'll begin to recognize the face looking back at you in the mirror. It's clear that most of the advice on this site is "unoriginal," not in a disparaging way, but meaning that we've all heard it from friends/family, and we know it's true, but we need to keep reminding ourselves that we're going to make it. We will!!

I COMPLETELY feel everyone's pain here. This site has been a godsend, and I've been lurking since I broke up with my 2 year gf (lived with me for 1 year) in late July. Within two weeks, she was dating someone else who has three kids and isn't even fully divorced yet that she met in her new apartment complex. I even had the misfortune of running into them together in a very small cafe...I had to be the "better man" and actually shake hands with the clown that was now dating (and given their living situation, sleeping with) the love of my life...talk about an absolutely gut-wrenching experience. I kept hoping Ashton Kutcher would jump out and tell me this whole thing was a joke...it didn't happen. I literally could not believe she had moved on so quickly and for a month or so I did all the begging, pleading and "I made a mistake" speeches I could...hell, I gave better closing argument than Johnnie Cochrane during the O.J. Simpson trial as to how we were soulmates, meant to be, etc., etc., etc....NOTHING worked...all she could say was that she was "angry" at me and that he "treats her so well." (I wasn't perfect, but never mistreated her). That being said, she would still text message me late at night, asking me where I was...she would call me...stop by our house, be angry if I went out with someone, tell me she wanted me "in her life," etc. This is the very definition of using someone...she was going to maintain enough contact--throw me enough crumbs of attention--to keep me on the line until she found out whether the new relationship was going to work. As you can guess, as their relationship became more solid, contact began to dwindle and we now do not speak at all. I am obviously heartbroken, but the current NC situation is actually beginning to make me feel better. Before, every time she contacted me I regained hope of getting her back and then had that hope dashed when it didn't happen...the cycle was happening weekly. I was analyzing her every move...trying to "outsmart" her, capitalize on what I thought was her "confusion" and respond to her in whatever way would make her miss me the most and make her want to come back. I'm here to tell you that those tactics (which we all seek to employ) do NOT work, so if you want them back, STOP. Only now am I realizing that not talking to her actually allows me (and will allow you) to begin healing. This is the lesson. For the first time, I'm starting to feel like myself (and not being an absolute tool to people I work with, etc.). As much as I hated SuperDave's advice and (like some of you...you know who you are...that think your situation is different and that you can "win" this game)...the guy was absolutely right!! Do I still wake up in the morning SICK to my stomach and sweating (visualizing them laying in bed together, bodies intertwined, in his or her apartment)? YES. Do I worry every time I drive down the street that they're going to pass me in his or her car? YES. Do I worry every time I walk into a restaurant that I'm going to see them again? YES. Have I had terrible dating experiences since the breakup. YES. I've even tried not to date people and then taken the dates I've gone on to far away locations out of fear that if my ex or one of her friends sees me moving on at a local place, the ex will actually be happy for me and think it's "okay" for her to do so as well. Talk about pathetic! I've done all of it and felt every sickening, twisting, churning emotion that you all are feeling...believe me. But the thing we all need to remember is that things will (and have, relative to where I was a couple of months ago) get better. I've been down this road before in my life, and I PROMISE every heartbroken person that you're going to be fine and you're going to look back on this time as a learning experience...and that you will actually LAUGH at how you acted over this person (regardless if you "get them back"). Take the ex off the pedestal...see them for who they really are (stop DEFENDING their actions if they've lied to you or mistreated you post-breakup)...and focus on yourself (I know, cliche advice). The key is living your life for the PRESENT...don't worry about the ex. You WILL feel better (and I was literally catatonic for the entire month of August). If they come back (and they sometimes do, but from the immortal "Swingers" script, you can't do anything to make them come back...you can only do things to make them NOT want to come back), great. If they don't, you're still the fantastic person you were before you ever met them...only now, you're BETTER because you have the wisdom that one only gets through experience. The only real healer here is time. Period. Good luck to everyone!!