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I think it was awesome that you created this thread I have been going crazy trying to get through this on my own, it has been no easy task and after writing a post I came to the realization that mostppl here don't quite believe that it can happen once and that the "cheater" can learn from his mistake

I never once said i blamedthe person he cheatedon me with more than I blame him-that would be stupid I guess the fact is that I have had time to sit down with him and discuss everything that happened and start trying to rebuild our relationship Yes he screwed up and I probably won't ever forget how much he hurt me but I HAVE made a conscious decision to forgive him and try and work past it Maybe I haven't fully resolved my feelings towards perhaps I need to tell her how much shehurt me too. That's what I'm going to do Thanks for all the advice

Everyone here has pretty great advice but what you need to really do is think is this something I can forgive? I f youcan't frogive it then move on if you can it will be a very long and tough journey but I know several ppl that made it just fine. I really shouldn't say they madeit fine, it actually is a daily struggleto trust that person. If you have strong enough feelings for her and she cares deeply for you then you could try to work it out. I don't know why ppl do what they do but I do know that ppl can change I am living proof of that. Best wishes in whatever you decide to do

I was just checking to see what everyone had wriitten since the last time I had been on here It really shocks me to see how there are so many ppl that feel for the cheater that has posted on here that they hope he can work things out I tell you my boyfriend cheats on me and there is no possible way that he learned from his mistake. What's that about I understand alot of you people have been hurt or cheated on by the men in your life and I know first hand just how painful it is but my problem isn't with my boyfriend It is about the hard feelings I have toward his exfriend. I am very angry with her I hate her because of the way she manipulated me. I have written things that she had done like the time I made him choose her or me and he did choose me by the way and she came up with a plan to use the death of my wonderful uncle ( a time I couldn't even think straight) to allow the two of them to be Friends Since writing this on here I have spoken to my boyfriend and he seriously says that the few times they were together he slept with her because he wanted her to not run her car off a bridge he wanted her to not feel like everyone thought she was a fat pig and all those sorts of things. He doesn't feel like it wasa good reason anymore but at that time he says it wasthe reason he did what he did and he stoppped it from happening anymore oncehe realized exactly what he was doing. he says being young wasn't an excuse but he's grow up alot since lst year The two of us having been going to a marrige programat a local church here and building our life together starting to repair our foundation I just wanted you all to know that I plan to make my relationship work and I thank you for your advice on relationship advice if anyone has any idea as to how I can stop wanting to punch out the girl Please feel free to leave me that advice.

we are engaged, living together Planning to get married may 2007 So I need to work on this that is why I'm here

The only reasons he had were about her he really didn't have much to say about anything i did wrong or didn't do so I have no idea what to do with your comment when I asked why he said he made a mistake we were fighting at the time and I was trying to get him to stop seeing her as I said I read an email stating she was in love with him I was so lucky he was all she could dream of having He told me that when they were together she told him if she didn't have him she didn't want to live anymore and when she was crying he hugged her told her everything was going to be alright the could stay friends then she kissed him told him that she loved him and proceeded to get on top of him she later tod him that since they had done it that time she was going to tell me and I would never forgive him and that's how it started he said he really doesn't know why it continued Maybe it was because I am overweight I don't know she was going to move him into her house and everything else only I broke up with him and he realized what he was losing I don't know why I harbor such hate towards her but I do and I don't want to anymore Help

Sounds like our stories are very similar but opposite I am the cheated on and you were the cheater Sorry I never read the earlier post about why you did what you did What has she said to you about it so far? How long has she known about the affair ? Do you think you can really change because most of the people that I have heard from here think the opposite especially if it lasted for around 1 month

Wow so your the other side to my story I just wrote about how I can't stop thinking about the woman HE cheated on me with He says as you say that HE made a huge mistake one the he'll never make again I just don't know I have been givin alot of opinions on the subject once a cheater always a cheater I personally hope to god that isn't true because I want to marry this guy someday I hope seriously that this fling is over and other other woman isn't still trying to get you back cause that'll make your life hell I gotta let you know my b/f cheated on me close to a year ago and I still can't forget and based on reading here that's not at all uncommon You need to understand for a long time she's not going to trust you and she'll doubt you it's not that she means too, she just will and you'll fight about it for awhile Make her feel like she's your one and only I have a question when you had your fling why did you do it, really?

So there is nobody here that thinks he can change? I think he realized what he could lose last Christmas I have heard the line once a cheater always a cheater several times since I decided to forgive him myself and the other woman but I have decided to try and make this thing work We have stayed together this past year knowing that he has betrayed my trust and he lives with my constant mistrust If he was going to do it again would he sit and listen to me cry and bring it up every other day if he was gonna do it again? Would you ? I have been the other woman before in a previous relationship so maybe god is punishing me for what I have done there Do you think that is what's going on there? I just need to figure out how to not put so much of my time and effort into finding her seeing how she's doing. I think it would have been easier if she had not tried to pretend that she was a friend or heck if I had never met her (cause she isn't very attractive) As for what I wrote about earlier and her being suicidal I don't believe that she was I feel she was an attention getter that he felt sorry for her after speaking with the both of them She used my personal tragedy to gain my trust so that she could try and sleep with him Maybe I'll end up wishing ill things on her for the rest of my life but I hope not I want some help and it would be nice to hear that someone in the world knows how to deal with what I am going through

Truth is I moved away to start something new and since we've been here everything is going really really well He doesn't hang out with any grls at all here and in the last town it was quite the opposite all girls I was never asked to go so I was left at home crying my face off knowing that she was trying to take him from me I know I should be mad at him and believe me I was and sometimes i still get really upset with him for hurting me he swears he won't do it again. I think alot of the reason why I obsess about her stems from the things that she did to me She told me over and over again they were just friends, I told him it was either her or me in October which was around the time of the affair ( it was around the time I read the emails to him saying she loved him and he was the only person that made her feel like her life was worth living-she was very suicidal back then ) Anyway he choose me but she wrote me a letter on the day of my ucle's funeral saying that she just wanted him to be her friend and being that it was a really rough time for me I said you know life is too short I'm sorry I accused you of trying to take my man .

Okay so here's my story I found out last December that my live in boyfriend of 2 years had been cheating with his best girl friend. I had suspected the 2 of them were having an affair (read emails from her saying she had feelings for him) but I finally had my proof. The 2 of them got into a fight and her roomate told me she had something I needed to hear and a few minutes later I was walking down the street with my boyfriend and he was telling me that they had slept together a few times and that he still loved me and it was over with her. I was shattered but told him after lots of thinking that I still wanted this to work so we started trying but I kept wanting to know things. Things that hurt me so deeply like why it happened, where, how, I even wanted to know serious details about the act itself (I would not recommend asking for all the details) We have since moved away from the town we lived in were this all happened to have a fresh start but I can't seem to let go. I have forgiven him but I can't forget bout him touching her and the pain that their little affair put me through, I have a real hard time not throwing it in his face almost a yeaar later. I wrote her a letter telling her how she made me feel and how I hope she never has someone do to her what she has done to me. I thought that would give me closure but nope I still wanna rip her hair out and smash out her teeth. I can't stop thinking of the other woman. She lives 9 hours from here and I feel like somehow she's going to come here and do the same thing over to me I have her on a fake MSN messanger that I made ( I know weird huh?) It doesn't say my name or anything and I haven't really spoke to her much on there I just wanna know what she's doing just this weekend her messanger said she was only an hour away from here, I was going to lose my mind, I thought. Yesterday I told him that I had seen picturres of her on the internet and that she was prettier now (how screwed up is that) Then he went in and deleted my Hi5 acount so I couldn't look at it anymore. My boyfriend has no idea how crazy obsesssed with this I really am but I don't even know why I am doing this Please someone help me