jadedjadedjaded

I'm channeling 25 year old me for some of this response. 1. It is SO important that right now you focus on self-improvement. You are a male, which means that your biological clock is not necessarily ticking. If you want a girlfriend, a quality human to share life experiences with, you will sooner or later need to begin by being the type of man that is ready for a relationship. That means that you've sorted out your own issues. It's not enough to want a relationship, but are you where you need to be in life to contribute to one? What does that mean? Well.... Stability... Are you financially stable, or on the way to being financially stable? Do you feel whole right now? As in... are you happy with where you are in life? What will having a relationship right now do for you? Will it improve your life? How? Those are some questions to ask yourself. My opinion is that you should get yourself to a position where you feel happy with where you are in life. You mentioned that you would lie about if you work and clarified that you shouldn't which is good, but if you're lying its indicative that you're not proud of the reality. Be someone that you're proud of! Confidence goes a long way. You become confident by showing up for yourself and accomplishing goals. Start small. Apply to 1-2 jobs a day. Have someone look over your resume and spice it up, watch youtube videos on how to interview, and practice common questions so you can show up confident. Read 30 pages of a book a day. Listen to podcasts about self improvement...etc etc. You seem smart and self-reflective of what you need to do. Wake up, make your bed and get to business!!!

To be frank, I still can't believe I did that! Figured out the tram situation in Amsterdam, took a train to Belgium?! Ate way too many croissants! Ran into a friend from high school at the Louvre in Paris! The Airbnb owner in France must have really liked me when we met to exchange the keys, she told me that any time I visit again I would get the place free of charge if it's not booked. (I'm sure my reason of why I was in France helped 😅) I had a free canal ride in Amsterdam, I got upgraded to first class on my way back home, just missed hurricane Hillary so my flight wasn't cancelled... Karma was working in my favor in Europe! Greece is next for me.. likely will NOT be solo 🤣 Recommendations are welcome! Safe to say I will not be downloading bumble friends for that.

Read my only post on here about my situation with LDR. When someone is glaringly pointing out the obvious, believe what they're saying and don't read into it. My take, don't wait for him to begin a relationship with this woman that he can physically see IRL to remove yourself from this situation. He will keep you on the back burner, because you're allowing him to, and make a more authentic relationship happen with the partner he's able to see at the drop of a hat. If you want to remain friends, that's one thing, but I caution you to not continue to invest feelings into something that has low benefits. Write out the pro's and con's of maintaining a connection with this person. That might help you gain clarity as to what you want to do. Lastly, College is the time for exploration! Don't waste a second of this time you have by indulging in anything that is not challenging you and pushing you towards growth and prosperity in the future. Don't settle down now, travel the world during your time off from school, join clubs that light up your passions. You will never get this time back.

Fair! Relating this back to my scenario, I have this weird gut feeling that this is what happened. Which is such a valid reason! Just a ***** move to pull at the 11th hour. Thank you for your valuable contributions to my melo-drama, bluecastle.

I would think of them less as issues and more as parts of yourself that need a little more TLC. We are only capable of receiving the love we think we deserve. Do you feel like you deserve the very best? Because you do!

I appreciate you sharing this and it gave me a nice giggle at "...five memorable awkward days". I have a lot to look forward to and I'll try to avoid ruminating as much as I can. May I ask, what the feeling was that overcame you when you said that you immediately knew you made a mistake when you saw her at the hotel lobby, since you had already met before and enjoyed a nice evening?

Hi Tactical Linguine, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way! Can I challenge you to turn this into a positive among all of the inner turmoil you're feeling? If I was in this situation I would try saying some of the following to myself. 1. I am so lucky that I am on the right path! 2. I am so happy that I will be spending the holidays with people that love and respect me! 3. I am so lucky that the universe is removing what is not for me and guiding me towards what is! Being alone is so much better than feeling lonely in a relationship. It may seem like you may never get over these obsessive thoughts, but one day you're going to be laying in bed (relationship or no relationship) and not wondering what this man is doing, if he's texting someone else, etc. This is such a blessing that you caught this 7months in and not a year. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. You are not what you think you are, what you think you become. I really challenge you to speak positively about yourself, to yourself. You subconcious is always listening. If you change the framework of your thoughts, you will be so shocked at what you begin attracting in life. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself "I like myself" over and over again. Any time a negative thought about yourself enters your mind, replace it with something you love about yourself. 1. I am loyal, and I attract loyalty. 2. I am driven, and I attract equally ambitious people in my life. 3. I am supportive, and I attract supportive people. Listen to positive affirmations in the day and watch what it does for your self confidence!!! It's so cheesy, I know, but give it a try, and if I'm wrong you have nothing to lose. 🙂Sending you love.

Thanks Wiseman! Like you said, I won't and likely will never know the reason why. I don't like to indulge in "what-if" scenarios, as they get my mind racing. The reality was that it happened and it wasn't nice and I'm taking that at face value.

Wow Bluecastle, you really just opened my eyes to to my current reality. Life is amazing. I am a blossoming young attorney, I have deep and meaningful relationships with my friends and family. I am really content. I have recently tried dating again (I was in a 3 year relationship that ended about a year and some change ago...didn't have an appetite for dating and was focusing on my career, when Ben and I hit it off) and have gone on two dates within the span of 3 weeks, where both guys were great, but I was lacking that emotional connection. It's safe to say that I may be indulging in a comparison of sorts and that's why, as you said, i'm gravitating towards the last time I felt connected to someone. Thank you for this!!

Hi all, I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for at this juncture of my healing stage. Maybe to be told that I didn't conjure what happened unwarranted, maybe that I'm not an idiot for following my heart and not listening to my logical gut. Background: 1. Back in March I (29 F) had planned a trip to visit France(I am from the US), on a solo trip, for my first time traveling abroad. A friend suggested i download Bumble which is a common dating app, but theres a portion on there for friends. She said that a lot of people who solo travel use it to make connections during their stays or if they're new to a city to explore with other people. Anyway, I got the app and had it for 24 hours, but realized as my trip is a month away, it was pre-mature and decided to delete. But not before I connected with this guy Ben (33 M). He had just moved to France for work. We exchanged Instagrams to stay in contact for my trip and i deleted bumble. 2. Shortly after, unfortunately, my trip had to be cancelled for work as I was being called into a trial that warranted my attention. Ben and I maintained contact. It was sporadic at first where he would send me pictures of different areas of France that he was visiting, but quickly turned into daily communication. We began communicating on Whatsapp. Mainly voicememo's and video calls. He went on multiple vacations throughout our communication and introduced me to his friends that he was meeting with from back home. 3. Three months or so (We are now in June) after our initial conversation we basically admitted that feelings were starting to develop. But it was never any love bombing, we had become friends. Watched movies on video call together, shared accomplishments in our professional life, personal issues, just day to day conversation. It never dwindled. He suggested meeting somewhere in the middle of both countries and exploring a new city together. We decided Canada, but shortly found out that his visa would not come in time for the only time i could take off of work. Our plans were paused. 4. July was my birthday. He sent me the most thoughtful gifts. A big bouquet of flowers on the day of my birthday at my doorstep with balloons, the day before he sent me a birthday cake with candles and called at my midnight to sing me happy birthday and so i could blow them out. The day before that a book filled with places to travel to. I was over the moon with the thoughtfulness and attention to things that I like. The day after my birthday I decided to pull the trigger and tell him that I could come to him because there's less travel restrictions with my passport and I wanted to initially go to France anyway. He was all for it. Talks about picking me up at the airport and how easy it is to visit other countries when I got there and we could be tourists in his new city. I bought my ticket. Between July and August (trip month) everything was perfect. Still video calling, still constant communication despite time difference restrictions. Reassurances that we owed it to ourselves to meet. 5. 3 days before my trip I got an unexpected text from him that wrote "can I ask you something". Immediately I knew something was off, because we never texted, mainly voice message or video call. He followed up with "what if we really hit it off? then what?". I thought okay, case of cold feet, like i had multiple times since buying my ticket. I gave reassurances, and wrote something along the lines of "We either figure something out that works for us, or we appreciate what we have had and remain friends." I was caught off guard because out conversations in the past revolved around always meeting at least once. He did not respond (unlike him). The next day he wrote something along the lines of "I really like you, and if its something more, then when will i see you again? I think we are setting ourselves up for heartbreak" to which i replied "i'm already booked and set to go. I can't imagine after 6 months of talking you wouldn't want to at least look me in the eye. What happens after? We are both mature adults and can go from there. We've continued talking for a reason, and we owe it to ourselves to discover that on this trip". No response. The day before my trip he responded with "Hey, I've thought about this in every which way and I dont think it's a good idea to meet. I know how I am and I will get attached. We will have to deal with emotional trauma which is something i dont want to do to you or me". 6. I never responded to that message. I'm not in the business of begging for attention. I would have never in a million years booked a trip if i didn't feel that he was 100% in it like I was. Anyway, I still went on the trip. Had amazing food, visited multiple countries by myself for my first time ever out of the country. I was hurt, obviously, completely blindsided, but the trip, exhaustion from being on the go and time change, experiencing all the magnificent energies in different countries, prevented me from fully feeling my feelings. I deleted him from instagram when I came back to the states. I only kept him when I was out there was because the petty side of me wanted him to see glimpses that I was not groveling and sad. I came home, and went straight back to my busy job, family and friends. Now, 3 months after my trip, I'm finding that i'm sad. Feeling betrayed and hurt. Upset with myself a bit for trusting someone i had never met and banking that their intentions were as pure as mine. I know closure is a facade, and that happens within, so i'm content with never having responded to him. But, why am i mini relapsing? Thank you to everyone who tuned into this episode of W.T.F!! 😂