yogacat

15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Was this outing recent or you're referring to a past outing? Seems to me you enjoy flirting with him and playing footsies so to speak even though you are not interested in dating him -but he was/is interested in dating you so it's a bit unfair perhaps to do all that heavy flirting and touching when you know he's likely  to take it as you will change your mind and want to date him.

No need to block him.  Your response tells him that you're not responding to his overtures. He should get the hint unless your flirting/physical contact confused him (again I can't tell when that outing occurred).

So it looks like outing was in past- but he might remember it and if it were me and someone was like that with me I'd take it as a direct come on to hook up (whether or not there was interest in dating). If you're too tired to walk ask for assistance from someone who is not interested in dating you and put your head on a shoulder of a person where there's no risk the person will take it the wrong way.  I've been where he is and asked the person out and the person wasn't interested in dating me. 

My dear friend had a longstanding platonic friendship with a man she had an intense crush on and  told me excitedly how he'd put his legs up on her lap at an airport where there volunteer group was waiting to board a flight.  I was -so annoyed with him on her behalf -he I believe knew full well she was into him (and as it turned out after all those years no he was not interested in dating her - I'm very sorry she wasted time on being so focused on him and also didn't like his playing footsies stuff).

 

Thanks @Batya33

No this is not recent, this incident with the group event was years ago and I think it was handled fine.

Neither of us were in a place to pursue a relationship and we both moved on. I just didn't know if it was best to not respond but I've know him for many years outside of romantic interest so I didn't want to ignore him completely.

I think keeping the response brief and polite was the best way to handle it. 

How would you handle this situation?

There's this guy I used to be interested in and we had an exchange about it. However, I ended up meeting someone else and started dating them. I told the first guy that I couldn't continue talking to him because I wanted to focus on my new relationship. He respected my decision and we stopped talking.

We never actually went on a date because he had just gotten out of a long term relationship and I wanted him to have more time to heal before pursuing anything. Then I met the second guy and things didn't work out with them. Now I am single again and the first guy recently reached out to me, saying he misses me. It's a bit surprising since we haven't talked in a while.

I am also not interested in dating him at this time. I've known him for many years so I don't want to just ignore him.

We never actually dated, technically.

We seemed to have had a mutual attraction towards each other.

We went with a group of mutual friends (this was when he had just broken up with his girlfriend and I was single) to a venue and he and I interacted, flirted and he carried me back on his back as we were walking from the venue because I was too tired to walk. In the car drive home (we were in a car with multiple people) he sat next to me and I put my head on his shoulder because I was tired. We touched hands, and our pinkies wrapped around the other.

However, as the night progressed, I understood that he had just gotten out of a long term relationship where he had fallen out of love with his partner and no longer wanted to be with her. I didn't think at the time it was a good idea for us to date, so we remained friends.

Eventually, we both moved on and found other people to date. He said he always had an attraction towards me. I found him cute, but I always respected that he was in a relationship and when that relationship ended, I didn't think it was a good idea for us to start something since he was just recovering from that breakup.

So, I initially replied with a very brief message ending with that I hope he is doing well and happy.

I hate the whole concept of block him simply because of this situation.

So, I think I handled this situation pretty well in the moment.

Yeah, interesting in when women reject men and when men reject women. The men here were so kind 🥰, whereas the women were so ***y!🤪😂

8 hours ago, dias said:

Lol that's the typical a bit above average ***y looking girl that thinks the world owns her. Personally, I don't like that style so I have never approached in my life this type of girls (I get irritated even looking at this gal on the video lol), kudos to the guys who have the guts to feel humiliated. 

Having said that, this attitude is learned and can be un-learned very fast with something like this

How about this?

Next time don't mention that you're new to the field of self-employment. Because now it creates confusion. She may wonder if you asked her out because you like her or because you're interested in her group. Maybe it's a test on her part to see what your intentions are. I hope not, but still.

Because it could be considered a faux pas bringing it up on the date that you're "new to the field."

She has gone on two dates with you and agreed to go out again. She brought up the idea of you attending her group again, which could either mean she wants to connect with you in a professional capacity, or she genuinely wants to introduce you to her network because she thinks you would benefit from it.

The one thing I would be concerned about here is that she is mixing business with pleasure - she doesn't know you --- and if she is genuinely interested in you, she should stick to regular dates.

He just sounds like a 20-something dou*** with no respect for boundaries. I wouldn't necessarily say he will harm your vehicle.

Honestly, I would just stay away from this guy completely. Don't reply to his emails or texts, and definitely don't put a negative review on his website (that's just giving him more attention and potentially setting yourself up for retaliation). Just take it as a lesson learned and be cautious in the future about getting into strangers personal space. Stay safe!

If you feel the need to do something, you can report his behavior to the charity. It's important for them to know about his conduct, and it could potentially protect other people as well. But ultimately, the best course of action is to just cut off all contact and move on.

I would just decline the networking invitations and see if she is still interested in going on dates with you.

Keep in mind that since you're new to the field of self-employment, she could be trying to be nice by inviting you to her group meeting(s) to help you network and make connections. But if she keeps pushing it and doesn't seem as interested in going on traditional dates, then yes, she could be using you for business purposes.

Just be cautious and see how things play out. 

19 hours ago, mylolita said:

SHUT UP, it’s Friday.

Do you wanna pay someone to string you along? Say oh, poor you! What a pity! Not your fault! Sweet dear! Or do you want me to shake you a cocktail, throw the fire on, and get some MUSIC?! 
 

You don’t just want me in your corner - YA NEED ME IN YOUR CORNER! Babe.

 

My corner doesn’t come easy - it’s niche, but we like it like that!!!!! That’s the POINT!🍸 

 

Signed, sealed - delivered. Cheers!

 

See you 5am 🥂 

 

x

 

 

Love it!

💓

17 minutes ago, kim42 said:

We're not allowed to bring anyone with us this time, it's an employee only party.

This guy that I'm interested in from my other thread is coming to see me next month so I'm excited about that!

Cool...I just don't want to see you stuck on 1 guy that isn't showing sure signs of interest. I'm glad you have an option next month.

45 minutes ago, kim42 said:

So yeah, I'm not expecting much to happen now, or at the party next week - not that I had crazy expectations before. I don't think I'll suggest anything to catch up or so either.

How do you feel about bringing a date with you? Is there anyone else you're interested in atm?

He sounds like a 47-year-old immature man who has not been successful with women so he chooses women 20 years younger than him.

Are you sure that this is someone you would want to be with in the long-term? Do not fret about his actions and what he is doing, he is running away from being alone and is thinking like a 16 year old, not a 47 year old. Be grateful that you dodged this bullet.

4 hours ago, kim42 said:

All good points, thank you! 

 

So he invited me to join his team for drinks several times, last week he told me they would go out this Thursday but he didn't confirm the details this week, it only happened when I saw him Thursday morning at the office. That's why I posted here, because I was starting to overthink it.

 

I agree it may be too soon to label him as a 'player'. Just based on my previous experiences, when a guy would show some signs of interest and flirt with me but would be inconsistent and/or flaky, it usually turned out that he was only interested in something casual.

 

Kim, please keep in mind, that this is a work setting.

Him not sending you a message that they were leaving at the planned time, is a little bit rude. He could have sent that message.

Work and personal life should not be mixed the way you are thinking. And, for him, not sending you that message about leaving the job site to get a drink- not sending you that message -- could be his way of not wanting to mix work with a personal relationship.

I think if this had been a different setting, a date for example, than yes, he would have done the polite thing and let you know what was happening. So my opinion? I think it was not well handled by him in that he could have let you know what was happening.

He showed that he was interested in having you around--- but is not yet ready to let any know at work that he 'might' be currently interested in someone. In reality, if you're going to date someone from work, you need to keep work and personal interaction separated. He could be concerned about "the rumor mill."

The fact of the matter is that he is not inviting you one-on-one to go out and he is including you in a group setting. Maybe this is to keep things on the cooler or safer side as far as work goes-- to let others know that he is NOT looking to date.

But, hey, nothing wrong with going out with a group of work friends any way. If anything, he's mmmmm maybe interested but he's also exposing you to others without the danger of being seen in public by himself.  

Also, the touchy-feely stuff really needs to be looked at in two different ways. Some people are more kinesthetic (touch-feel) in nature than others. This could be him or it could also be the beginning of a luring tactic. It could be hurdle for you. It's really a moot point at this time. One thing for sure, he does like your company.

I get that you felt left out at the drinks with his coworkers, but it's important to remember that he may have invited you as a courtesy or to make small talk at work. His actions don't necessarily mean he's interested in you in a romantic way. He may just see you as a friendly colleague.

Again, I would think if he were more romantically interested he'd initiate more one-on-one interactions with you, especially outside of work. And his flakiness  - not messaging you when he said he would -  is definitely annoying. Totally get that but it also shows that he might not be as interested as you hope.

You seem like a very self aware, level headed person and you know what you want for yourself. If his flakiness and lukewarm interest isn't aligned with what you want, then just enjoy the banter at work and keep it strictly professional.

14 hours ago, kim42 said:

Thank you, yes, it seems he likes the flirting and that's it. To be clear, I didn't expect him to be overly flirty with me yesterday because there were other people but I was just annoyed about him forgetting.

At least I know now and I can move my attention somewhere else.

 

Yes, flirting sometimes, and playful, because he is welcoming you into a new environment. You are new there. 

Flirting sometimes can be friendliness, nothing more.

He said he invited you for drinks because he saw you that morning. He didn't see you and he forgot about it. He went to the bar to have his own drink, he was chatting up his colleagues, he invited you because he saw you passing by.

While I understand where you're coming from and your concern, I don't think you have enough information to label him as a player just yet. 

Players are smooth talkers, they'll try to make a move and see how far they can get and use mind games and manipulation tactics. This guy is moving at snail's pace and he hasn't made any move at all except for inviting you to go out with his coworkers and a couple light arm touches.  

Do you find him charming, confident, and charismatic? Does he compliment you a lot? Do you think he knows how to make you feel special and wanted? Those are the traits of a player.

You know your interactions with him best -- and if those are the vibes that you're getting, then take heed.

What does that even mean, that it would be cool to hang out with an "older woman?" What are you some kind of zoo animal? And he's touching you after you told him you don't like strangers touching you, gahh.

Avoid, avoid, avoid. 

4 hours ago, kim42 said:

Thank you, yes, it seems he likes the flirting and that's it. To be clear, I didn't expect him to be overly flirty with me yesterday because there were other people but I was just annoyed about him forgetting.

At least I know now and I can move my attention somewhere else.

 

Light flirting. That's what it felt like to you so that's what it was. Not knowing his character, I think either you were reading him right or upset.

The fact that he didn't message you before you left is not a big deal. What if he did get held up and you did not get the message. 

It doesn't have to lead anywhere at all. I guess it would be different when someone is persisting and asking more personal questions etc.

But in this situation, it just seems like he was being friendly and flirty in a harmless way. Maybe he's interested in you, maybe not. But from what you described, I don't think it's anything serious or worth pursuing.  

Given you like him and are a bit unsure I would also say not to put yourself in the position where you are waiting for him to make plans or reach out to you. In fact, I might start limiting my contact with him because if you keep it going, then I just think you might keep getting your hopes up or keep being confused as to the situation.

I would just go to the party and have a good time, but don't put too much emphasis on him being there or trying to spend time with him. You're going to have to be proactive about doing your own thing.

Kim, I know you really like this guy, but honestly, it sounds like he is enjoying flirting with you. 

If he had more romantic inclination towards you I would expect to see him pair off with you or ask to go somewhere to talk which to me would indicate a bit more. Even going together to chat would have non-verbally confirmed to you that he was interested in more than an 'on again off again' ping pong game.

But I know it's easier said than done, so just do what feels right for you. I think most have us have suggested to keep open to meeting new people and don't put too much focus on this one guy.  

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

How hard is to get into the radiology program if you reapply?

It would be merit based, so because I have straight As and when you apply you get points, you take x amount of points and once you hit a certain amount, they take the applicants with the highest points. The thing is, people mostly coasted on Cs and barely made it in with Bs and sometimes barely Cs.

I can also take steps to improve my application since the last time I applied (such as gaining relevant experience or taking additional courses), it may also improve my chances. 

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

Yes, important note there! 
 

My husband has ran his own business for over 26 years now and employed a few people in his time, but he started when he was still employed and then gradually as it picked up, he dropped to part time hours and then quit altogether. It didn’t take long but he had some kind of back up.

 

This line of work sounds very flexible Yoga so I am thinking you will be able to bend your hours to suit other things, even when studying? Like accommodating your Dad still and also your job at the moment? 
 

All the best! This is very exciting stuff! 
 

x

That's true, I do have some contacts in the healthcare industry and I could potentially look into shadowing or volunteering opportunities to gain more relevant experience. And as for courses, I could take additional prerequisite courses or even try to get certified in certain areas to make my application more competitive.

As for a backup plan, I have income from part-time work and an investment property that I could rely on if needed. Plus, I could always continue working in my current job while building up my own business on the side, if I do decide to take that route.

And yes, the flexibility of this field is definitely a bonus. I could potentially work part-time or on a freelance basis to accommodate other commitments and obligations. Overall, I'm really excited about the potential opportunities and challenges this path could bring.

If I enter into the radiology program, they advise you NOT to work, given the intensity and demands, and while I am bringing in income, that might be difficult for me. 

I also have a family member that built a multi-million dollar business on Amazon from scratch that is willing to mentor me, while not in the healthcare field, I believe the entrepreneurial skills could still be useful.

@Wiseman2 -- yes, the field of diagnostic imaging is very physically and mentally demanding and something I have seriously considered before making the decision to pursue it. I am confident that I have the dedication, motivation, and physical stamina to handle the demands of the job.

But, I do have to take that into consideration as well and make sure I am taking care of my health and well-being in order to be successful in the field. Thank you for bringing that up.

6 hours ago, mylolita said:

Geddit off me

😂

Personally, I don't think you're overthinking it. It's natural to feel a bit confused and unsure about the dynamics of this situation and whether or not he genuinely wants you to come for drinks with his team.

However, at the end of the day, it sounds like he does genuinely want you to come and he took the time to invite you again in person, so I don't think it's a case of him only inviting you because he saw you this morning.

He is moving at a snails pace and while I don't think you should close yourself off to the possibility of something happening with this guy, I would also advise you to keep your options open and not wait around for him. If he wants to take things further, he will make it clear and take the initiative.

In the meantime, go for drinks with his team and enjoy yourself, but don't put all your focus and energy on this one coworker. You never know, you might end up making some new friends and connections within the company.

Thanks for your contributions, everyone!

I've been struggling with the decision of whether or not to pursue an incredible opportunity in radiology. The deadline to make a decision is 5pm today and I'm feeling the pressure 😬

One of the positives is that if I choose not to accept the opportunity, I can always reapply next year. This might be a good option since my current family situation with my father is a bit unsettled. While I am drawn to the idea of starting my own consulting business, focusing on healthcare administration and assisting those in need, I might also consider doing contract work until I am able to attend the radiology program.

I believe that AI is going to have a huge impact in the field of radiology, and I could have the opportunity to be at the forefront of developing AI algorithms to aid in image readings. However, I am hesitant about the potential of AI replacing humans in this field. I believe that technologists are still crucial in positioning patients and ensuring the accuracy of imaging scans, a task AI may not be able to do just yet 🤔

It's a tough decision, but as of now, I am leaning towards pursuing my consulting business. This will give me the flexibility to take care of my father while also having a fulfilling career. I am passionate about making a difference in healthcare and I believe this is the best way for me to do so.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter.

Five months?  That's a pretty significant amount of time. If you've been hanging out with this person for five whole months and nothing has been said about your relationship, then it's definitely time to address it. You're not wrong to want clarity in your relationship with him. I mean, what is the alterative? You continue going on dates and spending time together without knowing where he sees this going?

FTR, none of my LTRS, did we have that kind of ambiguity.

Now, I know it can be scary to initiate this type of conversation. Trust me, I've been there. But the longer you wait, the more invested you become, which can make it harder to have this talk. So, it's best to address it sooner rather than later.

Otherwise, you start to feel like you're in a complicated situationship, which sucks. It might feel a little awkward to ask him flat out about where he sees your relationship going because it's always tough to put yourself out there, and you put yourself in a position to get rejected.

I'm sure you feel like you're the cool guy because she's in a relationship and you're the one she's cheating with. And only if you can get her to leave her boyfriend you'll feel like you've accomplished something.

Problem is behind the scenes, she might not leave her boyfriend. 

Oh, and on the Aries thing, silly astrology. You know when all the astrologers say, "It's time to be prepared for a change in your life", that happens every day, to everyone...and it always has. 

BTW, I'm cancer, and it's so fitting.😆