yogacat

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I do it by not calling it a vacation for me. Because it is not.  We do and have done and will do tons of simple stuff- I never overscheduled him as a child and I was a SAHM till he was 7.5.  He didn't take classes or do structured activities to the extent I saw around me- we live in a diverse city down the block from a park like New York's central park and we were there almost daily at one of the playgrounds, feeding the ducks, just walking around - we walked over to the local museum to look at art or do art or go to the playroom.  We went to the children's library and looked at books or did stuff there. 

But he also went to Paris when he was 7 and saw famous churches and art, exclaimed over nude male sculptures lol and subways and a puppet show in French, he went to Portugal when he was a tween and got lost with me on various modes of public transportation and went on boat rides at age 9 in Stockholm and saw cows and centuries old universities in Cambridge last summer and went to the theater in London.

  And got to see Justice Ginsberg speak months before she passed away in 2020.  And on and on. And it was exhausting for me and so rewarding too. And still is as we plan more travels many involving my husband's business travels.  Again I respect all parents' choices on how they choose to plan -or not plan! -their children's lives, schooling, playing, sports -whatever - this is how we do it. (And we only have one child!). 

That sounds lovely! 😍

I think our most extravagant trip as kids was a cross country road trip to Disneyland 😆.

My parents were not able to take us on anything more than that, it would have been lovely, and I enjoyed the road trips. 

I think it goes to show that you have such a low opinion of yourself that you're fooling around (FWB) with a man that is not divorced but you're worried about him finding someone else sexier.  Are you confused?  

3.5 months into sleeping with a guy who is totally cold to you even though he can sleep with you any time. Doesn't even sound like he enjoys the sex so much since he hasn't had time for it much.

I know that your husband passed away and you're still grieving (my condolences); all the more reason why you should stay away from a guy like this for now. You have no business being with a married man and I think he goes for inexperienced ones to make it easy to manipulate them. He knows the "insecurity" part and the lust will keep you in there.

Are you sure he's even separated? Maybe he just tells you that...

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Me too! But as a parent I've decided my son should see the world as much as possible so I suck it up for his benefit.  Other parents don't prioritize this and prioritize other things.  I do love to travel aside from the family stuff -I also love to see the world but need a balance with staycations too.  Now that my son is older my husband has started taking him on trips without me which is fabulous.

Right. Yes, I always appreciated those types of outings when I was a child.

Certainly have fond memories of that. Holidays though can be despairing and torturous!! Certainly lack the lovely gauze of nostalgia.

I mean, there is a reason people say they need a vacation following a vacation, right?

As much as I enjoyed traveling with parents as a youngster, I appreciated the at home simplicity of chicken pot pies or my Mom making mac and cheese with fish sticks and us all gathered around watching a movie and setting up a tent or playing with light sabers or making a craft.

Walking down the street in the neighborhood with gas lit lanterns to grab some Italian shaved ice.

These were the memories that stuck with me...

But I do love the concept of exposing children to different cultures, customs, and ways of life.

I'm glad that you and your husband are finding a good balance in your travels.  And hey, if they ever need a break, there's always perhaps a backyard oasis waiting for you at home! 😉 

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I don't think he was trying to show her he was attracted to her.  He didn't care what sort of impression he made in that  way. He was trying to get laid by his customer.  This has nothing to do with one person interacting with another person in any date like or potential date like context.  

I was responding to another member's post: There have been situations where I've been attracted to and dated women who are considerably older than me because I enjoyed their company and liked them for who they are in terms of personality, intellect, interests/hobbies and also their looks. 

Not in the context of this thread.

I am pretty sure I already said earlier that he has no respect for boundaries. In a professional setting or otherwise.

14 hours ago, mylolita said:

Move in closer, I’m gonna tell you one thing. It’s highly controversial. Shocking, even.
 

I absolutely hate holidays.

 

I’m sorry darlings, there’s not a thing I can do about it! 
 

I see the public chirpily, gleefully, OBSESSIVELY, planning their next trip. Will it be, ICELAND via recycled tin cans?! Swimming with dolphins in a man made lake in Dubai?! Wearing gold speedos in Manhattan? Drinking cocktails out of a shoe on a spa day with your Dad?!?!? TANNING IN TABET?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! 
 

Simply, for how adventurous I’m supposed to be, I’m a total, dry, languid, bore of a homebody. I really am. I nest, and I nest HARD.

 

So here we go, very, very reluctantly, packing for a week in the country. I have already made 8 threats and monologued for forty minutes into the wardrobe. I went out to the car talking to myself saying, “This is bullsh*t! God help me! I can’t take it!”

 

I should be thrilled and skipping around humming and yet, it’s nearly 1am, I have three suitcases I can’t close, clothes everywhere like the drawers have just spontaneously combusted, and I have to do everything I would normally do at home - cook, clean, entertain the kids, organise everyone, kiss away the boo boos, but without the comfort and minute away necessities of my sweet, sweet perch, right here. No, we need the blankets. We need the potties! We need some toys (it’s got to three bags?! WHAT THE FLIPPY DOODLES KIDS?!) I have a shoe bag, that’s got sandals to wellies, because hey, we’re holidaying in the delightful UK. Anything could happen in the next half hour. I’m absolutely DYING here. Dying. I throw my hands up dramatically and cry, “There’s nothing HERE for me D! I don’t have the outdoor stuff?! My mind isn’t in it!!!” (Oscar, please). And now the stupid happy once a year (this is going to be so much FUN don’t ruin it!) husband is lounging there in bed while I’m covered in moth balls and little floral shorts with polka dots, he has the nerve, the DEATH WISH, to say to me, yawning, “I think we should head off earlier tomorrow. Get a good start.” 
 

Like hell you will. DO YOU WANNA DIE?! 

 

He’s not, by the way. I told him I was going to have a panic attack. Then I told him actually, he can go early if he wants with the kids to meet my sister but, I’ll follow them up at my own leisure on the train or something, might get in the day after. Oh and; my arch nemeses, my pet peeve, the person who grinds my gears the most and the sight of her starts my cortisol pumping through my eye balls, my p*ss, excuse me, BOILING. It’s… ma sista. Tagging along, close quarters, all bought and paid for. I went out and did the food shopping today for them all. For the price of her accommodation, booze and meals, I could have hired a nanny who sung opera in Latin, French and Spanish, and Toby Stephens massaging my thighs. Instead, I have this gob sh*te at my heels for the week and I’m somehow PAYING for the privilege?! 
 

Please! 
 

I’m gone. Shipped off. 
 

You know what I like? I like days to the beach. I like woodland walks. I like putting the fire on and turning the music low. I like settling down with the three chiddlers, huddled around a nice painting set, watching them carve intricate, cute little figures, like dreams onto paper. I like lighting candles and buying flowers. I like cosy nights in with the husband, cocktails from the fridge, and ice by the bucket. I like the day to day. But, especially, just the one day. Not the week, not the four nights five days, not the fortnight - ONE DAY. One day, at a time. Here. 
 

You know what I don’t like?
 

HOLIDAYS. 
 

Show me a good one yet!!!!! Ohhhh it’s all fine when you’re 20 and just pluck your mini hold-all on up with your four bikinis and your kimono. All you have to worry about is where you’re gonna eat and how many martini’s is too many martinis!?
 

Next week, I will be like a stress filled hawk, in the crowds at swimming pools making sure they aren’t abducted or drowned. I’ll be on constant alert. Do this, he says, it’s just a fracture, he says! Broken femur! It is! Ohhh let’s do these quad bikes, yeah! Let’s go to the rafters and then take the chopper back to base?! 
 

How about, that’s fantastic for James Bond, but not for a 2 year old. How about, go please yourself, and I’ll be 100 miles away shopping for garden furniture, perfectly at peace, happy as a clam. Not on holiday, but clearing out the account all the same. In a good days work. 
 

I’ll need a holiday to get over this bloody holiday!!!!

 

Am I a grumpy diva? 
 

In the genius words of our modern deity Arianda Grande - YES! And?! 
 

x

I hear you, sister! Holidays are overrated and exhausting.

All that packing, planning, and dealing with family drama is just not my cup of tea. I much prefer my own little oasis at home, where I can nest and relax without worrying about anything else (my backyard, which I've shared pics with you). Being surrounded by familiar things and not having to constantly think about what to do next is pure bliss.

So no, you're not a grumpy diva – you're just someone who knows what she likes and doesn't like, and that's perfectly fine. Here's to staying home and enjoying life in our own way! Cheers!

So I went with the Healthcare Admin route. The Director of Science at the school wrote me a lovely email after I rescinded my seat. She said, she caregived to her parents and it was one of the most rewarding things she's ever done. She said when I reapply next year, that she is looking forward to me reapplying and will follow my career closely.

I feel good about it, I already have an interview with a potential first client, albeit, I am still in school so right now I am just focusing on research and will go from there.

The research I am doing right now is particularly in elder care and I am interested in looking into Healthcare Administration, which is basically managing and making decisions that affect the healthcare system.

My goal is to eventually create programs to help families navigate the confusing world of healthcare for their loved ones. The courses I will take will cover healthcare delivery systems, healthcare accounting, healthcare marketing, and healthcare legal and ethical issues among others.

Thank you guys for all the support you've given me, and I will keep you updated on my journey. 🙂

8 hours ago, AndyPandy said:

There have been situations where I've been attracted to and dated women who are considerably older than me because I enjoyed their company and liked them for who they are in terms of personality, intellect, interests/hobbies and also their looks. It happened over the weekend when I got talking at random to a lady about satire, politics, volunteering and current affairs.

However, as others have already determined, this man is a creepy slimeball who has no interest in dating or anything romantic and is just looking for his latest victim/conquest. Referring to hanging out with you (as he describes it) in the context of you being an "older woman" indicates that he sees you as a fetishised sex object and not as a human being. Worryingly, that's probably the tip of the iceberg regarding his sleaziness and unprofessionalism.

The fact that he continued to touch your shoulder after you made it clear that you do not want physical contact from a complete stranger is a huge red flag and indicative that if a woman says "no" or "stop" he'll simply ignore them and do as he pleases. I agree with the other posters that he needs to be blacklisted/reported somehow because he probably does this as a routine and sexual harassment is unacceptable.

Agree.

There is a way to show a woman that you're attracted to her without being sleezy about it. Like your age is some kind of fetish or something.

I had a 20 year old approach me and all he said was "I find you really attractive, what are your interests and do you have an age limit in terms of dating?" It was polite and respectful and then we had a conversation like two adults. 

This is the proper way to approach someone older! Not "Oh your shoulders look sore," or "Let me rub your shoulders," that's sick.

You can't put a timeline on people to be in the same place emotionally. It's taken thousands of years of evolution and culture to shape how people behave in relationships, so we shouldn't be surprised that it takes more time than a few months to establish whether somebody is going to be a stable and supportive partner. 

He was pressured at month two directly following the first time you two were together to commit to the relationship. Afterwards, you stated that waiting for five months was too lengthy? Your expectations are way too high and then you got very controlling and insecure.

His comment about not being close enough to be officially together, after 4 and a half months of dating and being called his girlfriend, seems like an excuse to back out of the relationship. Naturally, you'd want to become closer and more serious after 4 and a half months, especially since he was the one who presumably wanted to be in a relationship in the first place.

Honestly, it seems like this guy may have just been looking for a casual fling, not a serious relationship. It's also out of place that he mentioned wanting a threesome early on in the relationship. That actually could have been another red flag that he wasn't looking for something serious. Everything was good in the moment when he was courting you but I think as time went on you started to see his true colors and they didn't align with what you were looking for in a partner.

It sounds like you two just weren't compatible, and he reacted by pulling back and telling you that he didn't want to be in a relationship. It happens. 

My advice would be to let him go. I know it's going to be difficult for you but he does not 100% want to be in this, doesn't really care about your feelings and has not been impressed by your actions either.

Wow -- that's a pretty crappy thing she did (kissing the co-worker in front of you).

I can guarantee she did it because she is angry at you and hurt you ended the relationship, so she wants to see you upset. She probably also feels like with you helping that other co-worker that you were into the co-worker or something (obviously that isn't the case).

Her reactions are obviously over the top. I don't know what you two discussed --- but I think if you break up with someone, you have to expect you'll see them with others. This was a work thing. I am guessing it is intense since you work together so this angst and hurt will linger for a while.

This is just a woman that is hurt and wants to lash out.

Please don't internalize that you did anything wrong. You didn't.

And you were smart for ending it quickly, too. Just imagine if you waited months or longer to end it.

Better to finalize it now and move on.

People can choose to deal with their past traumas or not.  I am sorry you are being the casualty of her choosing that she won't deal with it. Good luck.

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

By the way @yogacat and @dias! Please feel free to carry on the b*tchy approach discussion 🤣 I delight in it all even if I’m not going to comment right now because Mammy has to rant… 🥲🤣 MUMS MAD! About - going on holiday 🤓
 

x

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You mean Bohemian Rhapsody? I saw that movie but I was a huge Queen fan in the 70s and 80s

 

Yes. That's the one. Freddie Mercury and I have a connection --- lol, he's part Persian.

So am I. 

He was such a talented and iconic music artist.

12 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Well, the guy probably heard you were single and wanted to try something. And you turned him off second time. First time you met somebody else(the ex boyfriend abuser I presume?) and now you think its early for him to date(which isnt yours to determine when you dont know about his last relationship btw) because you will somehow be, I guess "rebound"?

Just having some sympathy for the poor man. 

Oh no. The ex, that was not a good partner for me, yeah 😞  - he was a longggggggggg time ago.

12 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I do tend to agree. However, I do have a theory that people tend to not care about stuff like that when they are deciding their partners. If you liked him you would at least try to be with him. First time you would chose him instead of your ex and now you couldnt wait for his message to go with him on that date. But when they dont like somebody they put those imaginary hurdles in between. So, I just dont think you like him enough to be with him. Which is fine and OK. But you need to be more honest with yourself instead of putting excuses there.

Maybe you're right but I can't agree.  

I think I know when I like someone or not you can control it.  

I still wouldn't go out with him because he had just gotten out of a long term relationship. It's just a personal preference and boundary that I have set for myself. It's not fair to either party involved if one is still emotionally invested in their ex. But, maybe a little piece of what you said is true, in that I don't like him enough to overlook my boundary.

13 hours ago, kim42 said:

Again, even if he's not interested, I think it's basic politeness to confirm plans in such situation.

Kim, I just want to say, as to this comment, if that's how you feel then I think you should make that a deal breaker and stick with it. Like others wisely suggested, be cordial but start limiting your interaction. 

9 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Oh that was a go to 80s song for sure when I was a teenager.

Then I'm certain you saw the movie as well?

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Honestly it really depends -how long of a relationship, why it ended etc -no need for it to be dangerous.  My husband had recently gotten out of a relationship.  She then wanted him back - and he said no.  No is a two letter word.  They worked together.  So he did see her after, and she made up some silly benign rumor about us a few years later -total nothing burger.  He wasn't rebounding. I'd ended a long term relationship 7 months earlier and a short term dating relationship less than 2 months earlier.  No issues.  And I was still in regular touch with LTR guy - no issues. 

However I went on dates with men recently out of an LTR, one whose wife had passed away within the year and yes I could tell early on they were not ready.  Also dated an expecting father -they'd broken up months earlier but she was due soon.  Once the baby arrived after he and I were dating about a month -that quickly became an issue for me -his parental relationship, his parental responsibilities -that was a relationship that really impacted how I felt about continuing.

In your case you might have seen danger signs.  I was confused by your post -seemed to me you enjoyed the flirtation but didn't want to date him regardless of whether he was fresh out of a relationship or not.  Maybe I read wrong -sorry!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Regarding your previous comment, I had a great time when we all went out together and the dynamic between us was enjoyable. I always found the first guy attractive, but he was already in a relationship at the time. During our group outing, we flirted and he had just ended things with his girlfriend. However, I am not interested in dating someone fresh out of a long-term relationship, so I didn't pursue anything with him at that time.

I had hoped that in the future, once some time had passed, we could potentially start dating. However, I ended up meeting someone else spontaneously and really connected with them. When the first guy reached out a few months later, I informed him that I was now dating someone else.

It wasn't like we said to each other (me and the first man) "okay, we're not going to date at this time, we'll wait a little, and then date." It's just that I happened to randomly meet the second man so I moved on and dated the second man.

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

So "the window of opportunity" opened, the guy reached out and you turned him down? Damn, thats cold.

You handled it alright. Just feel sorry for the guy as you never really wanted to date him.

Why is that cold?  

We didn't go on a date.

I wasn't even in touch with him at the time I met the second man that I fell for.  And when I wasn't in a relationship -he still just got out of a long term relationship.  I don't see how it's cold to think he's probably best to not jump into something with me following the end of a relationship that he himself said he wanted out of.  

I do not date people who just got out of long term relationships.  

I don't think that is wise.  

Sorry you think that is "mean."

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this the man who sends you memes all the time that annoy you and you've asked him to stop? You don't have to block him. Platonic dating isn't a good idea and leads to too much confusion. All you can do is reset your social media and step back since you don't seem ready willing or able to date him (or anyone else?) at this time. 

No, this is someone else. 

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

^^I think so too. No need to block him yoga unless he begins harassing you but you can cross that bridge when or IF that ever happens.

Re the past flirting, my understanding from your post was that it happened before you discovered he was recently out of a LTR. 

There was a mutual attraction at that time so your behavior, the flirting  - head on shoulder, allowing him to carry you etc -  was fine.

After you discovered he had recently ended a LTR, all that stopped and you pulled back and chose to not pursue. Which was the appropriate thing to do.

You did nothing wrong, you did not 'lead him on' imo from what I read. 

Not that you were concerned about that but another posted shared their opinion so thought I'd share mine as well. 

In any event, have you heard from him since your message?  

My experience is that men don't typically go out quietly so his response, if any, will be interesting! 

The flirtation occurred following his breakup with his girlfriend. I was conscious of the fact that they had recently ended their relationship.

Yes, while I enjoyed the interaction, I also am aware that it's dangerous to get involved with someone fresh out of a relationship.

We kept in loose contact. I met someone else, that I came to really like, so, I made the decision to focus on my new relationship and told him that I met someone and that I wanted to pursue that relationship.

I haven't heard back from him since my reply. Which is fine, I think. I did genuinely want to know that he was doing well and happy with life. 

15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Was this outing recent or you're referring to a past outing? Seems to me you enjoy flirting with him and playing footsies so to speak even though you are not interested in dating him -but he was/is interested in dating you so it's a bit unfair perhaps to do all that heavy flirting and touching when you know he's likely  to take it as you will change your mind and want to date him.

No need to block him.  Your response tells him that you're not responding to his overtures. He should get the hint unless your flirting/physical contact confused him (again I can't tell when that outing occurred).

So it looks like outing was in past- but he might remember it and if it were me and someone was like that with me I'd take it as a direct come on to hook up (whether or not there was interest in dating). If you're too tired to walk ask for assistance from someone who is not interested in dating you and put your head on a shoulder of a person where there's no risk the person will take it the wrong way.  I've been where he is and asked the person out and the person wasn't interested in dating me. 

My dear friend had a longstanding platonic friendship with a man she had an intense crush on and  told me excitedly how he'd put his legs up on her lap at an airport where there volunteer group was waiting to board a flight.  I was -so annoyed with him on her behalf -he I believe knew full well she was into him (and as it turned out after all those years no he was not interested in dating her - I'm very sorry she wasted time on being so focused on him and also didn't like his playing footsies stuff).

 

Thanks @Batya33

No this is not recent, this incident with the group event was years ago and I think it was handled fine.

Neither of us were in a place to pursue a relationship and we both moved on. I just didn't know if it was best to not respond but I've know him for many years outside of romantic interest so I didn't want to ignore him completely.

I think keeping the response brief and polite was the best way to handle it. 

How would you handle this situation?

There's this guy I used to be interested in and we had an exchange about it. However, I ended up meeting someone else and started dating them. I told the first guy that I couldn't continue talking to him because I wanted to focus on my new relationship. He respected my decision and we stopped talking.

We never actually went on a date because he had just gotten out of a long term relationship and I wanted him to have more time to heal before pursuing anything. Then I met the second guy and things didn't work out with them. Now I am single again and the first guy recently reached out to me, saying he misses me. It's a bit surprising since we haven't talked in a while.

I am also not interested in dating him at this time. I've known him for many years so I don't want to just ignore him.

We never actually dated, technically.

We seemed to have had a mutual attraction towards each other.

We went with a group of mutual friends (this was when he had just broken up with his girlfriend and I was single) to a venue and he and I interacted, flirted and he carried me back on his back as we were walking from the venue because I was too tired to walk. In the car drive home (we were in a car with multiple people) he sat next to me and I put my head on his shoulder because I was tired. We touched hands, and our pinkies wrapped around the other.

However, as the night progressed, I understood that he had just gotten out of a long term relationship where he had fallen out of love with his partner and no longer wanted to be with her. I didn't think at the time it was a good idea for us to date, so we remained friends.

Eventually, we both moved on and found other people to date. He said he always had an attraction towards me. I found him cute, but I always respected that he was in a relationship and when that relationship ended, I didn't think it was a good idea for us to start something since he was just recovering from that breakup.

So, I initially replied with a very brief message ending with that I hope he is doing well and happy.

I hate the whole concept of block him simply because of this situation.

So, I think I handled this situation pretty well in the moment.

Yeah, interesting in when women reject men and when men reject women. The men here were so kind 🥰, whereas the women were so ***y!🤪😂

8 hours ago, dias said:

Lol that's the typical a bit above average ***y looking girl that thinks the world owns her. Personally, I don't like that style so I have never approached in my life this type of girls (I get irritated even looking at this gal on the video lol), kudos to the guys who have the guts to feel humiliated. 

Having said that, this attitude is learned and can be un-learned very fast with something like this

How about this?

Next time don't mention that you're new to the field of self-employment. Because now it creates confusion. She may wonder if you asked her out because you like her or because you're interested in her group. Maybe it's a test on her part to see what your intentions are. I hope not, but still.

Because it could be considered a faux pas bringing it up on the date that you're "new to the field."

She has gone on two dates with you and agreed to go out again. She brought up the idea of you attending her group again, which could either mean she wants to connect with you in a professional capacity, or she genuinely wants to introduce you to her network because she thinks you would benefit from it.

The one thing I would be concerned about here is that she is mixing business with pleasure - she doesn't know you --- and if she is genuinely interested in you, she should stick to regular dates.

He just sounds like a 20-something dou*** with no respect for boundaries. I wouldn't necessarily say he will harm your vehicle.

Honestly, I would just stay away from this guy completely. Don't reply to his emails or texts, and definitely don't put a negative review on his website (that's just giving him more attention and potentially setting yourself up for retaliation). Just take it as a lesson learned and be cautious in the future about getting into strangers personal space. Stay safe!

If you feel the need to do something, you can report his behavior to the charity. It's important for them to know about his conduct, and it could potentially protect other people as well. But ultimately, the best course of action is to just cut off all contact and move on.

I would just decline the networking invitations and see if she is still interested in going on dates with you.

Keep in mind that since you're new to the field of self-employment, she could be trying to be nice by inviting you to her group meeting(s) to help you network and make connections. But if she keeps pushing it and doesn't seem as interested in going on traditional dates, then yes, she could be using you for business purposes.

Just be cautious and see how things play out. 

19 hours ago, mylolita said:

SHUT UP, it’s Friday.

Do you wanna pay someone to string you along? Say oh, poor you! What a pity! Not your fault! Sweet dear! Or do you want me to shake you a cocktail, throw the fire on, and get some MUSIC?! 
 

You don’t just want me in your corner - YA NEED ME IN YOUR CORNER! Babe.

 

My corner doesn’t come easy - it’s niche, but we like it like that!!!!! That’s the POINT!🍸 

 

Signed, sealed - delivered. Cheers!

 

See you 5am 🥂 

 

x

 

 

Love it!

💓